When a family member asks another family member to talk to you on any important and potentially emotionally rising subjects, then you know they are sx-last withdrawn. There is this inability and resistance to get close to someone else to the point that it even overrides family ties..People who never or rarely experience such desires, ARE emotionally deficient and limited in their ability to be intimate, like R&H says, they "find it difficult to get deeply exited or enthusiastic about anything...strangely disconnected even from spouses, friends, and family members." (Wisdom of the E). So only if you rarely or never feel pained by a desire to be close to someone can you be so deficient in SX variant activity. That's why pure so/sp/so's can be seen, even when you get close to them as light, shallow, cardboard, unfeeling, etc. And yes those types of people DO exist. And they ARE boring, draining, or uninteresting in my own experience of them.
"Do you see this? Do you see how unbothered they are? Absolutely no sympathy for the mother as she cries aloud. They don’t see her pain and they’re standing right next to her."
Originally Posted by suedehead
I checked your source-site and I love this part:
Elemental insusceptibility to being 'saturated' by an Other.
The function of taking 'ideated individuals' backward into the cave for withdrawn processing is still in place, but there's some immunity to the Other's virus taking hold and running rampant, spreading through the full length of the (sx-last's) emotional body.
Whereas, sx-first or -second can be taken (in the sexual sense of the word). Possession/surrender/domination (soaking of the will) (in varying degrees) are commonplace, accidents of the sx-instinct.
But all in all I don't think empathy should be associated with the Sexual instinct ...besides in a pic like the one you posted there are other factors at play which could have weighed much more (ppl's jobs, socio-cultural aspects ...).
Last edited by Amber; 12-25-2014 at 04:19 PM.
Suedehead, i'm sorry, I dont resonate at all with these quotes. Where are you getting this nonsense?
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
THis i can maybe relate to some... still when feelings are strong, feelings are strong. But when you're responsible for other people's lives on your job...sure, e.g. playing hooky from work just to "merge" with or "be possessed by" a lover, won't do. Doing so wouldn't be fair to the people who are depending on you. However, if someone i love is ill, for instance, and needs me to stay home from work, then obvs the loved one takes priority... so it's very situational.
I actually dislike the idea of being "possessed" by anyone. I'm an individual, i'm not anybody's slave.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Hmm.. Just ftr.. About that horrible video Starfall posted.. I absolutely hated it lol. I love all the comics Agarina posted. Does that make me Dela? Not likely.
About sp/so.. I have a best friend who is sp/so and I think we connect pretty deeply but I am just wondering why it seems that sp/so have no problem with one on one same sex friendships but when it comes to romance they tend to take things very slowly.. I mean in terms of psyhological distance and physical intimacy.. They tend tobe okay with seeing someone a few hours once a week wheres I am all about as much contact as possible. What scares you sp/so of this bonding?
that video and the Shrek Rape video should never be assigned to represent any stacking! Those are NTR, just as liking ratchet things is NTR. Suedehead posted those though in this thread, not Starfall.
What you describe of your sp/so friend i can certainly resonate with. Speaking for myself, I definitely approach romantic interaction very slowly, i'm not totally sure why, but at least part of it is that I want to make sure I really do like and trust the person, before opening up my private world to him. I recognize that I can sometimes think i like, or even love, someone but then realize that i actually dont, once i get to know them better. (and I recognize that, because it's happened to me before). To put it in another way, I might have had feelings for him based on what i thought he was, but what i thought he was like, wasn't actually what he was like.
Another huge reason why i'm cautious about letting someone get intimate with me is that i want to be sure that his feelings for me are sincere. Besides vice versa from what i said in the last paragraph, guys can also sometimes put up an act of being "in love" just to get sex, and I dont want a relationship like that.
So, for sp/so's (or at least for me), even though sx-last, i think it's less about being unable to be intimate, and more about being private and cautious. But if someone is let into my intimate/private world, I'm perfectly capable of and would desire being intimate and to "merge" as the sx'ers say.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Christmas reminds me of board games.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
If I'm neutral or apathetic towards a person, than that's a problem. I'm probably not that interested and I'll resent being with them. That seems to be how a lot of people end up in shitty marriages. Why would I want to be in a relationship if it's just going to feel like everything else. What for.
Last edited by suedehead; 12-25-2014 at 08:29 PM.
Last edited by suedehead; 01-10-2015 at 03:58 PM.
I remember when my mom (LSI so/sp) and stepdad (ILI sp/so) started seeing each other. It's like he came into our family and just started taking over a lot of practical things. Like paying some of our bills and when her car died he gave her one of his. Then he bought us furniture and a few months later bought matching cars for them. He started paying for my sister and me to continue Kung Fu class and he put my sister through modeling school (as long as she kept up her grades) It seemed to lack some form of passion, to my 13 year old eyes, but my mom was in love and I could tell. She just wasn't manic about it.
What you describe of your sp/so friend i can certainly resonate with. Speaking for myself, I definitely approach romantic interaction very slowly, i'm not totally sure why, but at least part of it is that I want to make sure I really do like and trust the person, before opening up my private world to him. I recognize that I can sometimes think i like, or even love, someone but then realize that i actually dont, once i get to know them better. (and I recognize that, because it's happened to me before). To put it in another way, I might have had feelings for him based on what i thought he was, but what i thought he was like, wasn't actually what he was like.
Another huge reason why i'm cautious about letting someone get intimate with me is that i want to be sure that his feelings for me are sincere. Besides vice versa from what i said in the last paragraph, guys can also sometimes put up an act of being "in love" just to get sex, and I dont want a relationship like that.
So, for sp/so's (or at least for me), even though sx-last, i think it's less about being unable to be intimate, and more about being private and cautious. But if someone is let into my intimate/private world, I'm perfectly capable of and would desire being intimate and to "merge" as the sx'ers say.They weren't touchy feely in front of anyone. It took them several years to marry (I was 17) and even then it was for very practical reasons. Like getting my mom and sister on his government health insurance (he worked for the defense department). My mom would play the perfect hostess (which was not her usual way) and my stepdad would challenge people to play a chess game with him at their little social get-togethers.
In the beginning I felt like he kind of wrote me off as the "wild child" and focused more on making my mom, my sister (EII sp/sx) and him into a family. I kind of felt left out at times. As I got older I understood it was because we had different energies driving us but in the end he was one of my greatest teachers. It just took me a long time to realize he did not steal my mom from me and that he improved our lives a hundredfold when they got together. I suppose I was pretty selfish as a teen and early 20s and that is why we clashed so much in the beginning. To me sx last love is different to what I am used to. I later found out, from my mom, that they had a very good sex life, which was TMI but I am so happy she got to experience what she felt was her true soulmate. Even so/sp can believe in soulmates.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
8w9
i dont think you can really comment on that. Everyone's love story is different, and as you had noted yourself, your mom and stepdad obviously didn't let you in on a lot of the behind the scenes romance, so to you it may have had the appearance of being all pragma and nothing else, whereas it may not have been the case. I'm not sure you should really draw any conclusions about how sp/so's go about love from that personal vignette of yours.to me sx last love is different to what I am used to. I later found out, from my mom, that they had a very good sex life, which was TMI but I am so happy she got to experience what she felt was her true soulmate. Even so/sp can believe in soulmates.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Yeah that is why I said that it was different from what I am used to. I have never been in a relationship with an sx last but I have seen several sx last relationships over the years. What I wrote was a specific example. It was not a judgment on the quality of their love and passion. Just an observation on what they concentrated on as a couple. My mom and stepdad are one of the greatest love stories I have ever witnessed.
Even though he died she is as in love with him now as she was the day they met. They just didn't demonstrate it in the same way I did so my comparison was my relationships to hers. I got married before she married my stepdad (I was 15) even though she met my stepdad before I met my ex-husband. My relationship burned out as quickly as it started. My stepdad has been dead about ten years and she has not dated since, which doesn't surprise me because she didn't date anyone for ten years after bio-dad left, until she met my stepdad. Just my perception not claiming facts on all sx lasts.
Edit: I want to clarify that I was 15 when I got married. I was 17 when they got married, just in case that wasn't clear and I feel they deserved way more time together.
Last edited by Aylen; 01-12-2015 at 01:55 AM.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
I'm not even so sure a whirlwind crash and burn romance is necessarily reflective of instinct stacking. The reason i say this is that i know several cases in which that sort of thing happened, and other relationships down the line for the same person were more mindful. I think it's more related to maturity level.Yeah that is why I said that it was different from what I am used to. I have never been in a relationship with an sx last but I have seen several sx last relationships over the years. What I wrote was a specific example. It was not a judgment on the quality of their love and passion. Just an observation on what they concentrated on as a couple. My mom and stepdad are one of the greatest love stories I have ever witnessed.
Even though he died she is as in love with him now as she was the day they met. They just didn't demonstrate it in the same way I did so my comparison was my relationships to hers. I got married before she married my stepdad (I was 15) even though she met my stepdad before I met my ex-husband. My relationship burned out as quickly as it started. My stepdad has been dead about ten years and she has not dated since, which doesn't surprise me because she didn't date anyone for ten years after bio-dad left, until she met my stepdad. Just my perception not claiming facts on all sx lasts.
Edit: I want to clarify that I was 15 when I got married. I was 17 when they got married, just in case that wasn't clear and I feel they deserved way more time together.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
More shotgun (which I prefer not to go into) than whirlwind but I agree that maturity has a lot to do with how we deal with life in general. In my personal experiences it is way more than maturity levels that end relationships. Even though he was older than me (19) I would say I was the mature one in that relationship.I certainly thought at that time that I would never get divorced, It made me never want to get married again, since it was a very traumatic relationship for a 15 year old but I tend to face trauma head on so I got through it and it made me see relationships from a new perspective and I was able to let go of a lot of expectations after that.
I started experiencing adult type romantic relationships way younger than most girls and this caused my mother tremendous grief and worry and it was out of her control. It was out of everyone's control even though they tried to keep me contained and even locked away from my, so called, dangerous choices in men. I found ways around their attempts to imprison me. My drive to experience life with fire and intensity has not waned as I got older and more mature. Is this being sx first? Some say yes and some say no. Even the doctors and psychologists had no idea how to explain my behavior to my mom so none could agree on a diagnosis. I guess it is easier to diagnose someone with a mental deficiency than try to understand what is driving that person to do what they do.
Last edited by Aylen; 01-12-2015 at 05:20 PM.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
Thanks for sharing this. I too married young and am still married to the same man today who I love much. It's not been easy however especially in the early years and I know that I am now damaged in the area of marriage and no longer idealize it in any form.More shotgun (which I prefer not to go into) than whirlwind but I agree that maturity has a lot to do with how we deal with life in general. In my personal experiences it is way more than maturity levels that end relationships. Even though he was older than me (19) I would say I was the mature one in that relationship.I certainly thought at that time that I would never get divorced, It made me never want to get married again, since it was a very traumatic relationship for a 15 year old but I tend to face trauma head on so I got through it and it made me see relationships from a new perspective and I was able to let go of a lot of expectations after that.
I started experiencing adult type romantic relationships way younger than most girls and this caused my mother tremendous grief and worry and it was out of her control. It was out of everyone's control even though they tried to keep me contained and even locked away from my, so called, dangerous choices in men. I found ways around their attempts to imprison me. My drive to experience life with fire and intensity has not waned as I got older and more mature. Is this being sx first? Some say yes and some say no. Even the doctors and psychologists had no idea how to explain my behavior to my mom so none could agree on a diagnosis. I guess it is easier to diagnose someone with a mental deficiency than try to understand what is driving that person to do what they do.
I heard this on the car radio yesterday and started wondering if this would be an example of an sp/so love song.
sp/soc: The most straightforward in language, with relatively little trills and embellishments. Points made directly and from personal experience. Business-like. Clear. Cynical. Lacking in internal experience compared to other stackings.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
sp.so love
Oh, oh yeah
Oh, oh
Came in the door, checked in my coat
And who I'm looking for is staring in my face, oh
They played our song, we hit the floor
He held me strong, and we danced the night away, oh
I can see the way that he's making me feel
This way about his love
I've been looking for something like this
I'm singing oh
If he make you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh, oh, say oh, oh
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Got you spinning round and round
Say oh, oh, say ah, baby
It's been a long, long time
Since I felt that love has found my way, oh
I've been looking, I've been searching
For the man to touch this place, oh yeah
Can't deny the way that he's making me feel
This way about his love
I've been searching for something like this
I'm singing oh
If he make you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh, oh, say oh, oh
Makes you go left, right, up, down
Got you spinning round and round
Say oh, oh, say oh, oh
If he make you feel like a million dollar bill
I don't care about a single thing he's talking about.
The Beatles is an Alpha sp/so band.
having one's shit together is an illusion involving tradeoffs, embraced loopholes and tunnel-vision, with the respective negative spillovers that one might not even be aware of to the slightest degree. it only makes sense for people to come on this forum and talk about what bothers them. i don't think that people would linger around if there weren't for something bothering them. it's just tiny case studies on the human condition - nothing less nothing more.
i didn't say "cure and heal". that would have other (maybe way too intense) connotations and gather attention in an unoptimal way compared to the point i wanted to make ( which you did anyway ). i mostly mean "to look for answers by comparing and contrasting". you tend to oversimplify and burn things to the ground. you do seek to identify, since you seem to value what's objectively valued. you do want to create a "better" you but want to do it in incognito mode. i will not elaborate further on this.
k. I forgot how well and deeply sevjenn is capable of understanding people.
But since you asked, a better me is only my own business and it will emerge in about one month, after some changes are due in my personal real life (about which you have absolutely no clue btw, because I hardly ever discuss stuff on the forum). I'll inform you exactly when that happens. Until then good luck in your usual trolls.
Last edited by Amber; 02-14-2015 at 12:46 PM.
Alpha sp/sos do some weird shit
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