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Communication Barriers
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Last edited by squark; 01-22-2020 at 10:29 PM.
Most of the time it's not the surface level words, but it's more about the subcommunications, the stuff happening underneath. For example, If you don't truly respect your boss/supervisor/boyfriend etc to lead you no amount of sitting down and sharing your feelings is going to resolve communication issues. "I feel like we need to communicate more!" "It's all about communication!" Bullshit. That plays a small part. Its comes down to respect and knowing your respective roles.
I had peer relationships in mind where you're communicating ideas, not feelings. Like when you're trying to work with someone on a project for example and are constantly butting heads due to a lack of understanding or inability to bridge communication gap.
When I talk to customers at work of different demographics I dumb everything down/simplify as much as possible. So for example when a customer asks if they can get a specific product, and we happen not to have it, instead of trying to explain why we weren't able to stock it or go off into tangents Id simply say "we're out of stock." It sounds simple but you'll be surprised how much side chatter/unnecessary drama can be avoided by keeping it simple and to the point. I roll my eyes when my coworkers try to justify/explain everything lol, it's not necessary in many cases.Originally Posted by squark
Similarly if I'm working with someone else, I lay out my expectations in a clear, concise, and specific way. Ex: Breaks are 30 minutes. As soon as you leave the building your break starts. If you violate this you'll get written up.
If they still don't get it they might be dumb/difficult/inexperienced or all of the above lol get a new partner.
Last edited by Computer Loser; 06-19-2017 at 03:58 AM.
how do you define respect?
@squarkThis, basically. If there's anything I've learned working as a waiter it's that people don't really care about your explanation for when you can't serve a specific product for example, just about the statement, so it saves you and the other a lot of time by just keeping it short ("out of stock"even though there's a more specific reason than that), even though this sometimes means bending the truth a little. The real truth was that we lost the key to the room where the product was stored, but this only prompts them to ask even more questions about a product that simply couldn't be served at the moment, wasting everybody's time.
As long as your conclusion has the same effect, that people understand that they cant order that product, it's all good.
Only explain fully if they ask for it. Because they honestly don't care for your excuses, all they want is the product, or a good reason why they can't have it. Any reason. Saves everybody time and effort by keeping it short and to the point.
Omit all other redundant information, it will only clutter their perception of the actual point you're making. This way you won't overload people with information, and they will remember what you've told them more clearly.
You'll save yourself a lot of trouble regarding communication with people, regardless of what type you're talking to.
Last edited by Number 9 large; 06-19-2017 at 08:54 AM.
When you're around this person, you behave yourself. It's automatic, it's not something you think about too much. You don't want to risk screwing things up with a person you respect. In fact, you demonstrate qualities around this person and constantly going out of your way for them. This person doesn't need to remind you to behave yourself or treat them better because you're already doing that. There's also an underlying (healthy) fear that serves as a foundation that drives these attitudes/actions.
And again, many "problems with communication" actually turn out to be a respect issue, not a communication issue.
I agree with your definition but I also see that many people misuse the word respect. For example I see it in the case of gender inequality in Germany nowadays. Since we women have the winner card in our pockets which we can play due to some laws that are giving us some benefits over men (specifically in more technical subjects), some women overuse the word respect because they still think it is 50 years ago and women are under discrimination due to their gender. It is not only that though. I think there should be a psychological problem related to such misusing. Maybe Cinderella syndrome or something, but it's of course not only in women.
There are two potential notions of 'respect': treating someone like an equal, and treating someone like an authority. Occasionally some people demand that you treat them like an authority before they will treat you like an equal.
Reason is a whore.
On special cases, 2 different approaches:
1. When the person is "worthy" (to you). Requires effort, patience and genuine interest. Works better for romance, family and friendship/companionship.
-Adaptation
-Common language
-Consideration
Observation and Adaptation.
I try to adapt myself to what's needed and whats at hand (I consider what I have instead of what I lack) and from that I try to work and talk in the "language" of the other person.
I read a book about a psychiatrist who treated a patient with schizophrenia, she disconnected from the reality of the outside world, and was just communicating through symbolism, (any other kind of communication with the external world had ceased, the patient refused to eat, talk or anything outside her own symbolic language, but she was drawing a lot and saying nonsense (her symbolic language)all the time f.e. she was only eating apples from certain person handed them). The dr observed patiently until she learnt the symbolic language and its meaning until she could communicate with patient through symbols and bring her back from that state.
Its an exaggerated example, but guess a dual or conflictor relationship can put you in a similar position, guess. In certain way, you and the other person communicate in two different languages. At least one should learn the other's language in certain degree.
I use an specific "language" to communicate with IEEs for example (I'm not joking). I don't use it with any other type because it's not needed. I communicate in a similar way to EIEs. This is why duality helps on conflicting relationships.
On duals, Ne is playful and they naturally are looking for pleasant things (Si), so providing pleasant situations, creativity and playfulness let me communicate myself without using Te. If that fails emotional tone works too (Fi).
Now you can translate this to you and your partner functions observing and adapting.
In conflictors, see what you have in common and go in that direction. I always notices that EIEs do things that I can't or I'd never dare to do...so they kind of look badass to me, also they enjoy being "meanies" and I can have fun with that too. I've noticed that there are certain areas or matters (depending on the functions) when things start looking disturbing.
The adaptation doesn't have to be something uncomfortable. You can do it in your own terms, in a way that you can enjoy. You'll have a good experience.
Consideration. Its important to being considerate towards the other person weakest functions. This means a little bit of restrain, comprehension and compliance. If you assert yourself and your strongest functions all the time you'll burn out yourself. It means stop pushing the other to give you what they can't. Use alternative methods of communication and dont expect deep understanding of your ways. Chill out.
2. Better for businesslike relationships without kindness or intimacy.
-Be honest to yourself.
-Set goals.
-Cold impersonal communication.
When you've decided that you don't have any real interest in the other person or in developing a relationship more than achieving common goals, then, this approach is better. First set goals, it means, what do you need or want to achieve?, f.e. the work needs to be done properly in time.
Use shortcuts and savings, stop all the unnecessary communication, cool the atmosphere, keep it formal, peaceful and easy (elemental) as possible. This means stoping being friendly (which doesn't mean to being rude, ignoring or anything like that, just to be as impersonal as possible). Save words and resources. Cut all unnecessary communication. Keep it simple and basic. F.e. This need to be done this way, or these are the rules, etc etc. Limit yourself to communicate mere information, stop all the me, you, I, we. Stop trying to communicate about yourself or stop communicating according your particularities, go to generalities and common matters.
Hope this helps at least a little bit.
I've found these descriptions really useful to you too:
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...cionics?page=4
Last edited by Hope; 06-19-2017 at 08:01 PM.
More than a little, that was very informative and helpful. Thanks.Hope this helps at least a little bit.
Depends what I want to achieve with the interaction.
If I think the goal is worth it (be it a concrete objective or even a bit idealistic principle sometimes), I'm willing to put in the time forever to try and find ways to explain things or find ways to get the other person's perspective on the situation or issue or topic so that I can adjust somewhat to that if I see adjustment as applicable. This often isn't efficient lol, dual help would be really useful for the latter part especially.
In all other cases, I will simply keep to basic principles of communication (some of it being situation dependent, and some posts here elaborated on some of them already) and a superficial social distance. That should work with most people regardless of type.
How you deal with it is you give up your own narcissism completely and present the information in a way you know completely, with 100% empathy (not making anything at all about yourself), how that other person wants to hear it. (this might sound impossible but it really isn't, I've done it before albeit rarely.) This is often effectively manipulative, but it works. You just intuitively sense what the other person wants, how they want another person to think and talk like- and you become this person. That's...that's what acting is all about! (Like when Tom Cruise stars in all these tough guy roles but IRL he just seems like such an overly sensitive fancy pants.)
It's also difficult, because I think most people would rather just 'be themselves' at all costs, even if it makes not communicating with people all that great. And people will know you are just being fake to please them. There's also of course no guarantee that the other person will also be kind to give up their narcissism for you as well, to also connect and to understand you better- and meet you halfway. Sometimes it's better if some people just don't interact lol. But if very often you find yourself at odds with other people, you are probably just simply making things too much about yourself rather than the positive extroverted atmosphere that good social/business relations need to flourish, or something. But wahhhh everybody needs to be cute and gay just like me or I'll put them in concentration camps.
Yup, I find that it's hardly guaranteed that the other person will also try to meet me halfway. I think, if I try this once and they do not respond in the same way, then it's best that I give no second chance unless they themselves change attitude and ask for it.
Lol.But if very often you find yourself at odds with other people, you are probably just simply making things too much about yourself rather than the positive extroverted atmosphere that good social/business relations need to flourish, or something. But wahhhh everybody needs to be cute and gay just like me or I'll put them in concentration camps.
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