How much to rely on Feelings of Attraction to identify Duals and Duality?

[Saoirse]

Your Imago is the kind of person you are the most attracted to.
Your Imago can include traits of your Dual, or not.

...

At last, you might want to forego people with whom you have intense immediate attraction early on (which is typically Imago-attraction), and rather aim for those people with whom you see they are fulfilling your conscious expectations, and the attraction is there but not as strong. Potentially, someone like that could turn out to be your Dual. And some time into the relationship, when infatuation doesn't matter anymore anyway, you will truly love them and be satisfied, because they meet your requirements/expectations more than a random Imago person did/would. (This piece of advice works best for people for whom their Imago is considerably different from their Dual or Identity partner, and they want to find the most ideal partner.)

This is a great summary of the distinction between attraction and duality. I wonder what is the source of a person's Imago.

I think my Imago is an ILI/LIE sx/so. But I am lucky that the most important aspects of my Imago are traits associated with Te, so I still feel a great deal of attraction toward LSEs, even though it is not as electric as what I feel for ILIs/LIEs.

Is that your website? I'm reading through some of the posts, and I find them quite substantial and meaningful!

[niffer]

I think duality basically always registers as something special or enigmatic in people's minds wordlessly (especially being around or working with a dual IRL). However, it doesn't always register as attraction for different reasons. In many cases sexual/romantic attraction is not always appropriate or desired, for one thing. For another thing, people don't always realize what they are feeling and perceiving and acknowledge attraction for what it is.

I tend to think that if people are really compatible, then one person will take the first step to break the boundary, and things will develop. If people are truly compatible then the attraction will sink in for at least one person and something will happen. We aren't meant to marry every dual we meet, let's put it that way.

[Scarlett]

Wow, this is a good one.
UP!

(And I'm back online again lol.)

I'm also wondering now what's the source of a person's imago.
But in my case, I experience an intense immediate attraction with my supervisor (SLI) and benefactor (IEE). And extinguishment too (LII) when I was really young like in late teens or early 20s.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

I always find it funny when people talk about someone they're clearly sexually attracted to and they justify it by saying that they must be their dual.

I think the personality attraction part comes from observation of the person's behavior, thoughts, and opinions. The ease and pleasure of their conversation.

I think that my type fits into the stereotypical feminine gender role, and I find beta NFs attractive. Of course, I find beta STs attractive.

I feel similarly to you @Scarlett in that I feel attracted to my supervisor as well.

Never really been interested in EII but I have liked ESIs.

I have not really been interested in ILE but SEE is attractive.



Edit: I never answered the Imago question. Idk about that. I guess my Imago is Wonder Woman lol. Someone that is strong and can protect me. I'm not sure about the legitimacy of the theory, but its supposed to come from the needs that weren't met in childhood.

[Adam Strange]

Wow, this is a good one.
UP!

(And I'm back online again lol.)

I'm also wondering now what's the source of a person's imago.
But in my case, I experience an intense immediate attraction with my supervisor (SLI) and benefactor (IEE). And extinguishment too (LII) when I was really young like in late teens or early 20s.

Hi, @Scarlett. Nice to see you again.

Well, as for those attractions, I married an SLI, I was really attracted (platonically) to her IEE sister, and I made a pass at an LII that I know, because she's cute and smart. Fortunately, all of these women eventually rebuffed me.

I think our Imago comes from some very early experience. In my case, my Imago looks a lot like your avatar picture because my LSE mother looked a lot like that when I was four or five.

I've since moved on to overruling the lizard brain.

I don't feel an immediate attraction to my Duals. I can immediately recognize most of them by now, both male and female, but I'm not sexually attracted to the females (or the males. Just for the record.).

Instead, I find them to be very comfortable to be around. And the more I'm around them, the more I realize that I need to have them around. I want to make their lives better because they make my life better, and if that includes sex, I'm in.

For immediate sexual attraction, to me, LSI women have it. I mean, it's like falling down easy. Just hang around them and enjoy them and it'll happen.
At least, it used to, before I decided to not allow myself to do that anymore.

In contrast, I try and I try with ESIs and I'm drawing a blank.

Maybe I'm really ILE. FML.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

Hi, @Scarlett. Nice to see you again.

Well, as for those attractions, I married an SLI, I was really attracted (platonically) to her IEE sister, and I made a pass at an LII that I know, because she's cute and smart. Fortunately, all of these women eventually rebuffed me.

I think our Imago comes from some very early experience. In my case, my Imago looks a lot like your avatar picture because my LSE mother looked a lot like that when I was four or five.

Lol I thought the avatar was fitting too.

For immediate sexual attraction, to me, LSI women have it. I mean, it's like falling down easy. Just hang around them and enjoy them and it'll happen.
At least, it used to, before I decided to not allow myself to do that anymore.

I always find it interesting you find Ti doms attractive. What do you get out of interacting with them?

[Adam Strange]

Lol I thought the avatar was fitting too.

I hate to say this, but in kindergarten, I decided that red and black were my favorite colors.

Looking back on this from my knowledge of color meanings, red is "strong feeling" and black is "cold and mysterious." Both described my mother. Note that I didn't include "love" in that analysis. Strong feeling can come from beatings, too. Not that they do in all cases, but I've also noticed that one easy way to tell LSIs from ESIs is that LSIs typically wear black with red accents, and ESIs typically wear pastels.
Make of that what you may.

I always find it interesting you find Ti doms attractive. What do you get out of interacting with them?

Beebe said that sociotypes with opposite-looking functions - that is, Te & Ti, Fe & Fi, Se & Si, Ne & Ni - will be attracted to each other. I've found this to be true.

In the case of LIIs, their valued functions are basically me, but oppositely oriented. They look out, where I look in, and vice-versa. This means that we have the same functional priorities (T>N>S>F), but we approach the function from opposite directions. This means that when we approach a problem, we can usually solve it because 1. we agree on the problem, and 2. We hit it from all sides. This ability to expand your real-world solution set can feel seductive.
It is only when you start getting into why you are doing something that things go off the rails.

As for LSIs, they are the sexual half (Se/Ni) of my Duals, which is perfect, but they are logical instead of feelers so they make sense most of the time. Of course, they make sense in an Extinguishment sort of way, so this is a bad long-term match, but that attraction remains.

[InterPrizeWes]

You should go entirely by the chaos fire and revamped ecstasy of euphoria and dynamite to pronounce raw energy and twitch!!

[The Reality Denialist]

Beebe said that sociotypes with opposite-looking functions - that is, Te & Ti, Fe & Fi, Se & Si, Ne & Ni - will be attracted to each other. I've found this to be true.

It may look so. That said having feelings in a conscious block and in painful position makes me pull back a lot - like to a halt. It is funny to notice that Te egos have these weird ass feelings that may take control over them.

[Scarlett]

I always find it funny when people talk about someone they're clearly sexually attracted to and they justify it by saying that they must be their dual.

I think the personality attraction part comes from observation of the person's behavior, thoughts, and opinions. The ease and pleasure of their conversation.

I think that my type fits into the stereotypical feminine gender role, and I find beta NFs attractive. Of course, I find beta STs attractive.

I feel similarly to you @Scarlett in that I feel attracted to my supervisor as well.

Never really been interested in EII but I have liked ESIs.

I have not really been interested in ILE but SEE is attractive.



Edit: I never answered the Imago question. Idk about that. I guess my Imago is Wonder Woman lol. Someone that is strong and can protect me. I'm not sure about the legitimacy of the theory, but its supposed to come from the needs that weren't met in childhood.

So you're attracted to your beneficiary, but not really with your benefactor?
That's interesting. Because I'm not really interested in my beneficiary SLE, but they've ALWAYS been attracted to me. Every single one of them, I can tell. Haha.
But with my benefactor IEE, it's the opposite, I really like them but seems like they're not into me that much.

That's why I think we tend to admire or idolise our benefactor & supervisor, the same way our beneficiary & supervisee admire us.

With mirage and extinguishment, I like them both.
Well, I'm not interested with SLE and they're not really my type, but I do like the more introverted version of them, LSI, which is my mirage.
But with extinguishment, what can you say, all LII are just cute and smart, aren't they?

[Scarlett]

Well, as for those attractions, I married an SLI, I was really attracted (platonically) to her IEE sister, and I made a pass at an LII that I know, because she's cute and smart.

Omg, are you serious?

Hi, @Scarlett. Nice to see you again.

I think our Imago comes from some very early experience. In my case, my Imago looks a lot like your avatar picture because my LSE mother looked a lot like that when I was four or five.

I've since moved on to overruling the lizard brain.

I don't feel an immediate attraction to my Duals. I can immediately recognize most of them by now, both male and female, but I'm not sexually attracted to the females (or the males. Just for the record.).

Instead, I find them to be very comfortable to be around. And the more I'm around them, the more I realize that I need to have them around. I want to make their lives better because they make my life better, and if that includes sex, I'm in.

For immediate sexual attraction, to me, LSI women have it. I mean, it's like falling down easy. Just hang around them and enjoy them and it'll happen.
At least, it used to, before I decided to not allow myself to do that anymore.

In contrast, I try and I try with ESIs and I'm drawing a blank.

Maybe I'm really ILE. FML.

Hello again, Adam.

Haha, guess what, my dad is an LSE too! And I'm a daddy's girl, we're very close, and both are strong-minded. He's my true partner in crime lol.
And I think that's why I'm always drawn to someone with strong T. I don't feel attraction to my duals either, especially the one with super high Fi. I still like ESIs with Se-subtype, like you said, I find them very comfortable.

I actually look like my avatar picture, red blouse/shirt, with a short skirt, and blazer if possible. And add a smile.

Why ILE?

[Scarlett]

Lol I thought the avatar was fitting too.

I always find it interesting you find Ti doms attractive. What do you get out of interacting with them?

Ti doms are SO attractive! Always been. Combine with those Ne, wow.
But again, it's like "young love" kind of interaction.

Beebe said that sociotypes with opposite-looking functions - that is, Te & Ti, Fe & Fi, Se & Si, Ne & Ni - will be attracted to each other. I've found this to be true.

In the case of LIIs, their valued functions are basically me, but oppositely oriented. They look out, where I look in, and vice-versa. This means that we have the same functional priorities (T>N>S>F), but we approach the function from opposite directions. This means that when we approach a problem, we can usually solve it because 1. we agree on the problem, and 2. We hit it from all sides. This ability to expand your real-world solution set can feel seductive.
It is only when you start getting into why you are doing something that things go off the rails.

THIS.
Especially when you were young.
I don't know how people are not attracted to their extinguishment when they're young, you're supposed to use your first and second function a lot, of course Te-dom will be attracted to Ti-dom.
But after some time, you will realise, "ah this is why they say don't marry your opposing quadra".

[EUDAEMONIUM]

So you're attracted to your beneficiary, but not really with your benefactor?
That's interesting. Because I'm not really interested in my beneficiary SLE, but they've ALWAYS been attracted to me. Every single one of them, I can tell. Haha.
But with my benefactor IEE, it's the opposite, I really like them but seems like they're not into me that much.

That's why I think we tend to admire or idolise our benefactor & supervisor, the same way our beneficiary & supervisee admire us.

I find ILEs attractive, female ones are unicorns ime. I don't really have any feeling of idolization, more like I'm kind of nervous to say anything around them because they will start to argue with me about it.

But with extinguishment, what can you say, all LII are just cute and smart, aren't they?

LMAO, I am more inclined to think this way about EIIs rather than LII. I see as EIIs as sweet and good friends but I haven't really been romantically interested in them.

I like LIIs.

[Adam Strange]

Omg, are you serious?



Hello again, Adam.

Haha, guess what, my dad is an LSE too! And I'm a daddy's girl, we're very close, and both are strong-minded. He's my true partner in crime lol.
And I think that's why I'm always drawn to someone with strong T. I don't feel attraction to my duals either, especially the one with super high Fi. I still like ESIs with Se-subtype, like you said, I find them very comfortable.

I actually look like my avatar picture, red blouse/shirt, with a short skirt, and blazer if possible. And add a smile.

I objectively think that the woman in the avatar picture is hot. I mean, I can see it. But I've gone on platonic dates with my Identicals and they are intimidating. Just like me. Lol.

I much prefer ESIs.

I know a bunch of male ESIs and the impression I get from them is that their circuit breakers would all trip if they saw a woman like the one in the picture.

Here is ESI Bruce Springsteen with a female LIE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpXArn3hII I mean, look at how she dresses and acts and talks.

Why ILE?

I was joking about being an ILE. I'm soooooo far from that type.

[Scarlett]

I find ILEs attractive, female ones are unicorns ime. I don't really have any feeling of idolization, more like I'm kind of nervous to say anything around them because they will start to argue with me about it.




LMAO, I am more inclined to think this way about EIIs rather than LII. I see as EIIs as sweet and good friends but I haven't really been romantically interested in them.

I like LIIs.

Out of curiosity, what do you think of LIEs?

[Scarlett]

I was joking about being an ILE. I'm soooooo far from that type.

I know, haha.

I objectively think that the woman in the avatar picture is hot. I mean, I can see it. But I've gone on platonic dates with my Identicals and they are intimidating. Just like me. Lol.
I much prefer ESIs.
I know a bunch of male ESIs and the impression I get from them is that their circuit breakers would all trip if they saw a woman like the one in the picture.
Here is ESI Bruce Springsteen with a female LIE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpXArn3hII I mean, look at how she dresses and acts and talks.

We look very elegant, don't we? That's just the way I walk and talk, I keep reminding myself to keep it down a little, don't be too cold.
I've always been like a primadonna girl since primary school, really. And yes, I get that impression all the time.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

Out of curiosity, what do you think of LIEs?

I had a boss that was an LIE, we agreed on a lot and didn't talk much beyond work. My "business" relation was quiet literal in that respect.

I rarely find myself disagreeing with the LIE. However, they are really indifferent to Fe as I am to Te.

I think the longer we interact the more apparent our differences become.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

I objectively think that the woman in the avatar picture is hot. I mean, I can see it. But I've gone on platonic dates with my Identicals and they are intimidating. Just like me. Lol.

I know, haha.



We look very elegant, don't we? That's just the way I walk and talk, I keep reminding myself to keep it down a little, don't be too cold.
I've always been like a primadonna girl since primary school, really. And yes, I get that impression all the time.

Lol I wasn't going to say anything, but since Adam threw it out there, yeah I thought the lady was hot too.

Hmm maybe I would be attracted to an LIE.

Cold and emotionally unavailable women are my type so maybe.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

okay my first response never really answered the question lol... I don't think a person should rely on their feelings period. The Heart Deceiveth Thee sayeth the Lord. If a person cares for you it's very boring and logical there's not much feelings involved at all really- they prove it more via small logical things. If you are turned on by somebody, take a cold shower and/or masturbate alone in the bathroom and accept it as a fantasy- never try to make a relationship work based on that, seems rather idiotic and stupid but I've seen ppl do that all the time then always regret it. Nobody has any 'feelings' for the Beta Male but the Beta Male is the guy to actually marry because he's the one that will actually support your ass.

Look how many people have had 'feelings' for Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer before LOL. I'm sure they felt VERY serious and Fi and genuine at the time.

I always thought duality compatibilty had more to do with logically the puzzle pieces fitting or something not anything to do with 'feelings.' Feelings are gay and you should never listen to them. Economics run the world not your narcissistic little feelings. If you have good feelings - the person is bad for you. If you have bad feelings- the person is bad for you. That is your 'feelings.' If you are right and sane in the head and realize he or she is a good fit logically it might have a chance of working out. I'm not saying that you should date a person that repulses you or are you just not attracted- that won't work either obviously - but FEELINGS DECEIVE AND LIE AND ARE GAY AND STUPID.

[Scarlett]

Here is ESI Bruce Springsteen with a female LIE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrpXArn3hII I mean, look at how she dresses and acts and talks.

Ah, I wanted to share a video too. That reminds me of this one, here's a female LIE and male ESI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feaxysovNqY I mean, look at how comfortable they're interacting with each other. There's a sense of trust, respect and adoration.

I would say she potrays the best female LIE character I've ever seen, especially for an LIE-Ni 8w9. I used to watch this TV show in my early 20s and it's amazing how much I can relate to her.
All other female LIEs on TV are very "in your face", I guess because most of them are LIE-Te subtype and enneagram 8w7.

Anyway, Isabel de Castilla is actually my favourite historical figure ever since I read her story when I was a kid.

By the way, I find something interesting about these two in the video.
So they both are old friends, they even fell in love with each other but no one really said anything, but everyone knows it.
The kingdom staff member and administrator were all worried if the lady will really marry the soldier in the future, so they tried to separate them.
But Isabel made sure that she will not marry this soldier. She goes like "I may love him, and I know he loves me, but he's not the one I wanna be married to, so don't you ever worry about that thing, people." And when I saw this scene I was thinking, if I were her I would say and do the exact same thing.

And after 3 years, she finds him back. She literally tell him "Look, I'm a queen, and I will marry a king in the future, but I want you by my side, I want you to fight for my kingdom" and the mutual feeling is still there. But they respect and trust each other.

At the end, the queen does marry a king and they make their kingdom even bigger, with the soldier loyally fighting for them. The king is an SLE, by the way, if you ever read a story about Fernando de Aragon, typical SLE.