Illusionary/Mirage Relations: Stories and Experiences

[Brilliand]

Some people say it causes pain or confusion. Others say its just naturally not paid attention to. I mostly go for the latter, that is my experience with PoLR. Even look at the term PoLR at what it means. Its far from pain/confusion. If the 4th function is pain/confusion in theory, then at least rename it

The pain caused by people who have your PoLR in their ego is actually more related to the HA. I'll be posting a thread on this later.

[Brilliand]

"Growing laziness." Give it some time. I spent days and days, until weeks and months with my illusionary, (whatever type I am he's the illusionary one). So at first it felt like a style of activation, we both had all of this potential to converse and pick each others minds, but eventually, weeks later we were just relaxed, and we didn't really express our primary functions as much, there was this weird connection between the "creative" functions that just really made everything at ease and communication was still easy but neither of us really cared all that much about each others opinion in the moment anymore, like if he would pitch me some Ne idea about a movie theme, I would just respond with ease but not really take it to heart. We were just kind of living a fad, or something like that. Whatever the illusionary description says for the most part is what happened between us, we just had to be active friends for a while until it happened.

Ah... yes... your dual's creative function provides a noticeable ease. Your dual's base function is less noticeable - it seems to provide something you don't know you need (I haven't thought this through as much as the HA, but it's my current view). Your DS is basic sustenance, whereas your HA is something comfortable. So Illusionaries are like candy - they're comfortable, but there's no substance. Laziness will come only if you don't get enough of your DS from other sources - if you trust that the comfortable relationship is all you need, and interact only with that person, it'll come back and bite you in the form of a sort of comfortable starvation.

[Warlord]

My mom is my illusionary, when I'm visiting her. We just eat, do nothing except watch tv and she talks about random stuff. That's laziness for you

[thePirate]

it seems to be like a good relation, all attractive and appealing. it is just me or are these relationships excruciating? it's been defined as harmless and peaceful; gotdamnit what the fuck. mirage sank me into an abyss of depression for about a year. MIRAGE HAS ME PULLING AT MY HAIR WTFING EVERY 15 MINUTES. Can someone clarify how this is better than supervision?

[Exodus]

Well, it is complementary on the 2nd functions. Sorry it sucks so bad...

[Morcheeba]

I have always found mirage relations to be strange. They seem interesting in some respects, but I always have the tendency to want to change the person. I get annoyed with their sweetness and narrowmindedness. Also, their dual seeking function is fairly boring to me; and I typically find these types of people in administrative jobs which to me equals boring.

[JuJu]

Mirage relations require a lot of understanding and (in my experience) upkeep... There are a lot of minor misunderstandings.

Things will be going well with a mirage relation, and then--suddenly, in my case EIE-ESI--one of us will say something that will totally dumbfound the other... Prompting something akin to "WTF?!"

The benefit to these relations is that conflicts do not last long at all, and neither party holds a grudge.

Frankly, I like these relations as much as semi-duality, if not more. (In my case, I've found that I get along with ESIs, generally, less well than I get along with LIIs; however, I tend to be more attracted to them.)

[Bardia]

I've had one good EIE friend. I really liked hanging out with him. It was always a lot of fun. My only problem with him was some of his friends. He had a few beta female friends that were really rude to a lot of nice people that didn't deserve it. While he wasn't himself rude he never spoke up or did anything about it either. Including when they were semi-rude to me. And I really can't stand it when people just keep their mouths shut when they should speak up.

[Jarno]

I'm not into mirage friendships and relationships anymore.

[pianosinger]

Despite this significant underlying compatibility, prolonged interaction leads to a dissatisfaction with everything about the relationship that is related to the other's leading function. Partners unconsciously expect the other person to accept their general sentiments about things and build upon them, but illusionary partners inevitably present their own completely independent worldviews that are somewhat at odds with the other's. This is because if one partner's leading function is , the other's is ; or, if one's is , the other's is , and so on.

The above is from wikisocion. Apparently, my husband and I are in this type of relationship. Though, we've been married for 5 years so far with very few of the negative aspects (and when we do argue, as the description says, it is very short-lived). Anyway, I had a thought about the above paragraph, and I'm curious for input.

Hopefully, I can make my thoughts understood here...

My leading function is Ne, and my husband's leading function is Ni. According to the above, this should supposedly lead to conflict. And I can see how in some illusionary relationships, this would be the case, such as between Se and Si especially. But, it seems like in the case of Ne vs. Ni it would more likely bring about personal growth and development between partners, with very little conflict. idk if I'm expressing myself well...

Basically, I guess, of all the Xi/Xe dichotomies, it seems to me like Ne/Ni would be the least conflicting and be rather more cooperative. I know I indulge in both rather regularly myself.

Anyway, I'm eager for others' thoughts on this...

[golden]

This topic interests me, because I explored in another thread the possibility that my son is ILE (ENTp), and I'm IEI (INFp). So that also would be a case of leading and leading in an illusionary relation. But to better understand how your relationship works, I think it needs to be considered function by function.

In my case, if my son is ILE, I don't see the leading functions as the key. He does his thing and I do my thing; we sort of do them side by side, pursuing our independent agendas, projects, interests. Because I'm the parent, I greatly support his interests and his projects; I find that delightful! I don't interfere with it, it always surprises me, and yet I feel that as he grows older, and his leading-function activities become more sophisticated, I won't really have the tools to give him all he needs in that area.

Consider as a separate matter the super-ego block. If my son is ILE, he needs Si. I suck at Si, bigtime. That's not to say I don't give him that; I've given him tons and tons of it, but it isn't an easy thing for me to do. It absolutely tires me out. We connect better with me giving him (but not too much; sometimes I get out of hand on that).

We do well meeting on the front instead--his creative function, my HA.

To me, the crux of the matter in examining him as a possible ILE is that I need and he needs . It seems to describe our difficulties pretty well.

As for having illusionary/mirage in a romantic partnership, my first bf (years-long relationship) was ILE. Quite different from being in a parent/child dynamic. What was similar: we each pursued our separate projects and interests and were interested in what the other was doing but could not apply direct help and support in that.

What was specific to that relationship: He had a big circle of alpha friends, and I was too "heavy" and intense and weird for them. To me, they seemed very immature and silly, although they were mostly several years older than I was. My sexual style didn't match up with his, although sex was technically ok for a few years. I was probably seeking from him, and I know he found that tiring. He just wanted a sort of light, reassuring coziness, and I couldn't offer that. As the relationship devolved, he ended up using Te to attack me. I found him to be manipulative and insensitive with others (Fi problem)--after we began disappointing each other, we gradually went PoLR versus PoLR, it nearly turned us into enemies, and the whole thing sank pretty quickly once we got into that mode.

[DirectorAbbie]

Illusionary relationships are pleasant. I like letting my LII brother take care of the , and I get to do the . I like his and he likes my . We make productive parners.

I would think an illusionary marriage would be kinda boring. The second function is used to calm, and the sixth function is calming. Without the rejuvination of the first and fifth functions corresponding, I would suspect that your relationship is calm and uneventful.

[Morcheeba]

I think that illusionaries would get along much better if they are both creative subtypes. For instance, my brother is an ISFj- and I'm an ENFj-, this makes for much better compatibility. When you are a creatvie subtype, you tend to value and want to use your creative function much more, and your illusionary needs just that. I know that I can get a certain degree of from him, and in return I can use fairly well. So I really don't agree with the notion of these relations being difficult and tiring.

[pianosinger]

I would suspect that your relationship is calm and uneventful.

Pretty much. I manage to shake things up sometimes, though Though with the kids around, it's not nearly as calm and uneventful as we would sometimes like...

[Skeptic]

Illusionaries are described as one of the better relationships. If we're talking specifically about providing for the other's functions, the order is something like;
duality - is a dual
activation - a dual with different emphasis
semi duality - look like a dual
illusion - also look like a dual

Most things beyond that become harder to relate to.

[pianosinger]

Illusionaries are described as one of the better relationships. If we're talking specifically about providing for the other's functions, the order is something like;
duality - is a dual
activation - a dual with different emphasis
semi duality - look like a dual
illusion - also look like a dual

Most things beyond that become harder to relate to.

Except you forgot Identicals and Look-a-Likes. Wouldn't those be up there, too? At least, they'd be able to relate to each other; maybe they wouldn't be all that good for personal growth and development, though...

[Azeroffs]

Except you forgot Identicals and Look-a-Likes. Wouldn't those be up there, too? At least, they'd be able to relate to each other; maybe they wouldn't be all that good for personal growth and development, though...

If we're talking specifically about providing for the other's functions, the order is something like;

.

[Marie84]

Because your base function is where your priorities lay it's also what you want to be appreciated for. Illusionaries, though, just see you using your base and go "meh, whatever" since it gets in the way of their own bases priorities; you're basically both putting your heart out there for nothing.
There's also the matter of having to attempt to use the role, as Golden mentioned, which can be frustrating, since you have to "think" about it a lot and than wonder if you're doing it right
I think this may be why it's said that Illusionary relations are more action and less talk, since there's so much energy being wasted on attempting the Role matched with a constant deflated reception to the Base as well as annoyance with all the Ignoring in your face that communication grows tiresome

From a more personal perspective, I instinctively see ESE's as LSE's who're "being annoying ", so there's still a level of attraction and comfort there, they have the energy and initiative but not quite what I'm looking for

[Nowisthetime]

My leading function is Ne, and my husband's leading function is Ni. According to the above, this should supposedly lead to conflict. And I can see how in some illusionary relationships, this would be the case, such as between Se and Si especially. But, it seems like in the case of Ne vs. Ni it would more likely bring about personal growth and development between partners, with very little conflict. idk if I'm expressing myself well...

Basically, I guess, of all the Xi/Xe dichotomies, it seems to me like Ne/Ni would be the least conflicting and be rather more cooperative. I know I indulge in both rather regularly myself.

I am not sure exactly why you think Ne/Ni would be a better illusionary pair than Se/Si? Are you saying that partners with leading N elements can use this to communicate and understand each other?

Maybe they can, but that would IMO be outside the scope of socionics intertype relations. Deep down you always value your partners role function more than the leading, and this causes irritation and uncomfortable adjustment.

What about this metaphor? You invite someone for dinner. You put a lot of effort to make a very special dish, that you hope you're partner will like. When he arrives it turns out that he is allergic to the food. So despite the fact that the food is tasty and beautifully presented he just can't eat it, or maybe he can but he will get some skin issues or whatever. Still, he is impressed with your abilities, and thanks you for trying, and he becomes very attracted to you, but the fact remains, it wasn't the right food for him.

[Blaze]

the main problem in ILE/IEI illusionary relationship is the overall lack of sensing, not the OD of intuition. both people are a little bit spacey and don't like to pay attention to details and real world matters. each wants the other to handle the details and more often than not it will fall on ILE since they are the extravert. one to one, this drills down further to Se vs Si expectations that don't get met. overall there's a lack of beefiness. polarity is also at issue...both people are either positive or negative, so the electric current goes zzzzzzzt. what's left over is lighter and pleasant though. the Ne vs Ni is not all that big of a deal, i agree with pianosinger.

the social groups are also different like golden says. in actual relationship practice, this makes a difference in terms of how you want to spend your time as a couple and who are you willing to spend your time with and what do you find fun vs what does the person enjoy.

me and infpman are creative subs so we get along probably better than the average illusionary couple. plus we are middle aged and past our divorces so we tolerate things and lower our expectations. we both understand socionics so we talk about Se vs Si expectations all the time and don't pick on each other about it. we try to appreciate what we have and be grateful for that. sometimes he has to go off and put himself at risk of getting in trouble which i read as Se seeking. sometimes i have to go get a manipedi or a massage....or be around my ESE and ILE daughters who share my quadra values.

[Blaze]

Because your base function is where your priorities lay it's also what you want to be appreciated for. Illusionaries, though, just see you using your base and go "meh, whatever" since it gets in the way of their own bases priorities; you're basically both putting your heart out there for nothing.
There's also the matter of having to attempt to use the role, as Golden mentioned, which can be frustrating, since you have to "think" about it a lot and than wonder if you're doing it right
I think this may be why it's said that Illusionary relations are more action and less talk, since there's so much energy being wasted on attempting the Role matched with a constant deflated reception to the Base as well as annoyance with all the Ignoring in your face that communication grows tiresome

From a more personal perspective, I instinctively see ESE's as LSE's who're "being annoying ", so there's still a level of attraction and comfort there, they have the energy and initiative but not quite what I'm looking for

i think it has to do with subtype. if you are base subtype your illusionary might annoy you more than if you are creative sub type.

to me illusionary is more talk and less action. i find what infpman talks about very interesting. the Ni probability timeline and forecasting is fun to think about. i think he enjoys hearing about Ne possibilities, too. putting it into action is what the problem is...since for irrationals we are steered by our base perceptions. so we end up talking a lot about a course of action before we do it. it involves putting more time into understanding and more negotiation than if we were with our duals.

the logic-ethic axis is quite efficient though.

I am not sure exactly why you think Ne/Ni would be a better illusionary pair than Se/Si? Are you saying that partners with leading N elements can use this to communicate and understand each other?

i've seen SLE-SEI illusionary couples also. i think they find each other quite often. their planning and strategy seems off kilter to me. it's like they can't think strategically or something. so they end up in these predicaments that me and infpman could see coming from about a mile away. but they get out of it...it's not a disaster or anything.

[redbaron]

i've seen SLE-SEI illusionary couples also. i think they find each other quite often. their planning and strategy seems off kilter to me. it's like they can't think strategically or something. so they end up in these predicaments that me and infpman could see coming from about a mile away. but they get out of it...it's not a disaster or anything.

I know a very happily married SLE-SEI couple. Anyway, gosh I think I could make ANY relation work for five years. No offense, but five years is nothing. I've been with my supervisee for 15 years. There's something to be said for determination to make it work. Things do fall apart, though, eventually. At least with the worse relations. I can see illusionary going the distance though. It all depends on what you're willing to live with and how you see marriage. If you need to be a perfect fit, some of these relations aren't gonna cut it. But I know people who see marriage as more of an external financial arrangement and/or a companionship thing. In that case, hell, just get what you need from friends and other relationships and let the marriage be what it is.

[Nowisthetime]

I have this idea that types that value comfort (Si leading) would appreciate duality more than other relationships. For me psychological comfort is very important. NOT explicit understanding between me and my partner or analyzing the relationship. I am generally not interested in my partner as a person. Everything is in the connection between us, and the feelings. I have a hard time compensating in a non-duality relationship.

So maybe Ne-Ni illusionary is better than Se-Si also for this reason.

[Blaze]

I have this idea that types that value comfort (Si leading) would appreciate duality more than other relationships. For me psychological comfort is very important. NOT explicit understanding between me and my partner or analyzing the relationship. I am generally not interested in my partner as a person. Everything is in the connection between us, and the feelings. I have a hard time compensating in a non-duality relationship.

So maybe Ne-Ni illusionary is better than Se-Si also for this reason.

wow. i'm stunned. SEI seems like the one type who can get along with almost anyone. nowisthetime, have you been in an illusionary relationship?

[redbaron]

I am generally not interested in my partner as a person.

ok, I get what you're saying though. that the connection is more important than who they are without you. but still... both are important to me. I guess ultimately, your stance is probably better for you than the opposite. You can be with someone who looks great on paper but if the two of you don't have that connection, it's doomed.

[Nowisthetime]

Written by nowisthetime:[/B] I have this idea that types that value comfort (Si leading) would appreciate duality more than other relationships. For me psychological comfort is very important. NOT explicit understanding between me and my partner or analyzing the relationship. I am generally not interested in my partner as a person. Everything is in the connection between us, and the feelings. I have a hard time compensating in a non-duality relationship.

wow. i'm stunned. SEI seems like the one type who can get along with almost anyone. nowisthetime, have you been in an illusionary relationship?

I think this is a difference how SEI feels on the inside vs. how other people see it. I get along with virtually anybody, because every crack on the surface is smoothed out. But it requires so much energy. People misunderstand this and think that we are compatible. This can be a huge problem for me. I know another SEI who also said this. It feels like I automatically work as a buffer that creates a virtual compatibility between me and the person I'm with. But it's actually a shallow thing. It's a huge advantage when randomly meeting new people, but not for a genuine close relationship. I have not been in an illusionary relationship.

[Nowisthetime]

ok, I get what you're saying though. that the connection is more important than who they are without you. but still... both are important to me. I guess ultimately, your stance is probably better for you than the opposite. You can be with someone who looks great on paper but if the two of you don't have that connection, it's doomed.

My LII friend was surprised when he realized that I never have any idea of what I want to know about a person I've met and am dating. Actually I don't need to know anything. He is the opposite, he has certain facts that he needs to know.

If I switch on my more intellectual side, I would say that getting to know the person is an important thing, but this is not how I actually work and act when I am just being myself. It's like it's something I've been told is important and that I could agree on technically speaking.

[redbaron]

I think this is a difference how SEI feels on the inside vs. how other people see it. I get along with virtually anybody, because every crack on the surface is smoothed out. But it requires so much energy. People misunderstand this and think that we are compatible. This can be a huge problem for me. I know another SEI who also said this. It feels like I automatically work as a buffer that creates a virtual compatibility between me and the person I'm with. But it's actually a shallow thing. It's a huge advantage when randomly meeting new people, but not for a genuine close relationship. I have not been in an illusionary relationship.

this is so interesting. I think it's exactly the way the other SEIs I know operate. They DO appear to get along with everyone.

[pianosinger]

Wow, okay. Lots of responses to get through...I'm going to go mroe or less in reverse order here. Bear with me, I wasn't expecting so many responses!

Anyway, gosh I think I could make ANY relation work for five years. No offense, but five years is nothing.

You're right, of course. I mentioned the five years more as a "so far, so good" statement. I've heard of a lot of couples having a lot more problems than we have, even as newlyweds. But I do realize that the hardest times are still ahead. We're ready for them!

It all depends on what you're willing to live with and how you see marriage. If you need to be a perfect fit, some of these relations aren't gonna cut it. But I know people who see marriage as more of an external financial arrangement and/or a companionship thing. In that case, hell, just get what you need from friends and other relationships and let the marriage be what it is.

True. My husband and I are very committed to each other, on every level. We are determined to pull through together. I know that sounds idealistic, but we're really very realistic about it. That's one of the reasons I'm trying to understand our personality types and intertype relations, to be more aware of what our potential weaknesses may be, and issues we might face in the future, so that we can be better prepared to combat them.

i think it has to do with subtype. if you are base subtype your illusionary might annoy you more than if you are creative sub type.

I am creative subtype, and he is base subtype. What does this mean? :wink:

to me illusionary is more talk and less action. i find what infpman talks about very interesting. the Ni probability timeline and forecasting is fun to think about. i think he enjoys hearing about Ne possibilities, too. putting it into action is what the problem is...since for irrationals we are steered by our base perceptions. so we end up talking a lot about a course of action before we do it. it involves putting more time into understanding and more negotiation than if we were with our duals.

We also tend to talk a lot more and not act as much. Saturdays are often wasted around here, because we spend so much time just talking about all the possiblities lol Plus, me being more extraverted and him being a strong introvert, I'd usually prefer to go out and he'd usually prefer to stay in. We're good at compromising, though

the main problem in ILE/IEI illusionary relationship is the overall lack of sensing, not the OD of intuition. both people are a little bit spacey and don't like to pay attention to details and real world matters. each wants the other to handle the details and more often than not it will fall on ILE since they are the extravert. one to one, this drills down further to Se vs Si expectations that don't get met.

This is really true of us, too, being IEE and ILI. Me being the extravert, it's true I often end up getting to be the one to take care of practical matters, like packing for a vacation, or making dinner arrangements with friends. I don't usually mind this so much, as long as he is willing to play with the kids to keep them out of my hair.

I can see some of the Se/Si conflict, too. I'm Se role, and even though I don't like it, I find myself in the role of hard-line disciplinarian with the boys; and it is frustrating to me when my husband is supposed to be tending the boys and a situation comes up where our 3 yo needs to be disciplined and he will just sit there making empty threats, and he often won't follow through until I come in and demonstrate that in order for discipline to be effective, you actually have to do it.

On the flip side, I think he (with Si role) often comes home from work to a messy house and no dinner, and gets a little overwhelmed thinking I might be expecting him to jump in and fix the situation, when he'd really rather not. I will often ask him to help our son clean up his toys, or vacuum the floor to help out, and he does it willingly because he loves me ; but, the kitchen is MY domain and I like it that way, so I will cook the meal, even if it takes me until 7:30.

I am not sure exactly why you think Ne/Ni would be a better illusionary pair than Se/Si? Are you saying that partners with leading N elements can use this to communicate and understand each other?

And maybe I was wrong about that...Just in general I was thinking, if Se is about impressing yourself upon you outer world, and Si is about taking people and things into your inner world, then I would think that when-- for instance-- an Si leading type saw an Se leading type being assertive and aggressive, that Si would rather disapprove of that; and that Se would be prone to criticise Si for not being more assertive and for being such a "push-over."

What about this metaphor? You invite someone for dinner. You put a lot of effort to make a very special dish, that you hope you're partner will like. When he arrives it turns out that he is allergic to the food. So despite the fact that the food is tasty and beautifully presented he just can't eat it, or maybe he can but he will get some skin issues or whatever. Still, he is impressed with your abilities, and thanks you for trying, and he becomes very attracted to you, but the fact remains, it wasn't the right food for him.

Well, that is a good metaphor. However, when I plan a special dinner for friends, I always ask them ahead of time if there are any foods that they cannot eat, thereby sidestepping this problem altogether. How might this be extended to your metaphor? Well, I'm not going to act on an idea or impulse of mine that will in any way affect my husband, until I've had a chance to mention it and/or consult if necessary. He and I have always discussed things together beforehand. Even when we got engaged, we went ring shopping together (after he proposed, I might add) and he let me pick out the ring I wanted, rather than try to guess what I might like.

Because your base function is where your priorities lay it's also what you want to be appreciated for. Illusionaries, though, just see you using your base and go "meh, whatever" since it gets in the way of their own bases priorities; you're basically both putting your heart out there for nothing.

See, that just hasn't been a problem for us. And if it has, it certainly hasn't been noticeable.

to me illusionary is more talk and less action.

I think this may be why it's said that Illusionary relations are more action and less talk,

Interesting, the seeming contradiciton here. But, maybe it has to do with the difference between J-type Illusionaries and P-type Illusionaries. Maybe J-types just tend to step on each other's toes more, leading to conflict, whereas P-types just get lazy...

[Azeroffs]

Generally there are no problems with illusionaries. The problem is that thy don't really inspire each other. There's usually no psychological draw. They may be pulled together by mutual attraction, but when things start settling in everything works fine, but there's just something missing. Hence "illusionaries." It seems as though everything may be perfect, but there's that special something that's missing. From a first person point of view, that special something usually isn't clear unless you've experienced duality before.

My dad and step-mom are LSE and LII respectively and they recognize this in their relationship.

It's comparable to semi-duality. In semi-duality, despite all the problems they have when they get close, they can't help but keep coming back for more.

[golden]

IF my first boyfriend (illusionary relation) and I had been more mature, and IF I hadn't needed to contend with a whole pack of Alpha types, and IF we both had really made a commitment, IF IF IF ...

then we could have made it work. He was great, and I loved him a lot. I could see a pairing like that--but with some crucial situational differences--working out well. No two relationships are alike.

And FWIW, I think five years can in fact be a pretty long time. Pianosinger is dealing with the part of a marriage--little kids!--that can put the most strain on a relationship, and it sounds like things are a lot better than with many couples I know.

[Marie84]

i think it has to do with subtype. if you are base subtype your illusionary might annoy you more than if you are creative sub type.

Possibly

[blankblank]

I get along with virtually anybody, because every crack on the surface is smoothed out. But it requires so much energy. People misunderstand this and think that we are compatible. This can be a huge problem for me. It feels like I automatically work as a buffer that creates a virtual compatibility between me and the person I'm with. But it's actually a shallow thing. It's a huge advantage when randomly meeting new people, but not for a genuine close relationship.

Sob. You described me perfectly, too.

[pianosinger]

Okay, so DH and I have agreed now, that he is going to start taking on more of the disciplining when he's home, while I focus more on the housekeeping (which I'd rather be doing); and when he's not home, I'm taking a new approach to discipline-- Ne-style!

So, less pressure on our Role functions and more encouragement to indulge in Suggestive...And where necessary, more equal sharing of the duties that we'd rather not be doing.

Better, right?

[Suz]

i think it has to do with subtype. if you are base subtype your illusionary might annoy you more than if you are creative sub type.

I agree, i was just going to make a post addressing this.

I do think that illusionary compatibility tends to be better when each is the creative subtype. I know for myself that I tend to prefer ILI (my illusionary) to SEI (my semi-dual). I tend to notice Fe vs Fi very clearly and i care a lot about that difference, as well as Te vs Ti. Those are very important to me.

The disgruntlement comes when the ILI pays little attention to Si needs, and that's when I feel like the ILI is being self-centered or not caring or something like that. Sometimes i can look past that, depending on the Si-transgression, and what kind of person the ILI is in my opinion.

[pianosinger]

The disgruntlement comes when the ILI pays little attention to Si needs, and that's when I feel like the ILI is being self-centered or not caring or something like that. Sometimes i can look past that, depending on the Si-transgression, and what kind of person the ILI is in my opinion.

My ILI is actually pretty good with Si. Maybe it's because he's in his early 30's so he's grown into his Role function better. I, on the other hand, still don't feel all that comfortable with constant Se in my life (in my case, this mostly means dealing with my kids' opposing wills, and trying to keep them from beating each other).

[The Exception]

I agree, i was just going to make a post addressing this.

I do think that illusionary compatibility tends to be better when each is the creative subtype. I know for myself that I tend to prefer ILI (my illusionary) to SEI (my semi-dual). I tend to notice Fe vs Fi very clearly and i care a lot about that difference, as well as Te vs Ti. Those are very important to me.

I also tend to prefer LSE (illusionary) to EIE (semi-dual). Some of the EIEs I've met rubbed me the wrong way. I don't think I could handle their overdramatic emotionality. Sure they have my dual seeking function as their base, but as betas, their Fe is +Fe, while in ESE it's -Fe. Signs make a big difference. I've rarely had LSEs rub me the wrong way.

[Krig the Viking]

Anyone have any personal experience with Mirage in a romantic relationship, either yourself or people you know? The descriptions I've read vary somewhat, but tend to describe Mirage as a pleasant if somewhat unfulfilling relationship. But they don't typically talk specifically about how romantic Mirage relationships play out, which I'm curious about, since romantic relationships tend to demand greater intimacy than regular friendships, which it seems to me Mirage would be ill-equipped to provide.

A friend of mine has recently begun what I think is a Mirage relationship, hence my curiosity. I work with an LSE woman, and as much as I enjoy her company and friendship, I can't for the life of me imagine a relationship like that working as a long-term romantic relationship. The fundamental difference in priorities is just too great. However, that's just a sample size of one, so I thought I'd see how it's been for other people.

[Exodus]

My parents (divorced) are LIE/LSI. Their relationship is pretty bad (although they are both pretty temperamental people, which is another factor). LII/LSE would probably be less conflict-oriented, but I personally have never felt very close with an LSE. Mirage is kind of a superficial relationship.

[Krig the Viking]

My parents (divorced) are LIE/LSI. Their relationship is pretty bad (although they are both pretty temperamental people, which is another factor). LII/LSE would probably be less conflict-oriented, but I personally have never felt very close with an LSE. Mirage is kind of a superficial relationship.

Yeah, my LSE co-worker and I get along quite well, joking around and complaining about our lazy co-workers, and it's generally a pretty secure and "safe" relationship. But when it comes to discussing more serious personal issues, it's like trying to bring the north poles of two magnets together -- we both want to go in completely different directions with the conversation, and have completely opposite advice and solutions to personal problems. I'd imagine neither one of us would feel very "supported" in a romantic relationship, despite feeling largely sympathetic toward one another.

Is that something like what happened with your parents, or were the sources of conflict different from that?