How do EIEs/ENFjs feel about sex and marriage?

[idealistichick]

So I was wondering if all ENFj's have morals about pre-marital sex... One ENFj i know has slept with lots of guys but I am the complete opposite...I dont think I will have sex before marriage but who knows...Anyway I'm curious to see how other ENFj's feel about this?

[Jimbean]

I knew an ENFj that was like that not long before I started dating her. She had some rules concerning love and sex, even after she started having sex. Even then, she was still pretty moralistic.

[Kristiina]

I have very strong beliefs that a person should have premarital sex, otherwise such an unimportant thing as sex might ruin a marriage. Years will be lost and people will get divorced feeling miserable. If they do have premarital sex, they will know if they really make a great couple and they won't rush into marriage just to get laid.

As for me, I might be full of promiscuous theory, but I haven't slept with anyone I hadn't knows for at least 6 months already.

[FDG]

As for me, I might be full of promiscuous theory, but I haven't slept with anyone I hadn't knows for at least 6 months already.

O_O 6 months counting also superficial knowledge, or 6 months of dating?

[implied]

I have very strong beliefs that a person should have premarital sex, otherwise such an unimportant thing as sex might ruin a marriage. Years will be lost and people will get divorced feeling miserable. If they do have premarital sex, they will know if they really make a great couple and they won't rush into marriage just to get laid.

As for me, I might be full of promiscuous theory, but I haven't slept with anyone I hadn't knows for at least 6 months already.

i remember in high school someone brought this up to this very XSFj girl, super perfectionist (did you ever see reese witherspoon in election? she was the embodiment of this girl.) my friends were like, "well what if you marry this guy and he's just absolutely horrible in bed?" her response was something like, "well, if i wait, then how would i know the difference?" i still have no idea how i feel to this day about that response.

[olduser]

She views sex as a neutral act. she doesn't seem to obsess over the idea of achievement/performance through/when having sex with someone. Maybe she thinks pleasure is pleasure no matter what and that you don't have to maximize it(capitalism in the meat market ahah)? Anyhow, she seems like a very good natured girl and I'm sure she'll raise many fine, dull children.

[Reuben]

Heath tickles all my funny bones and makes them jiggle and quake at the same time.

What do you think of sex, heath?

I think sex is

firstly, a mechanism to create bubbly babies,

secondly, a devious ploy to expend all those delightfully good national resources on the raising of those bubbly babies (assuming that you didn't already waste them on the denaturing process of protection),

and thirdly an expression of intimacy and exclusive love.

"Bah, humbug. That just made me blush." - random guy.

So sorry random guy, but it's true, sex - contrary to what the popular media promotes (because they just want to sell condoms) - is actually an expression of intimacy and exclusive love.

" " - random guy.

[UDP]

I have very strong beliefs that a person should have premarital sex, otherwise such an unimportant thing as sex might ruin a marriage. Years will be lost and people will get divorced feeling miserable. If they do have premarital sex, they will know if they really make a great couple and they won't rush into marriage just to get laid.

As for me, I might be full of promiscuous theory, but I haven't slept with anyone I hadn't knows for at least 6 months already.

i remember in high school someone brought this up to this very XSFj girl, super perfectionist (did you ever see reese witherspoon in election? she was the embodiment of this girl.) my friends were like, "well what if you marry this guy and he's just absolutely horrible in bed?" her response was something like, "well, if i wait, then how would i know the difference?" i still have no idea how i feel to this day about that response.

Hmm, that sounds great actually, for a girl to believe things that way. I could go for someone like that. You can learn how to have sex at any point in your life, so there's no hurry really. If you had a great relationship with someone, I would imagine that to be a positive influence. If you cannot learn how to have sex with a person you decide to marry, then you have a remarkably horrible spouse selection process.

I wonder if she followed through with it in her college years.

[Blaze]

I have very strong beliefs that a person should have premarital sex, otherwise such an unimportant thing as sex might ruin a marriage. Years will be lost and people will get divorced feeling miserable. If they do have premarital sex, they will know if they really make a great couple and they won't rush into marriage just to get laid.

As for me, I might be full of promiscuous theory, but I haven't slept with anyone I hadn't knows for at least 6 months already.

yeah just look at charlotte from sex in the city....the sex sucked and they got divorced!

i don't think sex is that unimportant though. a good physical relationship is important for an intimate relationship for sure.

[FDG]

I have very strong beliefs that a person should have premarital sex, otherwise such an unimportant thing as sex might ruin a marriage. Years will be lost and people will get divorced feeling miserable. If they do have premarital sex, they will know if they really make a great couple and they won't rush into marriage just to get laid.

As for me, I might be full of promiscuous theory, but I haven't slept with anyone I hadn't knows for at least 6 months already.

i remember in high school someone brought this up to this very XSFj girl, super perfectionist (did you ever see reese witherspoon in election? she was the embodiment of this girl.) my friends were like, "well what if you marry this guy and he's just absolutely horrible in bed?" her response was something like, "well, if i wait, then how would i know the difference?" i still have no idea how i feel to this day about that response.

Hmm, that sounds great actually, for a girl to believe things that way. I could go for someone like that. You can learn how to have sex at any point in your life, so there's no hurry really. If you had a great relationship with someone, I would imagine that to be a positive influence. If you cannot learn how to have sex with a person you decide to marry, then you have a remarkably horrible spouse selection process.

I wonder if she followed through with it in her college years.

I don't know about you, but when I tonguekiss a girl I have an erection and I want to get her naked asap. Supressing this need until marriage would be pretty idiotic also because every girl I've been with clearly has the same need and uh, just imagine both parties always constraining each other...that would make the relationship unbearable imho.

I understand that:
1)It's optimal to control impulses if you are not in a relationship
2)Obviously you have to control yourself in order to put on a condom, even if you are in a relationship
3)There is a general need for impulse control

But in regard to 3), I'd say that it is to be considered as true only if the impulses are dangerous to one's well being.

[Expat]

because every girl I've been with clearly has the same need

They're faking it for your sake, FDG. They're faking.

[FDG]

because every girl I've been with clearly has the same need

They're faking it for your sake, FDG. They're faking.

rotfl, definitely possible ahahaha; besides, every =! many

[Blaze]

because every girl I've been with clearly has the same need

They're faking it for your sake, FDG. They're faking.

LOL

nah. they're not.

[Jimbean]

because every girl I've been with clearly has the same need

They're faking it for your sake, FDG. They're faking.

[olduser]

But not everyone has the same needs as you FDG. Anyhow, blueblade, I don't think much of sex personally. I think it's glorified, glamified, and used to suppress the self-esteem of men and women everywhere. I can't seperate it from it's socialogical effects and see it as a physical act. sad? Someone once told me I'll never be in a passionate relationship(I'm guessing passion is referring to relationships involving torn garments and frequent changing of bedsheets), and maybe they were right.

[Reuben]

Maybe you'll find love beyond sex. Something yet to be eroded. Something a little sweeter.

[FDG]

But not everyone has the same needs as you FDG. Anyhow, blueblade, I don't think much of sex personally. I think it's glorified, glamified, and used to suppress the self-esteem of men and women everywhere.

???

Please! Don't make it something that isn't. Obviously you're not going to enjoy it this way, and it's a vicious circle.

[Kristiina]

because every girl I've been with clearly has the same need

They're faking it for your sake, FDG. They're faking.

FDG, 6 months of any kind of frequent relations. I'm just not the kind of person to casually touch strangers.

[FDG]

Me neither, I just think that one month is enough, though. Generally the chemistry either is there from the start, or it never develops imho.

[Kristiina]

Me neither, I just think that one month is enough, though. Generally the chemistry either is there from the start, or it never develops imho.

I usually have a crush on someone I have known for some time, but haven't "noticed" before. I have had a crush on a stranger once in my life, but I always became very clumsy near him. He worked in a news stand. I always had to buy something from there when I was in town (once a month). Oh, he was so cute. I probably would have had sex with him if there was a chance. One time he touched my hand when he gave me a pack of gum and I tingled for 5 minutes after that. I can only imagine how sex would have been. I was about 15 years old.

[confusedasianboy]

I like to have this attitude. Tell yourself that you won't have premarital sex. So if you do, you really know it was the right choice...if I have the attitude that I'll have premarital sex, i'll probably be too aggressive and overtly sexual..dont' want to do that.
be conservative...and be flexible!

[olduser]

But not everyone has the same needs as you FDG. Anyhow, blueblade, I don't think much of sex personally. I think it's glorified, glamified, and used to suppress the self-esteem of men and women everywhere.

???

Please! Don't make it something that isn't. Obviously you're not going to enjoy it this way, and it's a vicious circle.

I was not considering myself in the statement. I think sex is for pleasure. I was stating that on the whole most people see sex as glorified, glamified, and used to suppess the self-esteem. It's easily observed in any media outlet(which does have considerable influence.). Don't worry about me enjoying things or viscous circles. It''s the viscous squares we need to keep our eyes open for. Could those right angles really be making a wrong angle?

[aestrivex]

But not everyone has the same needs as you FDG. Anyhow, blueblade, I don't think much of sex personally. I think it's glorified, glamified, and used to suppress the self-esteem of men and women everywhere.

???

Please! Don't make it something that isn't. Obviously you're not going to enjoy it this way, and it's a vicious circle.

I was not considering myself in the statement. I think sex is for pleasure. I was stating that on the whole most people see sex as glorified, glamified, and used to suppess the self-esteem. It's easily observed in any media outlet(which does have considerable influence.). Don't worry about me enjoying things or viscous circles. It''s the viscous squares we need to keep our eyes open for. Could those right angles really be making a wrong angle?

how do you define the viscosity of a two-dimensional object?

[olduser]

how do you define the viscosity of a two-dimensional object?

I smash it with a hammer and see how far the material is moved.

[lefty]

She views sex as a neutral act. she doesn't seem to obsess over the idea of achievement/performance through/when having sex with someone. Maybe she thinks pleasure is pleasure no matter what and that you don't have to maximize it(capitalism in the meat market ahah)? Anyhow, she seems like a very good natured girl and I'm sure she'll raise many fine, dull children.

she will raise dull children. unless she's particularly bright.


lefty
enfj 4w5

[UDP]

Me neither, I just think that one month is enough, though. Generally the chemistry either is there from the start, or it never develops imho.

I usually have a crush on someone I have known for some time, but haven't "noticed" before. I have had a crush on a stranger once in my life, but I always became very clumsy near him. He worked in a news stand. I always had to buy something from there when I was in town (once a month). Oh, he was so cute. I probably would have had sex with him if there was a chance. One time he touched my hand when he gave me a pack of gum and I tingled for 5 minutes after that. I can only imagine how sex would have been. I was about 15 years old.

Is this a sign of ENFj attraction, clumsiness?
On that note in general, do you think people's polr flutters around people they like? This may require a new thread to discuss.

[UDP]

Can any other beta NFs relate to that last question?

[idealistichick]

Can any other beta NFs relate to that last question?

I think that people's polr's do show up when it comes to people we like...I know just like Kriistina I get very clumsy and I dont even know what I'm saying or I can try to show off...

[Sorc]

Being ENFj male i dreaming and.... want sex yes, but idea and morale are 1st..... the intimacy, union are axis, sex is "must" part of all this complex, being serving and expressing it.
If i have "early" sex with women she better meet after-action demands or at least she better not making things i dislike. Highter to mountains - sharper are angles - harder are angels - more control you need - more chance you will fall.... or gain the top.

[xyz]

GF: ENFJ

Never used to be strongly "No Sex Before Marriage" type, because she just loves BOYS. However, she's not promiscuous and moral. All the same, she loves sex.

[Sorc]

Yep sure , almost no sex b4 marriage, she is having you btw too..... sure she loves boys.... i am sure though she loves them not because they have big instruments/are just mega-hyers in sex, i sure he atracted to personal and moral and mental stuff too.
Its good to like sex, its just matter where you place it in your chart of importance, - if all ok - it going to be great then

[ScarlettLux]

No sex before marriage.. I'm still old fashioned

[Sorc]

No sex before marriage.. I'm still old fashioned

you quite abit young , when you have to much feelings and sure about them and they will be accepted and after some period of muggle-buggle - sex is next, must, and unavoidable and desirable part. Then you will run to make marriage very fast . BTW marriage can be not official... but spiritual... its enough to know thats really him who is.....(but its really hard to find and achieve).

[xyz]

Well, there's a typo up there. She's not promiscuous, and she's moral.

And hey, to each their own. Obviously sex before marriage never bothered me.

And I fully agree with Sorc.

[ScarlettLux]

Okay, if I knew for sure I loved him and he loved me.

[Sorc]

Okay, if I knew for sure I loved him and he loved me.

QFT

[UDP]

No sex before marriage.. I'm still old fashioned

Good for you. I really hope you strive for something like that. It is hard to do these days. (Especially it is harder for women these days, IMO.)

I just want to show support because many tear down the idea of waiting these days. "Sex" is great, but, you can have 'sex' with anyone honestly. Some things should be kept special, sacred.

Also, you can loose your virginity at any time, but you can never get it back, so choose wisely.


PS: perhaps this is points for rationality.

[Sorc]

Some things should be kept special, sacred.

quoting ...

[UDP]

And finally, the last warning is that it is easy to become consumed and addicted to sex, worship it, and loose yourself.




PS: Sorc --- great signature quote. Did you get that from HERO? Or come up with it on your own?

[idealistichick]

No sex before marriage.. I'm still old fashioned

yayy!!! thanx scarlett...someone who understands me...high five!