I usually pay attention to people who tease me in a slightly cocky yet friendly way. Also people who know what they do and where they go.
I usually pay attention to people who tease me in a slightly cocky yet friendly way. Also people who know what they do and where they go.
In what context?Originally Posted by sushi
Romantically? Do you still find them to be an attractive type?
enneagram 946/947
Sure, SeFi is greatly appealing. I'm not even half as wild but twice as weird as them, so hm yeah their emphasis on sensorics is kyoot~ It won't get boring with them eitherI also strongly rely on enneagram when looking at attraction, I'm more drawn to synflow e3 ones than e8 or e7.
Probably this but it takes finesse to do without crossing a line or coming off creepy so some people fail miserably.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
Err, not really sure what gets my attention other then the obvious answers like "being hot" or "seeking attention". Someone who is loud and obnoxious will definitely get my attention but not in a good way. The other more positive way would probably be starting a discussion about the quality of a new game or movie. I like debating with others about how good or bad something is in terms of rating.
How women influencers get my attention: By being a role model or being really "cool", basically all the reasons why girls my age follow other girls online/watch their YT channels/etc. Good with makeup, fun personality, interesting. However, I'm getting so sick of cookie cutter internet personalities and celebrities and they no longer interest me so much as the eccentric ones who might not look traditionally perfect.
How women get my attention in real life: it doesn't really matter just if they're not rude and show some interest in talking to me, maybe some shared interests.
How men get my attention: Outgoing, loud, funny and good sense of humor, exotic looks, broad vocabulary. Has cool interests not just stuff like hunting and fishing.
@Chae
Based on your first post, it sounds like you have crushed on some ESI 4w3 people in the past.
I can somewhat relate to your experience.
How someone can get my attention the fastest, mostly involves them having a noticeable influence on people around them. Preferably in a positive and energetic manner. When they are good at raising and regulating the "spirits" of the people around them, or just have a certain energy that makes most around them respond to them on some level. It is also attractive if they can make people laugh, but it is not so much that I am attracted to a good sense of humour (though that can be good), but really just the ability to influence people.
It is also attention-grabbing when they enter a room and exude a certain presence, where the energy "moves out" steadily into the stream of the energies in the room – and is the dominating one.
When they effortlessly but not overbearingly lead the conversation in groups of people.
When they make people listen attentively without actively trying.
When they exude a calm inner core of confidence and vitality through their posture and movements.
And yes, like Chae I admire it when they are well-dressed. Ideally, their outfit is mostly well-put together, stylish and/or unique, and most importantly form-fitting.
I like to follow the contours of someone's body with my eyes, on the rare occasion I am not distracted by certain internal musings.
So, needless to say, a guy who is good-looking (nice hairstyle, harmonious facial features, athletic physique – emphasized by formfitting clothes) can grab my attention easier – but when his energy is like a "minus" and not a "plus", I'd lose interest eventually.
All in all, a guy being influential (and/or sociable) grabs my attention the fastest/most.
I have also been interested in the kind of guys Chae has mentioned in her first post, but it typically took me longer before they caught my attention, than is the case with the type of guy I just described.
P.S: This turned into a "How can a guy get my attention"... What I described can also apply to women to some extent. Though to be honest, it is mostly beauty that grabs my attention with women. Harmonious, fit physique; good style; nice hair; beautiful face. As simple as that.
Besides the hunk I posted earlier:
If they are a good mix of asshole/nice guy qualities. Too mean I will be turned off. Too nice I will be turned off because I already have people pretending to be my friend lol.
If they are also a good balance of 'faggy' (soft/vulnerable/heartfelt/bitchy) and 'str8 man' (useful/logical/cold/cunning/even a little mean)... but that point kind of relates to the first. And of course maybe I am the only one that sees the vulnerability when everybody else is telling me he's a serial killer. Haha.
Too much of one something is a turn off for me, I kind of like a rainbow mixture you know. =p Being manipulative is more attractive to me than direct force. Shows you know how to control your emotions or something and play the long term game and not give in so easily to an immediate sense of satisfaction- though there is a balance to this, and if you are too dark triad-y that would be a turn off.
Non-romantically- what gets my attention in friendships is people like @Cassandra. <3
Same here.
If the guy is a downright jerk, I will be disinterested or turned off.
(Some guys have a certain "jerk vibe", like the actor Theo James. Obviously I don't know him, so the vibe he gives off might be different from his real nature. Either way, even though he is attractive, I'd rather not get involved with someone like him based off on the vibe alone.) Having said that, he could be very able at getting my attention.
And "too nice", well, that is a guy who is a doormat, and that is not attractive to anyone.
I tend to tune those guys out sort of automatically. They are the "wallflowers" you hardly notice. (Unless they are following you around for some reason... Then they get my attention eventually, but not in a positive sense!)
There are certain kinds of people who want to be noticed no matter how, and it doesn't matter whether the attention is negative or positive.
I've never had a positive regard for such people, personally. Trying to get people's negative attention can seem "try hard" and subsequently unattractive to me. But I suppose as a whole, this is still better than someone who seems to be an invisible ghost.
I guess it goes like this: positive attention > negative attention > no attention
I'm naturally drawn to loud passionate people, but only if they know what they're talking about and can walk the talk. For example: instead of bitching about what was wrong with the football game, "I played football before and from experience will give a balanced critique of the game."
In terms of relationships, I need to be pursued slowly. I need to know this person can do their thing and have their own interests. I need them to engage me slowly and honestly so we know stuff about one another. If a guy comes on too strong I fear it is a form of escapism from something else in his life. Once I feel I can trust and be myself the most romantic thing he can do is drop in with drinks I like and cuddle me. I can get very tense and easily stressed internally. Acts of service, Touch, and Quality Time are my love languages.
When I'm tense I just want to be held.
Being low key adorable and having good chat.
ἀταραξία
I'm a new and improved breed of EII although I still voice my ethics and discontent for the wrong things that go on in society. I'm different because I know and understand why EII are hard to be approached in person and I've worked on myself to be more open and approachable. A typical EII would not want to speak to strangers and if a stranger approached them they would stay away or wiggle themselves out of the conversation by moving away. I did this before knowing myself and Socionics. I've learned to be more open to conversations with strangers and my SEE friends have helped me to have conversations with the openness and willingness to learn something new and not consider myself a know it all or my ethics an absolute as Ij temperament can be sometimes.so to approach a typical EII you need to be indirect in your approach. You need to get close to them and comment on something that they are holding or doing or ask a question. To approach me you just have to ask for help
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
A short list of ways to get my attention
1 "I'm lost do you know the number for 911"
2 holler "attention everyone!" During a meeting or in the street or wherever
3 say "hi" while looking at me
4 say something that's useful to more people than yourself
5 offer me a handkerchief
Sounds like you need yourself an si creative type. Have fun with thatTrying to find out whether that may or may not be geared to one's dual
(NSFW for some later sections in the thread)
@thehotelambush
'My general theory on this is that the demonstrative function is used selfishly, rather than for others."
You're onto something here. I would say this needs to be worded differently but it's the closest I've heard to the way i see the demonstrative.
I've just realized that you don't know what you're talking about, in general.I'm a new and improved breed of EII although I still voice my ethics and discontent for the wrong things that go on in society. I'm different because I know and understand why EII are hard to be approached in person and I've worked on myself to be more open and approachable. A typical EII would not want to speak to strangers and if a stranger approached them they would stay away or wiggle themselves out of the conversation by moving away. I did this before knowing myself and Socionics. I've learned to be more open to conversations with strangers and my SEE friends have helped me to have conversations with the openness and willingness to learn something new and not consider myself a know it all or my ethics an absolute as Ij temperament can be sometimes.
I find EIIs very easy to talk to and approach. Also my EII friend is introverted but not afraid of people like that. It's not socionics that you're talking about but lack of proper socialization.
Last edited by carrina; 12-15-2016 at 10:27 PM.
Why creative and not base?
Just sounds more like creative to me.
[Adam Strange Remember, my duals are sexual aggressors, and I'm unsure about how much someone likes me. If she shows me her tits, then that answers that question. It's very simple. I'm not making this up, I'm serious.]
@Adam Strange Bold and unambiguous works very well for me if she is signaling me, or a least reciprocation if I get direct. Girls who are too careful bother me. Girls with no balls who are too subtle and "desperate to not seem desperate" makes me project how every future interaction will unfold into frustrations and more ambiguity, although the tension, mystery and uncertainty are exiting initially, it has to end and I need to know we understand each other. I feel she will always be holding herself back somehow, and I lose interest if she is too coy, because I want to know she wants me, because like you I am unsure how much someone like me. Sucks cuz I am attracted to shy women who sometimes give you nothing to work with and also understanding a shy women who is attracted to you can feel very intimidated around you and I then have to read attraction in her shyness and awkwardness around me, or catch her looking at me which is endearing and attractive, but unattractive if she doesn't meet me half way and become declarative at some point or warm and inviting when I try to interact. I want an aggressor to eventually become aggressive, and if she doesn't I book cuz again...........I project ahead and see nothing but more awkwardness and no initiating from her and hence frustration for me. I want to play hard to get, not her. I saw on some thread a quote where you mentioned how hard it must be for introverted aggressors to be bold given their reserved nature which I instinctively understand , and it makes me realize my own frustration of needing to feel desired by someone who may have a hard time letting me get close to her, but I instinctively need her to be bold in her feelings at some point. beyond furtive glances. I read Strats duality description ESI-LIE and can glean some ......."ESI with look and manner lets LIE know she has no problem with her dual initiating blah blah blah and thus drawing him into her hunt (I do pick up on this actually, and initiate and try to establish rapport) and an LIE who is too persistent has a hitch in his program......blah blah blah, he should take her refusals patiently and bides his blah blah blah" " Sorry I am moving on if she can't speak or make eye contact in my presence and won't communicate after signaling me to initiate, when I can sense this is going to be a lot of work, she's not giving me anything and her reserve it seems far too entrenched, despite signaling me to initiate. I feel manipulated if a girl shows me she wants me to initiate and then is coy, unresponsive and reserved. I know she is just being careful, but too careful annoys me. It's like she cocked her gun and pointed it at me but won't pull the trigger. I am sure someone will pipe in that this is not how ESI act and this is careful type or caregiver that and reflective of Si base, blah blah blah, and Fe seeking blah blah blah, NePolr blah blah blah.......aggressors aren't like this etc and I'm not an LIE blah blah blah. I think she is an Fi dom and they always intrigue me, but bore me if she won't let me get past the surface. I corresponded with you earlier about a girl who was coy and I was wiling to walk and then she got declarative and we hooked up, but often it doesn't work out for some of the reasons I mentioned even though I know we are attracted to one another. Are you in or are you out? I am not comfortable pushing things when she's timid, I won't chase. I can't supplicate, it's degrading. This is not me not me not recognizing a women that is just not interested and is being unresponsive to not lead me on with a flat out refusal. I mean a women who clearly wants to interact but can't bring herself to actually do it when you are standing in front of her and let her guard down if you know what I mean, it's beyond playing hard to get which a lot of women think they should do, doesn't work for me, I want boldness in women, I need it because my fears are as stark as hers, which is why I won't chase because I don't like the uncertainty, it doesn't excite me, it repels me. It's like "man she can't even look at me, and she never initiates, she's so uncomfortable that it is making me uncomfortable......my god how awful is this sex going to be?" I stop flirting and everything cools down and it usually ends, I lose interest. She won't look at for months and then one day I catch her looking at me......it's daggers, pure hatred. TITS as you said is some gamma Se I can get with.
Last edited by hatesyardwork; 01-22-2017 at 08:45 PM. Reason: edit
Hey, guy. Nice to hear from you again. The last time you were here, if I recall, you had decided that you were LIE instead of ILI and were hot in the tumbled pursuit of an ESI at work. Is that still the case? Did you pass each other's tough Gamma stress tests to ensure you're getting a strong and durable partner? How about an update?
@hatesyardwork, I completely agree with you when you say you need a demonstration of affection. I do, too. I need other things, (intelligence, chemistry, ESI, basically), but that is a big thing. Fortunately, ESI's are built for that. Also fortunately, ESI's tendency to make those demonstrations scares off almost everyone who is not LIE. What is unfortunate is that when they repeatedly make those demonstrations, or express their feelings, they get shot down and eventually start to wonder if something is wrong with them, when what is really wrong is the person they are demonstrating toward is not LIE.
I gave a description of an ESI recently demonstrating here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...91#post1166491
I made that post yesterday, but then took it down because it makes ESI's seem like gold-diggers and sluts (Yes! Fist pump! Bring it on, babe. LIE says "Hey, babe" -kisses girl and slips arm around her waist- "Let's go around this corner because I need to check your bra fit for my mental health and I want to be discrete."), when ESI's are merely trying to ensure that they are not going to run into trouble down the road and are demonstrating clear dual-seeking behavior to attract their fairly emotionally-inert duals.
But the post is up again, because I'm here partly to state facts and leave an interpretable guide for LIE's who stumble onto this site.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 01-22-2017 at 06:33 PM.
Yeah, I feel strong with LIE Ni. Ends up the girl was an SEE and not ESI, just really shy with me at first. She stopped being shy day 1 after we went out. We dated for months but she transferred to a different district and were separated geographically. New girl is women who ignored me for 2 years, never spoke to me or looked at me and acted like she hated me very haughty and rude actually. I never had done anything to her to hate me so I knew she liked me probably, why else would she ignore me and never look at me. Very attractive but unfriendly so I left her alone. My office does not let for a lot of socializing and she is in a different part of the building, we cross paths but no interaction, again wouldn't even look at me and she then blew up at me after I said something to her the first time we ever spoke. It was strange, her behavior, friendly and cheery with others, very terse with me. I sensed the whole ESI watching you from afar thing and maybe she did like me or she was a bitch. Never saw her laugh or smile in my presence. She stopped speaking to my ex girlfriend when we began dating although they weren't close before, but she just stopped speaking to her completely after that. Ex said the ESI was into me from the way she saw her looking at me. Anyway after my ex transferred this women started to not be so abrasive around me, and her body language was a little more open, she wasn't haughty anymore. but we didn't interact, but she wasn't rolling her eyes around me anymore for no reason. Started to see her trying to establish a warmer presence around me and caught her looking at me a few times, looking away shyly. One day I was leaving the office and she was leaving at the same time and she was about 5 feet in front of me walking at the same pace briskly and she stopped right in front of me and I ran right into her almost bowled her over. I excuse myself and she asks if I just heard if they called her name over the intercom. Totally Se creative in my mind allowing me to run into her, preening her hair and looking me at me shyly, I know what's up.....she's closing the distance, step 4 in ESI LIE duality after watching me from afar. LOL. That thought popped into my head actually. I just casually spoke with her and said no, smiled and went my way. She started to be nice to me, shy but no daggers. I didn't throw myself at her, again I didn't like this women, she was a bitch to me and I wasn't interested really, I just thought it was funny that it took her so long to reveal her attraction to me. She was nice to me but I kept my distance, and she started to change her behavior again she went from warm, to very shy and no eye contact again, but this time avoiding eye contact but very feminine, not haughty like before, and I found it attractive. It seemed very sincere, I could tell she liked me so I engaged her when I heard it was her birthday and we spoke for a few moments and I touched her arm and she looked in my eyes like she was in love with me. I had never seen her smile before, or be warm in my presence. Strangely I got hurt a few days later and had surgery and didn't see her for again or go to work for 4 months. Came back to work this Oct and again she won't look at me, but it was more of a paranoid, guarded not haughty but very tense vibe. She's very uncomfortable around me and I have engaged her and it is very strange. She just stares at the ground, and trembles around me and walks away. She really likes me obviously, hence my earlier post about my frustration with where things are at. All she has to do is make on step forward you know. I am giving her space, it's very awkward. She's a divorcee, married for 20 years, he left her for another woman. Someone else told me this, we have had very little interaction as I stated. Just a few conversations really. I am very attracted her and seared her with some overt total unabashed eye contact, I was going to ask her out but now she is avoiding me. I have done this before and usually makes or break it, some come and some run.
Sorry I only pipe in when I need dating advice. I am giving her space. Something tells me she will start creeping my way again. Who knows. Like I said, it's awkward. Funny thing, there is a new transfer SEE that started who is already zeroing in on me. She's one of the most forward women I have ever been around, she is all over me. It's already an office scandal. LOL It's harmless but she is not hiding anything. Strange thing is I am not attracted to the SEE so I am afraid I may be "laying down a gauntlet" by accident by not reciprocating. She's alright, but not pretty enough for my taste, but very sexual, it oozes off her. I turn around there she is tight sweater, huge bosom staring at me from 2 feet away. She may break me, I have been broken before. Complicates the ESI situation obviously, but I don't owe her anything. She hates me, likes me, hates me likes me without any prodding from me.
I always hear you describing ESI as bubbly, friendly and responsive. I think these women who I believe to be ESI as stiff, shy and unresponsive until I get to know them and then quite different. She is very restrained, undemonstrative, modest, unsocial and not affectionate with others outside of her interactions with me. She's not like the hens that consoled each other over who died last night on the walking dead. I admit to a very gut level typing of people, meaning I use my gut to type as opposed to a checklist of behavior Se or Si Fe or Fe if you know what I mean. Maybe she is SEI, but I don't see any Fe at all, and she busts her ass off at work, this I know, and I am very underimpressed with the work ethic of women I tend to think of as SEI. Maybe an ST, but her initial haughtiness and rudeness struck me as emotionally based, so I figure SF, Fe or Fi, she has no Fe so I go with ESI. It's intuitive and not a checklist as I said. I know she took 3 months off work when her daughter was having a difficult pregnancy. Not definitive but that struck me as something in line with something I read in ESI descriptions. She could be an LIE for all I know. I am very touchy myself. Plus most women react to me in 2 ways, very friendly or very shy instead of indifferent. Most avoid eye contact altogether or give me too much eye contact so typing shy ones are trickier for me since that doesn't mean introvert always and on site arguing over type shows this isn't a science.
Hope you are well. Any chance with that gardener of yours? I think she like you, that comment about looking at you than looking nervous and awkward after looking away. I know that look. SF Gamma women, they make it interesting and brutal. Thanks
Last edited by hatesyardwork; 01-23-2017 at 12:05 AM.
It is so interesting to hear you talk about your dates, @hatesyardwork. Your approach is slightly different from mine. I think I'm more aggressive with people in general but will often stand back from duals and won't engage at all because I think that when I do, it will be for a long time. I can easily see LIE-Ni for you (I actually see hints of ILI in your writing style, but LIE-Ni seems better overall), especially as described here: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...s-and-Subtypes.
As for the woman who sometimes cuts my lawn, no. There is no chance of that turning into anything. Yes, she likes me. Yes, she's cute and fun to be around. Yes, I would like to go out with her to talk about stuff in general and to just do some things together, but it would only be for her company (ESI's never fail to iron out my psyche when I spend time with them) and for information exchange. She's blonde and this might sound weird, but she's not "dark" enough.And even I don't know what that means, so don't ask.*
Yes, approaching an ESI is a series ofand
. I don't know how I've given you the impression that they are bubbly, friendly, and responsive. Maybe that's just the way I write, because I generally find ESI's to be dead serious, unfriendly to strangers, and not very responsive. They do, however, want others to meet certain standards of behavior. Plus, they can be extraordinarily deep when they aren't being purposefully obtuse.
From what you describe, I think ESI's approach to romance is almost identical to that of LSI's, except one way to identify ESI's is that they will say things like "I need to know this" and "Tell me right now" and "You have no idea what I'm thinking", and LSI's never say that stuff.
If you tell an LSI that she is really pretty, has beautiful eyes, takes really good care of her body and you'd like to give her a hug, just to check on her muscle tone, she will look at you for a few seconds to try to figure out if you are BS'ing her, and if you are not, then she will beam.
What I've gotten from ESI's is a default look that says, "Back up, bub." Of course, that was at a slightly earlier stage in relationships that went no further, but the general sense of things is there.
From your description of that woman, it really does sound like she's an ESI. Too bad you're not interested in her. Is it because she was a bitch to you, or is it for some other reason? For me, being a bitch is not a deal breaker the way being disloyal is. Of course, for someone to be disloyal, there has to be some reason to be loyal....Lol
*Wait, I've been thinking about this for a while as I compose this note, and I think she has more of a "buddy" feel, rather than a helpful companion who has her own interests and life, who can get angry, and upon whom I can rely. I dunno. Maybe this still isn't right.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 01-23-2017 at 12:27 AM.
I am very interested in that women, I am very attracted to her. Just frustrated that she won't let in after I went bold on her. I gave her my best full frontal "sexual vibe" eye contact. I totally gave her the I want to fuck you eye contact. The eye contact SEE women give to me. She went white when I gave it to her and rushed away from me. She did the ole turn away and look very nervous look that you are familiar with.
I feel good about LIE Ni, mostly from that that very thread you quote and rings more true than the ILI ones. No one I know thinks I am introverted, for some reason I self identified as such and personal impressions can be very different from how others view me. I don't freak out being alone, and I guess I felt that must be my natural state, comfortable being alone is different than having to be alone.
I have a different flirting style than you. I flirt openly with everyone I am not attracted to, and if I sense they like me, I back off. If I am attracted to them I have 2 styles. One is she has chosen me so I will go overt and accept the other is I have to wait for her to decide to choose me and go overt. One is immediate SEE the other wait and see is ESI, in both cases I have been chosen. I have come to the conclusion that I am most attracted to SEE and ESI types for different reasons. I ignore most women, but react viscerally to different types of women. I am attracted to lots of women, but only sexually desire certain women, I am very complicated. Overtly sexual and forward women and very modest, proper women who are not ostentatious. One is immediate and sexual the other is emotional and sexual over time. It's hard to explain but I think you know where I am going.........it's SEE and ESI but for very different reasons. I am not an overtly sexual man in the classic Se sense, walking around looking to bang every girl I can, I am however aware of my sexuality around certain women. I get hit on often and I disappoint some women, but it's not because I don't desire women, it's because only certain women awaken desire in me. I don't have to explain Quadra attraction to you. The women I want and the women I sexually desire fall within a very thin spectrum. She can be hot, but what I find sexy is very different. If she is not sexy than I don't bother, she has to be sexy or she is not someone who I can just want to get with. Sex is very much in my head and only certain women make me want to make that traverse into the physical. You talked to me once about ESI being in touch much more in touch with sexuality than us, so I know you follow my points. I am very picky and it's not just type related, it's about a certain look a certain vibe, and it is largely based in femininity. She has to be a certain type of feminine. Soft, girly, not so athletic for my tastes. I am very specific, it doesn't bother me, I only make an effort when I want and only few make me want.
SEE Bold, assertive, make no doubt about their attraction, make you feel wanted, make you feel sexually attractive. It's hard for me feel sexually attractive because I am often not in a state of sexual readiness, I am too busy thinking about shit day and night. I struggle with not feeling I have a "sexual" vibe and this can be explained thru Socionics as you know and understand. But I do recognize right away the girls who do make feel sexual. SEE are one. She wants to slutty with me!
ESI It's different because they are sexy (certain ESI) for a different reason. Restraint, modesty, oddly feminine despite being upright, proud and they have this dignity about them that doesn't say I'm sexual, it's says I am sexual with the person who I choose and she is far more picky than me. I sense they only surrender themselves to the one they choose and that says she is careful and she will be devout and true and faithful. I deeply respect that and desire that, and I want that. I read your posts, I too can't forgive sexual betrayal, it's over, can't compromise. A women with that kind of dignity is very desirable. So they for different reasons connect me to my sexuality but very differently, and again she has to have a certain look and vibe to her. I can't describe it but I know it when I see it.
There are about 200 employees where I work, and it is about 70-30% female. Lots of ESI in my judgement. I am friends or friendly with all of them, EXCEPT THE 3 I AM VERY ATTRACTED TO. What do you think this means? I somehow distance myself from them, and they distance themselves from me. One is the current I have discussed. One is married so I don't go there, but there is tension, there just is. The other is a girl who closed the distance and revealed her attraction but oddly as we got closer I realized she wasn't as attractive because she wasn't as feminine as I like them as I got to know her and she had a LARGE tattoo on her leg that was revealed when she wore shorts one day, and I don't like large tattoos, sorry I am weird, it turned me off, it just did. She might be LSI, I got an aggressor vibe from her but the tattoo was my Waterloo. Most interesting to me is none of these girls made eye contact with me, for months which I recognize as attraction in that weird way I described. I reflexively left them alone and let them decide for themselves and close the distance at their discretion and not make any overt moves on my own. I have done this in my past as well with girls, but it is hit and miss, but it feels natural. I do make moves once they start to begin to show interest and see where it goes. Passive then aggressive I guess. with the SEE it is obvious she is into me and I just decide if she does it for me or not, but I am a lot more gentlemanly with the ESI, not insincere, just it is easy to leave a women who is unapproachable and not making eye contact alone and let her decide. I like her usually but I lay off because they don't flirt until they decide to do so.
Are you more forward? I jump once I get the sense she wants me to. Friendly, eye contact, touching.......the whole nine, I am not shy at all then, but you got to let them come to you.......SEE and ESI. So aggressive once they make the conscious choice. Determined women each in their own ways. Don't supplicate, don't be weak, show desire but self control as well.
Packer lost, I'm down a couple bucks. Is gambling a LIE vice?
Your insights are always appreciated.
Last edited by hatesyardwork; 01-23-2017 at 04:18 AM.
Here's my list:
intuition
can tune into me without asking the same stupid questions everyone else asks
observant/insightful
has self restraint, considers whether their actions will weaken their character over time
draws lines in the sand, doesn't let fate decide their life, knows what they want
sense of humor to let me forget my jadedness for awhile and lighten me up
gets me, unphased by my walls
is not a sociopath, most sociopaths can figure this out and act the part, they don't count
does not let others cross their boundaries, not even close family. nothing gets my attention like a man with a backbone and grit
isn't socially oblivious, has self awareness
when i feel like my feelings are safe and wont get trampled on, no need to be the "feelings whisperer" just don't add to the pain
as far as looks go the only thing that really matters in the end is personal care habits like hygiene and health. An ugly man can become handsome with a clean-cut look. as for me I prefer more traditional looks like a button down shirt tucked into some khakis, some say it's boring or dorky but I like it and hate fast fashion and super trendy everything.
LSI-Se 836 Sp/Sx
One word: Ni.
OK, elaborating on that.. when they have that bit of contemplative look about them, even mysterious, and when they say something that connects to my own thoughts in this deeply internal and intuitive way that I'm comfortable calling Ni.
There are of course other things too that are important to me but this is what initially takes my attention very strongly.
Another thing I noticed can actively take my attention is if they have this moment of being focused in a certain way... a mode of assertive striving, so we can call it Se. But I noticed Se egos don't have this variant of it that takes my attention in this special way.
That last 'focus' thing: I noticed two people who are different in most respects, but both EIE, have (never in group setting, I don't think they like to show this face) a very focused/worried/something-is-wrong-don't-disturb-me expression as they focus on a problem. I imagine LIEs have a similar expression, but in EIEs it is strong and in sharp contrast to their usual demeanor.
sx eyes.
Mystery is everything to me. Also, someone who seems closed off, like they have a cold exterior but are really affectionate when you get to know them. It kind of makes me feel special when someone who seems cold or emotionless to others is affectionate with me. Like yaass I hacked into his feelings !!
C-EII-INFj 4w3 Sx/sp 479
Ooooh...We might fight over boys....
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
This thread has been a great read! For me appearance-wise I really like people who dress in an... idk how to put it, stylish 'soft' way. I can also find a lack of fashion sense endearing, but not always. People who have seemingly contradicting aspects of their appearances are also interesting - like a hard-looking tattooed dude with a Hello Kitty pencil case that he uses without blinking, that kind of thing. In first impression demeanour, people who seem like they aren't noticing or not paying attention to the social subtleties of what is happening around them, people who are outwardly very calm, unobtrusive and somewhat non-reactive, straightforward in speech. When I do actually start getting to know them it's vital that they find me funny!!! - my ego likes the extra boost. If we don't have the same sense of humour, things can't continue. And I love it when people act in small ways that quietly show concern for my well-being, like moving a bowl of soy sauce out of the way because I'm gesturing wildly and might dip my sleeve into it but otherwise not saying anything. People who aren't people pleasers and who know how to draw their own boundaries but who are otherwise kind as a rule.
Resonating with all of this too
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
You'll get my attention if you are exceptional and excel at something... Exceptionally smart, exceptionally emotional, exceptionally kind, exceptionally stylish, exceptionally artistic, whatever. Just be above the average.
But what impresses me the most is kindness. People who are very kind and altruistic are very impressive to me. People who are very positive and energetic. People who are strong are impressive, but more like someone who has a strong core and won't back down even if there's opposition ("Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down. It's my life... and it's now or never").
Not a huge fan if they're pushy or forceful or whatever, and no that's not what Se is necessarily like. Se is more smooth about it, and they're always doing shit. Don't care much for excessive materialism.
I am like a typical str8 girl in ways but I think a key difference is that insecurity will turn me off more than confidence or arrogance turns me on. It's a subtle difference but I just know it when I feel it. Might sound weird but instead of being like "omg I like him he's so confident!" it's more like "I like him he's so stable/non-insecure!"
Easy, say my name or if you don't know it, say hi. On a romantic level, it'd be more likely that I'd try and get you to notice me by the above method.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phrenology
An optimist - does not get discouraged under any circumstances. Life upheavals and stressful events only toughen him and make more confident. He likes to laugh and entertain people. Enters contact with someone by involving him with a humorous remark. His humor is often sly and contain hints and double meanings. Easily enters into arguments and bets, especially if he is challenged. When arguing his points is often ironic, ridicules the views of his opponent. His irritability and hot temper may be unpleasant to others. However, he himself is not perceptive of this and believes that he is simply exchanging opinions.
http://www.wikisocion.net/en/index.php?title=LIE_Profile_by_Gulenko
I thought ESI was supposed to close the distance?
So an introverted aggressor wants to be pursued unless the pursuit is too strong?
He or she needs to make all the initiatives towards you and make you comfortable thru selfless acts of service?
He or she has to be patient until the point you aren't stressed or tense?
Is this appealing to a "victim" who is Si Polr and wants to be desired and know you want him and unlikely to relentlessly pursue?
Last edited by hatesyardwork; 02-27-2017 at 09:05 PM.
No, it most definitely is not.
don't be frumpy or unhealthy, show intelligence and compassion, respect yourself, but not too much
Sooo...
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
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Screaming around, fake laughter, practical jokes, also a no. Or, handling me physically out of nowhere, no no no. The latter has to happen out of request. 
In the past, I've largely dedicated attention to people of that kind who gave off a slightly condescending vibe for a long time, I just wanted to know what they are about. I need that to keep me on my toes because I am constantly figuring persons of interest out. When they get in my face, the entire "riddling" is spoiled. I need to go like, "What are you hiding... What are you like in private... Why are you like that..." as that keeps me focused. So if I don't know what they are up to, they are not an open book, I am intrigued. They could even be completely insensitive, I perceive people who are super nice to me as suspicious, I sense ulterior motives. A slightly ill-tempered person will always be honest and direct without concealing what they want, they get straight to the point. I find that very appealing. 
