Assertiveness Training

[Spermatozoa]

As a result of content I've gone over elsewhere, I got the idea to start this thread. It is about how to be charismatic, talk in a dominant, authoritative way and get people to do what you want, without coming across like a chad, loser, asshole or bum. It will be particularly useful for introverts but may become a useful reference point for everyone. I just scored a job today as a result of working on this, so I am in a good mood. Let us begin.

Style of Delivery: Talk in statements, rather than questions, unless they are rhetorical and for dramatic effect. This is perhaps the single most important way you can make yourself appear more powerful in a conversation. e.g.

D'you want to go back to my place? (nervous, unsure, lacks confidence)
Let's go to my place. (confident, direct, in charge)

Talk about what you want, desire or envision, rather than how you feel. If they start to bring up what has happened in the past or any what if type discussions which are aimless and speculative, return them to what matters: you, them, what you are doing right now and intend to do with/to each other later. e.g.

What if we were like just atoms and all part of one consciousness and shit? (weird, scattered)
I envision a world where we are one consciousness*. (farsighted, confident)

* Notice the "we" as opposed to "we all", it's much more personal.

Also, practice altering the tone and inflection of your voice to convey your absolute and profound strength around others. Both men and women should speak at the lower end of what is typical for their sex, but with wide ranges of volume. In general, you should move from a low pitch to a high pitch to a low pitch again, and aim to grow your volume over time, but always end on a low pitch. As a singer, I've had a lot of training in this area - but it is basically inhaling air and expanding your chest through your nose, and then releasing it through the pelvic floor. Anyway, whatever.

For women: aim to speak in a more seductive, husky and sultry way.
For men: aim to speak in a more clear, intense and definite way.
Both sexes: Lower pitch and wider dynamics, regardless of what you do now. Never waver.

Try to cut out "yeah", "like", "uh" and "um" (this last one, I personally am still working on) as they make you appear less intelligent and decisive than you actually are. Practice speaking, and eventually you will manage.

Final touches...

Practice your facial expressions in the mirror. Here is some charts of various facial expressions - see how many of them you can do.

When choosing clothes, you have two aims:

Firstly to express and exaggerate your sex and appear very physically feminine (women) or masculine (men). Men should draw attention to their chest and shoulders, women to their breasts and hips. Wear strongly sex specific clothing (e.g. dresses for women, not pants). Work to convey a lot of energy, power, presence and dominance. Simple patterns and bold contrasts are good.

In summary, make it very clear in no uncertain terms who you are, what it is that you want, and that the other person has more a lot more to lose than you if they don't play along. Even if this is not true, it is essential to pretend otherwise, at least until you have sealed the deal.

[Alomoes]

I'll bite.

Hey, uh, yeah, uh so what do I do now? <<< I'm pretty sure I failed because I didn't talk about what I want, which is still unclear to me. Oh yeah, I do indeed do this intentionally, and this is before I read this post. SOCIAL SKILLZ.

Okay serious now. I'd like for threads like these to have more traction, except they don't really have much more to add. I'll try and analyze it for congruence with my preconceived notions though. <<< Application of the theory. Although that's just me being a good communicator. If you are unclear of your intentions, then you have failed in communication. If you fail in communication, then people will think you are bad at communication. If you do this on purpose, like I do at times, then what is wrong with you, you sociopath. No, that means you are making people think you are bad. If they are bad, then they'll think same. People like same, therefore they like you. Or you're trying to avoid someone. /Tangent.

Everything is good up to facial expressions. That's kind of optional. It is more for building confidence in your appearance. I do agree that having good facial expressions is good, but I typically have one. People say I'd be good at poker. Sad thing, is that it isn't a poker face. That is changing though, as my adulthood comes. I've heard that happens with some people.

My turn. Assertiveness is more about being, or looking confident. If you look it, then close enough. What you perceive about yourself gets internalized, but whatever, who cares. "I can't make myself think I'm confident. What do I do?"

Uh yeah. You know what I do? I invoke Godwin's law this way, no joke. Copy the most famous politician you know. That is how you become confident. A good person to look at is Trump. Pretty much 90% of their job is to talk in front of people. I don't, but doesn't make me not assertive. If you can ramble on the internet like I am, you are confident.

Confidence is only half the battle, the rest is application, which as I've said, I don't really care too much about. But hey, whenever I talk, I am noted to be pretty much yelling. Application, discord, today, I was spouting nonsense to my friend about my homework. (LETTER B. LETTER B. THE ANSWER IS LETTER B.) Pretty sure he enjoyed that. Sadly, when I was actually serious about my homework, he did not enjoy that. Like recommending he learn how to use Visual Studio, the topic of my homework.

Oh the philistines.

[Spermatozoa]

I'll bite.

Hey, uh, yeah, uh so what do I do now? <<< I'm pretty sure I failed because I didn't talk about what I want, which is still unclear to me. Oh yeah, I do indeed do this intentionally, and this is before I read this post. SOCIAL SKILLZ.

Okay serious now. I'd like for threads like these to have more traction, except they don't really have much more to add. I'll try and analyze it for congruence with my preconceived notions though. <<< Application of the theory. Although that's just me being a good communicator. If you are unclear of your intentions, then you have failed in communication. If you fail in communication, then people will think you are bad at communication. If you do this on purpose, like I do at times, then what is wrong with you, you sociopath. No, that means you are making people think you are bad. If they are bad, then they'll think same. People like same, therefore they like you. Or you're trying to avoid someone. /Tangent.

Everything is good up to facial expressions. That's kind of optional. It is more for building confidence in your appearance. I do agree that having good facial expressions is good, but I typically have one. People say I'd be good at poker. Sad thing, is that it isn't a poker face. That is changing though, as my adulthood comes. I've heard that happens with some people.

My turn. Assertiveness is more about being, or looking confident. If you look it, then close enough. What you perceive about yourself gets internalized, but whatever, who cares. "I can't make myself think I'm confident. What do I do?"

Uh yeah. You know what I do? I invoke Godwin's law this way, no joke. Copy the most famous politician you know. That is how you become confident. A good person to look at is Trump. Pretty much 90% of their job is to talk in front of people. I don't, but doesn't make me not assertive. If you can ramble on the internet like I am, you are confident.

Confidence is only half the battle, the rest is application, which as I've said, I don't really care too much about. But hey, whenever I talk, I am noted to be pretty much yelling. Application, discord, today, I was spouting nonsense to my friend about my homework. (LETTER B. LETTER B. THE ANSWER IS LETTER B.) Pretty sure he enjoyed that. Sadly, when I was actually serious about my homework, he did not enjoy that. Like recommending he learn how to use Visual Studio, the topic of my homework.

Oh the philistines.

I will admit that I found this post rather nauseating to read, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and take it seriously.

You are certainly not in a position to criticize any of my ideas, let alone dismiss them entirely.

Based on your post, you speak in a convoluted, scattered, chaotic way, and frequently end your sentences with a question. You continuously spiral off topic and bring up irrelevant personal anecdotes. This indicates to me that you are indecisive, frequently change course and have some trouble organizing your thoughts. My OP post shows you how to advance in these areas as I have, but it seems like self-improvement is beneath you. Somehow I doubt that you are such a good communicator - I mean for goodness' sake, you could not even figure out why it was that you made a passing comment to me. You won't be able to connect with others and sell yourself unless you start to engage.

It is time to be blunt. If someone rambles on the internet like you do, it is not a sign of confidence; it is a sign that they probably need to spend more time out of the house. You are like a wooden peacock whose feathers were made in China; tacky, awkward and barely held together by its own arrogance. Show some respect.

[Pookie]

Blink slowly.

[Muddy]

Get a job as a retail store manager. All your assertiveness problems will be fixed and you will be taking anger management classes instead.

[Spermatozoa]

Let the Ti nitpicking festival begin

[wacey]

Wow I feel PUMPED...! WHERE DO SIGN UP..!?

[Spermatozoa]

Wow I feel PUMPED...! WHERE DO SIGN UP..!?

Send me a PM.

[Raver]

I think the main key of assertiveness is that it shouldn't be attacking others, but merely defending yourself, which is easier said than done, but possible once you get that idea locked in to your psyche. Think of assertiveness as a shield and aggressiveness as a sword. The goal of a shield is to block strikes from other people, but never to strike other people.

Someone strikes at you, you constantly use the shield to defend yourself, but not dropping it, unless it is clear that you are in the wrong. The sword should only be used as a last resort and never as a first measure. It should be used only where you are clearly in the right and the person is being unreasonable and insists on attacking you for no good reason. If there is a good reason they are attacking you, then there is no reason to use the sword. Also, being flexible is the key.

There are times where being passive or aggressive are fine, but you have to develop the instinct to know when to be those two. Most situations of life require assertiveness, but you can't be assertive 100% of the time, there will always be situations that require passivity or aggressiveness and being able to discern it can determine whether you will have desirable outcomes in the long run rather than only the short term.

Like anything in life, this requires practice and lots of trial and error. You can't learn to be assertive overnight if you are a passive or aggressive person or even a passive aggressive person. You have to recondition your mind to become that way through sheer will. Changing yourself as an adult is not as easy as it is as a child.

Children are like clay, they can be shaped to be anything their environment requires them to be. Children's personalities are formed through mere chance. Adults must be chipped into the sculpture they desire to be through strenuous effort and pain. The mind is malleable, but it will never change unless the desire is there. Unfortunately, it requires extreme life situations to force people to re-examine themselves to actually create the desire for change.

[Sol]

[Chae]

The key to success in things like these is operating from a space of embracing, not avoidance. Avoidance of vulnerability in this case. The fear that comes with wanting to increase assertiveness has a catastrophe scenario in mind already, and will continue to attract outside manifestations of this threat to your fragility that you falsely believe you must counter, further encouraging the same helpless dynamic.

On the other hand: DO WHAT U WANNA DOOOO

[NdFeB08]

Get a job as a retail store manager. All your assertiveness problems will be fixed and you will be taking anger management classes instead.

*Beer Store Vietnam flashbacks come to mind*

[The Reality Denialist]

That is compliance training, private Typist!

Do I hear yes sir?

[Sol]

That is compliance training, private Typist!

To make others obey your orders, you need to study what is to obey yourself!
Such was said by my familiar general, private Troll. Dismissed.

[at sirac son of sirac]

When I step up I've got a take charge attitude. I only do it when I know the right way to get things done and bring organization. I've been told before I make for a good leader.

However, I've never wanted to be one. I like being anonymous and following, but if no one else steps up I have to, or if the persons doing a poor job.


It's something I've tried to control, so often I just be my own boss, take things on my own. Assertiveness is a two edged sword.

[The Reality Denialist]

To make others obey your orders, you need to study what is to obey yourself!
Such was said by my familiar general, private Troll. Dismissed.

So you comply to his assertions without questioning them. OK.

When I was in compulsory military service I made it clear that I did the minimum. Usually I half assed it on purpose to make it easier. I missed targets in shootings, I jumped in the wrong way, I checked wrong answers in IQ test. Profit – It was only 180 days of freedom restriction where many had to do 360.