[NSFW] Power Dynamics (Domination, Submissiveness) in the Bedroom

[timber]

okay believe what you want bitch

Do you have Tourettes Syndrome or something?

Oh wait I get it, you think you are SLE and therefore acting like a real badazzzz.

The only SLEs on the fourm are K4, Nanashi, Faith, and Ananake. Hate to break it to you dude. Se =/= being a prick.

[timber]

on the other hand, I was thinking how sex recreates the kind of mentality we live in everyday life, Ne-Si be a self satisfactory mindset = "I can't get any better than this, I have all that I need", probably stemming from an overly careful relationship with the caretakers during childhood. Ni-Se mindset instead be like= "I don't have what I want, I want more", probably the result of a lack of desired cares during childhood.

sexuality should reflect greatly the kind of cares we experienced when we were lil kids, it's the kind of satisfaction we find more natural and pampering.

IMO its the other way around.

Ne and Si are the types looking for perfection (perfect harmony of the outside state) and frequently deal with bouts of dissatisfaction as they seek all the potentialities of what could and should be better.

There are reasons they say don't marry a Huxely.

[Aeris]

I have a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs.
It's probably the most useless of my possessions, although it is fun to have a good laugh at them once in a while. I'm fine with pain if it brings me something, getting in shape is painful but rewarding. This bdsm, power play, or any other kind of abusive things turned into "bedroom fun" is something I find puzzling at best.
I've been thinking that Se/Ni being into rough play might be coming from expectations, aggressor/victim just sounds like plain bdsm, while caregiver sounds more sweet and gentle. Does it have to be? I don't think so, at least I have never seen any trend that led me to believe in it.
For the reccord, I do not value Ne/Si.

[ooo]

IMO its the other way around.

Ne and Si are the types looking for perfection (perfect harmony of the outside state) and frequently deal with bouts of dissatisfaction as they seek all the potentialities of what could and should be better.

well this doesn't contradict what I said, perfection is relative, each one looks for the most suitable perfection -for them-. Ne-Si quality is the ability to find the perfection in everything, Ni-Se quality is more like achieving the perfection. so the first is more "satisfied" with what it has, the latter is about the struggle to be satisfied, which translates into childlike-caregiver and aggressor-victim dichotomies, quite well.

[gone]

I have never thought of sex as a dominant/submissive kind of game, I suppose I am rather balanced, but due to the nature of things I have generally been more dominant. I'm fine with it. I think @BandD is on to something when speaking about talking a bigger game than we actually like, at least I can relate to that. But I am too very versatile to my partner's needs. But when "left to my own devices" I am personally very vanilla.

[blythe]

I'm an EII. A girl/young woman, if you will.

My feelings towards BDSM are a bit mixed. I'm so vanilla I'm too ashamed to wear my only one, pretty innocent, soft pink choker (it's more like a velvet ribbon really) that has a leaf pendant attached to it. I've bought it because of this pendant and it being a part of a choker somehow slipped my attention ���� It's pretty cute but I don't like the sexual connotations chokers have nowadays, so it lies abandoned in my drawer, despite not being edgy at all.

I reject the majority, if not all, of the physical practices that constitute this BDSM 'lifestyle', as some seem to call it. The only things that might be somewhat acceptable to me in bedroom are handcuffs and a blindfold (boring to you, kinksters, I know). But pain? Get that away from me, I wouldn't be able to stand it, let alone enjoy it. Light spanking would probably be the only thing I could give a try, but not without hesitation and definitely with no guarantee I'd like that either lol

But psychological aspects? Not gonna lie, this is where I... am sold. And I don't mean being degraded or humiliated, because I'd hate that as strongly as the physical pain, and would feel violated and abused. It's more about the awareness of having someone else being in control, so to say, who's taking care of me. I wouldn't want to actually be dominated and treated like a slave or whatever, but just the idea, the risk, the awareness of my partner being able to/capable of dominating me is appealing. You know, that adrenaline rush without actually experiencing the stuff.



Maybe it's just biology + cPTSD. Or maybe it's somehow linked to my duals having Se demonstrative - they don't use it as much as Se-egos but it's still there, ready to be used if need be. And as much as I hate Se, I love LSEs' Se because they use it just right.

So yeah, I'd want to be shown that I'm loved, I'd want to be cared for and treated with gentleness, be caressed and feel precious to my partner - being reminded that he wants me aaaand that he's the one who's in control. Be it with the way he'd speak to me, with his body language or other things. If my partner were do be a dom, I'd prefer him to be a caring and gentle one, gentle yet firm, and confident (and maybe not actually interested in doing what he'd say he'd do lol) Some of you are probably shaking your heads at this point, thinking I'm naive if I think such guys (gentle yet confident) exist. But don't we all have a sort of an ideal partner in our heads, our 'type'? Well, this is mine.

Also, on a side note: I'm not sure how people who are into BDSM actually do it, but when browsing different places they gather in on the internet, I had a thought their roles are more important to them than actual connection they have and relationship there're in. Like they're doms and subs first and foremost, and that's a defining factor for them (some really do practice BDSM 24/7 and talk about "sub drops" and "dom drops" as if not being able to pull it off all the time was a bad thing...). I wouldn't want that happening in my relationship. I'd want my partner to be my partner first of all, not my "dom". I'd want that to be a flavour to his personality, not its only trait.

Some might also wonder about the whole DDLG/MDLB kink, if that's a Delta thing. Someone even said here:

Keeping it in this context as it stands there is nothing unusual about a LSE wanting to play Daddy/ Mommy. Its actually within the realm of normality for them. "Right to correction" in the parent infantile dynamic.

and well, if I had to choose a bottom role, I'd probably pick a 'little' as well, as it'd seem the most 'safe' variant of all of them, but I wouldn't be actually able/willing to pretend to be an actual child. At least one part of me would be worried my partner's a crypto-pedophile if he asked me to do that. And this whole kink always seemed creepy to me, especially when adults play really small children that still use diapers and pacifiers. Yikes!
I'm also not a fan of it taking completely innocent social roles and twisting them into something sexual. I've always wondered how people playing these kinds of BDSM roles feel when they end up having actual children and become actual parents. How do you desexualise something you've already ripped of innocence, and make it non-sexual again? Yikes again.

Gosh, this whole post turned out to be longer than I intended it to be. Sorry lol

[blythe]

well, the “little” are, in my opinion, child-at-heart adults, so when they take on “the role of a child,” they are really just being themselves.

Well, when doing my research, I've come upon this post on Reddit and at one point, the author states:

Simple day-to-day activities work well in this dynamic as the sexual tension comes more from being in character than preforming specific sexual acts. So even something like going out food shopping together while in character can be incredibly hot. Unlike the other dynamics this one ( for me at least) can keep both of you aroused for for longer simply by both of you keeping up the role play. So a daddy watching a little tidy her room while she throws a tantrum and tries to distract him with kisses can be fun.

And as a Ne-ego, I can tell you there's a clear difference between being a child at heart and acting like an actual fucking child, like described above, shown in this meme or on these pictures: dressing similarly to a child and using a pacifier (and yet another one). Don't even get me started on adult women wetting their diapers and finding it hot that I've found on Tumblr once. Imo that's a therapy material, not a kink. Also, no one takes sexual gratification from just "being themselves".

As for “being ripped of innocence” I personally don’t really see littles that way, because innocence is something that is a genuine, immutable quality of theirs.

You can be innocent without acting like a literal 5-year-old. My friends find me very innocent and adorable without me having to do these things. To me, the sort of "innocence" littles portray is simply fake, unnatural and disturbing.

Sorry if I sound rude or baffled, I sort of am. I've always been childlike myself and pretty innocent, and others view me this way as well, and those people sexualising, twisting and exaggerating childlike qualities for their sexual gratification give me creeps. So yeah, whoever's reading this, don't you even dare equating Ne-egos with "littles" or I will find you and I will hurt you

i prefer a moderate/flexible “gentle” Dom as well but it’s not necessarily bc they are LSE I think since not all LSEs are into that.

Curious, what's your type?

[Adam Strange]

@halkyone, your posts above are perfect descriptions of the impressions I get from female EII's. Personally, I find female EII's to be incredibly cute and absolutely not sexually appealing to me.

Like, I'd be proud to take them anywhere on Earth and they'd be worthy and valuable companions, except not to bed.

I guess I was born on the wrong sexual axis. The Victim-Aggressor axis, where

the woman tells me to hold her hair in a ponytail so I can control her head motion better. And yeah, she likes this.

Remember, SHE's the one telling ME to do this.

LIE-ESI is kind of Switch. ESI is the Aggressor, but I think ESI's want to be clearly wanted. Necessary, even. And being worshiped as a Goddess is even safer for them.
So how can they get a guy's undivided and faithful attention? I don't know the exact methods or if it's even conscious, but the LSI Aggressor GF I had knew instinctively what to do to lock me to her. Man, I tried breaking up with her three times, but she had something that non-aggressor GF's just don't have. A look. A smile. A "fuck me now" glance.

Sometimes she'd put herself in harm's way, just to see if she could force my attention. She'd bend over a table to dust, or squeeze past me in a narrow hallway. Just to see if she was still the One who could get my attention anytime she wanted.

Combine that Se/Ni with an EII's Fi/Te public persona, and you've got a lock that is not something that is easily broken.

[blythe]

your posts above are perfect descriptions of the impressions I get from female EII's. Personally, I find female EII's to be incredibly cute and absolutely not sexually appealing to me.

Like, I'd be proud to take them anywhere on Earth and they'd be worthy and valuable companions, except not to bed.

Ah yeah, my sex drive is so low it's almost non-existent lol Or does it exist at all? There was a time I did think I might be asexual. Demisexuality sounds more like me though, but I know not everyone considers it an actual... label or whatever I should call it. But yeah, thank you, I'll take that as a compliment, all of it haha

I guess I was born on the wrong sexual axis. The Victim-Aggressor axis, where

the woman tells me to hold her hair in a ponytail so I can control her head motion better. And yeah, she likes this.

[Computer Loser]

It's always the female EIIs that end up the freakiest lol

[Aramas]

Some folks seem to have suggested that this entails Ni/Se, whereas mu4 suggests otherwise..



What's your take on people who like to be dominant or submissive [in the bedroom]? Is it type-related in some ways?

I think I've seen dominant and submissive examples of pretty much all the types. It's most likely an individual quirk.

[andreasdevig]

i prefer a moderate/flexible “gentle” Dom as well

Yeah I also prefer the more gentle variety. I found out about the term 'gentle femdom' recently, which fits very well with what I am looking for. The regular BDSM stuff was always just too harsh for my taste. I always liked the idea of being dominated but in a more gentle way. You know, without too much physical pain or name-calling. I'd much prefer a woman to call me a "good boy" than a "pathetic pig."

I think I've seen dominant and submissive examples of pretty much all the types. It's most likely an individual quirk.

I would think though that Sensers (especially ESxx types) would be more likely to be dominant, and Intuitives (especially INxx types) would be more likely to be submissive.

[Aramas]

Yeah I also prefer the more gentle variety. I found out about the term 'gentle femdom' recently, which fits very well with what I am looking for. The regular BDSM stuff was always just too harsh for my taste. I always liked the idea of being dominated but in a more gentle way. You know, without too much physical pain or name-calling. I'd much prefer a woman to call me a "good boy" than a "pathetic pig."


I would think though that Sensers (especially ESxx types) would be more likely to be dominant, and Intuitives (especially INxx types) would be more likely to be submissive.

I know a 6'4" SEE bottom so idk lol

[ouronis]

What the hell is going on with Mu's name when you mouse over it..

[EUDAEMONIUM]

LOL I can see EII being super subby.

Beta is pretty aggressive when it comes to love though. IDK about BDSM, I don't normally require additional costumes and equipment to have sex.

Powerplay is big. I often feel like I'm being attacked by STs and like it lol.