type my husband

[redbaron]

I've been trying to figure out his type for awhile but none of the descriptions really grab me.

He's highly aware of how he comes across to others in a social setting. He makes conversation easily, knows everyone, meets everyone, great with introductions, genuinely interested in others and doesn't play games. He tends to have his eye on the door when we're at a party, to see who arrives next, who else is interesting to talk to. He talks about things like sports and politics and whatever other people want to discuss. He's funny but sometimes oversells the joke if that makes sense. Hard to explain. If he gets a good laugh from a joke, he'll repeat it again and again in different groups of people. He loves it when people think he's funny but it doesn't always come easily. It's hard for him to sit still unless he's really tired or sick. He's always up doing stuff. When we go to a party he can't stop himself from helping serve, helping clean up, this extends even to taking down the tables and chairs at the very END of the party (long after I have lost steam and need to be in bed!).

He likes having regular contact with people he likes and respects and without that, he can become unmotivated and a bit sullen. I would describe him as sometimes irrational (which is too bad since I'm irrational also!) and I often find myself having to be the rational voice at certain times in our relationship (which is okay--it's good practice for me, LOL) but this mostly shows itself when he's hungry or tired. He has this weird blood sugar thing where if he doesn't eat for awhile he gets really grumpy and tends to fly off the handle about little things. He has zero patience for things like doorknobs falling off, children whining or fighting, his mother making demands on him, etc. But he practically glows when he is able to check several items off on his to-do list. He'll spend the next hour patting himself on the back for all that he accomplished. He's great around the house with regular non-emergency tasks--does the laundry, changes the sheets on the bed, does the dishes, etc.

He loves to read, has a strong interest in intellectual history, philosophy and religion. Loves sports, he's pretty competitive in all areas. Doesn't have a lot of hobbies other than reading and hanging out with the kids. He used to run a bit, now he's playing more tennis. He used to play soccer.

He hates driving in traffic. He detests it and would rather stay home. He doesn't like to drive at all unless absolutely necessary to get from point A to point B in the most efficient manner. (I used to want to drive around for fun when we were first dating/married and he thought that was nuts.) Another weird thing about him is that when he's talking about some place, he needs to know that I know *exactly* where he's talking about. He'll ask me if I know where it is (say, a restaurant or a particular house) and if I say "no", he'll keep on giving me landmarks or talking about the surrounding streets and he thinks that info will be enough for me to locate that place in my mind. Of course this doesn't work because I don't pay as much attention to that stuff as he does. Sometimes I will lie just to move the conversation along and I'll say "okay, I know what you're talking about" but then he expects me to really know where the place is and he'll test me by making other references to the area until I'm forced to admit I don't know. He gets disgusted with me for not being able to figure it out after all the time he just spent helping me picture the place in my head. LOL

He's flexible--he'll do what I want to do, watch the movie I want, take me to the opera even though it's not his favorite, etc. He's not stubborn. He wants a picked-up house and a clean kitchen but he's pretty good about not nagging me about it all the time. He claims that his desk at work is a total mess so he's clearly not neat about everything, only some things.

With any big decisions or changes, he needs time to get used to the idea. He's easy to persuade if given enough time.

Can anyone venture a guess?

[Slacker]

Sounds ENFj to me. He actually sounds extraordinarily like my dad. Even having no patience with things like doorknobs falling off (weak Si?). And the telling the same old jokes over and over again.

[Exodus]

ESFx. That he hates driving & conflict makes ESFj most likely.

[Slacker]

The driving thing I didn't really get and I didn't see where he avoided conflict.

OK I read it over again and I'll say either ESFj or ENFj but I'm not ready to nix ENFj completely yet.

[Exodus]

The driving thing I didn't really get and I didn't see where he avoided conflict.

I meant it makes ESFp less likely than ESFj. ESFps usually like it just for the thrill. As for conflict, I meant this part:

He has zero patience for things like doorknobs falling off, children whining or fighting, his mother making demands on him, etc.

Here's some Si:

But he practically glows when he is able to check several items off on his to-do list.

He's great around the house with regular non-emergency tasks--does the laundry, changes the sheets on the bed, does the dishes, etc.

And I think this is how a sensing type might come off to an intuitive:

I would describe him as sometimes irrational (which is too bad since I'm irrational also!) and I often find myself having to be the rational voice at certain times in our relationship

And this part is very sensing:

Another weird thing about him is that when he's talking about some place, he needs to know that I know *exactly* where he's talking about. He'll ask me if I know where it is (say, a restaurant or a particular house) and if I say "no", he'll keep on giving me landmarks or talking about the surrounding streets and he thinks that info will be enough for me to locate that place in my mind. Of course this doesn't work because I don't pay as much attention to that stuff as he does.

[Slacker]

Ah, see the "zero patience" thing I took as that he flips out and creates conflict, not that he avoids conflict.
The second thing you listed is what made me decide he could well be ESFj.

[Mea]

LOL!

Reading the whole description made me think ExFj.

Some parts made him sound Alpha. Hmm. Like the bits, but I'm not sure.

But reading this...:

Another weird thing about him is that when he's talking about some place, he needs to know that I know *exactly* where he's talking about. He'll ask me if I know where it is (say, a restaurant or a particular house) and if I say "no", he'll keep on giving me landmarks or talking about the surrounding streets and he thinks that info will be enough for me to locate that place in my mind. Of course this doesn't work because I don't pay as much attention to that stuff as he does. Sometimes I will lie just to move the conversation along and I'll say "okay, I know what you're talking about" but then he expects me to really know where the place is and he'll test me by making other references to the area until I'm forced to admit I don't know. He gets disgusted with me for not being able to figure it out after all the time he just spent helping me picture the place in my head. LOL

Reminded me of an ENFj I know. LOL! He drove me crazy with that.

[FDG]

Fe dominance seems likely, creative subtype too, judging by your description - meaning, that you don't seem to supervise him at all - I'd go for ENFj-Ni.

Does he seem to be more of a postivist or negativist?

[redbaron]

Fe dominance seems likely, creative subtype too, judging by your description - meaning, that you don't seem to supervise him at all - I'd go for ENFj-Ni.

Does he seem to be more of a postivist or negativist?

Negativist.

[Kristiina]

Some things are very very accurate for me.

• "but this mostly shows itself when he's hungry or tired. He has this weird blood sugar thing where if he doesn't eat for awhile he gets really grumpy and tends to fly off the handle about little things. He has zero patience for things like doorknobs falling off, children whining or fighting, his mother making demands on him, etc."
• "But he practically glows when he is able to check several items off on his to-do list."
• "With any big decisions or changes, he needs time to get used to the idea."

The general description, however, was much more easy-going and active than me. I don't always actively do something and I relax a lot, but at the same time, I am very self-assertive and when I want something, I don't preserve energy. I have some very strong opinions, which I fight for. He seems more like ESFjs in this way.

I have wondered if the blood sugar thing might be related to PoLR. I will get hungry, but I'm not active enough to actually do something about it, then I'll start to lose energy and then I'll become EXTREMELY frustrated, because I know I'm tired and hungry but no one will help me, so I have to do something, but I'm too tired for it... I'll say "we have to eat, I'm very hungry, we have to eat now." in a mild voice, but no one will react to it, so an hour later, I suddenly realize that I am extremely unhappy that no one helped me, I'll declare "FOOD!", march into the kitchen and make some food for myself, but not for others, because I'm displeased that no one helped me. Silly, huh? 15 minutes later I regain the ability to think rationally. This happens about once per week.

If this is indeed -PoLR, then we can forget about the little ESFj'ish traits and decide that he's ENFj, because ESFjs should handle this situation much better.

[Expat]

Too much focus on Si, and he seems to be concerned with immediate rather than long-term emotional response - he's a stand-up comedian, rather than dramatic actor, as per my metaphor in my Te views thread.

ESFj-Fe.

[redbaron]

I will highlight the parts of the ESFj description that I feel fit him very well.

Ardent. He has a wide spectrum of powerful emotions. He is capable of staying true to the vision of his youth throughout his whole life (Henry Schliemann still in his childhood decided to excavate the city of Troy; to achieve his dream he had to get an education, in spite of his poverty, and to get rich). An admirer of the arts as a source of pleasure. He creates his mood by himself and knows how to make it contagious for others. Emotionally fine, kind, compassionate.
Untiring. Always active, he is ever mixing with people, rushing to and from. He can easily switch from one task to another. He works very diligently. He does not prefer one errand to another, all should be accomplished whether interesting or not. This is not something to be discussed or analyzed; simply the work must be completed. He appears very self-assured and self-satisfied, as if succeeding without effort in all endeavors. It seems like he acts promptly and gets good results. However, he himself might not see it that way, so he greatly appreciates sincere compliments for his work.He very much needs his work to be noticed and appreciated. If I leave to run an errand, when I get home, he immediately lists everything he accomplished while I was gone, desiring a pat on the back.
My home is your home. Hugo is a pleasant interlocutor and a very attentive listener. He can pick the right key to any person. He joys himself in making others happy. Revels in table talks and all sorts of merriment. All his considerate attention is for his guest. He is capable of understanding other people, admire them, approve of their deeds, and express compassion. He trusts people, is distant from envy taking pleasure in the successes of others. He accurately detects their flaws and makes fun of them, without any intent to insult the person.
Traditionalist. He does not seek or like new solutions preferring older, time-tested methods. To solve the most intricate problems it is necessary for him to work alone, he gives too much attention to people and would be distracted if someone is around. When he was in graduate school, it was pretty hard for him to focus on writing his dissertation. He would walk around the library where he knew his colleagues were working--just knowing they were there was a big distraction. When working among others he makes a lot of unnecessary movements, as if to disguise what he is really doing. In this way he draws to work his dual (The Analyst), which does not tolerate a commanding tone. He loves when people trust his word and do not demand for him to substantiate what he is saying. He is not aggressive, but he defends himself very actively. He won’t even let his superiors offend him.
Adherent of order. He loves to dress up and takes good care of his appearance. He can’t tolerate any disorder or uncertainty in everything from his appearance to his garage and cubbyhole. He does not wish to adapt to the tastes of others. Compliments on his appearance are in vain – he believes he knows better how he looks. He takes not of not just spiritual qualities of his partner, but physical as well.
Relationships in his life. People around him usually respect his opinion, but try not to communicate with him for too long, it is not easy to withstand his emotional charge. For the same reason he hasn’t too many close friends. He reaches his goals through his own hard work and does not hope for the assistance of others. What he values most in his life is his family. If he had to choose between love and a degree, he would choose the first, considering it a priority, while viewing science as a self-indulgence, a pleasurable avocation.

I think this is him.

[Expat]

I think Fe EJ is clear; I prefer ESFj over ENFj.

[Blaze]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

what do you think his polr is? and what quadra seems to apply better?

[Exodus]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

[Ms. Kensington]

hehe

My first thought was also ESFj. I agree that the part about the directions is very telling, very Si.

I thought I would mention that I have noticed how irritable I (INTj) get if I am not physically healthy either. I am usually very calm, and I never complain if things are not.. externally optimal; but if my own body is not healthy that is impetus for change or action on my part. For example. Many things that an ESFp i know would complain about, like not having all the toiletries she usually has in the bathroom, or having to walk somewhere because of some unforeseen circumstance, I care nothing about but if I am operating on no sleep for too long, or if I don't eat for too long I will become very irritable and impatient. I mention this to distinguish between an Se type and an Si type. I remember Kristiina once talked about people thinking she was an Si type because she needs her pillow to be fluffy; this would fall into the Se camp according to what I've written (I don't care about the fluffiness of my pillow).

Also, I have noticed the blood sugar thing in other Si types I know.

Sounds ESFj overall

[Blaze]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

i have not found that actually. their Ni polr, otherwise known as a poor estimation of time, results in massive disorganization. just take a look at my 9 year old daughter's room! her enxp sister, age 4, is much more organized than she!

[implied]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

okay, please back that up. i find them either to try to compensate by being way too organized or generally just doing everything very wrecklessly, and getting really offended if you comment on how massively disorganized/careless they are.

[Kristiina]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

i have not found that actually. their Ni polr, otherwise known as a poor estimation of time, results in massive disorganization. just take a look at my 9 year old daughter's room! her enxp sister, age 4, is much more organized than she!

lol. An organized 4-yo sounds extremely cute somehow.

ESFjs seem extremely tidy for me. "I have to clean this up RIGHT NOW!" I would never do that.

[Blaze]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

i have not found that actually. their Ni polr, otherwise known as a poor estimation of time, results in massive disorganization. just take a look at my 9 year old daughter's room! her enxp sister, age 4, is much more organized than she!

lol. An organized 4-yo sounds extremely cute somehow.

ESFjs seem extremely tidy for me. "I have to clean this up RIGHT NOW!" I would never do that.

she is totally cute. here's a pic of them from last year:

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f2...13-06_1918.jpg

[Exodus]

Well, if an Si type has lots of stuff on her plate, she could get caught up in it and not clean her room for a while. But, like we were talking about in the neat freaks thread, ESxjs are the most likely to clean up in their spare time, just for fun.

[Kristiina]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

i have not found that actually. their Ni polr, otherwise known as a poor estimation of time, results in massive disorganization. just take a look at my 9 year old daughter's room! her enxp sister, age 4, is much more organized than she!

lol. An organized 4-yo sounds extremely cute somehow.

ESFjs seem extremely tidy for me. "I have to clean this up RIGHT NOW!" I would never do that.

she is totally cute. here's a pic of them from last year:

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f2...13-06_1918.jpg

cute, but if you want your kids to look like litle angels, this is not the right picture to show. They look like they are planning something that will result in a lot of cleaning up.

[Blaze]

my first thought was esfj, but he seems more organized than esfj usually is.

?? ESFjs are very organized.

i have not found that actually. their Ni polr, otherwise known as a poor estimation of time, results in massive disorganization. just take a look at my 9 year old daughter's room! her enxp sister, age 4, is much more organized than she!

lol. An organized 4-yo sounds extremely cute somehow.

ESFjs seem extremely tidy for me. "I have to clean this up RIGHT NOW!" I would never do that.

she is totally cute. here's a pic of them from last year:

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f2...13-06_1918.jpg

cute, but if you want your kids to look like litle angels, this is not the right picture to show. They look like they are planning something that will result in a lot of cleaning up.

nawww. only skye (the 4yo) looks like the little devil she is....lol.

my older one (miranda) is not a devil at all. she's a total esfj. and totally disorganized. even her teacher complained and worries that if she has any problems in school it will be due to her cluttered desk and bookbag, not her smarts.

[Exodus]

my older one (miranda) is not a devil at all. she's a total esfj. and totally disorganized. even her teacher complained and worries that if she has any problems in school it will be due to her cluttered desk and bookbag, not her smarts.

I think that is likely to change as she gets older.

[redbaron]

Fe dominance seems likely, creative subtype too, judging by your description - meaning, that you don't seem to supervise him at all - I'd go for ENFj-Ni.

I don't *seem* to supervise him, but when I stop and think about it, he's always making comments to me like "you hold the cards" "everything is on your terms" "you're in control" which isn't the way I think about it, but is probably true. For example, if I'm not in the mood to talk, we just don't talk. If I'm not ready to start a project, we put it off. He's always the flexible one. When I initiate, things work better. That's not to say that he never makes decisions but we function better when I'm the one in charge. He doesn't really seem to mind, either, even though he makes those comments. He always says it with a kind of grin or something.

[Blaze]

Fe dominance seems likely, creative subtype too, judging by your description - meaning, that you don't seem to supervise him at all - I'd go for ENFj-Ni.

I don't *seem* to supervise him, but when I stop and think about it, he's always making comments to me like "you hold the cards" "everything is on your terms" "you're in control" which isn't the way I think about it, but is probably true. For example, if I'm not in the mood to talk, we just don't talk. If I'm not ready to start a project, we put it off. He's always the flexible one. When I initiate, things work better. That's not to say that he never makes decisions but we function better when I'm the one in charge. He doesn't really seem to mind, either, even though he makes those comments. He always says it with a kind of grin or something.

huh. i've heard tell that infp's don't like initiating...but you sound pretty comfortable for sure. good for you! do you feel like your strength, Ni, is your husband's place of least resistance?

[Ms. Kensington]

Well, supervisors are often pretty attractive because they just take care of your weak spot. Your polr is something that you don't want to touch, so if someone handles those situations, that is, just makes it so that You dont have to take care of them, it's attractive. Personally, I don't mind ESTps (so much) and I get along better with the logical subtype.