Well, I think I found an academic mentor for myself, to mentor me through my dissertation planning, and he's in my same discipline -- who is actually a dual. Dropping by here to release that update into the ether <3
Well, I think I found an academic mentor for myself, to mentor me through my dissertation planning, and he's in my same discipline -- who is actually a dual. Dropping by here to release that update into the ether <3
@wonderwoman, the only thing to be cautious about will be your Dual’s tendency to approve of your work more than most reviewers will, and his tendency to criticize your work less.*Originally Posted by wonderwoman
”To be happy, marry a Dual. To be a philosopher, marry a Conflictor.”
*Well, the other thing to worry about is that he might start seeing you as a valuable partner, but that’s a different kind of problem.
Congrats, @wonderwoman!
Thank u so much, @Armitage!and for the wise words, @Adam Strange!
LIE, on a date with an ESI: "I'm pretty good with knowing facts and with planning the future, but I'm not very expressive. I don't show my feelings."
ESI, waiting for the hostess to seat us: "Oh, no! You show your feelings. I can tell."
LIE: "What? How?"
ESI: "Sometimes, when you're talking, your voice goes up and down."
Lol.
Not the response I'd get from an SEI or an LII.
"Duals: Built for each other, not for another."
These following conversations aren't verbatim, but I think it might be valuable to share them for future reference.
On Friday, I met a new ESI and, for some reason (Victimhood? IDK) I told her that I am very, very good at bullshitting. I'm good at painting a rosy picture to get people on-board with whatever it is that I want them for, and please don't look behind the curtain. She seemed unfazed at this news and just laughed.
Well, no one can say that she wasn't warned. On the other hand, ESIs are so full of doubt that she's going to be doubting everything I say anyway.
Yesterday, the ESI-Se whom I hired last summer to start redecorating my home came over to say she was available for more work, if I could use her. (Of course I can. Her benefits far outweigh her costs.) She told me in passing that she made more money in two months working for me than she's made in any previous year. She had a huge tax bill, and it was all due to me. Lol.
I told her that I, on the other hand, despite having had a great year, paid no taxes at all last year. 4D Te vs 1D Te.
I should have stopped there (maybe before there), but when an ESI is around, my mouth just has a mind of its own. I told her that my sociotype is one of the best earners, and hers is one of the worst earners, but she has a moral sense that is way beyond mine. My type is also great at bullshitting, and her type is great at doubting, and her constant questioning of me and my motives is what keeps me honest.
Truly, some of the stupidest things I've done were done because I did not have effective constraints on my actions or my spending. An ESI would fix that, I think. I find that I actually listen and (reluctantly) obey ESIs when they make a good case. So I need an ESI as a defense against my own worst tendencies.
I think that, while ESIs don't seem to make much money, as a rule, their role is to control the way that the money is spent.
I told the ESI-Se this, and she got this thoughtful expression on her face.
The ESI-Fi that I dated last summer told me that the reason I'm paying the ESI-Se to redecorate my house is that I hope to fuck her. (Her words. ESIs have 3D Se.) I said I wasn't against having sex with the lesbian interior decorator, but that wasn't my main reason for paying her well.
I have two main reasons for paying her well. One, I want to lend a hand to a person who is going to be financially challenged for the rest of her life. I've got money, she doesn't, and a democrat wants equality. Two, I want to keep her attention. Just having her around, to both limit my excesses and to show me a moral life, is worth far more to me than money. You can't buy that shit. You might find it by accident, but if you do, you still need to keep it around for its benefits. Money is a cheap way to do that.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 04-17-2022 at 01:25 PM.
It is hard to resist them, to tell them "No.", unless it is truly something outrageous that they demand and even then it can be difficult to ignore their request when they have set their sights on something. ESIs and LIEs sure share stubborness.
I tend to disagree, I actually have to bar my boyfriend from making dumb financial decisions. For instance, he wanted to squander his remaining money on getting his phone camera repaired, so we can videocall again. But he has few savings and the end of the month is still far away. In addition to that, today he informed me that he needs to pay for some official documents and get them signed, because he needs the dossier for his next contract. I'm glad that I prevented him from getting his smartphone repaired, because this is far more important. It really seems that he's winging his life, trying to land his next contract and getting all the overdue maintenance and purchases done, but when between contracts he skimps out on everything to get by. It's an unhealthy oscillating lifestyle without an overarching Ni plan behind instead of just trying to survive and working hard to get to a better living standard.
Yes and yes. The emotional support that ESIs provide I deem incredibly valuable, both Räv and my cycling friend help me in this. I only realized what I had been missing all this time now that I've found it.
ESI-LIE duality:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-clmL9fj5_o
Last edited by Armitage; 04-18-2022 at 12:04 AM.
I believe that Duals are the type most able to form happy, reasonably long-lived relationships with each other, but there are caveats. In my particular case, I'm finding that ESIs vary. A lot.
Over the years, I've read on-line that ESIs are jealous, that they are condemning, that they are moral police, that the Se variety have sexual hangups, that they can be self-centered and selfish, and in my experience, it's all true.
Last summer, I hired an ESI-Se interior decorator to fix up my house, and I was dating an ESI-Fi who was separated from, but still married to, her husband.
The ESI-Fi accused me of hiring the ESI-Se only because I "wanted to fuck her", which was not incorrect, but that was only about 5% of the reason. Ninety-five percent was because she had good, Gamma taste.
The ESI-Se started her work by getting rid of everything that was associated with my ex-wife. Later, she told me that the ESI-Fi had lots of problems and that I deserved to be with someone better (but not her). Just someone.
Another time, the ESI-Se told me that the reason she snapped at me was because she had PMS. I asked her if she felt this way every month, and she said that she didn't want to discuss it (after bringing it up), especially with me. (She's a lesbian, if that matters.)
The ESI-Fi seemed to initially want my company until she got back on her feet (after her separation), and then she didn't want to hang out with me so much.
So, morally condemning? Yes.
Jealous? Yes.
Policing my morals while not exactly being paragons of virtue themselves? Yes.
Sexual hangups? Yes.
Self-centered and selfish? Yes.
This is probably why LIEs spend so much time at work.
SF caveats for Gamma, I think both j/p are like that from my personal experience (Mostly my SEE and my ESI Uncle)
My dad yells at me for random crap I do wrong. Very helpful actually. He is an idiot though, like he thinks my Aunt is fine and I'm not, I'm breaking it to him very slowly. He's obviously ESI, because understand each other perfectly and get pissed at bad news.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrenology
An optimist - does not get discouraged under any circumstances. Life upheavals and stressful events only toughen him and make more confident. He likes to laugh and entertain people. Enters contact with someone by involving him with a humorous remark. His humor is often sly and contain hints and double meanings. Easily enters into arguments and bets, especially if he is challenged. When arguing his points is often ironic, ridicules the views of his opponent. His irritability and hot temper may be unpleasant to others. However, he himself is not perceptive of this and believes that he is simply exchanging opinions.
http://www.wikisocion.net/en/index.php?title=LIE_Profile_by_Gulenko
I have an older LSE friend whom I like. We've worked together on some projects and I like the way he thinks. I've also met his family, and they do not like him at all. I chalked it up to them being spoiled by his money, but he did tell me once that his ancestors owned slaves, and he seemed pleased by this fact.
I told an ESI-Se about him, then she met him when he came over one day. I later told her that he was kind of a Te asshole, but he was basically a good guy.
"I don't think he's a good guy at all," she said. "I think he's a very bad guy."
I was dismayed. One meeting and she hates my friend.
The worst thing about it is that I think she might be right.
I've encountered so much problems dealing with ESIs, and so my LIE friend. We spoke about it weeks ago.
ESIs are usually full of prejudices and continually afraid that someone will take away from them the people they love, even if the conditions for this are almost impossible.
An ESI I know is extremely jealous and every time a girl follows her boyfriend on Instagram, she follows them after a second and checks them out. She claims that she is afraid that anything will happen and that the boyfriend will leave her (PolR Ne?). For this reason she has prejudices towards anyone who approaches the group, even male friends, because male friends could give him advice against her (her words).
The thing that is most often noticed is the Ti Role overreaction: she begins to tell you that the reasons for which something negative will happen for sure has a logic, and she explains that from reason A to consequence B etc, trying to convince you that it is a flawless logic, while being over personalistic and bordering the absurd.
This girl mistyped herself for INTP (mbti) and LII too many times for this reason.
@Adam Strange see i told u
Even if u arent as bad as him maybe ur volatility is the same
And maybe theres something wrong with u im not fully discerning yet and im thirsty for drama but ive never managed to get through an LIE
https://linktr.ee/tehhnicus
Jesus is King stops black magic and closes portals
self diagnosed ASD, ADHD, schizotypal/affective
Your face makes your brain and sociotype – how muscle use shapes personality
I want to care
if I was better I’d help you
if I was better you’d be better
Human Design 2/4 projector life path 1
I’ve known this ESI-Se female for about eleven years. Yesterday she and I were moving some of my four thousand odd books, half of which are fiction and the other half are on science topics, and she asked me, “Are you an Engineer?”
Lol. Se-doms might be the most observant types, but when mixed with strong Fi, they can miss a lot.
”No. I never took an engineering course in my life.” …….pause…… “My degree is in Astrophysics. I just pretend to be an engineer.”
”How can you do that?”
”Because, if you learn physics, engineering is easy. It’s EASY.”
Reposted from another thread, but I like this thread better.
I spent the entire day yesterday with an ESI-Se interior decorator, doing interior decorating things. Best time I’ve had in a long time.
I’ve talked to her so much about Socionics that, while she personally hates the idea that people can be put into boxes, she also is beginning to see some truth to it. She sometimes shows me pictures of the people she knows and asks me what I think of them. She’s not going to learn the theory, though.
She’s a natural psychologist, so she might not need any help in dealing with people. She judges them entirely on how good a friend they are to her. In turn, she can be a very good friend to them.
She said that I would have more success in dating if I adopted her strategy, which is to judge a person by how well they treat me, and recommended that I get out there in real life and just meet more people.
I told her that, in the past, I’ve found women who were good friends but bad Socionics matches, and so the friendship went well enough, but the interactions were often bad in a way exactly predicted by Socionics. More recently, I’ve been meeting ESIs who were great Socionics matches, but were bad friends.
Hey, not all LIEs or ESIs have the same history or the same coping skills.
I told her that I want both a good Socionics match and a good friend.
She seems to be both, so I guess I have to add “heterosexual” to that list.
Reposted from another thread, but I like this thread better.
An ESI-Se interior decorator and I were improving my house yesterday and she decided that the couch had to go, so she put it on Facebook Marketplace. She, as typical for her type, set the price too low.
A guy texted her immediately and said he would buy it, and he’d be over to get it in one hour.
One hour later, he hasn’t shown up. She texts him and he said his buddy is coming to pick him up in his truck and they’ll be here in thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes later, she has five offers for the couch, and some people have offered much more than her asking price. She texts the guy and asks what’s going on?
He texts back and tells her that his buddy is doing some errands before picking him up.
She turns to me (remember, she’s ESI and has a time horizon of right now) and says “This guy’s a flake and this woman just upped her offer again. What should I do?”
I said, “That’s an Ethical question and is not up to me to decide. You make that decision.”
She turned back to her phone. “It IS an ethical question,” and started typing.
I told the above story verbatim to my EII secretary of eleven years, to whom I’d probably be married if we were Duals instead of Semi-Duals, and she said, “She went for the one with more money, didn’t she?”
Damn, girl. That’s harsh. Harsh, but perceptive.
Sometimes I wish I could see people as well as Fi-doms do, but if I had that talent, I’d probably have to give up some equally useful skill, like walking or talking.
Lmfao I love this phrasing.
So fucking accurate, too >.<
I would've done the same thing. I don't see it as unethical whatsoever, either, since he wasn't communicating or being dependable. "You snooze, you lose." My choice wouldn't be about more money in that situation, it'd be about not waiting around while someone repeatedly says one thing but does another. If it was me, your friend would've been misinterpreting my motives.
She went for the one who didn't stand her up repeatedly, it's the same event, only a different way of framing it, just like Lady Leviathan said. Our perspective changes reality.
It's a perfect example of how most people assume the worst about others.
I love this explanation. For one thing, ESIs don't seem to spend a lot of time thinking about how to get every dollar from a transaction, so the money would not have been of prime importance to her. Instead, the prospective buyer's Ne unpredictability would have made a much bigger impression on her. I've worked with her (and other ESIs) a lot, and they seem to have trouble judging whether a price is "good" or not, but they also want to make the transaction happen right away.
Weirdly enough, I have found myself being much more definite (anti-Ne) about everything when I'm dealing with ESIs. If I'm going to be five minutes late to a meeting with most people, I let them wait. When I'm going to be late to meet an ESI, I text her and tell her exactly when she can expect me.
This isn't something that I decided to do; this is something that I find myself doing naturally. It surprised me. It seems as if just interacting with ESIs makes me conform, consciously or not, intentionally or not, to their needs.
From my perspective, which is that of a guy who does not want to be controlled, I find my behavior fascinating. I've described this kind of thing before by saying that it's as if the driver of a car has some controls and levers that they use to control the car, and when dealing with Duals, all those levers are connected to something. But when dealing with people who have different values, some of those levers are not connected. They either don't have any effect, or they do something different from what you want to have happen. The further from your Quadra you go, the fewer levers there are that are connected, until you get to your Conflictor and find that none of the levers work.
The Dual's levers also work effectively on me. I find myself doing what they ask, which is almost completely unbelievable to me. It's like I'm a robot and someone else has taken control of my actions. Fortunately, the Duals I've met don't seem to abuse this superpower. I can usually trust them to act responsibly.
When at dinner the other night, I told my semi-Dual EII secretary that, since she controls the money details, she should give herself a good raise this year. She said, "Don't you think I'll abuse this?"
I laughed and said No. If anything, she'd underestimate the figure that I had in mind. And if she does, I'll let her know and she can have more.
Believe me, money is nothing compared to keeping her around. She's a half-Dual and is not going to abuse the Fi/Te part of our relationship.*
The EII was judging the ESI based on her own values, which are not ESI values. She's going to interpret the ESI's actions as not being in-line with what she would do, or if her actions were identical, then they'd be coming from a different place. Not her place.
Deltas just don't seem to place a high importance on money, at least, not to the degree that Gammas seem to. And by the time the Quadras rotate around to the Alphas, you find people who hold money in disdain.
*
Last edited by Adam Strange; 05-13-2022 at 12:34 PM.
I employ an ESI-Se artist as an interior decorator for my house renovation. She’s strong and beautiful and she sleeps with women and if there were two things I’d change in the world, they would be to make her straight and me a lot younger.
Anyway, she was at the house today to decide on bathroom finishes and she walked into my bedroom and saw a blanket on the bed that my ex-wife made. She knows that my ex-wife made that blanket.
She came out of the room and said, “You need to get rid of that blanket. It’s hideous.”
I’ve known her for ten years, so I said, jokingly, “Do you hate that blanket because my ex made it?”
”Noooooo”, she insisted. “It’s ugly. No woman would want to sleep in a bed with that blanket. Not that I’m ever going to sleep in that bed, but no one else would, either.”
WTF?
I said, ”That blanket is like a weighted blanket. Sometimes I like to sleep with a weighted blanket.”
”I’ll buy you a better weighted blanket. Get rid of that one.”
Sometimes I wonder what she’s thinking. Her thought process is a complete mystery to me.
To be honest, it always creeps me out a bit when you say things like this, even though I know that you will refrain from forcing yourself onto her.
She's thinking exactly what she says she is. That's the beauty of ESIs, they play no mind games. She wants to help you, a good friend, be happy by increasing your dating prospects by replacing that ugly weighted blanket with one that actually looks decent. Because whenever you get along well with a woman and invite her over to your home, if that's the first thing that she'll see it will kill the mood inevitably. I haven't seen the particular blanket, but I side with your ESI interior decorator friend 100% on this. Moreover, you also know yourself that she has a better taste than you, which is why you hire her as your interior decorator and purchase her art.
The John Wayne voice thing was too funny lol.
Weighted blankets are great. Ugly one needs a facelift, that's what is called a Duvet Cover in the US. Get one!
Yesterday, the ESI-Se interior decorator was choosing finishes for the new downstairs bathroom that’s being built. She found some absolutely beautiful tile and a granite shower surround. She also proposed a custom wood folding wall to hide some plumbing.
The SLI-Te project manager said that he would recommend finishes which would do the exact same job but would be much cheaper.
I, as the money resource, said that money was not a problem and I’d rather go with the aesthetic vision of the ESI. In an earlier planning meeting, I had said that money reserves are down this month to a level below what is needed to finish this project, but I will find more money in 30 days.
Later, the ESI was at my standing desk in my study, leaning over the keyboard, looking at kitchen examples, and thinking.
”I think you should pay me less”, she said.
This pissed me off. ”Stop that.
“Every ESI I’ve ever met undervalues themselves and their contribution to projects. Every. Single. One.”
”I know we negotiated a price for my work, and it seemed fair….”
She was worried that I’m going to run out of money.
“I’m not going to run out of money.”
I paused for a minute, considering whether to generalize the conversation.
”Let me tell you a secret about LIEs. We take pride in our ability to pay high salaries. It means that we are capable of doing so.”
”OK, fine.” She focused on the computer screen. “I love this countertop.”
While her attention had shifted back to the world of buying beautiful things, I was still thinking about what I’d said. Paying her less would mean that I was less of an LIE. Less capable than I am. Would she wish to be less beautiful, or less understanding of human values?
The ESI-Se interior decorator and I spent nine very productive hours together yesterday buying stuff for my house. We’d go into a showroom, look around, and simultaneously see some product and would both say “I like that!” Similar Quadra values, similar taste.
Near the end of the day, we were standing in a field on my property in the country.
”You had horses, didn’t you?”, I said.
”Yes. All through high school and college.” She had worked for a few years after college and is now in grad school to get the job she wants.
”Would you ever want horses again?”
”I would! But not just to ride and enjoy. If I had horses, they’d maybe be for therapeutic reasons. I’d rent them out for women to ride them. They’d have to earn their keep.”
”Hey, did I tell you? Anna and I are planning to move in together later this year.”
”That’s great!”
”We’ll be renting at first, and I have so many ideas about arranging the space. Eventually, we could buy a place.” Her voice trailed off. “If it works out between us.”
Anna is also an ESI, so my ESI-Se decorator would be living with an Identical.
“My longest relationship living with a roommate was..”
”…your wife!”, she interjected.
Lol.
“You’re right. But I was about to say a roommate I had after college. He was an Extinguishment partner, and we did nothing together. We extinguished each other’s motivations. All we did after work was sit opposite each other in the living room and smoke weed in silence all evening.”
”So you got high together. That’s something.”
”That was hell. We got high so we wouldn’t have to interact. We were like two little old ladies, except we didn’t have cats. I hated that time of my life.”
“I went through about ten girl friends. Then I married my ex-wife, who is my Supervisor. Another bad relationship.
“I know about 27 guys who are my Identical, and I wouldn’t want to live with any of them. We’re too competitive. The relationship between LIEs lasts until all the relevant information is exchanged, and then we move on.
”You ESIs don’t seem to experience that. I know of at least three ESI-ESI relationships. Maybe it has to do with dominant Thinking versus dominant Feeling.”
The ESI was silent for a while, then said “I don’t feel competitive with you.”
”And I don’t feel competitive with you, either. We have fun together. You’re great, actually.”
She brightened. “I feel like ice cream. Soft serve.”
”Then let’s get some.”
”Mmmmmm. Summer!” And she smiled.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 06-05-2022 at 01:20 PM.
You are not your money, Adam. Money is not a personality, it's a tool and it waxes and wanes just like the moon. No-one would think that you are less you when you have less money. Personality is a stable construct, just like intelligence, it all derives from the most intrinsic parts of our brains. Our genes and childhood up to teenage experiences determine our identity most, only if you loss someone very close to you, go through a traumatizing life event, or develop a brain disease or injury does our personality noticeably change, so don't worry too much about it, because you are still you and she is she.
I was out shopping with a lesbian ESI-Se. When she’s out and about making personal decorator decisions, she does not look at all like a lesbian. She looks like a fashion model on her day off. Her long hair is luxurious and her natural ability to put an outfit together that flatters her makes her look rich beyond the dreams of avarice. And nothing she wears is expensive, which makes her look even more high-class.
We were in a store and asked for help from a male advisor there. His reaction to a rich old man shopping with a beautiful and skillfully turned out young woman was thinly veiled contempt. Which I perfectly understand.
After he told us what we needed to know and we were walking away, she said to me, “I don’t like that guy.”
I replied, “He was an LSI.” This is the same type as her previous GF, who ended their relationship badly. “He’s half you, with the other half being logical. We probably violated his sense of what should and should not be.”
”I don’t like him”, she said with complete finality.
ESIs have two categories for people; the Good and the Bad. And woe to the people who are placed in with the Bad. They are never getting out of there.
P.S.
There is a third category; the as-yet unjudged. These are the people about whom no decision has yet been made. They are neither elevated to Heaven nor thrown down into Hell; they are in purgatory.
Dante was probably an ESI.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 06-06-2022 at 07:20 PM.
When I installed my air conditioning, the electrical was done by a female LSE who was about 35. She was heavy and wide but had a great smile and I liked her. She reminded me of my LSE sister, who also looks like a man in rough drag, but the electrician was actually sexy for some reason beyond my understanding.
Anyway, a couple years ago I went on a date with a self-employed ESI who looks exactly like the singer Peggy Lee, and she told me that she really wanted to learn to be an electrician but all the apprentice programs in the area were run by assholes.
So I thought, "This LSE could help the ESI because she's a woman succeeding in the area that the ESI wanted to join", so I asked her for her card with her phone number so my ESI friend could call her. She readily agreed to help, as LSEs are wont to do.
So I took a picture of the card and texted it to the ESI whom I had had one great/disastrous date with, and said "Call her. She said she'd help you change careers and become an electrician."
The ESI replied
"That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you very much for thinking of me". She followed this sentence with a little pink heart, which I thought might be a bit too much, considering the fact that she refused to have anything to do with me after our date.
LIE: "I just don't want you to fall upon the welfare system and raise my taxes.
"But you're welcome."
ESI, after 30 minutes: "Ha!"
LIE, immediately: "So, are you staying busy or are you vacationing in beautiful Southeast Michigan?"
ESI, right away: "Busy. Trying to catch a break. How are you?"
LIE: "I'm very busy. Next year might be different, but I'm confident things will turn up."
"Is Outlaw eating regularly?" Outlaw is the dog she adopted. I liked the fact that she named him Outlaw, as if she subconsciously knew that her Duals basically live outside the law of the land.
Thirty minutes later, I'm wondering if I said something wrong. ESIs seem to process their thoughts glacially, but they really are just considering every fucking moral angle that quantum entanglement allows. And sure enough,
"I had to put him down. His cancer got too bad"
LIE, completely having put his foot in it, tries to make amends: "I am so sorry to hear that. I really am sorry.
"I had a Poodle when I was a kid. I still miss him.
"I'll bet that Outlaw had a pretty good life because of you."
ESI: "The pain becomes less acute, but definitely still present. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind sentiments."
LIE: "Now I'm feeling bad.
"I should get more exercise. I find that helps when I feel bad."
Then, "So, are you going to get another dog? Life is better when it is shared."
And she stopped responding.
Is it me? Am I that clumsy with relationships?
This is the problem with Duals. I don't expect them to solve analytic equations of complex variables or select the best investments, so why do they think I should be decent at relationships?
Last edited by Adam Strange; 06-16-2022 at 12:14 AM.
There's nothing to respond to in that last message you sent. In fact, it ends the whole thing on a kind of passive aggressive, whiny note. You should have asked something like, "In what ways do you think a dog would be good for me?" It gives her a chance to moralize, analyze relationally, and would tell you more about how she sees you.
Keep practicing
/25c
Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.
You’re right, @Minde. I was being a whiny bitch. I sometimes know when I feel this way and I need to stop communicating at that point, because it just is bad for everyone.There's nothing to respond to in that last message you sent. In fact, it ends the whole thing on a kind of passive aggressive, whiny note. You should have asked something like, "In what ways do you think a dog would be good for me?" It gives her a chance to moralize, analyze relationally, and would tell you more about how she sees you.
Keep practicing
/25c
Weirdly enough, I only do this with ESIs. I get so frustrated with their opacity sometimes, but I think the real problem lies with my unrealistic expectations.
That girl texted me back later and said I should try the dating app Hinge, which advertises itself as being for a younger set than Match. Well, thanks. I’m sure that will work out.
”You seem to like young women.”
Now, if you have ever talked at length to an ESI, you will recognize that statement as an oblique criticism which says “You like young girls, not me. Now, prove to me that I’m wrong and that you are devoted only to me. Do this for two years and then maybe I’ll consider you.”
Well, girl, I’ve got a weather report for you.
Her’s is a statement from an ESI who can’t stand competition, and it is passive-aggressive as hell.
”I like women of a certain type. Some of them are young.”
Then she said I should get some friends. In addition to a dog.
I said, “Friends?”
She said, “Girlfriends. It would be good practice for you.”
She’s not volunteering herself for that role. She’s merely pointing out that I’m failing in mine.
Do I need this? No. I should have terminated the conversation with her way earlier.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 06-16-2022 at 03:41 AM.
She's gently nudging you to broaden your horizons/perspectives. I can see how that would look passive aggressive but take it with a grain of salt. I live by the saying there's some truth in everything you read and hear, what can you take from that and make it a positive?You’re right, @Minde. I was being a whiny bitch. I sometimes know when I feel this way and I need to stop communicating at that point, because it just is bad for everyone.
Weirdly enough, I only do this with ESIs. I get so frustrated with their opacity sometimes, but I think the real problem lies with my unrealistic expectations.
That girl texted me back later and said I should try the dating app Hinge, which advertises itself as being for a younger set than Match. Well, thanks. I’m sure that will work out.
”You seem to like young women.”
Now, if you have ever talked at length to an ESI, you will recognize that statement as an oblique criticism which says “You like young girls, not me. Now, prove to me that I’m wrong and that you are devoted only to me. Do this for two years and then maybe I’ll consider you.”
Well, girl, I’ve got a weather report for you.
Her’s is a statement from an ESI who can’t stand competition, and it is passive-aggressive as hell.
”I like women of a certain type. Some of them are young.”
Then she said I should get some friends. In addition to a dog.
I said, “Friends?”
She said, “Girlfriends. It would be good practice for you.”
She’s not volunteering herself for that role. She’s merely pointing out that I’m failing in mine.
Do I need this? No. I should have terminated the conversation with her way earlier.
Rather than focusing on someone's type, ask yourself if they really make you happy and fulfilled in life. Maybe that would help.
I feel like on a subliminal level she feels as though you're looking more for a friend with benefits rather than a long term partner. Hence her suggesting getting a dog and girlfriends.
If I were looking only for a FWB relationship, I’d never have broken up with my last GF, who was a better friend than most and whose benefits were fantastic.
I do believe that she thinks I wouldn’t stick with her, but my decision to stick around is strongly influenced by a woman’s confidence in her self-worth, and she doesn’t seem to have a huge amount of that.
At least, that’s how it seems to me.
My ex-wife was smart but not brilliant, attractive but not beautiful, steady but not dedicated, but she was very confident in who she was and in her value as a person, and that was good enough for me.
Come to think of it, the lesbian ESI-Se whom I know (and with whom I’d happily do an LTR if she were straight) is also one of the most self-assured-of-her-value women that I know.
I think I just discovered her true appeal for me. Her ESI-ness is a required foundation, but her self-assurance seals the deal.
Of course, she’s not interested in me, but she has certainly pointed me in the right direction.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 06-16-2022 at 05:21 AM.
Being attracted to a lesbian Dual is an incredible problem. You want her to be The One, but you also know that it's never going to happen. But you want her to be The One.
ESI-Se, after no word for a month: Hi, Adam. Just wondering how you're doing.
Adam (LIE): I was wondering the same about you last night. I'm good, but really broke at the moment for very temporary reasons.
I cleared a lot of the books out of the house, but not the Third Chinese Horse painting. I'm not giving that up.
How are you doing?
ESI-Se: Glad you're good.
Sorry you're broke but honestly I haven't had any time to breath let alone work for you these past few weeks.
How about I bring you an ice cream cone sometime soon to say hi? I think it's my turn to get you a cone.
LIE-Te: I'd like that.
ESI-Se:
LIE-Te: It's fun to talk with you.
Give me a heads-up before you come over, so I can clear out the party girls.
Note: ESIs really do not like any competition. Not even any SIGN of competition. Gotta remove the hairpins from the bedroom. ESIs WILL find them.
ESI-Se: Lol
Yes I will
LIE-Te: Thanks. Party girls are fun, but you have to have them all pulled out after the Savoy Truffle.
The short answers are yes and yes, the long one is that you turned something emotionally difficult for her about you. You focused on that the situation made you feel bad and how you could solve this for yourself, while ignoring that she must feel far worse, because she actually lost her dog.LIE: "Now I'm feeling bad.
"I should get more exercise. I find that helps when I feel bad."
Then, "So, are you going to get another dog? Life is better when it is shared."
And she stopped responding.
Is it me? Am I that clumsy with relationships?
What is worse, however, is that you immediately propose to replace her dog by another, even though she is still full-blown mourning her loss of Outlaw, as she mentioned herself that the pain is still very present. Pets and people are no items that you can replace, Adam.
She reasoned after a while that your comment to replace her lost dog was not intentionally offensive, but something you said in all naive earnest, because you lack tact and are poorly socialized.
And with this rude joke you clearly crossed the social event horizon, because it showed that you are not just socially clueless, but consciously insensitive too by turning the serious topic of her sorrow into a crass joke. In her mind you went from oblivious, yet well-intentioned fellow to rude dick in just one move. In all honesty, this is probably why she broke contact with you in the first place.
I can imagine that after the whiny comments she deems you a little immature and this perception of you was only reinforced in her mind by your desire to date young women. She may subconsciously believe you to be stuck in adolescence given your behaviours, hence she advises you to pick up where you left, namely by serial dating like adolescents do, in order to get out of this life stage and move on.Her’s is a statement from an ESI who can’t stand competition, and it is passive-aggressive as hell.
”I like women of a certain type. Some of them are young.”
Then she said I should get some friends. In addition to a dog.
I said, “Friends?”
She said, “Girlfriends. It would be good practice for you.”
She’s not volunteering herself for that role. She’s merely pointing out that I’m failing in mine.
Do I need this? No. I should have terminated the conversation with her way earlier.
I know that I'm being direct with you, but I know that you like direct, clear answers more than thinly veiled socially polite vagueries, because from the former one can learn, but from the latter not.
Ah, your lesbian ESI-Se Friend tends to disappear too for periods only to return later like my straight ESI Friend does?
Last edited by Armitage; 07-18-2022 at 11:37 AM.
Thanks, @Armitage. You’re right.
Yeah, she does seem insecure doesn't she? I felt that too when reading. A tinge of sadness or disappointment. Like as if she's not up to your tastes and standards because you like younger women. It feels bittersweet. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into things haha
You seem to me to have good intentions despite what other's say.
You look for self assuredness but is that because you, yourself lack assuredness in your self/identity and the direction you wish to go in life?
I know in victim/aggressor relationships the victim admires their aggressor for those very same qualities.
Yes, I think that's about right, @diamondhearts.
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