One of my best friends in HS and I were pretty similar in hobbies and interests. Whenever people say, my friend is X type, I’m pretty hesitant to believe them, but out of all the people I know, I’m most certain she was a Beta NF. of course no one has to believe me, but anyway. She and I were kind of different and I can’t exactly explain it-she seemed more objective in a way. Well- here is one instance- I was talking to someone who was out of our social group and she gave me him this look, and I could tell what she was thinking- that she didn’t have anything personal against this guy, but she didn’t want to socialize with him because well it’s complicated, but I felt I knew why. Stuff like that.,And well I didn’t care, I’ll talk to anyone. We were talking about a video game (legend of dragoon I think it was), a shared interest, and it was nice to talk to someone who was into the same dorky shit I was into for once. Anyway she was more choosy about her friends (it seems to me like strategy) and I’d make friends with everyone or anyone if we had a connection.
but thinking back at instances like this makes me think that either there are a few different ways of looking at this, or maybe I’m looking at this wrong, and this is not due to cognition, but rather something like our upbringing. I’m willing to consider either.
what I think is pretty funny is that my ESI typing actually seemed to come about from two certain forum members in 2018, if my memory serves me correctly. It all started with two people who thought I was ESI and other people started running with it. I never even considered it myself before, I don’t think. Well I started considering it because I thought it other people saw ESI, there must be something to it. maybe I’m understanding something wrong. Maybe I’m understanding myself wrong. it didn’t help that around this time I was dealing with the worst depression and anxiety I’ve had in my life. I felt pretty gas lighted tbh. And it’s made me pretty resentful of the whole typing processes that goes on on this forum.
when I was a child I was pretty quiet, kept to myself, was dreamy, and had a big imagination. I was terribly shy and had a hard time making friends. I was interested the esoteric, the occult...horror movies, from an early age, seemed to have some unconventional hobbies, and didn’t feel like I fit in which made me feel like a bit of a freak. In HS I came out of my shell a bit when I got on the cheerleading squad and made a group of friends there. I was still a weirdo who convinced my friends to have seances and would interpret dreams at lunch. I was also a bit of a clown and would do weird shit to get people to laugh. I was in drama and would do valley girl accents and talk in different accents while I read the newspaper out loud, to everyone lol. I met my husband when I was 16. I liked him because he had the balls to chase after me and ask me out to my face and not someone else to go through. He was also a bit of a rebel and our principle hated him. We would skip school, drive a few hours away, and go shopping at fancy malls. Most people were scared of him. So of course being the weirdo I am, I was attracted to it. Well I got into drugs in HS. Lots of people seem to get the impression of me as a goody two shoes, but I was popping pills, smoking marijuana like a chimney, and drinking on school nights. I’d come to school with serious hang overs. I was able to hide it all. People thought it was my boyfriend, but I’d been like this all along. But he has connections to other people who were into all that while my friends were the valedictorians goody goody (I was sort of a black sheep among the). but even he said people would blame him for my behavior, but I was the instigator. I was into experimentation, and he was like my babysitter and kept telling me I had a problem...all of this was long ago, and I’m almost 34 and hide in my house, read books, and try to survive my kids. I haven’t touched drugs in probably a decade, and I’ve drank once in the last two years.
anyway, this is partly the explanation I promised. It doesn’t explain my cognition exactly, but I don’t think a lot of people know what I’m actually like.