Examples of Conflictor Interactions

[Sol]

Dmitry Puchkov (ISTP), Klim Zhukov (ENFJ)

[Beautiful sky]

My LSE sister is married to an IEI male which, of course, is a Conflict marriage. She earns the money, he works around the house and tells her to "get off her fat ass" and earn more. He has never held a full-time job since they got married, but she is desperate for connection, so she supports him and funds his 'searches for his inner male' adventures (which he goes on alone). They don't have kids, because that would take money away from his activities. When she lost her job as a pharmacist, he "befriended" her best friend, a successful lawyer, until my sister got another pharmacist job. Lest it seem that I'm painting the relationship as being one-way, he is very good at working around the house, he selects things for it of very high quality, he takes shit from no one, and he is a master at navigating life changes. She very much appreciates these qualities in him.
Now that I think of it, their relationship is very much like the ones described by Stratiyevskaya between LSE and IEI.
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...Stratiyevskaya
I kind of think that their marriage has made them into people who are very different from whom they would otherwise have been.
I don't know if their marriage is successful, or psychologically good for either of them, but they are still married, and that is more than I can say about me and my ex-wife.

Does conflict bring out the worst in people or have you mistyped him and he is SEE? I say that because benefits relationship is common with LSE. They seem to like them more than they like me.

Diverging. Yeah that's just rude. She should tell him if he wants more like a gaping hole in his neck (thirst for money) he should go get it himself.

[Sol]

Does conflict bring out the worst in people

Conflictor suppresses the psychic. One of ways to "bring out the worst" is to ignore superego block, while a conflictor will oppose to this.

[weirdleftovers]

I dated my conflictor (LSE) briefly. I was fairly older than he was. I remember thinking 'there is something almost perfect about this'. He found me to be a bit cold and said I didn't always treat him nicely. He had a problem with me earning more. I also recall a difference in our style of dress. I enjoy dressing up for dates. He considered clean jeans and a nice t-shirt dressy. I didn't have issue with how he dressed, but I could see he felt under dressed next to me. There were many superficial, materialist differences that put him off. He made comments about how nice the neighborhood I lived in was compared to his, how nicer my car was than his, on and on. I found the constant comparison annoying as I never thought less of him because of anything. He didn't bring out the worst in me, but I felt a chronic longing while dating.

I grew up in a beta household. My parents were (dad has since passed) perfect duals if that exists. Mom is EIE-fe, dad was LSI-ti. Their enneagrams were compatible, their instinct variants were compatible, even their astrological signs were compatible. My brothers and I are all betas as well, so getting along was very easy. I never realized the importance of psychological distance until I was married as my first boyfriend was my dual SLE-se (longest relationship prior to marriage). I now appreciate relationships with others that aren't so draining and unfulfilling by nature. My ex-husband is an SEI, not a good move. We fought for the same position as we essentially take on the same/very similar role in our dual relationships. Friendship was great, but it should've stayed at that. IRL, every SLE I know has been unfaithful whether married or dating. This concerns me about being with my dual. Their natural charm can get them into trouble before they realize it (I could be making excuses for them too).

[Beautiful sky]

I dated my conflictor (LSE) briefly. I was fairly older than he was. I remember thinking 'there is something almost perfect about this'. He found me to be a bit cold and said I didn't always treat him nicely. He had a problem with me earning more. I also recall a difference in our style of dress. I enjoy dressing up for dates. He considered clean jeans and a nice t-shirt dressy. I didn't have issue with how he dressed, but I could see he felt under dressed next to me. There were many superficial, materialist differences that put him off. He made comments about how nice the neighborhood I lived in was compared to his, how nicer my car was than his, on and on. I found the constant comparison annoying as I never thought less of him because of anything. He didn't bring out the worst in me, but I felt a chronic longing while dating.

I grew up in a beta household. My parents were (dad has since passed) perfect duals if that exists. Mom is EIE-fe, dad was LSI-ti. Their enneagrams were compatible, their instinct variants were compatible, even their astrological signs were compatible. My brothers and I are all betas as well, so getting along was very easy. I never realized the importance of psychological distance until I was married as my first boyfriend was my dual SLE-se (longest relationship prior to marriage). I now appreciate relationships with others that aren't so draining and unfulfilling by nature. My ex-husband is an SEI, not a good move. We fought for the same position as we essentially take on the same/very similar role in our dual relationships. Friendship was great, but it should've stayed at that. IRL, every SLE I know has been unfaithful whether married or dating. This concerns me about being with my dual. Their natural charm can get them into trouble before they realize it (I could be making excuses for them too).

You have a very interesting story. I'm sure that the LSE was just stating observed facts.

Those facts really put a nitch in your polr function didn't it?

I would have said "all the best that I have a nicer house. You can move in here and we'll travel"

[weirdleftovers]

You have a very interesting story. I'm sure that the LSE was just stating observed facts.

I was indifferent to his truth about me as I saw his point-of-view. I'm not sure the reason (type, enneagram, etc), but I'm fairly emotionally indifferent, at least externally. ILI's seem to pick-up on my emotional subtleties, which is impressive.

[Olimpia]

He found me to be a bit cold and said I didn't always treat him nicely. He had a problem with me earning more. I also recall a difference in our style of dress. I enjoy dressing up for dates. He considered clean jeans and a nice t-shirt dressy. I didn't have issue with how he dressed, but I could see he felt under dressed next to me. There were many superficial, materialist differences that put him off. He made comments about how nice the neighborhood I lived in was compared to his, how nicer my car was than his, on and on.

Since when do IEIs ever happen to earn more than LSEs? Haha.

May I ask what your profession is that makes you earn so well? I don't know any IEIs, especially with the 495 tritype, engaging in very lucrative jobs (aka Te stuff). I could only see it if they happened to be lucky or very determined/motivated.

Anyway, what you described there sounds a lot like a Type 3 guy who could not handle being with someone who was more successful than them. Maybe he was actually LSE, but what if he was an SEE or IEE with Te HA who just sucked at being efficient?

At last, what about your behavior could have come across as "cold"? Were you constantly annoyed by him? Otherwise I don't see why Fe Creative types would show "coldness" outwardly.
Fe tends to try to come across as pleasant and warm, especially when they like someone or consider them close to "perfect".

[weirdleftovers]

May I ask what your profession is that makes you earn so well? I don't know any IEIs, especially with the 495 tritype, engaging in very lucrative jobs (aka Te stuff). I could only see it if they happened to be lucky or very determined/motivated.

The age difference played a large part in income. I'm 8yrs older than he is. I'm in nursing. There are other variables that make me "motivated" one being upbringing. Education is extremely important and enforced in my family, both sides.

Anyway, what you described there sounds a lot like a Type 3 guy who could not handle being with someone who was more successful than them. Maybe he was actually LSE, but what if he was an SEE or IEE with Te HA who just sucked at being efficient?

He was LSE-Si. I've dated an IEE, will never do that again and SEE, we at least have some psychological closeness (although they can get annoying).

At last, what about your behavior could have come across as "cold"? Were you constantly annoyed by him? Otherwise I don't see why Fe Creative types would show "coldness" outwardly. Fe tends to try to come across as pleasant and warm, especially when they like someone or consider them close to "perfect".

Honestly, you'd have to ask him. I integrate astrology into a person's make-up. One's natal chart combined with personality type gives what I call the race car driver. The driver is one's psychological/personality type and the car their astrological aspects. The driver has a style that is noticed regardless the type of car he's in, it's his signature moves, so to speak. The car (astrological sign) presents the driver challenges that may alter his style a bit, but you'll still know it's him driving. Me being an Aquarius is why I come off as cold. My mother and EIE is also an Aquarius and she has the same ability. It's this flat, emotionless, mater-of-fact style. It's not how we are all the time. I'm not really like that at work, sometimes though. It's similar to doctors as they're trained to show no emotion when delivering information to patients as patients respond to the doctor's non-verbal cues.

[Eliza Thomason]

...I integrate astrology into a person's make-up. One's natal chart combined with personality type gives what I call the race car driver. The driver is one's psychological/personality type and the car their astrological aspects. The driver has a style that is noticed regardless the type of car he's in, it's his signature moves, so to speak. The car (astrological sign) presents the driver challenges that may alter his style a bit, but you'll still know it's him driving. Me being an Aquarius is why I come off as cold. My mother and EIE is also an Aquarius and she has the same ability. It's this flat, emotionless, mater-of-fact style. It's not how we are all the time. I'm not really like that at work, sometimes though. It's similar to doctors as they're trained to show no emotion when delivering information to patients as patients respond to the doctor's non-verbal cues.

This is really interesting. I like the driver/car way of seeing it. I have noticed that sun signs do not seem to have a pattern into Socionics types, that they overlay in a completely non-systematic way is the only way I could explain it. I can know a person for a short time and often figure out their Socionics type and sometimes also their sun sign (I used to be much better at this; I am rusty). I do not see a pattern of correlation ever - do you?

[weirdleftovers]

This is really interesting. I like the driver/car way of seeing it. I have noticed that sun signs do not seem to have a pattern into Socionics types, that they overlay in a completely non-systematic way is the only way I could explain it. I can know a person for a short time and often figure out their Socionics type and sometimes also their sun sign (I used to be much better at this; I am rusty). I do not see a pattern of correlation ever - do you?

I haven't seen a pattern either. A person's enneagram seems to correlate a bit more with their astrological sign, but not necessary, so even that is case by case. From my knowledge, the sun sign is how we see ourselves and the rising sign is how others see us. I've also heard it described as the sun sign is our basic need with the raising being the method with which we achieve it. However, I can see how one's enneagram could be reflected in their rising sign. Take me for example, one could say my leo rising is reflected by my 4w5 as both are dramatic and self-absorbed, generally speaking. Also, IEIs are known to be better or prefer writing over speaking as writing allows us time to organize our thoughts. IEIs are also said to think in images aka dyslexic thinking, which makes it difficult to articulate images into words. In my natal chart, my mercury is retrograde, which means the exact same thing i.e. I do better writing than speaking in terms of accurately expressing my thoughts and tend towards extreme self-conscious around speaking.

I have an LSI-ti friend E3w4 who has a very idealized self image, is status oriented, subdued and culturally open appreciating beauty and knowledge. His rising sign is Libra, which fits that enneagram description.

I gravitate towards keeping both systems (personality typing and astrological sign) separate. Trying to combine or find a correlation between the two is essentially forcing a fit. One's astrological signs are a combined reflection of their entire natal chart, including all aspects. It's complicated and not a stand alone science, but an art, although some think it's a pseudo-science (I like to keep science out of it).

[Eliza Thomason]

I haven't seen a pattern either. A person's enneagram seems to correlate a bit more with their astrological sign, but not necessary, so even that is case by case. From my knowledge, the sun sign is how we see ourselves and the rising sign is how others see us. I've also heard it described as the sun sign is our basic need with the raising being the method with which we achieve it. However, I can see how one's enneagram could be reflected in their rising sign. Take me for example, one could say my leo rising is reflected by my 4w5 as both are dramatic and self-absorbed, generally speaking. Also, IEIs are known to be better or prefer writing over speaking as writing allows us time to organize our thoughts. IEIs are also said to think in images aka dyslexic thinking, which makes it difficult to articulate images into words. In my natal chart, my mercury is retrograde, which means the exact same thing i.e. I do better writing than speaking in terms of accurately expressing my thoughts and tend towards extreme self-conscious around speaking.

I have an LSI-ti friend E3w4 who has a very idealized self image, is status oriented, subdued and culturally open appreciating beauty and knowledge. His rising sign is Libra, which fits that enneagram description.

I gravitate towards keeping both systems (personality typing and astrological sign) separate. Trying to combine or find a correlation between the two is essentially forcing a fit. One's astrological signs are a combined reflection of their entire natal chart, including all aspects. It's complicated and not a stand alone science, but an art, although some think it's a pseudo-science (I like to keep science out of it).

Well this is all really interesting. Yes, like I said, your car and driver analogy seems very good to me. I also prefer writing to speaking for the same reason - time to organize my thoughts. Speaking one-to one or with people I know, of course I prefer speaking - but when its a group or persons I do not know well - writing is better! But I don't know my mercury or retrograde placements. I must have our charts around somewhere for my husband and I. We both were born about sunrise so we both have sun and rising signs that are the same. I am Libra and he Sagittarius. My moon is Aquarius and his Capricorn. Lots of air in my chart. I remember that our Venus and Mars are nicely compatible, which ever they are, as my friend who has a long serious interest in Astrology sent us those charts when we married two years ago.

I am 1w2 sx/so, and he is 9w8 so/sx... I have a tri-type but I forgot where I put that, too, and its not in my memory... I do not feel as competent about Enneagram though I have read a lot and have a couple of books at least - because I like to understand, but, I have never really liked it. That weird shape thing, it seems "off", causing me to dislike it a bit.

I think the stars do mean something. The Wise Men saw the coming of Jesus in the stars... so the ancient art means something.

[Braingel]

Me with my father.

[Beautiful sky]

I dated an SLE. We roasted coffee and made coffee together at the farmer's market. We were generally a really great team. He wanted to do all the work and only really let me boil water lol. He was a bit impractical in the sense that he was a master of his craft and wanted to continue a practice that was special and should have been more highly appreciated as a craft. It was impractical since one person can only produce a certain amount of coffee and sell it for certain price for it to be lucrative as a business and most people are cheap. They won't pay the price for something that is totally worth it. Being with him was very much like being with someone who did everything for you and it was nice for a while but just not me. I like to do things to be the queen and in charge of shit too. My LSE appreciates the fact that I'm more of the partner than the pet.
@Tim
@Braingel your father is abusive and he probably doesn't know any other way to be. Normal people aren't that way. You need to address that issue constructively with him and get him to STOP

[The Reality Denialist]

ESI's try to dodge my speech and I might get quite fierce when they try to control me.

[Great]

Me: *explicating details about my life and my relationships in a rapid manner*

ILE: *runs away*

Happened once.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

well idk but conflictor sex can be really good. Especially initially. If you are sensory deprived and try to build a relationship just on hot sex you might try to make it work even though that will naturally fizzle out and you will get trolled by your psychological weak points and stuff. Your dual will tease you (because they like you) I mean but your conflictor- it will feel more like a serious sting. As your real values are trampled on. I don't think too many people are really that much of a masochist. Also probably depends on what type your family and friends are and if you had good influences enough of the other type. But to me over the time- the idea of anybody sacrificing their real *values* for other people is just ehhh not going to go over too well.

what I like about the socionics.com description is that it describes SLE as tactful - even though it also said it's good at pouncing on weaknesses etc. It described the LSE as more of the asshole which I think is accurate. I don't really get along or respond well to actual assholes- maybe a playful asshole but that has no realness to me. It also kinda described LSE as the conservative "anti-gay" type which I think... also makes a lot of sense, obviously lol. There is a lot of that site got wrong but there are things it got right too, I think.

[Baqer]

I grew up with conflictor parents, SEE mom and LII dad. They get along well enough, until a disagreement comes up, and either it starts off with my dad criticizing my mom on some Ti thing or my mom going to her first instinct and immediately raising her voice to tell my dad something, which gets him mad and yelling. They are physically unable to solve any problems together, if they were any younger I'd have told them personally they should just divorce.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

I feel like they're talking to me like I'm stupid or they think they're better than me.

I always ask "Why is this person talking to me like this? What did I do to them?"

[PinKDiGiT18]

The conflictor girl I went to high school with (who was very popular) seemed to oscillate between wanting to get on my good side and wanting to establish social dominance over me. I was introverted/reserved in high school and it never made sense to me why she paid so much attention to the few friendships/connections I made, and sought to interfere with them. We were in different social spheres and almost never interacted personally.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

I feel like it goes like this:

to my conflictor:

"You have no imagination, no emotions, you're like a robot."

To my dual:
"You have no imagination, no emotions, you're like a robot."

[PinKDiGiT18]

I feel like it goes like this:

to my conflictor:

"You have no imagination, no emotions, you're like a robot."

To my dual:
"You have no imagination, no emotions, you're like a robot."

LOLLLL

It’s because deep down every LSI just wants to be drowned in emotional acceptance and reciprocity, but every SLI wants emotional protection from all things outside themselves.

[MissDucki]

LOLLLL

It’s because deep down every LSI just wants to be drowned in emotional acceptance and reciprocity, but every SLI wants emotional protection from all things outside themselves.

Omg that makes soooo much sense when my mom doesn’t like it when I get all Fe-like LMAO

[The Reality Denialist]

Omg that makes soooo much sense when my mom doesn’t like it when I get all Fe-like LMAO

To feel bad about something seems like the end of the world for some SLI's? And IEE's flock around to tell SLI that he/she experienced wrongness rightfully.

[And when my positivist worldview gets shattered I want to pack my things and move to another galaxy leaving no traces behind. Umm..positivist issues seem similar. Deep down we are total wimps.]

[Beautiful sky]

Let’s see

SLE: “I love these people “

Also, “get the f***out”

Rude and sweet. Both a pleasure and pain for me but overall steps on my Fi feelings and since I ignore Fe I HAVE to force myself to see the humor in things or see it could be funny

Outch too much work

[MissDucki]

To feel bad about something seems like the end of the world for some SLI's? And IEE's flock around to tell SLI that he/she experienced wrongness rightfully.

[And when my positivist worldview gets shattered I want to pack my things and move to another galaxy leaving no traces behind. Umm..positivist issues seem similar. Deep down we are total wimps.]

My mom doesn’t like a lot of Fe expressions, especially if it’s negative, she’s seems to get really really put off by it and react a bit negatively sometimes to me because of it lol. We hit eachothers Polr a lotttt

Come to the dark side, we have cookies and blow

[lkdhf qkb]

I feel like they're talking to me like I'm stupid or they think they're better than me.

I always ask "Why is this person talking to me like this? What did I do to them?"

Yea some SLIs just go around infantilizing people.

Sometimes it feels like LSIs talk to me as if I'm a threat to the "system" and they are some kind of policeman. Guilty by default of deviousness, exit the presumption of innocence. They are not talking to me as a human but as representing all people who invent schemes to bend the rules. It's not a dialogue, but a theater play. What did I do to deserve such suspicion? Is there anything wrong, sir?

“Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything truly wrong, he was arrested.”
[...]
“But I’m not guilty,” said K. “there’s been a mistake. How is it even possible for someone to be guilty? We’re all human beings here, one like the other.” “That is true” said the priest “but that is how the guilty speak”
― Franz Kafka, The Trial

[lkdhf qkb]

To feel bad about something seems like the end of the world for some SLI's?

I've noticed that too. Is that positivism?

And IEE's flock around to tell SLI that he/she experienced wrongness rightfully.

I think IEE try to empathize when someone feels bad to make them feel better. The whole "you're right, this person is bad, end of discussion" is more how Gamma Fi works. Ne can see multiple points of view being true simultaneously and doesn't bother with definitive(Se+Fi) ethical judgements.

[The Reality Denialist]

I've noticed that too. Is that positivism?

Low inclination to act when it comes to setting things right. Because... you just want to trust the world.

[lkdhf qkb]

Low inclination to act when it comes to setting things right. Because... you just want to trust the world.

hmm that's mb a bit lazy and deluded, bc solutions rarely fall from the sky

But it coincides with my experience of being expected to be an emotional housekeeper around SLIs, it's what I meant with 'having to clean up their messes' in a previous post

[MissDucki]

The biggest issue I just tend to find with conflictors is that they can’t seem to understand and get through with each other and this can lead to feeling attacked or misunderstood and then that goes downhill. Funny thing is your conflictive has all the same function you need but the opposite function and +\- functions.

Ive never had too many issues with conflictors as we seem to be both heavily aware that we are different and that we tend to communicate more heavily in what we have in common and be a bit more lenient with eachothers. It’s not always good to get down to the nitty gritty of preferences with eachother unless it’s like 100% pure acceptance even if we don’t understand. That’s the only way I find it can work. I find that duals like my preference and understand my views naturally while some conflictors it can lead to some high key triggering and heavy push back and devalu-ing from both sides. Also I noticed that LIE advice is something I only seem to understand until after I but myself through the ringer and TRULY see it. It’s like I sometimes a bit naturally distrustful of it for some reason even if I know it’s right. To me the fights and heavy hitting seem to be more aggravated is all and a natural grate. I tend to have more issues with LSE then LIE but I think that’s just cause I have been in much much closer contact and working then my conflictors.

I love my LIE friend and we are very close and have a lot in common. We have mentioned to eachother that we would not be good in a romantic relationship and I don’t think a working relationship would work out either. But, we were roommates and eachothers rock and we went through a lotttt of shit together. Communication and our personal needs are very very different but we make it work. She gets me out in the world and I bring some security and grounding. It helps that she is a type 3 as it makes relations much easier as I understand her better then a enneagram 1 LIE (that I would conflict the most to be honest). She is my blind spot so if I have anything that involves Te or Ni then I throw it to her to help with and let her do her thing. She does the same for me. I think this relationship you need a lot of patience and 100% acceptance even if you don’t understand. Though this only works if both people are healthy and mature. I can imagine unhealthy and immature conflictors can be a blood bath.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

Even though I don't like when people label all the people in their life they have trouble with as their conflictor. This sounds like my relationship with my mother-in-law.