Working out a SLI/IEE/SEE threesome

[Eliza Thomason]

Yeah Eliza, I have to give it to you straight.

She is his daughter. And while you two are in love, you did really just meet recently in the larger scope of things, while he has had his daughter for 30 years!

Well it works that way. Once can fall powerfully and irrevocably in love pretty fast sometimes, and it can last a lifetime. Yes, you could say it has been "relatively recent", and certainly in relation to a thirty year parent-child relationship. In the same way a young person can have great love for his parents, yet, he must leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife. Because there is a sacredness to the Marraige Sacrament. So while nothing can touch a parent-child relationship, there is a sacred cleaving in marraige which is to be respected, too, and also has its sacred boundaries.

It's not fair of you to feel jealous of their close relationship;

This is definately not the issue. His children are his greatest treasures. I love him, and I will always treasure what he treasures.

you should expect that when he has to choose between you and his daughter, he would choose his daughter. You should EXPECT that and be ok with it.

Well, if he loves me and chooses to live with his adult daughter instead of me, then he doesn't love me enough, for me. And they can have their thing, I will just leave. No problem! I would be okay with that if it were the reality because I want to embrace reality. (Glad that's not the case though.)

...
Sounds like his daughter has been through a tough time... of her own doing maybe with the drug addiction, but sounds like she is battling it. She needs her father's support, that may also be why she is living with him even though she's 30.

At this point, it is certainly codependent support, and not helping her. There are halfway houses that expect responsibility from the patrons. There is no responsibility expected of her at home. Its not doing her any good. [she also has some more pleasant options than a halfway house which her father discussed with me today].

Also, often people's kids dont like them being in a relationship with someone other than their other parent. Both of these issues could be making his daughter disgruntled about your relationship and thus intentionally trying to give you a hard time.

Understandable that grown adult children still have that hope their parents could live happily ever after, and their parent finding happiness with another does destroy that hope, and subsequesnt disgruntlement is understandable. But a grown adult can also have an adult perspective on the situation. He has gone from comsidering himself a complete ruin, and his life, over to new hopes and dreams, like he is back from the dead, and in multiple ways. The user daughter (as in, relationship-user) does not feel happy for him, not enough, as far as I am concerned. She should!

This is a big reason why I dont even look at men who already have children. If they have kids, they are out of my dating pool. But if you're ok with it, you should be prepared for interactions like this and be ok with it.

Uh oh, never say never! Things don't always turn out like we plan.

I don't mind the negative interactions as she processes feelings, vents, and expresses her resentment. I think its a healthy thing to get these things on the table, and I want to allow it. I just want to go back to my own home with my own husband afterward.

[Eliza Thomason]

It makes me cringe that you use Socionics to figure this out.

No. I am not using Socionics exclusively to figure this out. i am just talking about life and any aspects of life can scoop up Socionics with it. I had questions about the Relationship aspects of our types. How can having a threesome in a Dual pair affect it so much (or is it exclusively the dysfunctional things happening and a healthy SLI/IEE/SEE threesome could do well together? That is the Socionics aspect here but no, Socionics does not cover everything. If the topic is, "Does breast size matter", how much Socionics really fits there. Its hard to say, really. But when a person has a question on their mind like, for example, do you like this kind of sex, they write it here. I also had a pressing question on my mind, and I wrote it here, and I also wondered where the Socionics fit in it.

You are dealing with
- an addict (not using, but obviously troubled)
- a co-dependent father
- childhood trauma because the father made inappropriate and insensitive remarks (apparently also demeaning remarks about her mother
-a woman who tries to protect her home
- a father who apparently can't establish boundaries
- and two children???

Wow, so many details to cover. The trauma cannot be because of the two insensitive remarks of the father who also lived all his home life serving them, and its clear they have a love for each other that goes back far and is not a traumatized love. Her remarks to me that her fathers remarks were abuse were not angst-filled, more drama-like. Yes, she has other trauma but it came from what happened in her mother's care. I have not given the details because I feel in spite of attempts at anonymity, this has to stop somewhere. It is of a nature where, if I explained it, everyone would say, "Wow. No wonder." But it doesn't need explaining anyway. Older child does not live with her, taken away at a relapse, but involved in her life but in the care of a relative. Younger does live with her, but also halftime with the father (a layabout with otherwise responsible parents) and long days at a nice day care, free to Mom... perhaps these details make it more complicated-sounding, but the end is that both children are well-cared for, though non-traditionally. As to SEE-daughter, there is more than one relative that can take a turn at helping her other than Dad, as well as available counseling and support groups that get her issues. As you said in next post, though, yes, her fears concerning children are important, and my SLI would never just wash his hands and let chips fall where they may as far as that. He will need to see that she is situated and will seek wise counsel as to how.

Yes, its chaotic, but I feel strongly that "Love covers a multitude of sins", and where love is concerned he has not failed his family and will not. Right now he will be doing what he should have a long time ago, seeking expert counsel for his daughters specific type of situation. He will then take that advice for moral counsel on same with a Priest. I would never want him to make any moves that he was not completely sure were right and moral. His current situation has hurt him and hurt his daughter. But that is my observation (and his), and we will seek advise from an "disinterested" professional adviser, and that, along with a priest's advise will take precedence over my feelings or his. We are both 100% in union with wanting to discover what is the right thing to do and do that, no matter the cost to ourselves. I have lived like that these many years and so has he.

How long have you known this guy? This has nothing to do with Se or Si or Te or Ti or whatever bullshit it is we are discussing on here. These are real people with real problems and I understand that you are trying to figure it all out. ..

Well, many parts that people are quesitoning here we have already figured out. We wrote each other prolifically over a period of 12 years, with a 3-year gap while we both had major issues in our lives, he with his daugher and me with the practical difficulties of post-divorce single-mom life. It was always a respectful but much engaged friendship which at times I really depended on. We did not meet till last October, which followed the writing gap, as I happened to be driving by his town inmy first-time ever visit to his state and emailed him I could come by and we could meet, but he did not answer the email. So I wasn't going to stop but did anyway on a whim and I only had a brief time anyway. An hour? I don't know. He was completely shocked because he had not ignored my email - he just had not gotten it because of address change. I immediately liked his face and physicality and found talking to him as nice and comfortable as writing. But I said to myself, "This is not for me" - I had three clear reasons, and the first was his co-dependency with his daughter. But, after requestign it of me, he took my hands in his to pray the Angelus withme just as I was to leave, and his touch somehow mysteriously and powefully pulled me in and changed my life. I could say more, and I have elsewhere, but I can make it short and say it was the real thing, and it confused me. i was so happy and at peace beign single, and I thought I might join a convent when my son was settled in life. At this point I certainly di dnot want to fall for anyone. If seemed quite against my will. later I stumbled on Socionics and looked up our relationship type, Duality, and found an article that says what happens when Duals meet - it almost word-for-word explained what happened to me. So we have been working out issues pretty much since we met because we both pretty much knew immediately. SLI didn't trust as fast as me, it but with four visits his trust and confidence in it and his love and hope have grown. We are very solid. We love just being together and we work together great. We talk about anything and everything. We are happy just doing simple things together. I have never had anything like this in my life and its amazing.

He meets my son next visit, which is in November. I told my son tonight that I wanted him to know that this is someone I am strongly considering marrying. ESTP son says, "Is he rich?" No. He is not. My son and I are so different! Honestly I did imagine if I ever remarried my husband would offer me financial security. My first husband did, but no love. SLI will love me always, and we will work together to make a financial future. I trust him to do his best and he won't waste. We are just happy we have the best thing, love.
It just really is a love story. I want the best for him and the best for his children is certainly in that picture. Right now, it is my opinion she needs to individuate but I will accept the verdict of a professional. I know he needs to individuate. And, I have realized, I cannot live in a threesome household.

[Beautiful sky]

Eliza, just take a breather and relax about it now. You have so much to consider.

[FDG]

Meh, why don't you just live by yourself and see him during the weekend?

[Eye of the Potato]

I also want to add that I remembered the "abuse" SEE daughter complained of. He used to come home from work and rant to SEE daughter (age 8?) that if she did not shape up the gypsies would come take her away! Yes. That was the abuse. (She said it used to scare her, she believed it and was always afraid gypsies would come). But he did not rant in anger, he was not deeply upset. And her mother was there when he said it, she could have corrected, told her there are no gypsies, could have told SLI she was scaring their daughter if she thought so but she didn't, and if anyone told him that he would have stopped immediately because he loved his kids and did NOT want to hurt ANYONE especially his kids. Also he confided in her when her mother left the marraige for her longtime lesbian relationship, and the sort of slang-way he explained his wife's new relationship lifestyle was age-inappropriate (approximately age 10) and highly and strangely confusing to a child. But I won't repeat it here. (Anyone who acts perfectly when their treasured home life explodes must have no love.) That was the extent of "abuse".

I have read books on abuse and I know this does not apply. There is inappropriate, and there is abuse, and there is abusive relationships, and they are all different things.

Large Increase in Number of Parents Threatening to Give Bold Children to The Tinkers

BARNARDO’S have announced today a dramatic increase in the number of parents threatening to give their disobedient children to the tinkers.

The childrens charity said that over 61,400 parents have admitted to using the term in order to frighten their child into being good.

Chairman, Alan Wyley, said the number has almost doubled since 2004.

“It seems parents are becoming more lose lipped with the threat since the start of the recession.”

“This can have a devastating impact on the child’s perception of the travelling community and In some cases can lead to prejudice against the group in later life.”

The last major epidemic of the ‘tinker threat‘ was recorded in the 1980′s when a whopping 68% of Irish parents admitted to using the phrase.

One 34-year-old man, who wishes to remain anonymous, told WWN today that he blames his parents for his irrational fear of travellers.

“I was first diagnosed with tinkerphobia in 2001.

“A traveller called to my door looking to see if I was interested in buying carpets. I panicked and locked myself into the house for several weeks.” he said.

A worried relative knocked down the man’s door and found the 4 stone man, naked and cowering behind a couch in his sitting room.

“The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive. I ran out of food in the first week, surviving only on water.“ he added.

Barnardo’s are appealing to parents to stop threatening their bold children with the tinkers and have suggested using other ethnic groups like Roma Gypsies or Middle Eastern Refugees instead.


http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/201...o-the-tinkers/

[Absurd]

I would cross-check your typings with Maritsa, if I were you.

[Eliza Thomason]

@Eye of the Potato, that is funny. I forwarded it to my SLI...

[Absurd]

As long you both enjoy yourself, it's cool. But think about those printed tiles I spoke about.

[FoxOnStilts]

lol his daughter will ALWAYS be number one over you. All you're going to do is offend and disgust him with that acerbic drivel you call a letter. It's incredibly immature of you, and reads is if you're making him choose between you and his daughter, and that is a battle you will never win. Children > Partner. I can't believe I read through the first post (and didn't' read anything afterwards because of how whiny the OP was.) It sounds like someone in their late teens/early 20s getting jealous and stomping her feet when she can't get what she wants.

[Atlast]

Die.

Calm down. If you love each other, things will work out.

I don't suggest sending him this almost scary message. Take a few days to relax and then try talking to him face to face about it (text or video chat if you're apart and can't meet). He might or might not be aware of how you feel about (living with) his daughter, and I think you should find this out first. Bring it up during conversation and see how he responds. After you establish his awareness, try to discuss the possibility of just the two of you living together, without his daughter. And if this doesn't seem practically feasible at the moment, don't fret. There's a solution to every problem, and I think you two have the necessary mutual feelings and dedication to work this one out successfully.

For the time being, just try not to worry so much about it. My 2c.

I hate quoting old posts, but I find it really funny how the likes on these two posts indicate utterly different reactions to OP's mentality without any actual posting. Korpsey, I think you're so effective at expressing scorn that you've actually cut down on trolling and flaming on the forum by just being there to agree with. Way to be a team player

[Eliza Thomason]

lol his daughter will ALWAYS be number one over you. All you're going to do is offend and disgust him with that acerbic drivel you call a letter. It's incredibly immature of you, and reads is if you're making him choose between you and his daughter, and that is a battle you will never win. Children > Partner. I can't believe I read through the first post (and didn't' read anything afterwards because of how whiny the OP was.) It sounds like someone in their late teens/early 20s getting jealous and stomping her feet when she can't get what she wants.

You misunderstood, but you aren't the only one who did here. Sometimes I write to figure out my feelings and thoughts, which is what that "dear istp" "letter" was. Not a letter to him. But I completely understand that there are many personality types here, and seeing what an NF does to come to terms with her feelings and thoughts is not everyone's cup of tea.

So I did not send him thast letter; I speak to him in person about important things, and if I can't do that, then by phone. Its not that unusual for an ENFP to have strong feelings about things but need to write them out, or just be with them for a time, to grasp them.

And its actually the "child" in this scenario that is in her 20s, almost 30, who acts the young teen...

What was so hard for me to tell SLI [that I can't share a house with him and his daughter] would have been easy for anyone else to say. I was just very worried about disappointing him, and felt he should know as soon as I realized it so he could figure out what he wanted to do, since our idea all this time was he make no changes; just add me to his household (and all that comes with me).

At any rate, I did tell SLI and he immediately assured me this is okay, and immediately said he really liked the idea of coming here instead. [He has said numerous times he wants to escape to England, or find some kind of "Parents Protection Program" to flee to, so I guess I have become that alternative now...

He is starting Family Intervention Counseling near his town and will eventually get SEE launched on her own with their guidance, at least point her in the right direction, and give her some options.

She is a constant source of stress for him, that is a big worry to me, and its all clearer when I spend time there. Whenever we are together, we are so happy and peaceful. When she sails in the door, she is eye of the hurricane and his peace is gone, and I on edge, too. I know he needs and deserves peace in his days. He had told me when I met him that she is the cause of all his ruin. However, the counselor will help him see his role in this (enabling, IMO).

He should not have to pick between me and daughter. That's crazy. If he has to "pick" then there is something seriously wrong with that relationship. I will leave that to the counselor to point out....

[Beautiful sky]

lol his daughter will ALWAYS be number one over you.

First of all, you don't know that for sure; some people get fed up and tired of their loved ones, kids because they reach a point of no return, someone who drains their resources, is unforgiving and ruthless about their overall demeanor. People cut people off, that is reality.

All you're going to do is offend and disgust him with that acerbic drivel you call a letter.

It's very likely that all she's going to do with the letter is communicate things she's not willing or able to say with direct verbal contact, in which case also it is likely that he may appreciate and hear the message louder and clearer and be able to think of it more seriously.

It's incredibly immature of you, and reads is if you're making him choose between you and his daughter, and that is a battle you will never win. Children > Partner.

I think it's incredibly short sighted of you to step into many different reactions, and emotional makeups to see other possibilities of how this can unfold and more immature of you to call her immature.

I can't believe I read through the first post (and didn't' read anything afterwards because of how whiny the OP was.)

Well, if it comes across as whiny to you, You come across as vain and immature to me.

It sounds like someone in their late teens/early 20s getting jealous and stomping her feet when she can't get what she wants.

Doesn't sound that way to me. It sounds like someone who is sensitive to the emotions of other individuals, who wants to get a good feel and filter from many perspectives as to the possibilities of what emotions and situations may arise from the letter before sending it off. That is very mature to me; what is immature is someone who has no consideration and acts with others without a filter, a guise.

[InvisibleJim]

You need to temper your romantic idealism with realism here.

Ultimately if you can't live with the guy in the 'current circumstances' you can state that; but it's his problem to deal with and by making it 'his problem' you full open the door to being bounced.

The more practical approach; which IEEs tend not to consider is some sort of middle ground/accommodation that is in everyone's interest; that doesn't mean 'I REQUIRE X TO BE HAPPY NOW'; it means 'I think Y can work given time...'; otherwise ultimately his daughter = his problem.

[Eliza Thomason]

You need to temper your romantic idealism with realism here.

Ultimately if you can't live with the guy in the 'current circumstances' you can state that; but it's his problem to deal with and by making it 'his problem' you full open the door to being bounced.

The more practical approach; which IEEs tend not to consider is some sort of middle ground/accommodation that is in everyone's interest; that doesn't mean 'I REQUIRE X TO BE HAPPY NOW'; it means 'I think Y can work given time...'; otherwise ultimately his daughter = his problem.

Thanks for thoughtful feedback. Yes, I do understand the gravity of telling him I cannot live with his situation - he can choose not to make any changes, and i get "bounced". If I felt that would happen I still would have said the same thing, because I believe in doing the right thing no matter the cost, once what is the "right thing" becomes clear to me, and in this case it did.

However, its clear he would choose me, so I felt very bad knowing that my stating my case is essentially asking him to figure something else out, and to face the difficult changes that I believe he knows he needs to make but didn't want to face. He needs to, for his health and well-being, IMO, and also to free her to grow up. He completely realizes now that its in his best interest to sell his house, and not-supporting his daughter is essential to survival financially (unless, of course, I make it my full-time occupation to support her as well: between the two of us we could, if that's all we did, and that was my plan, until I thought better of it. If she were truly incapable or handicapped mentally or physically I would, for the sake of my SLI. However that is not at all the case and in fact she is becoming a menence to not only him but to society with too much free time on her hands, not working.

I can really see the root of these psychological issues and motivations, however, I am not going to play that role, but the counselor program he is enrolled in will do that. And I expect the counselor will help my SLI put into words and actions plans my very thoughts on the matter. Because I think I have sized up the issues and motivations here properly. But we shall see...

[InvisibleJim]

Past behaviour is indicative of future performance.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

Eliza,you can set the SEE daughter up with a carefully chosen ILI that'll do the job and see what happens.maybe they'll stick together and she'll get out of your way.maybe all she needs is love.

[Absurd]

Hey, jennifer, what do I need to do to win the heart of a female person?

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

learn some rap songs by heart and sing them out loud when you be walking

[Absurd]

learn some rap songs by heart and sing them out loud while walking

Like this?

Anyhow, I think I wouldn't win your heart even if I didn't wanted to do. I'm suffering heavy loss when it comes to rejection and I, really, can't take any more. I'm going to write a poem to illustrate this:

“My dear,” she said
“Love me to death do us depart”
“Ohhhh ….” he yelled in terror
“No need for that”;
she said biting into his thigh “This is love at first sight”
Three-four gulps and the nuptials was over

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

that's immature

[Eliza Thomason]

Eliza,you can set the SEE daughter up with a carefully chosen ILI that'll do the job and see what happens.maybe they'll stick together and she'll get out of your way.maybe all she needs is love.

I do want that for her. Apart from her choices, she is a good person. I have confidence she can and is likely able to make the right choices someday. She picks the worst possible guys, so beneath her, so I keep her in prayer all the time. An ILI would be perfect for her and I wish that for her. I pray for her healing and a husband for her, and I won't stop asking God to grant her those things.

Advertising here for an ILI: This SEE is 27, with a child half-time in her custody who is adorable, and is fun-loving and generally upbeat, honest, and sociable. Tall and curvy, looks good in scimpy clothes and has a great face and really great hair. An entertaining person to have around, just needs a little structure and direction...

[Absurd]

that's immature

Well, I'm only sixteen.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

why do people quote each other when there's an instant dialogue going on?isn't it kinda useless?

[Absurd]

why do people quote each other when there's an instant dialogue going on?isn't it kinda useless?

Complain to hkkmr. I still cry in sleep he forced me to actually respond to quoted material by me. In the past I didn't have to...

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

noone would ever think that you are not being polite at any given moment

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

eliza,wouldn't it be fun if you actually tried to set her up instead of just praying? but make sure you do it in a very subtle way to avoid getting her angaray.

[Absurd]

noone would ever think that you are not being polite at any given moment

What has being polite have to do with not being polite?

Move those gamma brain cells of yours

I mean, you don't want me to type you IEE like Eliza.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

absurd ,you too can crudely use socionics ,you know.i mean,at least,try.say,go to the church tomorrow to attend the mass and act all sceptical on your way out trynna catch some EII's attention.cry a bit n stuff.

[Absurd]

absurd ,you too can crudely use socionics ,you know.i mean,at least,try.say,go to the church tomorrow to attend the mass and act all sceptical on your way out trynna catch some EII's attention.cry a bit n stuff.

I always go to church and I recite:

Rom. 12:18 ["Do everything possible on your part, to live at peace with all men"]

Try that some time. You can "get the attention of an LSE."

You can tell yourself this at night as well:

Matthew 7:15 ["Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves."]

Having said that, you remind me of that funny girl I know and I do not speak to after shit hit the fan. I mean, I do, just to piss her off more. Little, small, dog. Barks louder than her size. All small dogs do that. They're afraid.

Just cut the passive aggresive crap and say what's on your mind and I will deal with you accordingly.

EDIT: Okay, we're duals. I appreciate and accept that, really

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

i don't really mean to provoke your wrath but the way you act shows that you have many skeletons in your closet and the slightest ambiguity in one's words turns you into mr hyde.

[Eliza Thomason]

eliza,wouldn't it be fun if you actually tried to set her up instead of just praying? but make sure you do it in a very subtle way to avoid getting her angaray.

I'd would love that. If I saw a way to, I would be on it. But we are in different states. Plus I do not know any any single ILIs. [The two I know are in long-term Conflict marriages! ]

God has answered so many of my prayers that I would be selfish and remiss not to pray for others, for anyone whose path crosses my life. I imagine Him asking me someday, "Why did you not pray for ___? I put him/her in your life!"

However, I think some maturity will help. Duality is not everything. So her being on her own will help that. Its so past due.

[FoxOnStilts]

blah blah blah

I'm glad you responded considering how my post was directed at you.

[Aquagraph]

I just tried a threesome for the first time. It was with a SEI and a ILE. I saw this thread optimal for informing that.

[InvisibleJim]

I do want that for her. Apart from her choices, she is a good person. I have confidence she can and is likely able to make the right choices someday. She picks the worst possible guys, so beneath her, so I keep her in prayer all the time. An ILI would be perfect for her and I wish that for her. I pray for her healing and a husband for her, and I won't stop asking God to grant her those things.

Advertising here for an ILI: This SEE is 27, with a child half-time in her custody who is adorable, and is fun-loving and generally upbeat, honest, and sociable. Tall and curvy, looks good in scimpy clothes and has a great face and really great hair. An entertaining person to have around, just needs a little structure and direction...

Well I'm 27, but I have three sensible rules:

a) I don't pay for other peoples excesses.
b) I don't pay for other peoples children (other than government robbery).
c) 'Apart from her choices, she is a good person.' - No way, a good person makes good choices. People are their choices, words are meaningless and ultimately pushing thread.

I would hope that another ILI wouldn't fall for it either!

Until she is self supporting how can people respect her abilities?

[Aquagraph]

Eliza, you are fucking boring.

[Eliza Thomason]

Update, 4 and a half years later...

I stumbled on this old post somehow and read it; and its sort of embarrassing to see this intense outburst. I usually keep any feelings or angst inside and work them out there. But at the time of writing this I was just full-up inside from trying to figure out what to do in the situation, and I had to express it, to help me figure it out. I remembered that some people were mean but now when I look back I see that there was a lot of decency in the responses. Thanks. I was in a turmoil.

When my now husband and I discussed the situation, which was right after I wrote this post, we made this huge decision to sell his house and move from his locale to mine -- and that was his idea; his immediate solution to the dilemma - just move. His daughter (subject of this thread) now has occasionally reminded me, now that we are all so happy here together, how were were once going to move away, and I never remember exactly how we had arrived at the decision to move. Now I read here, and there it is - it was my husband's idea. I remember that now.

So we began shortly after this point to prepare his house for sale. We put a ton of work into that while we waited for annulments to come through (it took 18 months, started right after this post). I just followed his plan, but inside I felt concern over the fact that we were leaving his son and daughter, and two little granddaughters. Going to where I had very little family left. Just a brother who just moved over an hour away and was always working, and a best friend. But I could come up with no alternative plan, so I left it open in my mind for God to give us a new direction if that was better.

And that came about 6 months before we married, In October 2014 : clarity that it made more sense to live in his house, and so we immediately reversed plans and worked towards that. And the very next month, the perfect apartment came up for his daughter, and she moved on it immediately (I thought she would wait longer, to save money, but she wanted that apartment, and she was ready to be on her own, and ready to start that new chapter in her life.) So we married April 2014 and he came to help me with the huge job of moving my stuff, culling it first; all a giant work project. His stuff was not worth keeping, not hardly one piece. Basically he had the house, I had the furnishings (and he likes my stuff. It suits him).

Now its been four and a half years and apart for a "look" of hostility from his daughter on the day we moved in here, it has been more than great. That day, boxes and furnishings for the whole house were stuffed where they'd been quickly unloaded on the main floor; you could hardly walk and we were exhausted from the effort and had had little sleep, and that hostile look stung me in my exhaustion. I knew that hostile look came from an understandable hate and fear of change, and fear for her future, fear that she would lose/alter her relationship with her Dad - but I sure felt a need for a "Welcome! So glad you are here!" at that moment. But that did come, just after that sting, from an ESE - they know the right thing to say and do in social situations and especially landmark occasions! I looked in the fridge, and there my husbands brothers wife had made us a big casserole, and salad and bread and soda, and a welcome note. What a salve for my tired soul, besides being extremely helpful not to cook for a few days with all that unpacking to do! Just what I needed. SEE couldn't give me what I needed at the time (a welcome, since she was truly sore with her concerns), but God gave me what I needed, instead through the generous hands of that ESE, practicing her very natural wonderful gift of gracious hospitality.

Now that same SEE shares with me her precious SEE gift of great love and loyalty and sincere affection, as that's a great gift of SEE, once they accept you as theirs. It really is wonderful to "belong" to a SEE, to be one of the people they love. It really was God's timing that she really did need to be on her own, and she says she would not have it any other way. She loves her new place, and has good work she really likes, and is proud of her accomplishments, and should be. Living here with her Dad she those difficult years allowed her to get through a difficult pregnancy and mother her child, and also go to all those meetings and work those steps, which she took seriously. She still does meetings, just not so often; we babysit for that and whenever we are needed, because that is what family does. She will be 10 years clean this summer! We will have to have a party for her and her friends, if that's what she wants. I have loved getting to know her, and we are very involved in her girls' lives, whom we love, and also with his daughters mother (my husbands ex, so, that is sometimes uncomfortable for my husband, but, he does the best he can!). We all get along great, and it feels like these people were always "mine". His daughter blessed me this year, saying I was her "bonus mom" (vs.stepmom). She truly is my bonus daughter; this family is all bonus. We most all have dysfunctions, but love covers a multitude of sins, and having had parents who loved them best they could, they all turned out great. I feel so blessed to be a part of this family.