LOL, @
anndelise woudl be happy to join you in making a case for this! She is just recently onto this new idea.
But neither of us is anywhere near like J types. Our P approach to things drives J's crazy. And My F is Fi and he is no Fe fan.
But I see what you mean. Other SLIs I know - my brother, Dad and my friend (female) - and two guys I dated back in college (that I did not know know enough to take care to hang onto) are like you as far as stuff. Not anal about tidiness, but like you - every thing has its place, and its a practical place, for a reason internally thought through for themselves. They don't need outsiders changing things.
This is how my SLI
would be, but my SLI was not himself when I met him. We all have times when we aren't who we are. He was long weary and overwhelmed from too much bad stuff for too long and a recent crisis all of which he primarily blamed his SEE daughter for, and there was something to it, and she had reasons for her dysfunction (overcoming narc addiction was one). He was suffering from living with her co-dependently, serving her like she was a child, dioing
all her shopping and laundry and cooking and cleaning for her and did
all the work part of caring for her toddler - all of it. She is able-bodied and has a good mind. But she didn't need to do a thing! SLI did it all, and lived at everyone's beck and call. His nightmare vision, besides her with her hand out for his last coins, were her voice yelling "Dad!" (She can't do that when I'm there. I butt in with "What! He's busy! You come to him!")
But is what not just her dysfunction and his dysfunctional codependent support and cooperation. As Illusionary relations they truly had relations of growing laziness and de-activation. They were their least-productive selves at home together, and it showed.
Anyway I knew him from our years of writing as friends, and I knew:
"This is not who he is."
I did not jump in to fix it all at once, that was not my aim. I was just there several days and wanted to cook (and my SLI really wanted to be cooked for) and I just could not work in that kitchen in that shape. So I started cleaning, countertops, sink cleared and cleaned, then everything, creating order, scrubbing cabinets and stove etc. I could see it made SLI happy. No one had ever cleaned for him before. In fact I remembered when he wrote once year ago that he wanted to get a housekeeper someday.
Then when I made nice meals I wanted to us to sit at table - but it was heaped with stuff, everything, including piles of mail in no order. Kitchen, and computer desk had more mail piles. So I organized the mail, first dividing it into his daughter's and his, and throwing out heaps upon heaps of junk mail for both, after learning by inquiring what they considered junk. I asked his daughter before I touched anything of hers and did not volunteer to open it for her, just put it in neat rubber-banded piles in order by date by who it came from. She was glad to have someone working for her. I also asked SLI if he wanted me to open his mail before I put in order by group and date, and I would not have opened it if he even hesitated but he wanted me to. Now I have baskets for organizing simply, and they do pretty good with it.
It was rewarding to work together scrubbing then painting walls and it was healing for him to live more sanely. We really kicked into gear when we decided to sell (he strongly feels moving here with me is the best option), and to get it in perfect shape before that, for top dollar. He built a new beautiful room from a falling down open porch, all the excellent work all himelf, with built-ins and a nice closet and a powder room with pocket door - and its perfect because he plans use of space perfectly.
So prepping for sale is why every single thing is painted beautifully and all the clutter is gone; we have a deadline. Its been both of us working as hard as possible. He likes it, it helps him feel more sane. They are both happier living in order and everything looking pleasing in every direction.
In the beginning I used to open some frightening drawers and cabinets and say, "This one's next! Next time I come, we'll start here!" He always says, "Oh,
no! No one goes in
my drawers!" And I say, "How come I don't
believe you..."
I really felt motivated and still do to be a supportive help, to help him
become who he is. I want to de-stress his life so he can remember what that is, who is the highest and best self he wants to be, and want to do it. He really is getting there and working on building on his house more is what he always most wanted to do anyway. He is happy using his mind and skills and hands to accomplish impressive things on the house. He had
already done impressive things on it, too - and with our work now, his great work showcases well!
Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason
Maritsa said, re: @kadda1212, "Why would you stare at shades for hours?":
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