The Ne clip-on

[Delilah]

Have you ever witnessed this phenomenon whereby a Ne person will clip themselves on to you? The beginning is very subtle, so easy to miss, it happened to me.
I want to go to the gym, she wants to come along, I want to do something like go for a walk, so does she, but with me, I want to do something crafty she clips on.

She knows someone I know. Calamity (!). I like to travel light. How do i unclip her??

[Grendel]

Blow up in her face to scare her away. Make it big, make it loud, make it as instantaneous as possible.

[Delilah]

I might, out of sheer frustration, sigh. She only clings on anytime she finds out i'm doing either A) a physical activity B) something involving actual practical skill; It's weird.

[ClownsandEntropy]

NT or NF? If NT, I think you can just say you want to do something by yourself. If she's says she really wants to come, you can follow up with a "[we can hang out] next time, [because this time] I just want to do something alone." If she's still says she wants to come then let her come but then be less conversational and like you're mainly just focusing on being introverted and in the moment.

[Chae]

I might, out of sheer frustration, sigh. She only clings on anytime she finds out i'm doing either A) a physical activity B) something involving actual practical skill; It's weird.

It's not weird, it's Si-seeking. If she's Ne lead as I assume, scare her off by talking about math (Ti) or your friends and values (Fi) nonstop, it's so boring that loses interest. In any case, mimic conflictor. You'd get rid of me instantly by dropping corrections to my words, aggressor pick-up lines and some supremacy theory.

[Delilah]

The Ne clip-on is in my knitting group after which i do my A and B routines, which accidentally i told her about. I might have to change my schedule

[GuavaDrunk]

Tell her you want to be/do X alone? Repeat as often as you feel like it?

If she keeps asking after the third time being blown off in a row, ponder blunter techniques.

[Exodus]

I don't see what this has to do with Ne. More like Fe...

[Delilah]

Ya I just feel a bit sensitive and need some distance in general, maybe she a bit clingy what seems a bit iffy but whatever I'll see how it goes.

[Delilah]

I don't see what this has to do with Ne. More like Fe...

Well, I could be wrong, but how is it Fe?

Like she really clings on about A and B, and chats only about A and B, I mean, gets even boring. Like i'm in the pool doing laps she follows me around, I say I'll be in sauna 10 mins she stays same exact length of time, once I said forget it and only did three laps - was fed up, and so did she!

I'll just change my schedule, gets old like this.

[Raver]

Tell her you want to be/do X alone? Repeat as often as you feel like it?

If she keeps asking after the third time being blown off in a row, ponder blunter techniques.

This.

@Delilah Being direct would work on an Ne dom because it removes all possibilities to one: the fact that you want to be alone. If you try other ways to get rid of her, then she might entertain other reasons why you're acting that way. Do it cordially of course, you don't have to be rude to her, just use it as a last resort only.

[GuavaDrunk]

This.

@Delilah Being direct would work on an Ne dom because it removes all possibilities to one: the fact that you want to be alone. If you try other ways to get rid of her, then she might entertain other reasons why you're acting that way. Do it cordially of course, you don't have to be rude to her, just use it as a last resort only.

Seconded, except that I would use it as a FIRST resort. You're already bloody fed up as it is, save yourself the hassle already. Blunt may come across as a little rude, but you'll be free a lot faster and in a more definitive way, which is your end goal.

[Delilah]

I used to do it in the past offer an explanation out of politesse but it like never worked for me as I soon realized people will quickly come to their own conclusion no matter what i'd said and now as some unwritten rule i just don't agree with it, i 'd just rather save explanations for those i'd considered special to me; it's just better for me this way.

[Rebelondeck]

@Delilah

I haven't known a Ne who couldn't take "no" for an answer unless s/he was mentally unbalanced - but s/he has to be unequivocally told "no"; hints won't always work.....

a.k.a. I/O

[The Reality Denialist]

That is a sign of finding something interesting and worthy to spend energy on. Just to get rid of it: become mentally closed off and show hostility.

[chrys]

Yeah I used to know an Ne girl (Fi PoLR possibly) who would always want to come around with me wherever I went just so she could entertain herself with me... while she didn't seem that aware of "personal boundaries" I literally didn't care at all and found her presence more exciting and positive than anything else, even when I wanted to be alone if she was the one to come to me and discuss something random that she is fond of (she is pretty much always discussing her interests to me and trying to get me to like them?) then I'd prolly forgot I even was alone.. she just knows how to be friendly and intriguing without being too personally invasive or annoying, but then again that's probably because she's not really aware of personal boundaries, she just skips right past them in favor of what experiences can be had with another person which I find soothing and probably the easiest relationship possible.

She kinda reminds me of a softer and equally vulnerable yet way more relatable and friendly and less argumentative ShoeOnHead

Anyways well back to the question: I never could tell her to leave me, because I never cared in the first place but everyone around me I think were trying to "get her off me" through not so subtle interventions on our conversations which either she didn't notice or didn't feel comfortable pointing out

[DirectorAbbie]

I haven't had one "clip on" that much. I have had duals take note of my routine so they can end up being around me. And I don't mind at all.

I wonder whether it's a Delta-rational thing to blatantly latch onto someone like, "I like you. I'm going to stay here." in a way that would be creepy to a lot of people.

[Reficulris]

I think this is NTR desperation rather then Ne related behaviour.

I've seen a lot of people latch on to Se people, those aren't usually the Ne valuers though

Advice: Just say that you don't want to hang out, at all. Try to make it honest and without malice.

[Delilah]

That is a sign of finding something interesting and worthy to spend energy on. Just to get rid of it: become mentally closed off and show hostility.

haha That must be it coz like i changed my schedule and even topic of conversation and now she's trying to glue herself on via other channels namely my girl chat about nails and the like like omg but whatever so long as i can still do A and B alone *strolls off*

[Delilah]

I don't see what this has to do with Ne. More like Fe...

If it is indeed Fe then I'm doomed for there is Fe in every interaction with 2 + people (like you need to be alone to totally experience introversion ime) and this is coming out of a group thing gah. Maybe time to abandon ship entirely ??

[Skepsis]

Better than being a strap on.

[Exodus]

Well, I could be wrong, but how is it Fe?

Like she really clings on about A and B, and chats only about A and B, I mean, gets even boring. Like i'm in the pool doing laps she follows me around, I say I'll be in sauna 10 mins she stays same exact length of time, once I said forget it and only did three laps - was fed up, and so did she!

I'll just change my schedule, gets old like this.

Because the goal is interaction.

If it is indeed Fe then I'm doomed for there is Fe in every interaction with 2 + people (like you need to be alone to totally experience introversion ime) and this is coming out of a group thing gah. Maybe time to abandon ship entirely ??

Fe is involved even in individual interactions, you still have to communicate emotionally somehow.

[Delilah]

This.

@Delilah Being direct would work on an Ne dom because it removes all possibilities to one: the fact that you want to be alone. If you try other ways to get rid of her, then she might entertain other reasons why you're acting that way. Do it cordially of course, you don't have to be rude to her, just use it as a last resort only.

I should have addressed this because it was thoughtful of you to suggest. However for me I only explain things if I've found the relation to be significant to me, otherwise I don't feel obliged to esp. at the level of acquaintanceship where this is at. I've avoided this person a few times and they didn't bother me anymore so all in all success or some such.

[wasp]

NTR. this is people expecting other people to read their minds, only to be confused when those people inevitably misread their vague signals.

what i imagine happened is that you (inadvertently) gave her signals that you're ok with her tagging along. she mistook your politeness for genuine interest. the longer you put off telling her "no", the tighter she "clipped" onto you, but now that the ball's rolling, you don't know how to tell her "no" without hurting her feelings. why? because everything that followed your initial aversion to telling her "no" was (mis)interpreted as positive reinforcement rather than neutrality. it's clear that you don't want to hurt her feelings, hence why you're in this position in the first place =p

but i'd still recommend telling her that you'd prefer to do those activities alone, or that they're "separate" parts of your life. be kind but firm.

[SongOfSapphire]

I think this is NTR desperation rather then Ne related behaviour.

I've seen a lot of people latch on to Se people, those aren't usually the Ne valuers though

Advice: Just say that you don't want to hang out, at all. Try to make it honest and without malice.

NTR. this is people expecting other people to read their minds, only to be confused when those people inevitably misread their vague signals.

what i imagine happened is that you (inadvertently) gave her signals that you're ok with her tagging along. she mistook your politeness for genuine interest. the longer you put off telling her "no", the tighter she "clipped" onto you, but now that the ball's rolling, you don't know how to tell her "no" without hurting her feelings. why? because everything that followed your initial aversion to telling her "no" was (mis)interpreted as positive reinforcement rather than neutrality. it's clear that you don't want to hurt her feelings, hence why you're in this position in the first place =p

but i'd still recommend telling her that you'd prefer to do those activities alone, or that they're "separate" parts of your life. be kind but firm.

I agree that this is not type-related. She either misread your signals that you didn't enjoy her company or you were so nice that she mistook your niceness for genuine interest.

[Chae]

I think this is NTR desperation rather then Ne related behaviour.

I've seen a lot of people latch on to Se people, those aren't usually the Ne valuers though

Advice: Just say that you don't want to hang out, at all. Try to make it honest and without malice.

Yes, precisely.

[Delilah]

I agree that this is not type-related. She either misread your signals that you didn't enjoy her company or you were so nice that she mistook your niceness for genuine interest.

I somewhat agree with you that how she interpreted or misinterpreted my behaviour (aka i was being nice and she took that as invitation) is NTR. However what I do think is type related is that she latches onto S type activities, i type her IEE btw. Anyhow, i'm no longer bothered by them