Because you’re pretty and funny?Originally Posted by Adam Strange
Because you’re pretty and funny?
Lol, @mysteryofdungeon. No, I think things go wrong when I open my mouth and say exactly what I'm thinking. ESIs can take that if they have a bit of experience with me, and IEIs have no problem with what I say, but almost everyone else says "OK, I'm out of here."
Men like it when women instead make comments like, “My ex was so good in bed he might as well have been a black guy.” This kind of comment shows both openness and class.I just remembered this guy who told me on the first date, "you know that when men hear your ex was black, many won't want to date you, right?" Wisdom imparted.
I like it when women say "That was great!" and I say, "Better than your husband?" and they say "Who?"
It's definitely possible. I've only gone out with her once so I don't have a great handle on her personality yet. The element I got from her the most was definitely Fe though, and she felt alpha to me. She might've been holding back a bit though since I think in Japan especially Se isn't seen as very "ladylike". What I know is that she has valued Fe, and is most probably a sensor. ESE is my placeholder for now since SLE requires more justifications. I had an SLE girlfriend in like sophomore year of high school and she was significantly more assertive right off the bat and a little ADHD
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell猫が生き甲斐
I once dated this So-first ESI, and while I really, really liked her and we agreed on a direction (house in a neighborhood with good schools for kids), we didn’t agree on how we would live. She wanted politics and lots of people, and I interact with that crowd as little as possible.
So I stopped seeing her.
A month or two later, I saw her heading to lunch with a guy who resembled me in the sense that he was much older than her, but was obviously (to me) not an LIE.
That must not have worked, because I talked to her six months later when we met by accident and she was still single.
Throughout all our dates, she was cautious and remote and I was confident and familiar. Well, we’re Duals, right? Dualization will happen if you just keep at it for a while.
I think she must have felt something, too, because she tried again with a guy who she thought was similar to me. But she went for the wrong trait.
This got me thinking about Duality and confidence and how being with someone who is automatically confident about the relationship must remind a person of the way they feel when they are in the security of their family.
Assuming they liked their family, it must be tremendously seductive.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-06-2021 at 02:51 PM.
I didn't really like my family, it was more like that line from Sleepless in Seattle ... "It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known." Sigh. Comfort.
Attachement theory in psychology
Hi End, I'm a psychology graduate, but I did get attachment theory as part of my tuition. However, it was not at the core of my study, because that already was diagnosing, diagnosing, and more diagnosing... Though like AWellArmedCat said, in developmental psychology it is one of the mainstays, including how it affects the way in which we develop our friendships and romantic relationships later in life.
I agree with you on the fact that far too much focus is put on medicalizing dysfunctional behaviour. Although here in Europe psychologists are not allowed to prescribe psycho-medication, we do see the lobby force of the big pharmaceuticals growing by the year. Our American colleagues already warned for this. Especially now with the COVID-19 pandemic there is an influx of people with psychological difficulties, but a shortage of psychologists, which makes psycho-medication a cheap, quick, and dirty fix in the eyes of the healthcare insurers.
It worries me, because like you said, it's not an actual solution. It doesn't address the underlying problems, but merely treats the symptoms. It's like giving someone aspirin to treat the headache they get from their brain tumour without actually removing the tumour at all. Every study shows time and time again that psycho-medication requires therapy to work properly, whereas psychotherapy on its own is enough for most people with less intense problems. Most people simply need a listening ear that doesn't judge them to reflect on and work through their problems. When they cannot find this with their family or friends, then that's what psychologists are for. But a pill doesn't listen.
Last edited by Armitage; 12-07-2021 at 02:21 PM.
Sleepless In Seattle is such a great movie.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-07-2021 at 12:17 PM.
Third time is a pattern; is it me or does this seem to apparently be a LIE thing, because I likewise didn't get too date much until later in university?
Also, how are things going between your ESI and you?
Last edited by Armitage; 12-10-2021 at 12:46 PM.
At the risk of kicking at an open door, would it be an option to counter-propose to meet up at her place instead, when she proposes going to yours? If you do it smoothly enough, she might not even notice, and if she does ask further questions you simply have to tell her honestly. Nothing is as bad for any relationship as lying, regardless of sociotype.
Also, I agree with what Adam is saying, your love/dual should love you for who you are. Here on the forum you seem like a nice guy, so I wouldn't worry as much about how you come across, besides good manners ( which I think you already nailed down by default ;^) . Otherwise all the self-consciousness only distracts from getting onto the same wavelength with your love/dual and into the flow together.
Last edited by Armitage; 12-10-2021 at 11:53 AM.
Huh so the SLI I met seems keen and I do fancy him, but he is studying hours away so it’d have to be long distance. Unless I don’t know..maybe things could change coz of online learning. And the potential SLE I’m talking to seems nice and cute but he has a really busy job and is slow to reply. Now if a cute nice semi dual came along any time soon what would I doPutting yourself out there is fun but confusing. Honestly, think if I could pick, I think I might go for a semi-dual.
Last edited by Bethanyclaire; 12-07-2021 at 05:49 PM.
Hahaha! Another LIE becoming one of my "fans" as it were? I guess that's how mirror relations work. It's so very nice to see someone else just "get it" from just a slightly different angle. You share the same thoughts and probably even perspectives, but that subtle difference in where that lead you. Interesting. So much so that you essentially can't stop looking at each other and asking more questions. Like observing one's own reflection in a clear pool of water as a child and moving one hand for the mere reason that you want to see what the reflection does
The dark dynamic you've observed in psychology flows into the physical realm as well sadly. Big Pharma and Big Food are linked as well. As with psychology the whole damn system is bent towards treating symptoms instead of causes as well, let's be honest, if we treat a cause we cure a patient for life. If we treat a symptom without addressing the underlying cause, well, we create a lifetime customer who forks over the dosh on the regular.
Mammon is real and I can tell you what option he favors and it sure as fuck ain't the one you and others like you signed up for. I wager if you could write or treat yourself out of your job you'd do it. Why? Because you became what you are out of a genuine desire to help/save others from illness and death. I'm right there with you BTW. If my suffering/impoverishment saves a million others the pain I'd do it.
There is already an ultimate expression of this drive. Christ. It is no mistake we feel this way in one form or another. Our nature is also his. We can be like him. We need only but try in earnest.
Yes, ILIs and LIEs seem to grasp each other intuitively, whenever I talk to an ILI there's this magnetic understanding. It explains why I get along so well with my best friend, haha.
Do you mean that Big Pharma and Big Food are in cahoots together, or that how healthy we eat affects our emotional well-being? In Scandinavia they are effectively replacing psycho-medication with probiotics, a healthy dieet, lots and lots of exercise in the sunlight, and psychotherapy. It has even showed able to improve otherwise treatment resistant depression.
And yes, the entirety of medicine is focused on creating lifelong patients. That's for instance why lots of funding goes into blood pressure medication, because it's a chronic condition. On the other hand, this super-effective lung cancer medication that was developed a couple of years ago is marketed for millions of euros, because it's an actual cure, instead of a continuous treatment like chemotherapy. The system is intrinsically broken, that much is clear. The solution is clear too, a coalition of hospitals, patients, and universities developing treatments financed collectively via the government. The real question is how to overcome the lobby forces of those having an interest in retaining the status quo. Politics is the eye of the needle that every solution has to pass through.
Mammon? Cool, I didn't know this term yet, I'm going to tell my Croatian NT friend that one, he's even more socialist than I am. I'm more of a social-democrat à la Scandinavia.
Although I've been raised Catholic, I'm agnostic, because I prefer to refrain from judgements about things I cannot know. I just do what I know is right. That's my personal stance and I respect yours as well. You seem a good person, who has people's well-being at heart.
Last edited by Armitage; 12-09-2021 at 11:43 AM.
This feels like quite the cliffhanger you left me in, because this is rather interesting. Care to elaborate with some examples, please?
Regarding dating, by the way, does anyone have an idea on how to apologize to an ESI, who's feelings one unintentionally hurt? LIEs like myself can be quite clumsy with feelings, after all.
You was raised Catholic? Hahaha. I thought as much. Take it from a practicing member of the faith, they ain't wrong. I've learned that, in spite of my attempts to insist otherwise, that God is real and that Jesus is the Christ. The writings of Saint Thomas Aquinas are a go to in regards to curing anyone of any doubt of that. No Atheist/Agnostic has yet to pen a truly compelling counter argument to the "Summa Theologica" and the points/cases he laid out therein. Rhetoric ain't philosophy and while they've managed the former, well, that ain't philosophy/a true counter argument that meets the same standard.Yes, ILIs and LIEs seem to grasp each other intuitively, whenever I talk to an ILI there's this magnetic understanding. It explains why I get along so well with my best friend, haha.
Do you mean that Big Pharma and Big Food are in cahoots together, or that how healthy we eat affects our emotional well-being? In Scandinavia they are effectively replacing psycho-medication with probiotics, a healthy dieet, lots and lots of exercise in the sunlight, and psychotherapy. It has even showed able to improve otherwise treatment resistant depression.
And yes, the entirety of medicine is focused on creating lifelong patients. That's for instance why lots of funding goes into blood pressure medication, because it's a chronic condition. On the other hand, this super-effective lung cancer medication that was developed a couple of years ago is marketed for millions of euros, because it's an actual cure, instead of a continuous treatment like chemotherapy. The system is intrinsically broken, that much is clear. The solution is clear too, a coalition of hospitals, patients, and universities developing treatments financed collectively via the government. The real question is how to overcome the lobby forces of those having an interest in retaining the status quo. Politics is the eye of the needle that every solution has to pass through.
Mammon? Cool, I didn't know this term yet, I'm going to tell my Croatian NT friend that one, he's even more socialist than I am. I'm more of a social-democrat à la Scandinavia.
Although I've been raised Catholic, I'm agnostic, because I prefer to refrain from judgements about things I cannot know. I just do what I know is right. That's my personal stance and I respect yours as well. You seem a good person, who has people's well-being at heart.
To get back to the original topic of dating, does anyone have any idea on how to apologize to an ESI, who's feelings one unintentionally hurt? LIEs like myself can be quite clumsy with feelings, namely.
That aside, I am happy you have seen the same things I have from a professional angle. I never got formally trained in psychology or medicine but I can smell a rat and holy hell do those fields reek. If you want another game changer read "Stay Off My Operating Table" by Philip Ovadia. He too smelled a rat and did something about it. The mainstream view of dieting is, like in psychology, meant to give us symptoms to treat with expensive meds over actually curing our issues as well. As would be the will of Mammon. Pay up and never stop paying up. Wealth/Money is the solution and fuck anyone who lacks it!
As an aside you will find that what is "right" always lines up with Chruch doctrine/dogma in the end. If you have not, I'd pursue the works of Archbishop Fulton Sheen. He was both a hardcore dogmatic and yet also diplomatic. Few remember/know that he had a very successful show on mainstream television here in America before the diehard commies fully took over the MSM. He'd never get so much as an interview if someone like him made that pitch for a show nowadays.
Last edited by End; 12-09-2021 at 12:21 PM.
That's gonna involve attachment. Like I keep saying, that's the main concern in regards to interpersonal relationships and that goes double for romantic ones. You gotta just fess up and honestly apologize. If she gets that you're being honest and earnestly seeking to connect with her she'll understand and actually thank you for that. You're likely the first person she's met to do so.This feels like quite the cliffhanger you left me in, because this is rather interesting. Care to elaborate with some examples, please?
Regarding dating, by the way, does anyone have an idea on how to apologize to an ESI, who's feelings one unintentionally hurt? LIEs like myself can be quite clumsy with feelings, after all.
Now, if she's broken you're gonna find out pretty quick as that honest and earnest apology won't be enough for her. Not really. She might put up a front for a second or two but that's just theimpulse to bully their lover a bit. We ain't called "victims" for nothing. Us liking it and not fighting against it is likewise a point of attraction from their end. Provided, of course, that they ain't going overboard.
If she is I'd bring up attachment and walk her through it. If she wants to overcome it and is open to that possibility she's worth keeping around and helping. If she calls you a crazy nutter or something like that and doesn't break down after a day or two (
Sadly, the middle part is exactly what happened. I already apologized in a for me uncharacteristically open-hearted and vulnerable letter that I spend a long time writing. A friend read it and she said that she could not possibly stay mad at her boyfriend any longer, if she would receive something like this from him after a fight. To her it was clear that I wrote it specifically with my love in mind, as it was written so personally.
Yet he did not agree. Throughout the letter I stated repeatedly how I miss him, yet a day after receiving it his response was a sharp: 'Let it go, because I missed respect from you.', to which I could only respond while tearing up: "I understand and respect your decision. I wish you all the best."
A month later, however, he sent me a simple: "Hey" and we started talking again. I once again apologized, and I expressed my happiness about his return. For a week things went well, or so it seemed. One evening we wished each other good night, but the following morning he had vanished. Not only that, when I tried messaging him, his profile picture was gone and I was answered by a stranger, who attempted to flirt with me. I had no interest in that nonsense and instead persisted in asking what was going on, though I got no answer whatsoever.
At least not a direct answer, his way of phrasing is so familiar to me that even when trying to obscure it, I unmistakably saw through his guise. However, I did not understand why he did this until much later; he had been heartbroken by me and thus did the same to me. An eye for an eye... Makes the whole world blind.
It's not even the first time that he interprets a faux pas by me as an intentional slight and retaliates to this with what he perceives as equal measures. That's one of the main reasons why everything went awry in the first place. I have no doubt that he has attachment issues, as he longs for love, but at the same time aggressively pushes everyone away who gets too close. Nevertheless, I only feel love and understanding for him.
After I puzzled together his motives I tried sending him another apology. When I wrote my message I noticed that his profile had returned to normal with the one exception that he had blocked me. I pondered about it some more and reached the conclusion that my previous apologies all told him that I regret what I did and that I do love him, yet none explained why I had lashed out at him. What happened was that I was incorrectly under the assumption that he had been deceiving me about money, whereas it turned out that he had been honest with me all along, but that he has a rather limited financial understanding. Even my friends didn't realize that when I asked them for advice on the situation. In turn, he sees my breaking up with him as betrayal.
So two days ago I have tried one final time. I rewrote the apology I couldn't send to include what had actually happened and posted it to his other social media account. He is less frequently on there, so I'll have to wait to see if he'll contact me. It's the last idea that I have, if this doesn't work, I don't know what will. In that case, I shall have to move on, regardless of if I want to or not.
Last edited by Armitage; 12-09-2021 at 06:49 PM.
I have even served as an acolyte. My local Pastor invited me together with one of my friends, and I was happy to do so for years. He was a great Pastor, as well as a tremendously kind, inspiring, and open-minded man. He held my parents' marriage, baptized my Sister and me, and carried out my Grandma's funeral. The last conversation I had with him before he passed away was just after he had visited the famous museum of natural history in the city where I study. He was always filled with such awe and wonder for the plants and animals around us. He was an incredibly kind soul.
Although I appreciate Pope Francis, I do not like that he backtracked on his "gay people are people too" quote, even if he was pressured to do so by the rest of the Vatican. Nor can I ignore how the Church looks away on the decades-long child abuse that their clergy committed. Good leadership also means making unfavourable decisions, whenever this serves the best interest of the people. Through their willfull negligence they are complicit in my eyes. To me, an institution that defends such atrocities lacks any and all moral authority. I thus rather rely on my own morals.
I recommend the film Grâce à Dieu. Although it's too intense for too long in my opinion, I think that it accurately portrays the internal problems of the Church, which could fester unopposed for far too long. I think the only appropriate comment I can make on this is: May God forgive them for their sins, for I cannot.
Last edited by Armitage; 12-09-2021 at 06:54 PM.
Damn. Well, attachment issues and romance play out the same way regardless of orientation. Bad attachment (among other things) results in a lack of ability and/or receptiveness towards genuine emotional intimacy (I myself was firmly in the latter category). Genuine emotional intimacy is one of the primary reason people seek romance or are receptive to it in the first place. You are correct. He definitely has them and has them rather badly.
If he does get back with you I'd try to explain the concept to him and offer to be a "safe" person he can open up to. After all, he's put you through a lot of shit and you're still there because you love him. If you were going to hate or abandon him you'd have done it already. If you can help him find 2 other people to also do that with the issues resolve themselves rather quickly as the brain reworks those pathways and stops activating the limbic system when people get "close" and the like. Three people seems to be the magic number. Once a person believes that at least three other people genuinely care about them flaws and all the issues rapidly disappear. Once those issues are resolved he'll be a great partner (and just happier overall). If he does not, then be sure to bring it up with your next partner on the first date. It really is the primary determinant factor regarding whether or not a romantic relationship will be successful long term. If the other person has them and wants to be rid of them it'll take patience on your part but it's worth it as fixing that fixes a ton of psychological issues. It'd actually cure them of disorders and the like. Of course, "cured" people have no need of big Pharma's psych meds. Hence why this knowledge isn't widely disseminated in the mainstream.
Also, they are subtle, nasty, insidious things. Take some time to reflect on your own actions and mindset. I've done that and I noticed how I had self-sabotaged all of my own prospective romances. I was dismissive-avoidant. Many girls did show interest in me. Pretty good-looking ones too, but I never followed up or really socialized with other people in general. Classic paranoid loner ILI. I'm working on changing that. Just knowing about them and their existence isn't enough. Like I've said elsewhere, the modern world is basically custom built to ensure we all get attachment issues. One can think they're free of them, and then act in the predictable manner one who has them would act and never notice at the time. I've recommended it elsewhere but "No More Mister Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover is a great resource on this and is written, as you likely guessed from the title, for men. Though its lessons could easily be ported over to women.
Thanks for the advice! Her house is no-go, apparently it's a sharehouse and no dudes allowed lol. But now I just bring her over to my place when my mum goes out so it's fine.
Well, it's been a while since my last update, basically I'm dating the SEI now and already making plans to live together lol. For the first time ever in my life I'm in a dual relationship. Holy shit, it really is everything it's hyped up to be and much, much more. I mean obviously we're in the honeymoon phase right now but it's just so much more intense than anything I've experienced. I never met a woman that actually likes some of my childish idiosyncrasies. First time ever I feel genuinely appreciated and that the other party doesn't try to change who I am. Also I feel AMAZING like I got so much energy and willpower now lol. I'm seriously considering retyping as VLEF.
She says she hates cooking and sucks at it but every time we meet she gives me some homemade pie or snacks
After so much interaction, I've narrowed down her type to SEI-Fe, so/sp, FExx. The so/sp (vs my sx/sp) is a source of disagreement sometimes. She doeesn't understand why I'm so obsessive sometimes lol. But she doesn't really mind it. To me, it seems she prioritizes spending time with friends instead of together. The Psyche Yoga mismatch is barely noticeable. She's definitely 2E so I don't feel it on my 3rd.
YASSS! Happy to hear that @The Banana KingDuality relationships are something else! Enjoy!!
You can always pay hommage to your screen name and monkey climb the building all Donkey Kong style to save your Princess Peach.
Or is it the other way around and will she come for you?
Anyway, glad to hear it's working out, dude! And kind of your mother that she gives the two of you some privacy. She must be really happy to see the two of you so in love.
Living together might actually be better feasible, than going to live on your own, given that the two of you can now share the costs. What's it actually that each of you does for a living/studying, if I may ask?
Additionally, before renting a place together, I would always recommend going on a holiday first, because that's one of the best ways to find out what your 24/7 dynamics are like and what each other's daily habits are. Everyone is raised a certain way after all and living together thus means adapting to each other's style. Therefore, going on vacation together is a solid way of getting to know each other better beforehand. It doesn't even have to be costly or far away, there even exist people who enjoy camping in a tent. In the end, going on holiday is all about getting away from the distractions of your daily lives to focus on each other and form a stronger bond. Even more, it would be especially romantic during the Christmas season. Although that tent might be a bit frisky now, so better warm each other up.
By the way, what do VLEF, FExx, and 2E mean? Does it refer to her being a SEI with emphasis on Extroverted Ethics?
It sounds to me like the SLI is more interested into you than the SLE. If one cares, one makes time to reply, regardless of a busy job. That's my two cents, but it's your choice.
So SEIs shoving food on ILEs is really a thing huh
Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome
Aw thanks. Yeah from my experience of going on dates with SLEs..I will try not to take them too seriously at first/ for quite a while..they seem to view dating much too like a game/playing a part. I mean fair enough in a way, when it comes to dating apps there isn’t that initial gravitation towards someone that happens when you meet someone in real life. But they do get in my head so best to be careful. Oh I found an SEE too
and yeah I agree that if someone is interested they’ll reply quickly because..why not it’s not hard to go for a quick drink..
That sounds like a wise attitude to have around SLEs.
And a SEI as well, wasn't it? It sounds like you have choice a plenty. I don't know how you do the balancing act of giving them all equal attention? Even in the begin stages, I subconsciously always tend to priotize one over everyone else, I'm not really good at distributing my emotions evenly, haha.Oh I found an SEE too
I’m like that too, can only ‘feel’ something for one person at a time, even if it’s early stages. I think I only like the SEI as a friend for the moment, having a little break from chatting. Happened naturally..sort of.
The SLI added me on Facebook and I didn’t know whether to accept..so I messaged the SLE because I wanted to see how I’d feel if he messaged back..he did but not that much so I went ahead and accepted the SLI on fb. His fb profile scared me off a little bit..and then I remembered a hot SEE who I’d matched with but had seemed a bit forward so I stopped chatting to him. I looked back at the messages and realised it wasn’t that bad and now we’re talking again. But he has gone away for Xmas so now I’m trying to take my mind off him lol. Bear in mind I’ve only met the SLI and SEI.
I started ‘looking’ properly in July and it took me a while to get out of dual seeking mode, even though I was trying. The positive thing I’ve taken from this is that..whilst I am somewhat fussy regarding type, I’ve become less judgemental when it comes to other aspects of personality. It took a while for the SLI to grow on me and even though he seems a bit odd I’m not saying never. Also when I decided to talk to the SEE again I realised he was nicer/more interesting than I first thought.
So I’m hoping I can trust my instincts a bit more now in ‘finding someone’. Also it would be good to have a few maybes in case you start something with someone and it doesn’t work
That sounds completely fair, as long as he knows that too. It's nice to also have some friends from the other gender. Diversity is enlightening.
If I may ask, has the SLE ever messaged you first, or do you always have to drag it out of him?
Now you got everyone curious and wondering what's so frightening that he posted on his Facebook profile.
It sounds like a good idea then to plan meeting up with the SEE once he returns. Though knowing SEEs, when he agrees I would definitely send a reminder later on, because generally they're not the best at remembering appointments in the long-term.
Yeah, getting into relationships is a tough biscuit. Do you like any sports, because to my knowledge Se-doms frequently excel at them. You can even just watch as a spectator and be assured that you'll stumble into them.
Keeping an open mind is always good, as people can surprise you. Though what I tend to hear in this is that you kinda already discounted the SLI for his oddities. He might not be your best bet if you already feel like this about him, though you can always check that by going on a casual date with him, in order to find out for sure. I wouldn't yet put a ring on him, since it might be better to keep your eyes open for a while longer. Who knows how much you'll like the SEE when meeting up with him?
Life's all trial and error, and through your dating experiences you develop your instincts. I believe that things will turn out right for you, as long as you keep on trying, even though it might not be a straight path from A to B, but then again no-one's life is.
At the beginning it's nice to have options for when things don't work out, but eventually you'll have to decide to become exclusive and go steady or not, and if you do you cannot keep those maybe's hanging. But probably I'm kicking at an open door with this. #Captain_Obvious_to_the_rescue Also, do you know that the sky is blue, unless when it's not?Also it would be good to have a few maybes in case you start something with someone and it doesn’t work
Last edited by Armitage; 12-10-2021 at 04:58 PM.
Yeah we will have that conversation..and I agree 100% about having male friends. It's fun and they can offer a different type of support than women.
drag it out lol and no he hasn't messaged first. I don't think I'll message him again now unless he messages first.
it's not that bad..he seems to have some unconventional (but sort of interesting) political views regarding Covid and also a few posts that seem a bit resentful towards women. But I don't think he's a bad guy.Now you got everyone curious and wondering what's so frightening that he posted on his Facebook profile.
Nope..but I do go clubbing so that's a good way to meet SEEs/ maybe ILEs. I'm gonna make an effort to talk to people more on nights out.
Yeah and SLI guy is away studying for a while so I can put him out of my mind a bit. See how the next six months go..It's true, someone might not be truly ready for a relationship or mentally healthy enough for one which is something to look out for.
Yeah..it feels good to be putting myself out there and learning from one date to the next.
Hmm I think I'll be ready to give it a go if the other person isAt the beginning it's nice to have options for when things don't work out, but eventually you'll have to decide to become exclusive and go steady or not, and if you do you cannot keep those maybe's hanging. But probably I'm kicking at an open door with this. #Captain_Obvious_to_the_rescue Also, did you know that the sky is blue, unless when it's not?
I'm a broke student right now. She barely gets by as a hairdresser. So a vacation is beyond our means. But I really like the idea of a camping trip! I'm gonna try that, maybe about a month or two from now, cuz I have to "warm her up" to the ideaYou can always pay hommage to your screen name and monkey climb the building all Donkey Kong style to save your Princess Peach.
Or is it the other way around and will she come for you?
Anyway, glad to hear it's working out, dude! And kind of your mother that she gives the two of you some privacy. She must be really happy to see the two of you so in love.
Living together might actually be better feasible, than going to live on your own, given that the two of you can now share the costs. What's it actually that each of you does for a living/studying, if I may ask?
Additionally, before renting a place together, I would always recommend going on a holiday first, because that's one of the best ways to find out what your 24/7 dynamics are like and what each other's daily habits are. Everyone is raised a certain way after all and living together thus means adapting to each other's style. Therefore, going on vacation together is a solid way of getting to know each other better beforehand. It doesn't even have to be costly or far away, there even exist people who enjoy camping in a tent. In the end, going on holiday is all about getting away from the distractions of your daily lives to focus on each other and form a stronger bond. Even more, it would be especially romantic during the Christmas season. Although that tent might be a bit frisky now, so better warm each other up.
By the way, what do VLEF, FExx, and 2E mean? Does it refer to her being a SEI with emphasis on Extroverted Ethics?. She likes comfort too much but I'll convince her somehow. Never did winter camping but I bet it's real fun and cozy to do with a significant other
All those are Psyche Yoga/Attitudinal Psyche notations, VLEF, FELV, FEVL are different types, 2E represents Emotion as 2nd function. Basically she is flexible in dealing with her own and other's emotions. Emotionally manipulative but in a constructive way I guess lol.
Yeah, it's not the first time it happened to me either lol. Back in middle/high school some classmates would donate their leftovers to me, usually Si leads or Si-polrs that thought the food was gross.
On the other hand, an ILE-Ne friend of mine has a SEI-Si bff, and the ILE is the one always cooking stuff for the SEI to eatI always found it weird that this ILE dude liked (and was skilled at) cooking so much. He made pretty elaborate dishes sometimes.
Personally I enjoy eating much more than cooking but it's a necessary evil I guess. I do enjoy cooking with my mom or gf however lol.
Being called "naughty" is a big turn off for obvious reasons. You (no not you literally but you hopefully get my point), my prospective wife/partner, aren't supposed to be my mother, you're supposed to be my lover. Now if you cursed me for doing/awakening something within you as you shoved me onto your bed or something like that on the other hand
I never really got/understood that. You'd think the extrovert would love to have an introvert help them and that they'd relish being the one who gets to take the credit. That may be an ILI-SEE dynamic at play however. I am more than happy to be the "Grand Vizier"/power behind the throne. The SEE can get all the attention and credit for my efforts. All that matters to me is that I achieved my ends and if my dual's ends matched up with mine own so much the better
I've said it elsewhere but it bears repeating. I don't give a flying fuck about credit or standing. All I care about is winning/achieving my ends. So long as I don't have to bow down and suck Satan's cock and/or do something objectively immoral to get there I'm game!
Last edited by End; 12-11-2021 at 04:37 AM.
It does sound to me particular to the SEE/ILI dynamic, because I would prefer to share the limelight with my partner and be a power couple. I want to show the world how great, loving, and successful we are together.I never really got/understood that. You'd think the extrovert would love to have an introvert help them and that they'd relish being the one who gets to take the credit. That may be an ILI-SEE dynamic at play however. I am more than happy to be the "Grand Vizier"/power behind the throne. The SEE can get all the attention and credit for my efforts. All that matters to me is that I achieved my ends and if my dual's ends matched up with mine own so much the better
I've said it elsewhere but it bears repeating. I don't give a flying fuck about credit or standing. All I care about is winning/achieving my ends. So long as I don't have to bow down and suck Satan's cock and/or do something objectively immoral to get there I'm game!
Though I too find it more important to realize my goals, than to receive the credits for them. People who keep boasting I find off-putting, instead I let my achievements speak for themselves.
The dude has reacted to my message on his other social media account. I poured my whole heart out to him and all I got was a meagre "Hello". Moreover, since writing that he hasn't even checked his profile to await my reply. If he had truly loved me he would have frequented it. I'm loyal, but I cannot love someone who keeps hurting me and doesn't care. I've given it my all, but in a relationship two have to tango, so I let it go.
Now I just have to end it... Personally I hope that he simply never bothers to send me a second message, and that that's it, but I doubt that it'll be that easy.
But it feels good to have finally reached a decision with my heart, and even one that both my logic and my friends agree with. No more exhausting vacillating between my feelings and my reasoning. 1D Fi can be a struggle at times.
With this off my mind, I can finally focus again on getting my study work done.
Last edited by Armitage; 12-15-2021 at 11:29 AM.
@Armitage, your post has “Victim” written all over it. I recognize the point of view. Being a Victim sucks sometimes, but not as much as falling for someone with an Avoidant attachment style.
I recommend that you buy Jeb Kinnison’s book Avoidant: How to Love or Leave a Dismissive Partner.
Here, I fixed it for you.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
― Anais Nin
@Armitage I'm sorry for your pain, and glad that you have reached a decision and are feeling your ability to focus on other matters returning. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I met a really nice and attractive woman from Tinder. We went to a concert together. Based on pics and our conversation I had hoped that she could be LII, but I think she is an ILI. She is really nice, a normalizer. I could see IEI also, but I think ILI fits better.
So, it felt kindof awkward, because in a way it was nice, but the incompatibility was also clear to me. Should I write her and explain that I think she's nice but I don't think we are compatible? These situations are hard.
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
I've been in situations like that. You can write her, but telling her in person is more polite. And more awkward. Lol.
"I'm breaking up with you, not because I don't like you, but because I follow the teachings of an obscure Russian cult that says you and I could never be happy together."
Oh, yeah.
Say that to her with a straight face, and you're ready for the stage. Also, she's going to think that you're really, really bad at breaking up, but that actually might work in your favor because you're never going to see her again and you don't have to try to appear normal.
Resist the temptation to introduce her to an SEE. That's the coward's way out.
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