Type your biggest crushes ever

[aisa]

I was a late bloomer when it came to crushing and taking boys seriously. Looks alone did nothing for me, because I always had to make sure I knew their character. I wasn't interested in getting involved in some dramatic relationship because I knew the power of the heart, and knew how difficult breakups could be. I was determined to protect myself. If after a couple dates I had a sense that it wouldn't work, I'd withdraw contact as much as possible. There have been only three where values and interests really aligned with mine.

I love it how you put it. I can relate to this a lot. Although I'm not going to lie that I didn't get crushes on the "pretty" boys, they were just crushes from a distance and withered away as soon as I realised that someone wasn't a kind of person I was looking for.
Same with withdrawing after a few dates. If I knew it wouldn't be "it", I broke off contact. I didn't want someone to become attached, didn't want to hurt anyone.
I was always looking for "the one". Unfortunately when I thought I found him, he broke my heart terribly.
Luckily some time later I met my husband (again). The difference was we've known each other as colleagues before. Then all of a sudden he grew up into this man I fell in love with. Love it how you described your relation. I also love how funny and patient my husband is.

[darya]

Luckily some time later I met my husband (again). The difference was we've known each other as colleagues before. Then all of a sudden he grew up into this man I fell in love with.

I'm so jealous of people who fall in love over time . I never really understood this concept, as I either feel the chemistry right away or it's never ever in a million things going to happen. I tried to force myself into relationships with people thinking I will start loving them after awhile, but it was always a disaster. I either never developed a single loving emotion towards them or I started to irrationally hate them for being so unlovable

[aisa]

I'm so jealous of people who fall in love over time . I never really understood this concept, as I either feel the chemistry right away or it's never ever in a million things going to happen.

I used to think very similarly and I don't think it's a wrong line of thinking. I'd say it's correct wayyy more often than not. I always thought in terms of "yes" and "no". I also even told my husband a few years earlier that though he's a great guy this would never work. He stayed in my life as a colleague very much on the sidelines of my life (a few chat lines a few times a year without meetings irl).
Then when I met him again a few years later, it felt like meeting someone new. He had grown up into a man I felt attracted to - he changed both physically and got more self-confident and just "grown up" mentally, masculine. I met him as a boy before and then later as a man. And I fell in love with the man and I fell head over heels with chemistry and starry-eyes, including feeling ready to get married the next day once I was certain "it's him", lol.
I even questioned myself "why didn't I see him before?". Until I realised later on that the answer was simple - he wasn't the same person before, he wasn't him before (if that makes sense).
There was nothing gradual about it other than the fact we had met before. But this wasn't this process of being close friends and then years later "growing" into falling love.

We both agreed that if we got together the years earlier, this wouldn't have worked.

I tried to force myself into relationships with people thinking I will start loving them after awhile, but it was always a disaster. I either never developed a single loving emotion towards them or I started to irrationally hate them for being so unlovable

no, forcing yourself is bound to fail, no matter how lovely the person is and how great you think they are, if there is no chemistry, it won't work.
We don't date just the personality or just the looks, we date a whole human being (I'm sorry I don't mean to sound condescending, I'm sure you know this, but I just don't know how else to word what I am trying to say...). And sometimes a guy can be both handsome and nice, but if there's no spark, then that's it end of story. At least that's my take on this. Wishing to fall in love with someone is just going to hurt this someone in the long run and make you unhappy.
Unless someone believes in arranged marriages and such, but I think it's safe to say that majority of people prefer to live a different way.

[Slacker]

Probably mostly SLIs and SEIs, but there have been LSEs and SLEs as well. One LIE I ended up dating for a long time but that ended up horrible. And one IEI.

[Aylen]

IEI, ILI and SLE mostly when I think back. IEI because there is more of a flow between us... easiest to understand, usually, and we can play off each other so it is fun but can also get unhealthy if they are E4. Chemistry is the most important thing though so I am sure I had crushes on other types but have not read enough about the other types to stereotype them. I had a relationship with a possible EIE but he was always competing with me for attention and he was jealous of any attention I got.

[Waster]

EII Fi

[darya]

@aisa
Oh, that's a totally different story then with you and your husband. It sounds really cute btw Sure, people can change a lot (for better or worse) and they usually gain confidence with age, so I completely understand how you can get attracted to someone you previously weren't. But I swear I know lots of people who start dating someone and say "He's nothing special, I'm not really in love, but he's a nice person and we will see what happens" and then boom, after 4 months they're crazily in love That's the phenomenom I find totaly alien Trust me, I'm waiting for the day I become more mature and rational when it comes to love matters, but I somehow feel like it's getting worse with age hehe. I know what I want and I'm not settling for anything less (butt heads her cat a and curls into fetus position )

[lemontrees]

@aisa
Oh, that's a totally different story then with you and your husband. It sounds really cute btw Sure, people can change a lot (for better or worse) and they usually gain confidence with age, so I completely understand how you can get attracted to someone you previously weren't. But I swear I know lots of people who start dating someone and say "He's nothing special, I'm not really in love, but he's a nice person and we will see what happens" and then boom, after 4 months they're crazily in love That's the phenomenom I find totaly alien Trust me, I'm waiting for the day I become more mature and rational when it comes to love matters, but I somehow feel like it's getting worse with age hehe. I know what I want and I'm not settling for anything less (butt heads her cat a and curls into fetus position )

Sooo weird. Although, it did happen to me once too but we were not really a good match and I came to regret it. Since then though, I've gone into my mindset of "INSTANT SPARK OR BUST." It's actually turned some people off when I talked about it, like a friend once semi-snapped at me "not everyone you date has to be a great love." I do think I've gotten even more picky with age, since I've learned better what I like (and I want to have *exactly* what I like...)

but it's not practical and I'm also trying to become more pratical!!! *curls into fetal position, wishes for cat*

Tangent: Weirds me out too when people try to "talk their partner through" staying with them by listing practical reasons to stay together, how every relationship has bad spots but devotion is real and relationships will shift with time, etc, when it's sort of clear that their relationship lacks chemistry as a glue. I try again not to talk about this usually because I can definitely understand the other perspective too. But still it makes me feel weird- like "that's cool for you but it's scary when you talk like your partner/everyone reasonable should feel the same way too!!"

[darya]

Sooo weird. Although, it did happen to me once too but we were not really a good match and I came to regret it. Since then though, I've gone into my mindset of "INSTANT SOMETHING OR BUST." It's actually turned some people off when I talked about it, like a friend once semi-snapped at me "not everyone you date has to be a great love." She was sx-last though, so I blame it on that hahaha. I do think I've gotten even more picky with age, since I've learned better what I like (and I want to have *exactly* what I like...)

but it's not practical and I'm also trying to become more pratical!!! *curls into fetal position, wishes for cat*

Weirds me out too when people try to "talk their partner through" staying with them by listing practical reasons to stay together, how every relationship has bad spots but relationships will shift with time, etc, when it's sort of clear that their relationship lacks chemistry as a glue. I try again not to talk about this usually because I can definitely understand the other perspective too. But still it makes me feel uncomfortable, esp if those same people try to talk as if the other person were crazy for wanting something more to be sustained over time.

Yeeees, some people actually have lists of what they want in their partner and they make for and against columns Anyway, I'm rather single than in a relationship like that. My LSE friend started dating a guy (LII) for the first time (she's 27 and was a virgin before - and she's not even religious) and she said to me that she had to "learn intimacy" and that she "grew to accept him into his heart after a four months period and now she's really in love". I was looking at her like an alien But she's sp/so, so that probably explains this. She always gave me an asexual vibe and now their dynamic looks more like mother/son and shifts to bff from time to time. I just sit back and watch in awe Even when they were in a process of getting to know each other and "seducing" one another, she talked to him exactly like she does to me. It's like she doesn't know the concept of flirting or seduction - she talks to men the same as women. She also has like 0% sex appeal (and I never say that about anyone) , but LII (who's ironically very good looking and hot) is totally, and I mean head over heels with her. Now I sound like a jealous bitch, which I probably am

P.S. I can rent you my cat for free, he's a total dick anyway.

[lemontrees]

I love it how you put it. I can relate to this a lot. Although I'm not going to lie that I didn't get crushes on the "pretty" boys, they were just crushes from a distance and withered away as soon as I realised that someone wasn't a kind of person I was looking for.
Same with withdrawing after a few dates. If I knew it wouldn't be "it", I broke off contact. I didn't want someone to become attached, didn't want to hurt anyone.

Me too! I withdraw immediately if I don't think it can be "it" because I think even without something being "it" the emotional ties that can develop can be painful to break from for both parties (plus I can't invest emotionally if I don't think something could be "it"- I feel like the other person would always be able to tell.) I agree with a lot of the other stuff you've said in this thread as well, it was calming to read. Phew. I'm not crazy haha.

[aisa]

@aisa
Oh, that's a totally different story then with you and your husband. It sounds really cute btw Sure, people can change a lot (for better or worse) and they usually gain confidence with age, so I completely understand how you can get attracted to someone you previously weren't.

yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, we met more than once on various occasions (mostly with some friends) before I figured he was getting too interested and told him it wouldn't work

 

(and tbh I wasn't 100% certain it wouldn't work, cause there was "sth" about him, but my feelings were "fickly" and I didn't want to end up hurting him. I was still in high school back then and he was very young also). There was a moment when we were close to getting together when we met a few months later after that conversation, but he thought what I said was final and I thought he moved on. But years later we agreed it wouldn't have worked then. It wasn't the time for us I guess.
So we were never more than colleagues and then lost track of each other except for what I mentioned above - maybe a few chat lines a few times a year.
And when I met him almost 3 years later, yeah, it felt like meeting a new person (and he got so damn handsome when he grew up, lol ) But I think the most attractive change was his mental attitude - self-confidence is definitely sth I find attractive.

But I swear I know lots of people who start dating someone and say "He's nothing special, I'm not really in love, but he's a nice person and we will see what happens" and then boom, after 4 months they're crazily in love That's the phenomenom I find totaly alien

To me chemistry either is there or isn't. I mean ok, if people haven't even kissed and are sort of unsure but meet a few times more - then yeah they might get positively surprised when they relax a bit more and become "themselves" instead of this tense "someone" and chemistry kicks in. But I can't imagine being with someone and feeling like I'm kissing an octopus or sth and then waiting for the romance to begin, and waiting, and waiting... ugh. Even thinking about sth like this makes me feel uneasy. This can't be healthy.
Recently I met one couple who seem happy who started out as friends with benefits (or just benefits tbh, cause they didn't know each other well enough to be called friends, lol) and then they actually did fall in love. But obviously for a scenario like this the so called "chemistry" was already present there.

Trust me, I'm waiting for the day I become more mature and rational when it comes to love matters, but I somehow feel like it's getting worse with age hehe. I know what I want and I'm not settling for anything less (butt heads her cat a and curls into fetus position )

and one more for @lemontrees love's tricky... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you girls.

[lemontrees]

Yeeees, some people actually have lists of what they want in their partner and they make for and against columns Anyway, I'm rather single than in a relationship like that. My LSE friend started dating a guy (LII) for the first time (she's 27 and was a virgin before - and she's not even religious) and she said to me that she had to "learn intimacy" and that she "grew to accept him into his heart after a four months period and now she's really in love". I was looking at her like an alien But she's sp/so, so that probably explains this. She always gave me an asexual vibe and now their dynamic looks more like mother/son and shifts to bff from time to time. I just sit back and watch in awe Even when they were in a process of getting to know each other and "seducing" one another, she talked to him exactly like she does to me. It's like she doesn't know the concept of flirting or seduction - she talks to men the same as women. She also has like 0% sex appeal (and I never say that about anyone) , but LII (who's ironically very good looking and hot) is totally, and I mean head over heels with her. Now I sound like a jealous bitch, which I probably am

LMAO.

Yeah, I've had same convos with some sx-last friends and it's language like "I think love is something you try to take a leap of faith to commit to developing and once you allow it, it grows over time."
And I don't think that's *entirely* wrong or untrue, and I believe that they come to love and become attached deeply (in a different way) but I want to feel head-over-heels for a bit and then have it even out into a consistent spark when it "inevitably evens out or whatever " I guess. (Although I'm secretly hoping that this doesn't have to happen.) OMG I have this E6 so/sp ILE friend, she's gay but she's DATING A GUY b/c they have similar interests and "a connection." And I don't think she's discovered a new part of her sexuality either! That was soooo crazy to me. I was worried about it but I hope it works out... Weirdly, I think it's difficult for people like this too (unless they meet someone who feels the exact same way) b/c eventually the other person might feel a lack of something and want to move on, and that person doesn't understand what happened and is heartbroken. I have seen this play out too.

P.S. I can rent you my cat for free, he's a total dick anyway.

[darya]

To me chemistry either is there or isn't. I mean ok, if people haven't even kissed and are sort of unsure but meet a few times more - then yeah they might get positively surprised when they relax a bit more and become "themselves" instead of this tense "someone" and chemistry kicks in. But I can't imagine being with someone and feeling like I'm kissing an octopus or sth and then waiting for the romance to begin, and waiting, and waiting... ugh. Even thinking about sth like this makes me feel uneasy. This can't be healthy.

and one more for @lemontrees love's tricky... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you girls.

thanks babe <3 I wish you all the best with your husband, you two sound like something I've always hoped for

Omg, I know the feeling of kissing an octopus hahaha, it actually sent shivers down my spine I agree, there has to be some foundation of chemistry and attraction and than it grows from there. But I was always more of a person of all or nothing - either nada or it hits me in the head like a ton of bricks and I can't eat and sleep for a week and walk around like.

@lemontrees

Yeah, for sx last people it's really hard to get into relationships I think (I'm pulling this out of my ass haha, but my friend for example never had any suitors, because she just doesn't give off any kind off sexual vibe). But when they do get into a relationship and if it's with someone similar, than I think it's much easier to maintain it, because they don't seem to need a lot of emotional intensity and passion.

This LSE and LII are so entartaining to watch though. Food has a very important place in their relationship. So everytime before he comes over she buys 5 different sorts of youghurts, 3 different breads, 5 juices etc. Our kitchen turns into an all inclusive resort over night And then they have this ridiculously long feeding rituals which go something like this:

LSE: Look, they had a new limited edition of your favourite brand of yoghurts in the store. So now you can choose between Mango, Strawberry, Wild forests fruits and Cinnamon. You can either choose one of them or just take a sip of each.
LII: Mmmm, great, I think I will have Mango this time. Although I don't like it that much as a fruit, maybe I will like the taste of it in yoghurt. I'm feeling adventorous today (Ok, the last thing was only a sarcastic remark in my head ).
LSE: Are you sure you wouldn't rather try Cinnamon? You've always liked cinnamon.
LII: Hmmm...no, I'm still pretty sure I'll go with Mango.. Do you think they use real mango or just an essence of it?
LSE: I'm sure it's just an essence. I've told you before, you should only eat non-sugary yoghurts. And more vegetables, baby--boo. Your diet is just terrible. (shakes head)
LII: (rolles his eyes his head like a little rebelious child that gets scorned off by mommy). : But I hate vegetables. (He still hasn't tried the yoghurt).

Meanwhile, I'm silently cooking myself pasta with ketchup the third day in a row, as that are the only two ingredients left in my fridge, thinking to myself : Just swallow the fucking youghurt already!!!

But otherwise they're great for each other. LSE genuinely really cares about him, she's just not really good with loving words. Her love is measured in yoghurts But I was really shocked when last time she told me out of the blue : "You know Darya, I really love LII, but I was thinking if he became disabled I would have to leave him." And the guy is 25 and healthy as a fish It's really difficult for me to understand this kind of cold rationality, before anything bad even happens.

Oh, about the cat, just send me your address. I have to warn you though, I like my cats as I do my men - with a sprinkle of douche. If he wasn't so aesthetically pleasing, he would be a stray cat long ago .

[aisa]

it hits me in the head like a ton of bricks and I can't eat and sleep for a week and walk around like.

oh the delightful times... yeah, the starry-eyed phase is great


oh... you've just made me realise the elderly LSE female I know must be sx last. This explains a lot. and yeah the ultra rational approach sounds familiar with regard to her, too.

LII: Mmmm, great, I think I will have Mango this time. Although I don't like it that much as a fruit, maybe I will like the taste of it in yoghurt. I'm feeling adventorous today (Ok, the last thing was only a sarcastic remark in my head ).

the above made me seriously lol

 

(and then I reminded myself how I sometimes start acting all like:

to motivate my husband to bring me some tea or a comfy blanket... I really think we're not that bad though, probably neither of us is sx last from what I've figured so far... (not that I am an expert on enneagram instinct stackings or sth tbh...)

I like my cats as I do my men - with a sprinkle of douche. If he wasn't so aesthetically pleasing, he would be a stray cat long ago .

lmao to this

[darya]

(and then I reminded myself how I sometimes start acting all like:

to motivate my husband to bring me some tea or a comfy blanket... I really think we're not that bad though, probably neither of us is sx last from what I've figured so far... (not that I am an expert on enneagram instinct stackings or sth tbh...)[/spoiler]

Aisa lol, I use kitty/puppy look for everything from getting to work half an hour late to getting others to carry my shopping bags to helping me with paperwork . It's not my fault though, my sp is rediculously low And besides, they always get a charming smile in return

[lemontrees]

@darya

Your story about your friend really had me almost literally rolling on the floor laughing.

The yoghurt part... but also the part where she was scared of him being disabled down the line was just like I could definitely see how an idea like that could occur, and how it could be genuinely confusing/ scary to deal with those thoughts, but it's still like a mix of LOL and Hopefully he'll be fine physically- most of the more realistic problems seem like they would be something like they might suffer emotional setbacks or he will leave her, rather than freak accident leaving him disabled...

And lol to being *extreeemely* sp-last. I am extreeemeely sp-last... last week I was trying to install an AC unit and it fell out my fucking window (the thought process was "I will install this without it falling out my window b/c I am pretty great!!!!") and I CAUGHT IT BY ITS CORD and was standing there being all superhuman in my head trying to TUG IT BACK IN when eventually it did occur to me that maybe if I kept on going I might accidentally *fall out the window*- at this point I tied it by its cord to a table leg and grabbed my neighbor, whom I'd never met before, to help me haul it out in the middle of the night. He didn't speak english too well and looked older and lonely and thought it was possibly some sort of strange sexual advance (as I led him into my place...) But then I pointed to the AC hanging from my window...

Last week I tried to make it to a friend's bday party but my phone died and I got lost, and I misread the directions on a stranger's phone, and I ended up walking around some unknown part of the city for like 2 hours instead... it was kind of an adventure though. But I felt bad for not making it

I cannot remember the last time I went to the airport without accidentally a) going at the wrong time b) going to the wrong airport c) doing both those things two days in a row...

(one of those things just happened to me this morning lol)

^ Must. Change. My. Life. *bashes head against imaginary cat repeatedly as I wait for your semi-douchey but very beautiful and alluring cat to arrive in the mail*