Living with Creative Fe
Although it is written that IEIs are easily infatuated, similar could be said for SEI too. Both have creative Fe.
I'm at midlife now. The 1st time I fell passionately in love I was only 5. I waited 12 years to become his first gf and he my 1st bf. After 5 months and ready for marriage, he broke my heart because he wanted to play the field and I was just his starter, from his perspective.
A few years ago I decided to remember and count every love interest I've ever had, even if a passing encounter with a stranger with no real interaction. At midlife I realized I've had, even though never yet married, over 100 interests. Such is living with Creative Fe.
It took me 7 years to get over my 1st bf of 5 months whom I had waited 12 years to date. My deeper love interests tend to last years and years. They continue when no better prospect exists but some loves just remain - many undeveloped. I can think of another love interest who I was still dreaming about, awakening and feeling in love as ever, even though we hadn't seen each other in another 12 years, even though in real life we never kissed.
My emotional life runs much of my life. Such is living with Creative Fe. I need ongoing charge with affections whether in art, ideas or people to stay motivated and engaged. And if I'm having relationship problems, my performance at work or school suffers so much that I require positions that let me hide when necessary so I can work out my own issues in private (e.g. tears). I can't take on a role like secondary school teacher even though I'm good with kids because the daily routine is too much like performance art, and my own nature is to be much deeper and private with details than I could separate between work and personal.
I counted today how many times I have truly ever been passionately in love - not just platonically, and not just infatuation. My answer is 4 times, including that 1st time and my current fiance. I'm 44.
When I am feeling deeply enamoured, I need a secret creative outlet to translate my feelings because they HAVE to go somewhere. So I have sung songs in private, or danced, or painted a lot, or especially have written a lot of avant garde style poetry that is intentionally difficult to understand. The focus is on invented new sensations or trying to aesthetically convey the conventionally unconveyable.
Sometimes in some customer service types of jobs I've been able to ignore my own feelings enough to just generate new positive emotional experiences for customers. Or friends and family. But like one SEI profile says, it is true I tend to hide when I emotionally don't feel well enough. The reason is because I don't want to burden others. I don't view being emotionally stimulating to others, making them smile and laugh as "manipulative" so much as friendliness.
This past weekend I made both my parents laugh a lot. I do this in zany ways but only with people I am very close to. I don't have as active a social life as I'd like to. I'm also one of many who feels like if I don't reach out and say hi to others I know, they just mostly ignore me because they expect me to initiate, which honestly is tiring. You don't want to keep doing it if it seems others also don't really care enough to try.
Creative Fe. The nature of my emotions runs so deep I feel them with a profound intensity in my body. I rarely come on strong to others like Fe leads do though because I'm an introvert. It all falls back on me. I enjoy intellectual pursuits a lot because I appreciate the calm and objectivity it offers to help me feel centered. I studied math and physics in college because of this appreciation for objectivity. Sometimes lectures even felt like falling in love with ideas. (The art and humanities classes were such easy As for me even if not for others that I took them for granted and avoided them so as to become more well rounded.) Yet if you put my dual who is ALSO attractive next to me in class, I can no longer focus on studies but my dual and trying to contrive ways to be together. So much fantasizing and adoring from a distance. I'm really guilty of that.
I've also been accused in real life many times as being too nice. I am not as rosy-eyed in the last few years as I used to be most my life just because I have had some really horrific things happen to me too much and I'm tired of a*holes getting away with sh*t while I am forced to keep playing nice.
Such is the life of being a creative Fe type.
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Originally Posted by vesstheastralsilky
