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Thread: ISTj/LSI without a tribe or sense of belonging. Not enough Fe?

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    Default ISTj/LSI without a tribe or sense of belonging. Not enough Fe?

    What would you all recommend for an LSI who feels alienated or without a tribe?

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    Find your own way

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blargh View Post
    What would you all recommend for an LSI who feels alienated or without a tribe?

    Welcome, I assume the LSI is 'he' for simplicity.
    The LSI has to find out what makes him feel alienated or why he's alone and work on that.

    He needs to find people he can help with his 'talents' (TiSe) and be genuinely intersted in other people, listen to them and set his own boundaries on what kind of behavior he finds acceptable and what not.

    Also, he needs to be comfortable with himself; Some LSIs I know are a bit ashamed of their intellect. They are detail oriented and can't let go of something unless they've perfectly understood and corrected it. The result is that some people who don't value that side of the LSI make him feel inappropriate.

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    Cult. Let's say that Jesus stressed up as transsexual Muhammad appears in your dreams and tells you that you and group of selected 50 people need to move to Antarctica and live there until one penguin gives you sign and takes you under its wings. After that rest of the penguins begin to form enneagram like symbol around you and start to rotate anticlockwise which takes you back in time to a paradise where you can disprove faultiness of humanity.

    Or something like that.
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    Lol, I'm a Beta NF without a tribe

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    Most mature Ijs tend to metaphorically live alone on islands because deep down, they prefer autonomy from the collective; they tend to be alone even amongst friends and family. Most subconsciously detach mentally once they have purpose and confidence in themselves even though they may remain integral parts of groups. I would suggest that LSIs need to recognize and use the advantages that objectivity will give them....

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Tribes are overrated. They descend into groupthink where individual inputs are not rewarded enough.

    You are original and cannot be replaced. Baby, you're a firework lol.

    When I think of 'tribes' I think of a group of hateful conservative Christians getting pitchforks and blaming every social ill on the town's only known ******. Burn the witch, burn her! Everybody will feel better if they see the weird outcast nobody liked anyway being tortured. They're an easy target cuz 'they are not like us.'

    Now even ppl who felt 'different/outcast' they join another tribe of their own to counteract that, then even too those people become the bullies without even really realizing it. There have been tribes for pedophilies even lol. And you won't necessarily feel love and belonging being around other witchy weirdos like yourself anyway.

    This is kinda why capitalism works over socialism, because as heartless as captialism is- the other way would be even more heartless, where we all would be forced under the 'same tribe' to get along.

    If you want to get along with other people better, I have found that most people cannot handle the truth and to get along with them requires a lot of telling them what they want to hear. Although it's fake and manipulative as hell, the world runs on manipulation and functions because of manipulation sooo idk. If you are honest with most people, they try to twist things to fit their own self-serving agenda (which completely destroys you and only benefits them, of course)... and you can only really get along with them by outplaying them. It's horrible in the moral sense but it kinda has to be that way, for your own protection.

    People join tribes for protection. But then what happens when the tribe dismantles and they turn on you because you have some sort of uniqueness that they can't tolerate or accept? Seems to only work for basic bitches that don't really have anything special about them besides the power of being like everybody else, and really bad for people who are naturally unique and creative and talented.

    You are better off alone, with the small few moments that you find connection then joining in with that dumb groupthink crap.

    People suck and aren't worth it. Love yourself. <3

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    When someone tells me that they actually are part of a “tribe” or it’s clear that their lives are very centered on some kind of group, my hackles go up a bit. Tribes and groups haven’t turned out too well for me when I’ve been part of them. If you really need that, so be it, but I don’t think it’s a given you’ll benefit, or that the good will outweigh the bad.
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    I'm surprised all the betas here are against "tribes". It is natural to want to be a part of a group. You don't want to be surrounded by strangers and have no one to count on or trust as a friend. For an LSI it may seem like you'd rather go at it alone, but what do you do? Who do you talk to after work or on weekends? What about when you're really going through something hard or painful? Who do you have? I don't know what country you live in, or your specific culture, but modernity seems to reinforce the ideas of "going your own path" and "being an individual" are the best ways to go. But what that really does is break down communities and bonds amongst the people in it.



    Alternatively, groups will turn nasty regardless of your membership to them. Networking and making connections with prominent people will protect you from being pounded down by the hoofbeats of a crowd. Groups can be bad I'm not saying anything above is wholly wrong, but groups are good as well and they offer a lot in many ways.

    Find a group that does things together. Doing hard work type activities like Jiu-Jitsu or lifting weights or hiking are great bonding activities. People love to overcome hardships together. Don't overthink if you belong or not, just join something and have fun with people, its good for you. Humans are social creatures we need to talk to people and share experiences.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ImOutThere View Post
    I'm surprised all the betas here are against "tribes".
    So am I. They can speak for themselves. I am emphatically group-oriented and selective. It seems that often the best refutation of quadra values is simply examining the forums themselves. Not sure if Quadra Values just aren't as clear cut as they sound or if there are countless mistypes, but either way it's confusing. I grew up in foster care and I've moved around alot, so for much of my life symbiotically formed identity was fleeting and temporary which, as you might imagine, was quite frustrating and hollow. Trying to find something to belong to is perhaps something that matters most to those who have been bereft of it.

    Respect to @Bento and @Mekare for providing constructive advice that didn't amount to "just be yourself and don't worry about others!" as, if it were that simple for them, the OP wouldn't have needed to ask for advice. People talking over others and superimposing their own preferences is not 'advice'.
    Last edited by Memento Mori; 07-03-2019 at 09:10 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blargh View Post
    What would you all recommend for an LSI who feels alienated or without a tribe?
    To become a part of a group where he understands clearly own role, duties and the same for other people there. It's important he'd respected what that group does, so he'd felt proud to belong to it. As an example, - a working group with the same task, where members have own input for it. Also would be good to have people which he likes personally there.

    Quote Originally Posted by ImOutThere View Post
    I'm surprised all the betas here are against "tribes".
    generally all people are collective. though someones are more egocentric and today culture propagands individualism
    the difference between types is the basis by which people form groups and by what they relate themselves to them

    Fe/Ti types more (it's not absolute) prefer objective and formal traits alike territory or tribe, when Fi/Te prefer own relation (my people are the ones I like and my home is where I feel good). But besides types on peoples thinking influence other factors and also not always people understand themselves good and more rare say what they think indeed (when culture norm is other).
    Also there are mistyped ones alike Luminous Lynx (ESI), who after recently changed opinion about own type now cosplays the current profile type as he understands EIE would do.
    Last edited by Sol; 07-03-2019 at 11:44 PM.

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    For the record my ole pal Sol is being misleading. I haven't "recently" changed my type. I joined the forums listed as EIE (due to typing ENFJ in MBTI) in July of last year, a year ago. I figured Extroverts are supposed to be more social and such so I figured I must be some very social, dominant Introvert. A knowledgeable acquaintance on the forums typed me D-IEI-Fe, so I went with that for about 4 months at the end of last year. The more myself and my peers read on Socionics literature and the more feedback I got from people here and on discord the more IEI became untenable. I then made a type-me thread (which anyone can access) and the response was overwhelmingly an EIE typing. Sol has doggedly pursued me, which I'm not here to complain about, but I'm not going to let him frame it like I "recently" arbitrarily changed my mind on something, when that is false.

    Furthermore, @hag, who is an actual ESI on the forums, and I have been together for quite a while now and are visiting each other soon. She laughs at the idea of me being an Introvert and especially an ESI. My typing was primarily the feedback of others from months of live chat on discord and my own continued research of the field. I can't say anymore than anyone else that that will never change or that my understanding of Socionics is perfect, but what I and many others can say is that I'm not an ESI and almost certainly not an Introvert. That said, I adore ESI and I'm not offended to be likened to one, as they are among the most noble types to me, I just don't cognitively relate to the typing and its various literature.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Most mature Ijs tend to metaphorically live alone on islands because deep down, they prefer autonomy from the collective; they tend to be alone even amongst friends and family. Most subconsciously detach mentally once they have purpose and confidence in themselves even though they may remain integral parts of groups. I would suggest that LSIs need to recognize and use the advantages that objectivity will give them....

    a.k.a. I/O
    damn how do you describe me so well

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    I worked with a LSI, ISTj type. He had been a government danger tree faller for Unit Crews here in BC for 16 years. Clearly an introvert, stated his shyness kept him from forward facing leadership positions. He has a Lion's face tattooed on his hand. He is very much a strong, independent person. He clearly accelerates in a small, tightnit group, pack, even though he is a background member. Can mix and match loyalties within the Incident Command Structure. Plays the field easily, def needs a sense of belonging, yet could gravitate towards 'good', or uplifting Fe.
    Last edited by waddup; 07-05-2019 at 01:43 AM.

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    Ever heard of Fi role? Spend time with one on one connections. Occasionally find or fall into group activities as a corollary. Other posters are right. Usually, LSIs might experiment but won’t get too into it or will hold their own views.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mekare View Post
    You could try to go to certain activity groups that interest you (hobbies, religious groups, community projects) (by for example using meetup.com). You can do the same on the internet, there are different forums, groups, servers (on Discord you can play and talk to others in voice chat as well), RPG groups, but internet groups sometimes don't give you that true feeling of belonging, so I would suggest to go outside as well, and meet people, besides maintaining an online presence (if you want to maintain one).

    Try not to make the mistake of being an internet hermit, when you know you would need more connection, but not making further efforts. Try mixing offline and online presence a bit, to see what really meets your needs. Do you know for example what would be your ideal social setting? What are your needs? Do you need some group activities? Would you like a family? Do you want to move to a self-sufficient eco-village, and share a community with people? Do you need something spiritual?

    Another thing that I've learnt is that sometimes when we are very lonely or sad, helping others can actually help a lot for ourselves as well. You can try to do something charitable, and meet new people, while you are also interacting with people in need, because when you connect to others who are in need, even when you just listen to a friend, it can be really beneficial, and help with the feeling of loneliness. It can help to eliminate the alienation from other people and your community.

    If it's hard for you to go out or talk to people, or there are other underlying issues affecting you, like depression or social anxiety etc. you might want to think about going to therapy as well. It can help you working on these things, and also give you a safe connection you can rely on emotionally.

    Feeling lost and longing for a community, real connections or guidance is something that many people experience (including me), and it's great that you recognized your need for it, and asked the question that was needed to be asked to take some steps. I don't think we got used to living in such separated ways we do live nowdays, and it can be hard for some of us.
    Really, you learnt the bolded when? In the last 11 months or so? Did you finally grow up that much?

    And, I do not care if you feel this oversteps the line.

    You overstepped it enough before.

    Have you learnt from it since then?

    If not, just do not even bother responding. You will regret it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ImOutThere View Post
    I'm surprised all the betas here are against "tribes". It is natural to want to be a part of a group. You don't want to be surrounded by strangers and have no one to count on or trust as a friend. For an LSI it may seem like you'd rather go at it alone, but what do you do? Who do you talk to after work or on weekends? What about when you're really going through something hard or painful? Who do you have? I don't know what country you live in, or your specific culture, but modernity seems to reinforce the ideas of "going your own path" and "being an individual" are the best ways to go. But what that really does is break down communities and bonds amongst the people in it.
    Oh I'm against tribes where people just brainwash each other.

    I like other types of groups just fine.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bento View Post
    Welcome, I assume the LSI is 'he' for simplicity.
    The LSI has to find out what makes him feel alienated or why he's alone and work on that.

    He needs to find people he can help with his 'talents' (TiSe) and be genuinely intersted in other people, listen to them and set his own boundaries on what kind of behavior he finds acceptable and what not.

    Also, he needs to be comfortable with himself; Some LSIs I know are a bit ashamed of their intellect. They are detail oriented and can't let go of something unless they've perfectly understood and corrected it. The result is that some people who don't value that side of the LSI make him feel inappropriate.
    That's fine input for people who tend to match a large part of LSI descriptions, but I'd add, I don't get the part on the ashamed-ness. In my case, the detail orientation is simply a need of the rational side in my brain that would like closure. This is a pretty general psychological concept

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Most mature Ijs tend to metaphorically live alone on islands because deep down, they prefer autonomy from the collective; they tend to be alone even amongst friends and family. Most subconsciously detach mentally once they have purpose and confidence in themselves even though they may remain integral parts of groups. I would suggest that LSIs need to recognize and use the advantages that objectivity will give them....

    a.k.a. I/O
    Actually, that is how I used to be 100%. Learning to emotionally connect more - to a realistic degree - is a long, slow process, but it has its benefits. But yeah the objectivity also ofc remains with its advantages.

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    quickest fix: watching music videos. the easiest way to get fe (when the music is just expressive enough) and finding like-minded people in the comment section sometimes yelling or making jokes or just appreciating the art


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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    ....... Learning to emotionally connect more - to a realistic degree - is a long, slow process, but it has its benefits........
    An Ijs inner dual (that desire to connect) would likely have emerged often in youth but then disappeared in adulthood except, perhaps, during some times of uncertainty, insecurity and or stress. It does seem to emerge again in one's later years but I often wonder if it's due to accumulated practice over the years, or because slowing down and lowering expectations free up more time to contemplate secondary issues. For me, I certainly wouldn't attribute it to deliberate learning........

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    An Ijs inner dual (that desire to connect) would likely have emerged often in youth but then disappeared in adulthood except, perhaps, during some times of uncertainty, insecurity and or stress. It does seem to emerge again in one's later years but I often wonder if it's due to accumulated practice over the years, or because slowing down and lowering expectations free up more time to contemplate secondary issues. For me, I certainly wouldn't attribute it to deliberate learning........

    a.k.a. I/O
    I don't know what you mean by accumulated practice, please elaborate? I think for me it came out when I got enough achievements, so yeah I guess I got more time to deal with "secondary issues". I wouldn't call it a secondary thing though, let alone lowering expectations/slowing down. I wasn't talking about pensioner years here lol. Anyway maybe for you it's secondary in importance, I'm not as detached as you I guess. And yes it's learning for the brain, whether deliberate or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    I don't know what you mean by accumulated practice, please elaborate?.......
    Occasions when we don't feel comfortable or are under stress seem to activate our dual-like configurations, which evokes behaviour that's really out of character. The more this is activated, the more familiar it becomes; a measure of acceptance seems to develop over time from what seems to be a cumulative effect - but I'm still embarrassed when others see my inner ESE.......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Join ANTIFA or some white nationalist group.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Occasions when we don't feel comfortable or are under stress seem to activate our dual-like configurations, which evokes behaviour that's really out of character. The more this is activated, the more familiar it becomes; a measure of acceptance seems to develop over time from what seems to be a cumulative effect - but I'm still embarrassed when others see my inner ESE.......
    I guess we just have different approaches bc I don't relate to this. Sometimes I did get more emotional learning* from extreme circumstances I guess but other than that can't relate. I don't believe that extra stress is a basic and required element of all this. It just forces your brain to try and adapt if that is what you meant... and in your case I guess it makes you lose the default control so you get to learn more about things you ignored until then or whatever. But there is an optimal level of stress for learning and you don't seem to be talking about that.

    *: still not talking about deliberate learning, just the brain learning. It's not like you can plan for such circumstances to happen etc. And the experience itself is absorbed in a pretty automatic way too. I think the only thing you can be deliberate about is having the willingness to pay more attention to the topic in general. And then I create interpretations by analysing deliberately sure. That is the part that is deliberate learning I guess. But that's just part of the deliberate willingness I mention.


    To respond to the other topic brought up here, I also don't relate to just being unconditionally drawn into things because of the emotional energy or whatever. For me this is a much more controlled process. I don't feel lost, that would be too unnatural getting carried away to that degree. It's all a lot more moderate and sustainable than indicated - thus consistent activity and direction can be maintained as well - in the way I actually experience it. The emotional energy itself may not be consistent or moderate lool for sure, but the way I handle it is like that, it's how I deal with it, level-headed I guess. But also at the same time involved/engaged. Just not this unconditional extreme involvement as described. I just do not experience it that way and have no need to fully lose my head like that for long. I guess there is almost always a degree of distance, the amount of the distance can vary sometimes tho' and that's still fine too, the above still applies. I live fully "inside" the emotional state only for a short time before I go back to that approach - and acting (esp taking bigger actions) fully from that emotional state without any control is even harder, it's not natural for me lol

    This is still not the same though as being alone amongst other people, even close people. That is what I objected to originally. I guess you can say I detach with the distance thingy but it really is different when I feel connected and attached emotionally than when I don't. There is still all the control as described above but it's definitely not what I'd call "mentally detaching" all that much. I guess this is hard to explain tho', but it's just no longer about living alone on that island. There is just too much emotional experience "built up" over time for the connection and attachment to call it living alone on an island. There is too much involvement/engagement that feels natural and normal at that point to call it being on an island.
    Last edited by Myst; 08-06-2019 at 01:13 PM.

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    @Myst I too can't relate to the phrase "being unconditionally drawn into things because of the emotional energy or whatever". I agree that all types adapt and most can cope with the normal stress of life without any transformation; under stress, we learn best and without stress, there's no need to adapt. However, on important issues, data processing can change (sometimes dramatically and often to dual-like temporarily) when control is lost, when faced with certain failure, or when threatened with serious harm; I can remember a lot of those occasions like they were yesterday, and in the blink of an eye, they changed my processing, priorities and me forever. I can say that I survived reasonably well even though many outcomes were rather unpleasant......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    @Myst I too can't relate to the phrase "being unconditionally drawn into things because of the emotional energy or whatever". I agree that all types adapt and most can cope with the normal stress of life without any transformation; under stress, we learn best and without stress, there's no need to adapt. However, on important issues, data processing can change (sometimes dramatically and often to dual-like temporarily) when control is lost, when faced with certain failure, or when threatened with serious harm; I can remember a lot of those occasions like they were yesterday, and in the blink of an eye, they changed my processing, priorities and me forever. I can say that I survived reasonably well even though many outcomes were rather unpleasant......
    Yeah it sounds like some idealised idea or idk, but it shouldn't and doesn't work like that in real life, it just doesn't. I would think I got enough actual experience in this area to say that. As for what you are saying about extreme stress, yeah I get that and I've had that myself but I just do not think that that's the optimal way of learning (brain-wise) or optimal level of stress for such learning, was my point above. Sometimes yeah it can help but I do not see it as the default way for integrating the emotional stuff...

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    I see emotion as animalistic while type represents cognition; they aren't really integrated so type is just trying to understand and control it. With respect to your inner dual-like configuration (FeNi), it's your only mechanism to take an outside look at problem areas especially in your own normal processing - sort of getting a different perspective without having to involve others although others may feel the effects......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    I see emotion as animalistic while type represents cognition; they aren't really integrated so type is just trying to understand and control it. With respect to your inner dual-like configuration (FeNi), it's your only mechanism to take an outside look at problem areas especially in your own normal processing - sort of getting a different perspective without having to involve others although others may feel the effects......
    By "emotional stuff" I mean anything feely really. Nothing animalistic in that. It can be totally cognitive i.e. in the cortex (social emotional processing and other higher level emotional processing in prefrontal lobe). I would respectfully disagree about the rest (the socionics "configuration" thingy or that it's my only mechanism etc etc). And I actually find involving others in a good way for getting the emotional or other perspective helps avoid having to do that extreme stress for learning that you spoke of.

    PS: To be clear I'm not using socionics's model for any of this discussion, that's why I skipped that part a lot besides disagreeing

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blargh View Post
    What would you all recommend for an LSI who feels alienated or without a tribe?
    A lesbian.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blargh View Post
    What would you all recommend for an LSI who feels alienated or without a tribe?
    People that say they don’t need tribes are full of shit... Why do you think they are posting in this forum/tribe? Hmmmmmmm

    The times I felt isolated the most was when I felt like an alien amongst the people or I didn’t get the Fe I wanted.

    I’d recommend surrounding yourself around people that recognize and lift you up and drop all friends that smile behind the shadows but never call you.

    We need a sense of purpose and community, after all we’re human beings not savages
    Last edited by Computer Loser; 08-12-2019 at 01:54 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by peteronfireee View Post
    People that say they don’t need tribes are full of shit... Why do you think they are posting in this forum/tribe? Hmmmmmmm
    We have different definitions of "tribe" it seems


    I’d recommend surrounding yourself around people that recognize and lift you up and drop all friends that smile behind the shadows but never call you.



    We need a sense of purpose and community, after all we’re human beings not savages
    I'd agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    People mean different things by tribe, but usually when someone says they want a tribe they mean that they want to be part of a grouping of people. Regular social interaction with other human beings is not at all the same thing as belonging to a tribe. So yes, human beings are social animals in general, but they each need different degrees of interaction with others, and they don't all need to join a club or group. One's family is itself a "tribe" of sorts but again, that's really not the same thing as when someone says that they are "looking for a tribe" - whole different connotation there.

    In other words, they are not speaking in anthropological terms in which case you could say that yes, humans are tribal. They're speaking in different terms with a different meaning.
    yea all humans have some tribal tendency built in their brains. (literally- alpha, beta, gamma, and delta quadras lol)

    and yea how it physically manifests will vary; whether you are literally joining an organized club lol, or something more subtle like visiting the socionics forum, or even going to your local city grocery store.

    in other words, everyone is probably in some kind of tribe, even in spite of spending 99% of their time in the basement alone.

    the most ideal tribes will share your beliefs and values (the tricky part)

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    Quote Originally Posted by peteronfireee View Post
    yea all humans have some tribal tendency built in their brains. (literally- alpha, beta, gamma, and delta quadras lol)

    and yea how it physically manifests will vary; whether you are literally joining an organized club lol, or something more subtle like visiting the socionics forum, or even going to your local city grocery store.

    in other words, everyone is probably in some kind of tribe, even in spite of spending 99% of their time in the basement alone.

    the most ideal tribes will share your beliefs and values (the tricky part)
    Honestly though just because you communicate with people in a group, it doesn't mean you are being part of the group or that you even desire to be - is what I meant above

    I would say if you share beliefs, values, and experiences in a meaningful way then yeah you are part of it, and otherwise not always, but it also depends on the individual as to what they value in terms of how to belong, I think

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