why do you think you need your dual

[.thursday]

por que

[Creepy-bg]

because masturbation isn't improving my self-esteem

(possibly troll sounding but meant as an honest answer)

[Kristiina]

I need my dual because I want someone to hear me stereotype people and put them into boxes and say, "you're so great", in stead of the typical bitching about stereotypes being bad, even though everyone stereotypes people to some extent. And I want someone to listen to my emotional provocation and not be annoyed. Some people seem annoyed by emotionally charged opinions, even though everyone's opinions are based on their personal emotions. I want someone who is not a hypocrite! I want them to mean what they say! I want someone who will stand up for what they believe in and someone who will not act passive aggressive. And I want someone to argue with! When there are different opinions, most people start behaving passive aggressive and they hope that they will end up winning, which means that I'll have to start tip-toeing, because they won't fight for their opinion and I could end up forcing my opinion on them unintentionally if I'm not careful. (especially applies to INxjs). Yes, that's the most important thing - I want someone whose personality is so strong that I won't have to be careful not to break it!

Bionic, contrary to the general belief, masturbation doesn't cause hairy palms and it's not a past-time for losers only. Everyone does it. (And don't you be thinking if me right now!!! And no trying to imagine...)

[1981slater]

I don't think, I know I need my dual

[Creepy-bg]

Bionic, contrary to the general belief, masturbation doesn't cause hairy palms and it's not a past-time for losers only. Everyone does it. (And don't you be thinking if me right now!!! And no trying to imagine...)

heh trust me, that's one hangup I don't have... I don't feel bad or guilty over it at all (despite my Catholic childhood) I'm just saying it'd probably be a good change of pace to throw in a partner (even better my dual!) at least once in awhile, you know... just for variety

*hums to self while entering "Kristiina&pics" into the search*

cool...

*Log out*

[eunice]

I'm still coming to terms in accepting that ESTjs are my duals. I don't need them imo.

[Jimbean]

SEI are cool, but they seem like they are kind of boring. They are cool to hang out with, but I couldn't not foresee myself being attracted to them

[Mea]

*ponders*
I'm horrible at making decisions. I can't even decide what to eat or where to go sometimes.
I can be standing in the middle of nowhere thinking "hmm, what should i eat. I could go here, or maybe there, or [bla bla]" and it's so hard to make up my mind.

*imagines life with an ISTp*
He'll probably just make a decision and we can all sit down somewhere and eat happily.

I dunno really.

[Jonathan]

*ponders*
I'm horrible at making decisions. I can't even decide what to eat or where to go sometimes.
I can be standing in the middle of nowhere thinking "hmm, what should i eat. I could go here, or maybe there, or [bla bla]" and it's so hard to make up my mind.

*imagines life with an ISTp*
He'll probably just make a decision and we can all sit down somewhere and eat happily.

I dunno really.

See that's the interesting thing....the person who would just make a decision would be an ISTj (your conflict). The ISTj would make a decision, and if you didn't realize that in saying "okay" you had committed yourself to it, you'd have a problem, because the ISTj would expect you to follow through.

I work with an ISTp sometimes at the office. He's very concise and to-the-point. Perhaps an ISTp would make the options seem clearer and help guide you towards a decision without feeling that it has to be set in stone.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[FDG]

Need? No. But actually I agree with everything in this portion of what Kristiina wrote oddly enough:

I want someone who is not a hypocrite! I want them to mean what they say! I want someone who will stand up for what they believe in and someone who will not act passive aggressive. And I want someone to argue with! When there are different opinions, most people start behaving passive aggressive and they hope that they will end up winning, which means that I'll have to start tip-toeing, because they won't fight for their opinion and I could end up forcing my opinion on them unintentionally if I'm not careful. Yes, that's the most important thing - I want someone whose personality is so strong that I won't have to be careful not to break it!

Now don't get me wrong but I immediatly thought that all that was ISFj stuff so eh, I don't think it's odd that you agree.

[Slacker]

*ponders*
I'm horrible at making decisions. I can't even decide what to eat or where to go sometimes.
I can be standing in the middle of nowhere thinking "hmm, what should i eat. I could go here, or maybe there, or [bla bla]" and it's so hard to make up my mind.

*imagines life with an ISTp*
He'll probably just make a decision and we can all sit down somewhere and eat happily.

I dunno really.

This is a common problem for me and I'll tell you how this works with me and my ISTp husband.

Husband: "Where do you want to go to eat?"
Me: "I don't know, what are you hungry for?"
Husband: "Hmm well we had Mexican yesterday."
Me: "Indian sounds nice. Chinese sounds good too. Or maybe just a sandwich somewhere. Or someplace where I can get a nice salad."
Husband: "I just had Indian at lunch for work. How about Chinese?"
Me: "Good!"

[Slacker]

What I need most from my husband is his calmness. I had problems with anxiety, and I don't have them anymore.

[Joy]

I need my dual to help me understand how I feel about stuff, provide a sense of trust and security in the relationship, recognize when I'm upset and handle it appropriately when I don't even know that I'm upset, insist that I talk about an issue instead of burying it, give me confidence that I'm being a good parent, give me advice on what to do with my kid when I have no idea how to handle a situation, stay on top of everyday matters (which I have next to no ability to do), provide stimulation, insist on knowing how we're going to deal with a situation or accomplish a step in our goals (which forces me to make actual plans and therefore pushes progress along more quickly), tell me when someone is asking too much of me and how I should deal with it, insist that we go grocery shopping (something which I would only do like twice a month if not for my dual ), insist that I relax every now and then, and just be fussy in general (it's cute).

[eliphalet]

I want someone to actually listen to what I have to say and find it somewhat interesting, and not call it petty. And then actually cheer me up, instead of halfassed advice, when all I wanted was like support And someone to push me to do stuff. Wait... Dammit, I'm strooong! And yeah, not take life seriously, and just have fun.

[Ms. Kensington]

ESFj.......

I have experience with Fe and Si. I need Si people to make me feel clean and comfortable. I have trouble knowing what is ok in health matters. Fe makes me feel comfortable as well. What can I do when feeling comfortable? It feels better I guess. Oh! when I feel the emotional atmosphere around me is non judgmental and accepting, I don't worry about my Se.

Working on adding more here.

[CuriousSoul]

EJ: Type behaviour seems to be a habit, something that's just natural. Understanding why type behaviour needs to be broken requires a lot of energy. "A social role is a sometimes annoying habit."
Action mode 1: Manipulate others into a suitable social role in relation to yourself. Change role and mode when needed.
Action mode 2: The situation is oppressive, there's nothing you can do but watch, accept that you have no role in what's happening.

From a static's point of view it's a success to maintain type in face of opposition, a sign of power and skill.
From a dynamic's point of view it's a failure to maintain type in face of opposition, a sign of bad character and stupidity.

To a dynamic, the static represents a stable environment that releases him from responsibility of trying to constantly evaluate his social behaviour and someone whose dependent on his judgement of the social situation.
To a static, the dynamic represents a wealth of new possibilities and experiences and a reliable source of social need.

Other results of the Reinin model - resurrected (with edits)

[Rick]

This is a common problem for me and I'll tell you how this works with me and my ISTp husband.

Husband: "Where do you want to go to eat?"
Me: "I don't know, what are you hungry for?"
Husband: "Hmm well we had Mexican yesterday."
Me: "Indian sounds nice. Chinese sounds good too. Or maybe just a sandwich somewhere. Or someplace where I can get a nice salad."
Husband: "I just had Indian at lunch for work. How about Chinese?"
Me: "Good!"

Wow, this sounds familiar! Seemingly so trite, and yet so important to leading a normal life . With duals broken shreds of thoughts grow into a coherent train and actually reach their destination...

[Jonathan]

This is a common problem for me and I'll tell you how this works with me and my ISTp husband.

Husband: "Where do you want to go to eat?"
Me: "I don't know, what are you hungry for?"
Husband: "Hmm well we had Mexican yesterday."
Me: "Indian sounds nice. Chinese sounds good too. Or maybe just a sandwich somewhere. Or someplace where I can get a nice salad."
Husband: "I just had Indian at lunch for work. How about Chinese?"
Me: "Good!"

Wow, this sounds familiar! Seemingly so trite, and yet so important to leading a normal life . With duals broken shreds of thoughts grow into a coherent train and actually reach their destination...

True, but the other person doesn't have to be one's dual for that to happen. I mean, although I can see in this exchange where the husband is mentioning some Te points ("we had Mexican yesterday") and Slacker Mom is making some F points ("sounds nice...sounds good...a nice salad"), really I've had a conversation on where to go for lunch with countless different kinds of people. And assuming we're friends, it pretty much always ends up with a satisfactory agreement about where to eat.

[Rick]

This is a common problem for me and I'll tell you how this works with me and my ISTp husband.

Husband: "Where do you want to go to eat?"
Me: "I don't know, what are you hungry for?"
Husband: "Hmm well we had Mexican yesterday."
Me: "Indian sounds nice. Chinese sounds good too. Or maybe just a sandwich somewhere. Or someplace where I can get a nice salad."
Husband: "I just had Indian at lunch for work. How about Chinese?"
Me: "Good!"

Wow, this sounds familiar! Seemingly so trite, and yet so important to leading a normal life . With duals broken shreds of thoughts grow into a coherent train and actually reach their destination...

True, but the other person doesn't have to be one's dual for that to happen. I mean, although I can see in this exchange where the husband is mentioning some Te points ("we had Mexican yesterday") and Slacker Mom is making some F points ("sounds nice...sounds good...a nice salad"), really I've had a conversation on where to go for lunch with countless different kinds of people. And assuming we're friends, it pretty much always ends up with a satisfactory agreement about where to eat.

But the situation here is a IEE's problem . Deciding where to go for lunch in a logical, decisive, yet fair way is a real headache for an IEE. Maybe it's not a problem for you... )

[Slacker]

Hmm well my INFj sister and I can *never* think of a place to eat, so we end up somewhere neither of us is terribly happy with. I also have trouble choosing what to eat from the menu. LOL

[Mea]

Hmm well my INFj sister and I can *never* think of a place to eat, so we end up somewhere neither of us is terribly happy with. I also have trouble choosing what to eat from the menu. LOL

LOL! yes. That's a problem too. I look at the menu and think "omg! Why are there so many choices??"
I'll ask my friend what they're eating and just have the same thing or ask them to recommend something.
I'm usually just happy when a choice is made up. I don't really mind where. So... It's all good as long as someone makes a decision. That's embarrassing. I can't even make up my own mind on what to eat.

[anndelise]

LOL! yes. That's a problem too. I look at the menu and think "omg! Why are there so many choices??"
I'll ask my friend what they're eating and just have the same thing or ask them to recommend something.
I'm usually just happy when a choice is made up. I don't really mind where. So... It's all good as long as someone makes a decision. That's embarrassing. I can't even make up my own mind on what to eat.

which is why i developed the poor habit of asking the waitress/chef for substitutions.
hmmm, dish 1 looks good but i don't like this part of it...but this other part of dish 2 would go great with it, i wonder if they'll be willing to make a substitution.
my infp bro usually also orders whatever combo i made
at least we tip the waitresses good!

[XoX]

I can eat anywhere so I'm easy company in that sense. I don't dislike anything and I'm ready to try anything. And I like it when we just order something and get it over with quickly to get to the actual eating part. It is more important to me that we actually do something than what we do (or eat).

[KSpin]

It's always a pain trying to decide where to eat when I'm with my girlfriend. We believe that she's an ISFJ, and together we are always deferring the decision to the other. Eventually one of us will lose patience and just go with the old faithful "pizza".

[implied]

It's always a pain trying to decide where to eat when I'm with my girlfriend. We believe that she's an ISFJ, and together we are always deferring the decision to the other. Eventually one of us will lose patience and just go with the old faithful "pizza".

the "i don't know, what do you want to do?" loop is the most frustrating thing in the world.

[stefana]

Take your time... take your time. We will leave if we aren't satisfied after looking through the menu (it's our money) but try not to do that when the waiter/waitress is watching : ).

[aestrivex]

my dual would be highly useful in getting me to actually do things. there are a number of things that i probably should be doing which i simply lack the willpower to do as often or as consistently as would be optimal.


if a problem crops up, i generally notice and acknowledge it but often stick it into the back of my head to deal with later because i am extraordinarily lazy and don't feel like dealing with it. more often than not nothing gets done. i do, however, have a tendency to explain these problems.

recent example: i observe that i'm down to my last printer cartridge. i tell my dad as such. he's quite busy and so did nothing. predictably, i did nothing as well. the result, of course, is that nothing got done until the last one ran out and one had to be procured quickly. my dad (i think an LIE) was simply pissed about my lack of taking any initiative in this situation. an SEE would probably have handled the whole thing very differently.

[.thursday]

so most expect that a dual will compensate for ones lack (static)

rather than "teach" x type to compensate for lack (dynamic)


that seems to be what everyone is saying, am i mistaken?

[FDG]

I think I need my dual for confidence in my abilities. I have a lot of self-confidence but very little self-worth as in, I don't really think my abilities are worth anything. It's hard to explain because until you get near me it's hard to notice. However it can be daunting.

[ScarlettLux]

I need my Dual to back me up with strong support, especially against enemies, or those I dislike. I need them to fight for me and tell me that everything will be alright. I need them to motivate me, even more than I internally motivate myself because despite my fire, it can easily burn out without external pushing and prodding of the type. I need someone to make quick, quick decisions for me in uncertain situations, saying "Let's do this. Now." And I'll be like "*smiles* Okay, lets do it!" (Sounds a bit sexual.. but it's not.. or... hmm?) I need someone to make sense of my disordered thoughts by telling me a very straightforward, "this is it" logical answer.

[aestrivex]

so most expect that a dual will compensate for ones lack (static)

rather than "teach" x type to compensate for lack (dynamic)


that seems to be what everyone is saying, am i mistaken?

not at all. the opposite is much more true.

[UDP]

So you have to ask yourself - does a dual enable your weaknesses, or make you stronger?

[XoX]

So you have to ask yourself - does a dual enable your weaknesses, or make you stronger?

Does dual make you stronger...

In your strong two Quadra functions -> I would say yes
In your weak two Quadra functions -> I would say yes
In your other four functions -> Probably not...as the point of hanging out with your own Quadra and especially your Dual is that you avoid the "annoying" four functions and concentrate on the four you are naturally more comfortable with. Try hanging out with your conflictor, supervisor, super-ego and the like to expose yourself to the other four functions but be prepared to receive some psychological damage in the process

[Exodus]

So you have to ask yourself - does a dual enable your weaknesses, or make you stronger?

Does dual make you stronger...

In your other four functions -> Probably not...as the point of hanging out with your own Quadra and especially your Dual is that you avoid the "annoying" four functions and concentrate on the four you are naturally more comfortable with. Try hanging out with your conflictor, supervisor, super-ego and the like to expose yourself to the other four functions but be prepared to receive some psychological damage in the process

I disagree. Duals can help each other face their self-imposed Super-ego expectations realistically, though constantly reminding them that it's not the "main thing", so to speak. Point and counter-point.

[misutii]

So you have to ask yourself - does a dual enable your weaknesses, or make you stronger?

Does dual make you stronger...

In your other four functions -> Probably not...as the point of hanging out with your own Quadra and especially your Dual is that you avoid the "annoying" four functions and concentrate on the four you are naturally more comfortable with. Try hanging out with your conflictor, supervisor, super-ego and the like to expose yourself to the other four functions but be prepared to receive some psychological damage in the process

I disagree. Duals can help each other face their self-imposed Super-ego expectations realistically, though constantly reminding them that it's not the "main thing", so to speak. Point and counter-point.

I'll add that from what I've read duality seems like codependency relationship. So long as you are with your dual you will be stronger not because your dual makes YOU stronger but because together you are stronger.... the negative side of a codependency relationship is that if, for example, your dual were to die, and you were left alone, the situation could get really messy because your dual is no longer around to take care of the things you suck at and you still suck at the things you suck at - so you probably wouldn't know what to do

[XoX]

So you have to ask yourself - does a dual enable your weaknesses, or make you stronger?

Does dual make you stronger...

In your other four functions -> Probably not...as the point of hanging out with your own Quadra and especially your Dual is that you avoid the "annoying" four functions and concentrate on the four you are naturally more comfortable with. Try hanging out with your conflictor, supervisor, super-ego and the like to expose yourself to the other four functions but be prepared to receive some psychological damage in the process

I disagree. Duals can help each other face their self-imposed Super-ego expectations realistically, though constantly reminding them that it's not the "main thing", so to speak. Point and counter-point.

Perhaps. If I was hanging with my dual I just might stay in the comfort zone though. I kind of figure that is the whole point of duality. That you don't have to move away from your comfort zone. Hard to tell as I don't know who my dual is, lol.

[.thursday]

i guess i'm interested

(deep down


(behind the questions)




if people think they can change their types
................[b u t it seems as tho they d
ont












(ido)......:wink:

[UDP]

I need someone who is sincerely interested in people because they like people, not like me, who sees them primarily as resources that need to be effectively allocated towards reaching a goal. I had a very vivid experience of Fe dual seeking yesterday. It isn't that I don't like people, I just don't like them in an emotional way. My relationships with people, unless they are very significant (significant others, or extremely immediate family), are not emotional at all. So having that in a partner would be a good balance.

[jaja]

..