Describe overall your experiences with your Benefactor. Please state your self-typing.
Yes.
No.
Benefit relations: does your benefactor intimidate you a little?
Describe overall your experiences with your Benefactor. Please state your self-typing.
I have a benefactor?
I don't know. To know your Benefactor you have to know your own type first.
My mother-in-law benefactor likes me, but thinks I should have a job. She worked when she had young kids, so I should too. But we generally get along. She seems to think my husband is a bit of a loser. When they stay here, she insists that she does all the cooking, and then if she gets mad at me she punishes me by not giving me enough food to eat.
I probably have more friends who are ESE than any other single type. They seem to readily like me, but they don't really take me seriously. Like, if I make a suggestion, they're quick to dismiss it as not worth considering.
I don't feel intimidated, though. Maybe just "not taken particularly seriously."
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
Thanks, that's exactly what I want.
Perhaps 'intimidate' is not the right word. It's something more like feeling that this person is good at something that you're not. Similar feeling that you get with a supervisor, only that with the supervisor it turns out to be worse than you thought, while with the benefactor this "apprehension" of sorts is pretty harmless. In fact, the benefactor tends to offer you things and is overall friendly and helpful to you, but also makes you feel a little patronized and ignored.
Yeah, somewhat. And I intimidate my beneficiary.
Originally Posted by Azeroffs
EDIT
The only bad thing I could really say about my ESE friend is that sometimes he won't play nice with other people. It doesn't get to me, but I see it as problematic when we're dealing with peeps we might need to level with or be talking to or whatever online. Well, I know an LII like this too, so it's either Not Type Related, or just an issue with a value clash around the Rational elements.
I keep going back to the idea of "restricted" elements instead of "unvalued elements". For Alpha Js, displays of passion are "always OK". Much less so over here in Delta P land.
Lol. Did you miss the "Ability to talk forever" thread? Here!lol, not that its bad a thing really. It just kinda dazes me for a moment.
And wow, if you think you have it tough, how do you think SLIs feel? Sorry, guys :frown:
Your benefactor expects you to be your supervisor. Generally they will estimate everything you do to have failed in it's purpose. So they see you as a bit of a klutz. I do tend to feel intimidated by it, but the far more annoying thing is that they can, at any point, for whatever purpose, suddenly decide to make you feel good. This last thing is far worse than any feeling of intimidation you get from them. It's a bad form of mind screw.
Of course, knowing that it's all psychological is a great help. It's a lot of fun to turn the table on people without socionics knowledge in the game of rejection.
Yeah, they do actually.
LIE, and no.
I find IEE's very comfortable. They make ethical (in the Socionics sense of the word) situations easier in a very no pressure sort of way. They're also super easy to talk to.
yes. LSEs and EIIs are the only types that scare the crap out of me.
That said, I do feel compelled to be very useful to them. I put more effort into the relationship than they do because I feel like it's enough for them just to be who they are. And I don't mind doing it. However, it falls apart when their lack of an IJ temperament starts to get frustrating. Then I just say "screw it" and stop caring as much about the relationship.
Being a beneficiary sucks because your benefactor isn't consistent enough with their creative function. And it sucks when that function happens to be Fi.
I don't think it matters which function is your DS and their creative...
LII-Ne
"Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and the Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare!"
- Blair Houghton
Johari
But if it's Fi, the friendship itself is what's on the line.
I agree with Joy; I am pretty sure it varies depending on what IM elements are involved. A LII and a LIE are likely to agree because the effect their benefactor has on them is going to be similar, as both have ethical DS functions.
Their values and worries are too alien for me to be intimidated by them ... it could also be my quasi-identical.
It's a resounding 'no' from me.
yeah, IEEs are kind of hard to find intimidating.
It says I voted "Yes." The answer is, "No; my benefactor doesn't intimidate me. My beneficiary sometimes does."
Yes because benefactors bitch at you , they think you're always doing something wro g, sees ytas a dependant on them, are not pleased with you, rey to correct you. Yeah It's not like duality. Getting a person out of activity and benefit relations into the rhythm of duality is hard tok because thwy are so used to being critical that they speak more than they listen. Messed up but wtha little time they can be used to duality.
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Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
No, I don't know SEIs much... I recall this example where one SEI tried to interfere but I didn't find it intimidating, just condescending.
In general, yes.
The level of intimidation changes based on the subtype however. In the case of the LSI-Ti, the relation ends up feeling less asymmetric due to my ability to understand and respect their rules and systems. Interaction often ends up feeling more like a collaboration effort with the LSI acting in the leading role but roughly equal status wise.
LSI-Se on the other hand is extremely intimidating for me, at least on initial contact. At first they seem rather quiet to me, but then out of a nowhere they'll hit me with a very smug Se and knock me off balance. It's like walking through the city with headphones in just cruising along and then suddenly stepping into a bear trap. But after the initial disorientation I get excited and tune in because whoohoo a confident badass! Then I try to offer some Te only to be shut down with calm, cool, confident Se. Basically I end up feeling like they think I'm a moron while I'm just stunned and impressed. I can see why these relations can often lead to long term romances if both partners find each other attractive.
Uhm I don't even know who my Benefactor is supposed to be.
SLI. ok. nope. I often find them too dry, stagnant, and passive. Never had any close relationship with one. Only a SLI-Si quasi-friend once ... she was a student of my LSI-Ti ex and wanted to learn my native language, so we used to meet for Tandems (I was learning German). She was smartish and she she had a strange kind of sensitivity (for a Te type, I mean). Technically our experience was great. But in her private life there was something I couldn't stand about her. She kept jumping from one decision to another e.g. applying for a scholarship abroad, asking for recommendation letters, going and getting the necessary documents, being awarded the stuff, then ...ooops, wait, I was actually in contact with a dude who lived there at the same time and we're not getting along anymore, so I'm not even going on my scholarship. Wtf. Also she kept complaining about her "sick" mom who had emotional outbursts whenever she stayed out too late without letting her know. Her mom was prolly some ESE manipulating her in high style. But chick was in her late 20s. Probably e6 sp/sx.
Nah. Otherwise Germany is full of SLIs and LSIs ... the former are the best at always respecting conventions and rules. LSIs often have an ironic attitude towards them and can go a bit wild when convenient.
As we reach for the stars, we must put away childish things; gods, spirits and other phantasms of the brain. Reality is cruel and unforgiving, yet we must steel ourselves and secure the survival of our race through the unflinching pursuit of science and technology.
- Stellaris
um a little.
i live with an EII. the descriptions hold pretty true.
however we can hold long interesting conversations if I just talk "Fi" to him, like pretending to be an ESI. but it only works if i'm energetic; otherwise I default.
oh i also want to add that i find them *really* needy
Last edited by lemontrees; 04-29-2015 at 05:52 PM.
Not at all.
But, they do run the spectrum of being people I like spending my free time with (safe harbours, Mr. dependable) and exacerbatingly ignore. Because they are Ip there is a certain amount of respect for personal space/boundaries. I never feel like they are intruding and they never do the same. Good attitude of live and let live. As long as I remain even keeled and don't come unpeeled over anything (not always easy), then we usually get along in each other's company for a very long time. Any sign of Se and they set their sails and head for calmer seas. I'm benefited by their real world practical experience and environment creation (creative Te) and know that food is somewhere on the menu.... my life is often enriched by them in very useful ways.
In the negative, I hate the "just go behind the back approach" to get what they want done, the non-commital attitude to pretty much anything and everything, the subtle self-centeredness, the total unwillingness to move when pushed at any pace other then their own, and the being the sweetest most "what you see is what you get" types that makes it impossible to not admire, even when I am, for whatever reason, upset with them. Also, how straightforward in an obtuse kind of way they can be is very disappointing (and enduring?). There is always a little smugness I have noticed in them towards me, although some are less conspicuous about that.
There definitely is a mixture of admiration, reliance, and mutual friendship I feel towards each other. A slight pragmatic disadvantage I notice around them, with me being on the benefited side of things. I am pretty proficient and cognizant of Si, so its the logics of actions they are the most help with. And being that reliable buddy who doesn't hold much judgements towards me as a person and my character. Their care-taker erotic style can be rejuvenating, some of you may know what I am talking about. A nice "shelter" they offer. amirte?
btw, I am talking about SLI.
Last edited by wacey; 04-30-2015 at 03:05 AM.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
my benefactor is SEI , i think he doesn't intimidate me. But , sometimes. He tries me to open myself....
Although I've admired their seeming ability to make people feel at ease, I haven't met an INFp who offered me any useful insight and none have given me any cause to feel intimidated although I've been told by third parties that I've intimidated several of them. I've also been asked for lots of advice by INFps but none seemed to have followed any of it - some seem to go out of their way to do the opposite and I've been later told by a few that they'd wished that they had done what I had recommended. Intimidation has more to do with self-confidence and nothing to do with ITR......
a.k.a. I/O
Benefactors believe they're psychologically in a higher position than their beneficiary but it's basically reverse revision.
IRL, I do have some EIE friends and they all initially approached me and wanted to be my friend, and they've introduced me to social groups that they're a part of, like took me to their church dinners and introduced me to some interesting people. I can go around meeting a lot of people, but not for no reason. I can network for the purposes of work (for example) but I don't care about communities for the sake of it as I don't identify with groups. They're always involved with a bunch of social groups and know so many people, which is the reverse of me where I maybe be acquainted with a few more than those I would consider friends, I just don't have the energy to deal with people. However, long before I knew about socionics, I've felt something missing, as in I respect their socially savvy Fe and how they know to work social groups and inspire people/rally them. I'm not a people person, and I dislike communities and large groups that gather only for social reasons and we don't even remotely think like each other. So while they've helped me out socially, they've also gotten themselves tangled up in some bullshit that they've started, and I've stuck by their side and fought for them (one of them got involved in a physical fight that I got dragged into), although I've made sure to tell them that I'm not under any obligation to do any of this. They appreciate my honesty that I can dissect whatever I come across, but they also feel like I'm a bit too harsh where I have hurt their feelings in a big way over the years because I have told them they're delusional (it's true) and they need to look at everything from a sober point of view (they are too idealistic). Although they don't truly learn, I don't really want to leave them completely, but I also distance myself and limit my interactions with them. The relationship is almost always initiated from their end.
Online, there's a lot of EIEs and we either don't interact or they overreact and I make fun of them and it freaks them out even more. It literally takes out the whole social component of benefit relation that would otherwise serve as the buffer irl.
No but the supervisor does.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrenology
An optimist - does not get discouraged under any circumstances. Life upheavals and stressful events only toughen him and make more confident. He likes to laugh and entertain people. Enters contact with someone by involving him with a humorous remark. His humor is often sly and contain hints and double meanings. Easily enters into arguments and bets, especially if he is challenged. When arguing his points is often ironic, ridicules the views of his opponent. His irritability and hot temper may be unpleasant to others. However, he himself is not perceptive of this and believes that he is simply exchanging opinions.
http://www.wikisocion.net/en/index.php?title=LIE_Profile_by_Gulenko
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