Hey guys! It's me again...
I was wondering if there's any effective way to make amends with an SLI who seems to be holding grudges?
How to make amends to a hurt SLI/ISTp?
Hey guys! It's me again...
I was wondering if there's any effective way to make amends with an SLI who seems to be holding grudges?
I think that would depend on what was done to them as well as other variables.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
Talk to them and plead your case. Apologize as much as possible, and then strive to meet your word with your actions. Eventually they move on if they see you are making an effort. SLI are pretty low maintenance. You aren't going to budge their grudge, so let them have it, but change your behaviour and give them space to let go on their own. Tell them how their grudge makes you feel distant from them and let them figure it out themselves. Don't push the issues or that will only make them more stubborn. SLI as well as being low maintenance are stubborn asses. Sometimes their grudges are a ploy to make you feel worse and sometimes they need time to process it.
What happened?
"All nations will place their hope in him."
(Mt 12:21)
Probably not. Instead, you can find a new BF. One who is not always a day late and a mile away. A new BF who will always want to know where you are and what you are doing.Originally Posted by pasteldandelions
When you do this, after four years, the SLI will notice and will contact you to see if they can get their favorite shoelaces back. Tell them No.
Lol, I never contact exes. Specially not if I'm/was angry at them.
Last edited by Hope; 09-11-2017 at 06:05 AM.
So basically grovel? This is why my brother in-law and I keep a distance. Neither of us are likely to grovel to the other. Most of our heated debates are forgotten after awhile since we only see each other every couple years.By then we have something new to disagree about so the past doesn't come up much. Seems my sister has been a good influence on him and things I didn't like about him before are things he has improved his attitude about, with her help. If we keep things light our debates don't get heated and my EII sister doesn't get stressed. I no longer dislike him but I kind of did when I joined the forum. I am sure my attitude has improved too. They fight sometimes and my sister can be stubborn too but her stubborness is powered by the magic of strong Fi so it is usually him asking for forgiveness and waiting for her to be ready. They make up eventually, after giving each other a lot of space. They have a lot keeping them together so are highly motivated to stay that way.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
Throw small pieces of bread at them continuously until they explode, and then tell them that they're getting mad about bread and make baby sounds and pretend to wipe your tears.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
They would think you are the dumbest person on Earth if you did this especially if they are ligit mad at you.
Both INFp and ISTp are independent people and this can be tough if you are both proud. Usually extended time apart and then some VERY non committal, yet perfectly timed olive branches and apology works. Being the ethical you might have to broach that first. LOL if you are waiting for them to do it. SLI apologise via actions, not words. Ive read ISTps and INFps get along really well and in my experience this is mostly true.So basically grovel? This is why my brother in-law and I keep a distance. Neither of us are likely to grovel to the other. Most of our heated debates are forgotten after awhile since we only see each other every couple years.
Like I said SLI are low maintenance- look at how train wrecked their duals can be- you got to be low maintenance when Huxley is your dual...."What happened THIS time...?!" Says Gabin to Huxley.
I've never seen an SLI mad about something that actually merited an apology.
Bread throwing would get them livid. But that's the point. You can apologize for that, and actually mean it.
Plus, later on it will be funny to both of you.
Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.
Look for their manufacturing label to find some repair parameters while they'e recharging.
@pasteldandelions I suggest saying sorry face to face (if he still talking to you) or writing a letter saying sorry and why he's important to you and not so much more. Dont try to plead your case. Ppl who crossed my boundaries and then try to justify themselves are the worst... Ppl rarely can convince me with arguments, so a sincere apologize is tons better. Then give him space to think about stuff and eventually if he wants to talk to you he will. Be sure of making clear that you will wait for his answer and that you are there if he wants to talk. This doesnt mean necesarily that he'll indeed answer. But you'll assure him that you are interested if he decide to walk back.
Finally, its not usual for SLIs to hold grudges, its more usual to rethink and break relations if the person has turned inconvinient or annoying. I mean, its not like I hate or will hate ppl forever (which is pretty unlikely) its more like I don't see a good reason why I should talk to someone who often makes me feel uncomfortable or who disrespect me in some way. In other words probably I ran out of patience. Not that I'm holding grudes, just that I don't want to tolerate any more.
Hope that helps. I'll answer your pm later.
"All nations will place their hope in him."
(Mt 12:21)
Thank you so much @Slugcat!! *hug
Woah that is exactly what i did when i hurted this istp... and he actually answered and said he will tell me something when it's the right time.
Now I am left waiting. I think it is good that he didnt stop talking with me but i am still afraid of what he is going to talk about... I have no idea of what he will say
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