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Thread: Delta Lounge

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I ordered 5 books for my daughter -used of course because I'm huge into reuse recycling
    well you must be very proud of yourself
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Moss-covered books are the future.

    I wouldn't buy used simply because I'm a collector. But library exemplaries are good for first time reads.
    “I want the following word: splendor, splendor is fruit in all its succulence, fruit without sadness. I want vast distances. My savage intuition of myself.”
    Clarice Lispector

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    My alarm clock is my dual. It tells me when I need to get up, start working on something, keeps me accountable, tells me when I need to tend to responsibilities, and when to take a break.

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    So it has been awhile since I've spoke to the LSE co-worker girl at my job. There recently was an employee appreciation party that I went to and tons of employees showed up. My SEE co-worker friend sees me at the party, literally grabs me and yells for the LSE co-worker to come over. She comes over, and it has been awhile since we spoke, she had to walk all the way over from where she was and she says "Oh, look who decided to join us." and we give each other a hug. The way I felt was like it was some special reunion, I could feel some enthusiasm, but I could also feel that the SEE who also has a crush on the LSE girl also could sense it was some kind of special reunion because he just watched in silence while we were hugging each other. It felt like some light was turned on inside my chest. She seemed slightly enthusiastic as well. But then, after we hugged and she stood to talk to us for a while, I felt the need to not engage her as much because it hurts for me to since she has a boyfriend. Not sure if she expected me to engage her or not but after I decided to just talk to my SEE friend for awhile she walks all the way back from where she just came from. This usually doesn't happen, when she's around me it's all jokes and laughter, so maybe she expected that, but she saw me, smiled, talked for a bit didn't smile anymore, and then must have gotten bored and walked back. For the rest of the party we did not talk and right as I was about to leave I caught her and SEE together to say goodbye, I say goodbye to SEE and then extend my hand out to high five LSE for a goodbye, instead of the high five she gives me a hug but doesn't smile and just plainly says bye, my initial feeling was that I felt like she felt I treated her poorly since I haven't talked to her at work in awhile and that I didn't even talk to her at the party, I felt like I did something wrong when I saw the expression on her face even though she gave me a hug. I felt like I had did a misdeed or something in the friendship, but I also don't know what to do because I don't ever pay special attention to women as friends very much and I definitely don't talk to girls I have feelings for but who also have boyfriends, all my avoiding comes from the thought "Look you have a boyfriend, I can't be the same with you anymore, as far as I know it's better that I just leave you alone." When the SEE friend saw that she hugged me instead of high fived me he yells "BYE!" as if to rush me out of there, makes me think he was jealous or something lol.

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    best dual relation I have is with LSE friend. He does have classic caretaker tendencies and sometimes offers to for me to rely on him financially which is very kind of him, but it feels like taking an offer like that is taking advantage of someone. Do caretakers feel like they get taken advantage of alot? Maybe just an E2 thing I'm seeing.

    I feel like 4D Te and Se together are real good at taking care of others needs but 1D Fi and Ni together doesn't always look out for their own best interest, not sure if that's the issue or not. Because all I see is my friend getting bitter in the future if I really took him up on some of his generous offers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    best dual relation I have is with LSE friend. He does have classic caretaker tendencies and sometimes offers to for me to rely on him financially which is very kind of him, but it feels like taking an offer like that is taking advantage of someone. Do caretakers feel like they get taken advantage of alot? Maybe just an E2 thing I'm seeing.

    I feel like 4D Te and Se together are real good at taking care of others needs but 1D Fi and Ni together doesn't always look out for their own best interest, not sure if that's the issue or not. Because all I see is my friend getting bitter in the future if I really took him up on some of his generous offers.
    Yes, I agree that some LSEs can be like that. E2 or other predispositions toward caring about people's wellbeing (aka a soft heart) can lead to them being taken advantage of. Often I think they're aware and logical enough to realize it, but the weakness in / low confidence in managing relationships can lead them to taking on more than they should. Or, conversely, shutting down when they don't need to.

    Once they are confident in what boundaries need to be in place, they can be good at establishing them. But it's that low confidence in relations that can trip them up. That's where us who can tell them what's appropriate and what's not can help them. Like asking them "what if" questions to point out possible pitfalls in their offers - "What if I lose my job and can't pay you back?" "How much would it bother you if [this generous offer] ended up not panning out how we hoped?" etc. Sometimes they'll modify their offers based on that, and it's a friendly process.

    Something else to consider is that the LSE might not see it as a strictly one-way generosity. They might see value in us that we don't. Over and over I've found that just being a kindly, trustworthy, encouraging presence seems to lift them up and give them sustenance. They might go overboard sometimes in generosity and need some cautioning on how much to do. But I think if the receivers are responsible and find ways to give back (and know when to refuse), the overall dynamic doesn't have to be poisonous.
    Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    Yes, I agree that some LSEs can be like that. E2 or other predispositions toward caring about people's wellbeing (aka a soft heart) can lead to them being taken advantage of. Often I think they're aware and logical enough to realize it, but the weakness in / low confidence in managing relationships can lead them to taking on more than they should. Or, conversely, shutting down when they don't need to.

    Once they are confident in what boundaries need to be in place, they can be good at establishing them. But it's that low confidence in relations that can trip them up. That's where us who can tell them what's appropriate and what's not can help them. Like asking them "what if" questions to point out possible pitfalls in their offers - "What if I lose my job and can't pay you back?" "How much would it bother you if [this generous offer] ended up not panning out how we hoped?" etc. Sometimes they'll modify their offers based on that, and it's a friendly process.

    Something else to consider is that the LSE might not see it as a strictly one-way generosity. They might see value in us that we don't. Over and over I've found that just being a kindly, trustworthy, encouraging presence seems to lift them up and give them sustenance. They might go overboard sometimes in generosity and need some cautioning on how much to do. But I think if the receivers are responsible and find ways to give back (and know when to refuse), the overall dynamic doesn't have to be poisonous.
    I didn't know this all came from not knowing how to manage relations.

    As far as the bold I witnessed this with a couple LSE's I didn't know it was an lse thing though, good to know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    My alarm clock is my dual. It tells me when I need to get up, start working on something, keeps me accountable, tells me when I need to tend to responsibilities, and when to take a break.
    and never asks how you're feeling
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Yes, I agree that some LSEs can be like that. E2 or other predispositions toward caring about people's wellbeing (aka a soft heart) can lead to them being taken advantage of. Often I think they're aware and logical enough to realize it, but the weakness in / low confidence in managing relationships can lead them to taking on more than they should. Or, conversely, shutting down when they don't need to.

    Once they are confident in what boundaries need to be in place, they can be good at establishing them. But it's that low confidence in relations that can trip them up. That's where us who can tell them what's appropriate and what's not can help them. Like asking them "what if" questions to point out possible pitfalls in their offers - "What if I lose my job and can't pay you back?" "How much would it bother you if [this generous offer] ended up not panning out how we hoped?" etc. Sometimes they'll modify their offers based on that, and it's a friendly process.

    Something else to consider is that the LSE might not see it as a strictly one-way generosity. They might see value in us that we don't. Over and over I've found that just being a kindly, trustworthy, encouraging presence seems to lift them up and give them sustenance. They might go overboard sometimes in generosity and need some cautioning on how much to do. But I think if the receivers are responsible and find ways to give back (and know when to refuse), the overall dynamic doesn't have to be poisonous.
    I didn't know this all came from not knowing how to manage relations.

    As far as the bold I witnessed this with a couple LSE's I didn't know it was an lse thing though, good to know.
    I think this is particular the case for the softer, more ESE-like and yes higher enneagram 2 LSE. I relate although I'm colder and harsher some.

    I relate a lot to @Minde 's comments on being unsure of how to establish certain boundaries and it's been several years of knowing myself and basically observing this topic before I know how to do it. But I feel like I am now very confident about how to manage this, in large part from finding the right sort of delta NFs to get feetback from, and see how they live it out. I think the delta NFS balance each other out here a lot - similarly, the NFs seem to not be sure how to evaluate value or measure effort in terms of accounting. They sometimes see it as a question of normatively driven outcomes "I feel this is good and want to be seen as doing good so..." rather than a sort of objective assessment of time, money, or energy expenditure.

    "dualization" comes off when the NFs lead to the ST incorporating some of the, lets say, spiritual or deep-interpersonal factors into evaluations of expenditure and production capacity. The STs may lend to the NFs realizing that unless they take care of themselves and have honest accounting with their expenditures, money, time, effort, etc - they are not being as efficient as they could be towards their actual aims of helping or being good about things.



    And yeah, the mere presence of delta NFs puts me at ease, esp in situations I don't feel comfortable with. It takes the edge off of being threat-focused, or interpersonally lacking ease, or hyper-task orientation. I once had some, mildly estranged NF visit me when I was having a tense time with a roommate, and their presence in the building completely changed the atmosphere for me. I think it has to do with not being certain about how to verbalize some of the emotional intricacies or personal feelings relative to the ease of task or objective commentary in a situation, so knowing someone who is present that is very consistent and often fosters articulation and prioritization of what ethically is salient, it takes the burden off of me having to do any extra work to do that.

    That said, though, I do feel better now at this point than any other time in my life to handle those things alone - but not having access to a set of NF friends who I know would support my values, or whom I could call and talk things over as needed - would definitely be a loss.
    Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
    If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.

    ~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
    ~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

  10. #6170
    Serious Left-Static Negativist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I ordered 5 books for my daughter -used of course because I'm huge into reuse recycling
    The book my son enjoyed the most when he was probably your daughter's age was a "book" I made him called "Baby". I had noticed he lit up and said "baby" whenever he saw a picture (or an actual) baby. I used pictures that I loved and had found combing through baby magazines, since I had a few around, and glued them on tan paper, with words like "sleeping" eating" "crawling" and laminated the pages and tied together the book together at the spine with red ribbons. And he was fascinated with each page, and loved when I read the words, "Baby sleeping! Baby eating!"...

    A happy memory! There is drudgery to b e sure but these years go by so fast. The happy loving moments you will remember forever.
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

    .
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    LIE-perceived subjective differences between a Semi-dual (EII) and a Dual (ESI):

    I'm LIE, and I have worked with both a female EII e9 and a female ESI e6. I get along with both of them fantastically. I can take either of them anywhere and they are both supportive, but the EII and I can make plans which don't happen (because, I think we are both short on Se), while the ESI and I make plans which happen and are over all too soon. I'm left wanting more.
    The EII is involved with the financial end of things and because I do not want to keep track of paperwork and she does this, I basically avoid looking at her work, beyond noting that everyone gets paid and no one has gone to jail yet. She does say that she doesn't know how to do some things sometimes, but she somehow figures it out on her own. She also very diplomatically lets me know when the coffers are getting low and I need to work a bit harder on my end of things.
    The ESI sometimes needs some help, but because the projects are art works commissioned by me, I can make helpful technical suggestions to her. The she simply goes away and returns quickly with a finished product. It is over all too quickly for my taste.

    I have also worked with a male EII (e9?) and a male ESI e6, and both are engineers, so I'm more knowledgeable about their work. The male EII is always asking me for help with his designs, always looking for feedback. He tells me that he needs help and that he doesn't know what to do, and I'm always pushing him to be more self-assured and independent in the hope that he will bother me less, but that hasn't happened. He needs help every little step of the way, even after he's been given an example of a previous design that has worked. He's so obviously Te-seeking. He also goes out of his way to talk to me in the hall about music (he's in a band) and I basically have zero interest in this. On the other hand, he produces designs which are quite artistic, if you can believe that a frame to hold laser optics can be beautiful.
    Once, when half the company was out at a restaurant after work, he contrived to sit next to me and I thought the evening was going to be a disaster, but much to my amazement, he and I quickly fell into a conversation and I found myself enjoying the evening immensely. He was smart and funny and really a pleasure to be around. I would never have guessed this.
    (As a side note, both he and the ILE at work have privately mentioned to me that they don't get along with the other, which just confirms the inherent toxicity of Supervision.)

    As for working with the male ESI e6, he also is Te-seeking, but after he gets some guidance and is shown how to do something, he's off like a shot and does the work himself. He's pretty good at engineering design (better than me in some respects) and has a tendency to run so far with the ball that he can get beyond what I think are safe, conservative limits of design. I can also see that he doesn't have the sensitivity to customers that I have developed, in the sense that he flails around a bit in presentations, as if he can't read what they are seeing. On the other hand, I watched him with an intern the other day, and he said in no uncertain terms "This is what I need from you for the presentation tomorrow." Lots of Se there.

    In sum, with regard to Te-seeking, I'd say that the EII's sit in one spot and want to know what has worked in the past before they will make a tiny move forward.
    The ESI's are dithering around and want to be pointed in the right direction and then BAM they are off like a shot and they come back with the wrong things and then are course-corrected and then BAM they are off and they come back with the right thing and then they are off again doing something of their own choosing.

  12. #6172

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post

    In sum, with regard to Te-seeking, I'd say that the EII's sit in one spot and want to know what has worked in the past before they will make a tiny move forward.

    Story of my life.

    I can also explain the sensation.

    Stuck in the spot of a million possibilities, don't know where to start or how what we are trying to accomplish is accomplished, how is this done? Imagine a web of spaghetti strands tangled up, cannot focus on any individual strand, confusion, creating tension in the mind.

    When someone comes and shows examples how something has been done in the past, we can see how the thing works and that route that we can take. We now know the steps that work to get us where we are trying to go. Imagine all the spaghetti strands untangled and straightened, they each can be seen clearly now, clarity, creating relief in the mind. Like an extinguisher to a fire, like cold water on a hot day, complete release from the knots of stress.

    Another good analogy is that we can be drowning in stress and each past example of "how to" is like a solid pebble we can stand on and use to hop towards our destination. Past examples have proven themselves to be consistent and can be trusted like solid ground. Maybe not always but in most cases. This gets rid of a ton of worry.

    That's also how I experience confidence as well, I don't have the "just believe in yourself" kinda confidence that gets promoted alot. Once I see what has worked in the past, I'm filled with confidence that I can use those methods to get results in the future. I'm not longer working from theories and maybes, but solid and tangible tools that are backed up by evidence. The feeling is overall good.
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 08-03-2019 at 05:30 AM.

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    Handmade shoes https://taftclothing.com/ Dunno if it's delta or not ^^;

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    Recently I'm rethinking the "caregiver" dichotomy in socionics. I think it's BULLS. Having many Gamma family members (I do have a rather large family - over 100 members), it's always the ESI, ILI, and SEE who tell me "M, make sure baby isn't out in the sun for too long, it's not good for her; M, it's too windy out cover your baby; M, her eyes look watery, ask the doctor what's going on." While the SLI and LSE are just sitting back and doing their own thing.

    Seriously people get your information straight.
    The SLIs and LSEs probably took the attitude that the baby would express itself if something was wrong. They usually take a somewhat comparatively hands-off approach to parenting. I think it’s a good attitude — make sure a child has food, sufficient resources, and someone there in case something goes wrong, but they don’t need to be coddled over every little thing.

    Personally I wouldn’t too much about the amount of sun or wind a baby gets unless she’s going to get sunburned.

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    Do the pair of functions in each block work together. Like for example the Super Ego block, they are both points of insecurity, do those two functions work together like how the functions in your Ego block work together.

    I ask because anytime my Role is criticized I tend to want to engage my PoLR in an attempt to retaliate. This manifests as someone criticizing my Ti and that makes me want to engage Se aggression to retaliate against the criticism, in other words when someone sincerely calls me stupid I get an impulse to want to punch them in the face. Maybe it's not a function or EII thing idk, but I definitely am not like this with other criticisms, and I definitely do not have an unusually short fuse.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Do the pair of functions in each block work together. Like for example the Super Ego block, they are both points of insecurity, do those two functions work together like how the functions in your Ego block work together.

    I ask because anytime my Role is criticized I tend to want to engage my PoLR in an attempt to retaliate. This manifests as someone criticizing my Ti and that makes me want to engage Se aggression to retaliate against the criticism, in other words when someone sincerely calls me stupid I get an impulse to want to punch them in the face. Maybe it's not a function or EII thing idk, but I definitely am not like this with other criticisms, and I definitely do not have an unusually short fuse.
    mmhm idk if someone called me stupid i would probably want to punch them too, not do it, but just think about it in my head. i think most people will have a similar negative reaction, so it's probably not a se polr thing.

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    this channel oozes maternal si energy


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    Quote Originally Posted by lilith View Post
    mmhm idk if someone called me stupid i would probably want to punch them too, not do it, but just think about it in my head. i think most people will have a similar negative reaction, so it's probably not a se polr thing.
    Is it strong though, like you almost want to actually do it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lilith View Post
    this channel oozes maternal si energy

    Si energy is tasty

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    oh yeah. I could just watch those videos for hours.
    There's also some very soothing videos of people journaling/painting which I find to be very Si focused.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabelFish View Post
    oh yeah. I could just watch those videos for hours.
    There's also some very soothing videos of people journaling/painting which I find to be very Si focused.
    I feel bad for people who don't value Si, the appreciation of aesthetic comfort is far less than it seems to be with those who do
    I wonder if there is a correlation between people who like ASMR and Si valuing.

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    I shamelessly admit that I like ASMR but I'm a purist; Eating sounds are simply disgusting and so are most of the mouth sounds.

    My first "ASMR experience" was in kindergarten, when other kids would play pretend and use me as their patient (they were the doctors).
    I fell asleep multiple times
    “I want the following word: splendor, splendor is fruit in all its succulence, fruit without sadness. I want vast distances. My savage intuition of myself.”
    Clarice Lispector

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baboooshka View Post
    Eating sounds are simply disgusting and so are most of the mouth sounds.
    I don't understand "eating ASMR" too.
    Mostly I like wispering, mic rustling, hand moving hypnosis.

    > My first "ASMR experience" was in kindergarten, when other kids would play pretend and use me as their patient (they were the doctors)

    yep. before all that Internet and ASMR clips many people should to have that experience. sounds which induce trance alike states

    > I fell asleep multiple times

    I reacted so on some movies And audio book readings, books retellings.
    The 1st time I watched Lord of the Rings (1 movie) - it was at home VHS and I've fall asleep. I read Tolkien books before and liked them, but the movie was lesser catching.
    It was not easy to watch Start Trek of original seasons, - many times during this. And other.

  24. #6184
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    It’s very difficult to find the time and energy to have sex when you have a baby
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 09-06-2019 at 09:25 PM.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    I like some forms of ASMR.
    I have misophonia so sounds of people eating and chewing or whispering really bother me.
    But the other kinds are fine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    It’s very difficult to find the time and energy to have sex with a baby
    This is one of the times where a simple comma is the difference between a pedophilic monster and a caring mother

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabelFish View Post
    I like some forms of ASMR.
    I have misophonia so sounds of people eating and chewing or whispering really bother me.
    But the other kinds are fine.
    Ugh yeah, I don't have misophonia but there is something that I find to be incredibly grating and obnoxious about hearing someone's mouth smack in any way, shape or form.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nairda View Post
    This is one of the times where a simple comma is the difference between a pedophilic monster and a caring mother
    I mean when you have a baby
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    I mean when you have a baby
    There there, everyone knows what you mean't.
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    It’s very difficult to find the time and energy to have sex with a baby
    Quote Originally Posted by ooo View Post
    you're here since a week, I've never since seen you make insightful contributions, you're making a typing thread with no elements whatsoever and and you've already stepped on my back a few times... ass type confirmed


    Bumhole Extraordinaire

  30. #6190
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    Love being married to my husband. We just mesh on so many levels and our relationship is full of fun and life
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  31. #6191
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    I love listening to people vent, sorting out their feelings, guiding them through emotional pain and confusion, and helping make sense of things from above our everyday human struggle
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  32. #6192

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    SO the LSE coworker that I spoke about before, I just found out she is single now. For some reason I am more nervous talking to her than I was before, things don't feel exactly the same, my guess is because I pulled back too much when she had a boyfriend and maybe she felt some type of way about that. I don't exactly know how to get things back to the way they were before, maybe if I just relax around her again things would go back to normal. She's going for a PHD and when I spoke to her about that she did light up again, but things are still in this awkward weird state that they were not in before.

  33. #6193
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    SO the LSE coworker that I spoke about before, I just found out she is single now. For some reason I am more nervous talking to her than I was before, things don't feel exactly the same, my guess is because I pulled back too much when she had a boyfriend and maybe she felt some type of way about that. I don't exactly know how to get things back to the way they were before, maybe if I just relax around her again things would go back to normal. She's going for a PHD and when I spoke to her about that she did light up again, but things are still in this awkward weird state that they were not in before.
    There is a really good chance that you are overthinking this.

    Te-doms are not that tuned in to their feelings. And LSE's tend to react to what is in front of them. Loosen up, tell her some jokes, and I think you will find that everything is as it was before, except maybe she harbors some resentment towards her ex, which she probably won't admit.

    Because she's thinking....damn, another relationship failure. She must suck at this stuff.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    There is a really good chance that you are overthinking this.

    Te-doms are not that tuned in to their feelings. And LSE's tend to react to what is in front of them. Loosen up, tell her some jokes, and I think you will find that everything is as it was before, except maybe she harbors some resentment towards her ex, which she probably won't admit.

    Because she's thinking....damn, another relationship failure. She must suck at this stuff.
    So asking her about it is probably not a good idea then?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    So asking her about it is probably not a good idea then?
    Correct. For two reasons.

    One, she probably looks at it as a failure, for which she might be responsible.

    Two, her previous relationships have nothing to do with the two of you. You guys are a clean slate. Asking her about her past is just a bad diversion from what you want to create. If she brings it up, you might sympathize with her but do not probe deeper. It really is a dead issue that can only make things worse between the two of you.

    If you need a way to think about this, just assume that all of her previous BF's were jerks and losers who don't deserve your attention, because she's with the best now. And so are you.

    If you get an urge to hear about stories of love gone wrong, read Jane Austin and Emily Bronte. Don't ask her about it.


    I'm a LIE Te-dom, and I tend to overshare here, but I know a fair number of LSE's and I have NEVER ONCE heard them talk about previous romances. Not once. And if you multiply the number of LSE's I know by the number of years I've known them, you get 225 years. And not once......
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 10-24-2019 at 08:12 PM.

  36. #6196
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    SO the LSE coworker that I spoke about before, I just found out she is single now. For some reason I am more nervous talking to her than I was before, things don't feel exactly the same, my guess is because I pulled back too much when she had a boyfriend and maybe she felt some type of way about that. I don't exactly know how to get things back to the way they were before, maybe if I just relax around her again things would go back to normal. She's going for a PHD and when I spoke to her about that she did light up again, but things are still in this awkward weird state that they were not in before.
    You say you have Fi so you can use one of your methods to repair the relationship
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  37. #6197

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    You say you have Fi so you can use one of your methods to repair the relationship
    The only way I can think to "repair" the relations is through Ne, which is what the relationship revolved around anyway. Some moments of Fi but it was not the theme, it was more like Ne created more Fi fondness.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Correct. For two reasons.

    One, she probably looks at it as a failure, for which she might be responsible.

    Two, her previous relationships have nothing to do with the two of you. You guys are a clean slate. Asking her about her past is just a bad diversion from what you want to create. If she brings it up, you might sympathize with her but do not probe deeper. It really is a dead issue that can only make things worse between the two of you.

    If you need a way to think about this, just assume that all of her previous BF's were jerks and losers who don't deserve your attention, because she's with the best now. And so are you.

    If you get an urge to hear about stories of love gone wrong, read Jane Austin and Emily Bronte. Don't ask her about it.


    I'm a LIE Te-dom, and I tend to overshare here, but I know a fair number of LSE's and I have NEVER ONCE heard them talk about previous romances. Not once. And if you multiply the number of LSE's I know by the number of years I've known them, you get 225 years. And not once......

    225? I'm gonna take this advice and not touch the topic with a ten foot pole.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    225? I'm gonna take this advice and not touch the topic with a ten foot pole.
    Well, I was a bit wrong there. Once, and only once, my mother (LSE) and father (SLI) were talking about a party they were at when they were first dating, and she said to my father, "Bill (a mutual acquaintance) was drunk and came up to me and told me he was going to steal me away from you." The disdain in her voice and the ludicrousness of Bill's words were obvious even to my young ears. It was pretty obvious to me that no one was going to tell my mother to do anything. She made up her own mind. My father didn't say anything, as usual.

    The two of them formed an impregnable bond against the rest of the world. They are still together.

  40. #6200

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    LSE friend came into town for the weekend. It's always caregiver madness when he comes around, I have to remind him everytime not to spend all his money on me and my roommate lol. He clearly is the responsible one out of the friend group between me, him and my ILE roommate whose also good friends with him. He comes into town and literally tells me "Ok your are off driving duty, just sit back and relax." lol it's so corny but appreciated at the same time, even though I have a hard time admitting it. Also someone said that duals make you more pleasant to be around and it could be true, because before he came around I was giving my ILE roommate the silent treatment and after he left, me and my roommate are on peaceful terms again for the time being, the only way I can describe is that I've loosened up/relaxed or something.

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