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Thread: IEI - SLE Duality discussion and stories (INFp-ESTp)

  1. #161
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    Just ask her out. If she refuses, just let it go. If she comes back later, then good- but don't cling onto this hope. Assume that she's just a friend if that's what she wants. Otherwise, it will eat you up alive.
    For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in Him should not perish, but have Everlasting life John 3:16~~~

  2. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    We were both physically attracted to each other at first. We hung out a few times
    Did you kiss? Or 'do anything' with each other? Otherwise you may have gotten friend-zoned.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Did you kiss? Or 'do anything' with each other? Otherwise you may have gotten friend-zoned.
    Hey Mountain Dew (I love that drink, by the way)... We held hands a few times, never ended up kissing though. She would give me really long hugs the first few times we hung out, then we kind of transitioned into friend hugging.

    I'm still attracted to her. She did at one point (after asking if we could just be friends) say that she likes to get to know someone really well first before dating, and isn't the type that can start dating someone she just meets. Doesn't seem typical of an ESTp though, so who knows what happened.

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    Hold out for duality unless someone comes along that you fall in love with and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

    I will wait for an EIE. I'll pick them out of crowds, assess them, size them up, interact with them, and engage them if I think they're excellent enough for me (I'm a catch, face it).

    However, I will also happily accept a fun, outgoing IEI who likes to talk about intellectual stuff and who is really into me. I don't want to feel like SLEs are always tugging at their strings.

    I'd also not mind a smart, fun ESE. The Si/Se thing isn't much of a hurdle, and the opposing hidden agendas can be shirked off after minor rows.

  5. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    Hey Mountain Dew (I love that drink, by the way)... We held hands a few times, never ended up kissing though. She would give me really long hugs the first few times we hung out, then we kind of transitioned into friend hugging.

    I'm still attracted to her. She did at one point (after asking if we could just be friends) say that she likes to get to know someone really well first before dating, and isn't the type that can start dating someone she just meets. Doesn't seem typical of an ESTp though, so who knows what happened.
    Hmm. I've dated girls before without knowing them really. Kind of a learn-as-you-go thing lol. But it could be a sex thing. If she's a girl, might be more natural/safer for her to get to know a guy first. So friends first.

    But I've also been incredibly patient before too. And gotten to know/watch people before making a move. That's characteristic of ESTp to really size someone up first, and judge them.

    Overall it sounds like she's interested. Especially if she mentioned she has to know someone first, and liked you originally and held your hand. I'd say go for it.

    How do you go for it? Well, if you're INFp, you're probably really shy. But just put yourself out there for her to contact you. Can you message/chat with her on facebook? Text or something? If she's SLE and interested, she'll want to start talking with you more/hanging out with you/spending more time with you. Could be a fairy-tale friend-first thing that grows.

    Not to forget, if it is duality, the beginning stages are really tough. Getting to know each other. Most likely to fail early on. So just be patient. Keep spending time with each other.

    And of course, I love Mountain Dew too.

  6. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Hold out for duality unless someone comes along that you fall in love with and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.
    This too. Forgot to mention: are you dating anyone else right now? Maybe casually 'pursue' this girl, spend time with her, until someone else comes along, or things start going really well. What have you got to lose?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Hmm. I've dated girls before without knowing them really. Kind of a learn-as-you-go thing lol. But it could be a sex thing. If she's a girl, might be more natural/safer for her to get to know a guy first. So friends first.

    But I've also been incredibly patient before too. And gotten to know/watch people before making a move. That's characteristic of ESTp to really size someone up first, and judge them.

    Overall it sounds like she's interested. Especially if she mentioned she has to know someone first, and liked you originally and held your hand. I'd say go for it.

    How do you go for it? Well, if you're INFp, you're probably really shy. But just put yourself out there for her to contact you. Can you message/chat with her on facebook? Text or something? If she's SLE and interested, she'll want to start talking with you more/hanging out with you/spending more time with you. Could be a fairy-tale friend-first thing that grows.

    Not to forget, if it is duality, the beginning stages are really tough. Getting to know each other. Most likely to fail early on. So just be patient. Keep spending time with each other.

    And of course, I love Mountain Dew too.
    We do email back and forth lengthy emails sometimes. She sends really long, nice, thoughtful emails when she does respond. She is always very excited about everything, it's cute and interacting with her makes me more of an optimistic person.

    I have been letting her contact me first and ask me when she wants to hang out now. I've backed off since she has asked to be just friends... and strangely she has been asking to hang out more. She will ask to do date-like things, like go see a movie or get dinner together. I assume she just likes to have a lot of friends since she is extroverted.

    With all that said though, I think I ended up making a mistake the last time we got together if there was any romantic chance left. Assuming I had been friend zoned, I brought up another girl that I had went on a date with the previous week and hooked up with and felt guilty about (since I normally don't do the one night stand thing and it is out of character for me). Anyway, she was still nice of course, but after I mentioned that I noticed the vibe between us changed a bit, and she started looking everywhere around the room except for me, and she wanted to head out shortly after. We haven't talked as much after that night as we normally do.

    I'll stop rambling now before I end up with a novel here

    P.S. Thanks everyone for your input! I appreciate all of your responses!

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    Don't get caught up in an obsession with a dual. Just get out, reclaim your emotional autonomy, and find a better one. I say this from years of experience dealing with girls/women.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Don't get caught up in an obsession with a dual. Just get out, reclaim your emotional autonomy, and find a better one. I say this from years of experience dealing with girls/women.
    Cool... thanks for the advice! You're right. I tend to worry, over analyze, and focus in on one thing/situation, but I am trying to work on a healthier approach to both life and dating.

  10. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    We do email back and forth lengthy emails sometimes. She sends really long, nice, thoughtful emails when she does respond. She is always very excited about everything, it's cute and interacting with her makes me more of an optimistic person.
    That's kind of how things started with my girlfriend too. It was exciting hearing from her and telling her everything, and hearing about her life and thoughts as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    I have been letting her contact me first and ask me when she wants to hang out now. I've backed off since she has asked to be just friends... and strangely she has been asking to hang out more. She will ask to do date-like things, like go see a movie or get dinner together. I assume she just likes to have a lot of friends since she is extroverted.
    Don't assume going to the movies or dinner with you means just friends! It most likely means the opposite. You do mean you go just the two of you? None of her friends as well? Even then, she might just be trying to get to know you better. To be comfortable around you.

    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    With all that said though, I think I ended up making a mistake the last time we got together if there was any romantic chance left. Assuming I had been friend zoned, I brought up another girl that I had went on a date with the previous week and hooked up with and felt guilty about (since I normally don't do the one night stand thing and it is out of character for me). Anyway, she was still nice of course, but after I mentioned that I noticed the vibe between us changed a bit, and she started looking everywhere around the room except for me, and she wanted to head out shortly after. We haven't talked as much after that night as we normally do.
    Tell her you're sorry and would like to hang out more! You can't let something like that go. That's very hard on her to deal with. I would be upset and probably just leave too... you'd have to assure her it was a mistake, look her in the eyes, let her know you're interested in only her.

    Let her know it won't happen again, and you've learned from your mistake. You have, haven't you? Gotta let her know!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Don't assume going to the movies or dinner with you means just friends! It most likely means the opposite. You do mean you go just the two of you? None of her friends as well? Even then, she might just be trying to get to know you better. To be comfortable around you.
    Yes just the two of us go. She actually asked me to get dinner last weekend, which happened to be the day before valentine's day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Tell her you're sorry and would like to hang out more! You can't let something like that go. That's very hard on her to deal with. I would be upset and probably just leave too... you'd have to assure her it was a mistake, look her in the eyes, let her know you're interested in only her.
    I did apologize to her in an email the next day. I didn't tell her that I was interested in her still (cause I am still trying to assume she wants to be friends so I don't get my hopes up). I apologized saying that I felt embarrassed for telling her, and felt bad for sleeping with someone I didn't really know that well, and just felt bad in general. She replied with a nice email, saying that she felt bad I was embarrassed and she hoped she hadn't done anything to make me feel that way. She also told me that she didn't want me to feel bad. She then went on to tell me how her day was going, and then wished me a happy valentine's day. In her email she sounded just as enthusiastic as she did in all of her other emails. I wrote back to that one, but then haven't heard from her since, which IS unusual for her... Oh and P.S. yes, I did learn from my mistake, and realize now I shouldn't have blabbered on about it. I guess we just gotta keep living and learning
    Last edited by slownumbers; 02-18-2011 at 02:23 AM.

  12. #172
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    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    Oh and P.S. yes, I did learn from my mistake, and realize now I shouldn't have blabbered on about it. I guess we just gotta keep living and learning
    I was with ya till this last part. I meant learn from your mistake as not giving in to your impulse and sleeping with someone you don't know that well.

    Of course, you might not regret it... but just. Regretting "blabbing" about it and not doing it? So you're not sorry you did it, just sorry you 'got caught'? Had to face consequences?

    I don't know if I could date someone who wasn't strong enough to resist their impulses, and might cheat on me. I'm hoping this is just a miscommunication, that you're honestly sorry for it. I hope your told that girl that you're not just sorry for 'going on' and telling her about it, but sorry for doing it...

    Actions speak louder than words...

    *steps away from SLE lecture stand*

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    I was with ya till this last part. I meant learn from your mistake as not giving in to your impulse and sleeping with someone you don't know that well.

    Of course, you might not regret it... but just. Regretting "blabbing" about it and not doing it? So you're not sorry you did it, just sorry you 'got caught'? Had to face consequences?

    I don't know if I could date someone who wasn't strong enough to resist their impulses, and might cheat on me. I'm hoping this is just a miscommunication, that you're honestly sorry for it. I hope your told that girl that you're not just sorry for 'going on' and telling her about it, but sorry for doing it...

    Actions speak louder than words...

    *steps away from SLE lecture stand*
    Thanks again for your input Mountain Dew, it is helpful In answer to your questions, I did feel bad about doing it yes, sleeping with someone I didn't know that well that is. I also felt bad for telling other people about it in general. The whole situation generally made me feel like a bad person - and I told her that I was sorry for all of the above. Don't worry, guilt is my middle name.

    I am single and not dating anyone at the moment, so I don't think it was a totally bad thing, but it still just didn't feel right and is not my normal way of going about things. Also, I have never cheated on someone, and don't ever intend to.

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    When I tell someone I just want to be friends, there's no changing my mind. No amount of hanging out having good times with that person will change it. Once you're friend-zoned, you'll always be friend-zoned with me and it bothers me a lot when the other can't accept it and still keeps up hope then I have to keep regecting them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    When I tell someone I just want to be friends, there's no changing my mind. No amount of hanging out having good times with that person will change it. Once you're friend-zoned, you'll always be friend-zoned with me and it bothers me a lot when the other can't accept it and still keeps up hope then I have to keep regecting them.
    Fair enough. You must be quite charming to have them keep coming back :-P If someone says they want to be just friends, I typically accept this info, am sad for awhile, then move on. It's harder when the other person sends out mixed signals (or what appear to be mixed signals to me) because I will start holding on to hope if I am really interested.

    I have also been on the other end of the situation. Being on both ends (which I'm sure most of us have been) helps you to get a better idea of how to handle things - what to do and what not to do. Rejection is just hard to handle for everyone in general, and I find it can be tricky to remain friends right afterward sometimes.

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    No. Go out, have fun, meet other mature and ready to have a relationship dual.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    I was with ya till this last part. I meant learn from your mistake as not giving in to your impulse and sleeping with someone you don't know that well.

    Of course, you might not regret it... but just. Regretting "blabbing" about it and not doing it? So you're not sorry you did it, just sorry you 'got caught'? Had to face consequences?

    I don't know if I could date someone who wasn't strong enough to resist their impulses, and might cheat on me. I'm hoping this is just a miscommunication, that you're honestly sorry for it. I hope your told that girl that you're not just sorry for 'going on' and telling her about it, but sorry for doing it...

    Actions speak louder than words...

    *steps away from SLE lecture stand*
    Stop analyzing. you shouldn't care, you're an E type remember? You're reconciling with values which is a part of rationalizing.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    I met a dual a few months ago. We were both physically attracted to each other at first. We hung out a few times and I felt really drawn towards her and missed her even though we didn't know each other that well. She later asked if it was okay if we were just friends, and she seemed to lose romantic interest. However, she seems really interested in being friends and contacts me to get together or just say hello, or get dinner or something. If we go through long periods without talking, she will eventually reach out to me.

    Should I hold out hope that our duality will magically make her romantically interested again if we remain friends, or should I just move on?
    Duality friendship is like any other friendship: if it didn't kick off at the start, it's highly unlikely to kick off now - especially if she explicitly stated she just wants to be your friend.

    However, you may be in with a chance. Depends what you want. I wouldn't wait around though; I'd go seeking an SLE who really likes you.

    BTW, I recognise that it's much harder for IEI males to pursue SLE females, not only because sometimes it's all to easy to fall into that stereotype of a 'shoulder to cry on'. If you want these women from the outset, be a bit more masculine. You might get them.

    HOWEVER, having said that, I have an IEI good friend who got with his SLE friend FOUR YEARS after having known each other (remaining friends in that time).

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    @ Starfall - Haha, I found your post both amusing and helpful, thank you Very good points.

    @ ananke - I did tell her I was interested in more than friends, and this is when she requested to be just friends. The "hope" I was referring to came about when she started contacting me more afterward and sending signals which seemed mixed to me.

    In conclusion, I agree it is time to move on and let go of this situation. On a positive note, at least I got some good experience out of the situation. I know a little more about the personality of a dual, since she's been the first one I've met that I know of.
    “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Jalal ad-Din Rumi

  19. #179
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Stop analyzing. you shouldn't care, you're an E type remember? You're reconciling with values which is a part of rationalizing.
    Don't tell me what to do. And don't tell me how to act based on my personality type.

    Quote Originally Posted by slownumbers View Post
    In conclusion, I agree it is time to move on and let go of this situation. On a positive note, at least I got some good experience out of the situation. I know a little more about the personality of a dual, since she's been the first one I've met that I know of.
    I guess that would be healthy then to move on. If you hung out and had a chance to kiss, but didn't, and never did anything to think of the other person sexually, then for taking it as experience and moving on to find someone else. Sounds like you didn't have much of any type of actual relationship, for any period of time, sorry, so just let this one rest. On a more positive note, you seem like the kind of person who would be able to heal and move on fairly easily.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    Why's everyone saying "duality isn't everything" when I feel like it should be "romantic relationships aren't everything"?

    You've met a dual and positively identified them, that's awesome and doesn't happen everyday. She wants to be friends, yay!

    I think the sensible thing to do in this situation is be "just" friends, without any expectation of it becoming romantic. If it happens, it'll happen naturally - if not, having a good friend is an end in itself. Duals make great friends, as well as romantic partners... and it helps that people are often friends with their identicals, and their quadra members, which makes them good sources of other betas

    Of course it might not be psychologically comfortable for you to stay "just friends" with a dual you're attracted to, in which case try to direct your focus away from her and onto other romantic interests, while remaining friends. Nothing good happens if IEIs try too hard.

    Though it's kind of the opposite situation, I friendzoned my SLE bf for years... eventually we started hanging out together heaps and it just happened.
    Very good point, octopuslove! I like your way of thinking. The thought definitely crossed my mind... Even though she just wanted to be friends, I was interested in continuing the friendship because I did enjoy spending time with her of course, and I wanted to learn what my dual was like since I had never met one.

    Although that was the plan, I decided it's probably best to step back for a few different reasons. 1) I have a history of getting into "unrequited love" situations. I start to hang out with someone, develop feelings for them, and it is strictly platonic for them. At first it is fun, but then later it can be painful, when they start dating someone else, etc. 2) I notice hanging out with her puts a damper on other dating situations I attempt to pursue. Because I like her so much, when I'm on a date with another girl, I start thinking about her. Not good

    With that said though, I hope someday down the road, once I'm over liking her romantically, that we can be good friends!
    Last edited by slownumbers; 02-26-2011 at 03:17 PM.
    “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Jalal ad-Din Rumi

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    Quote Originally Posted by ananke View Post
    Hope? Why do you rely on "hope"? If you don't want to be just her friend, then tell her, and see what happens.
    Great advice.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Yeah.

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    well iei's are idealists.

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    If she is ESTp she will eventually have sex with you regardless of whether she considers you just a friend, so yeah you should just go along with it. Just get drunk or high with her and you'll probably end up having sex. You should buy some marijuana and alcohol and tell her you really want to drink it with her.

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    1. Get them a puppy.
    2. Wait like half a year so that they become attached to it.
    3. Abduct puppy.
    4. Inform SLE that puppy will die unless they agree to permanently enter into an intimate relationship with you.
    5. Give back puppy, along with reminder to SLE that the puppy cannot be hidden from you.
    6. Pat puppy on head.

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    Default IEI 1w2 with a 9w8 SLE?

    cggghv mjhk
    Last edited by unbornesia; 09-08-2011 at 02:55 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by unbornesia View Post
    Tell me about this type relationship please.. also do you know any in person, what do you think of them? or know of any famous IEI 1w2 or 9w8 SLE individuals?
    They'd most likely be an H-SLE/C-IEI duality. The SLE would be withdrawn and grumpy, and the IEI flighty, fantasy-driven and idealistic, in a manner that the SLE finds wonderfully amusing and inspiring. They'd have this GRAND GLORIOUS AWESOME VISION, which would inspire the SLE, possibly enough to shake them out of their torpor and say LET'S DO IT! (integration into 3), at which point they'd take point.
    What do these signs mean—, , etc.? Why cannot socionists use symbols Ne, Ni etc. as in MBTI? Just because they have somewhat different meaning. Socionics and MBTI, each in its own way, have slightly modified the original Jung's description of his 8 psychological types. For this reason, (Ne) is not exactly the same as Ne in MBTI.

    Just one example: in MBTI, Se (extraverted sensing) is associated with life pleasures, excitement etc. By contrast, the socionic function (extraverted sensing) is first and foremost associated with control and expansion of personal space (which sometimes can manifest in excessive aagression, but often also manifests in a capability of managing lots of people and things).

    For this reason, we consider comparison between MBTI types and socionic types by functions to be rather useless than useful.

    -Victor Gulenko, Dmitri Lytov

  28. #188
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    Quote Originally Posted by unbornesia View Post
    So you think I'm the DCNH IEI subtype..right?
    It's possible. IEI 1s are usually either subtype or some kind of N subtype (IEI-Se doesn't much lend itself to 1-ish idealism). SLE 9 is almost guaranteed to be Harmonizing subtype, however -- normally SLE-Si, but SLE-Ni fits as well.
    What do these signs mean—, , etc.? Why cannot socionists use symbols Ne, Ni etc. as in MBTI? Just because they have somewhat different meaning. Socionics and MBTI, each in its own way, have slightly modified the original Jung's description of his 8 psychological types. For this reason, (Ne) is not exactly the same as Ne in MBTI.

    Just one example: in MBTI, Se (extraverted sensing) is associated with life pleasures, excitement etc. By contrast, the socionic function (extraverted sensing) is first and foremost associated with control and expansion of personal space (which sometimes can manifest in excessive aagression, but often also manifests in a capability of managing lots of people and things).

    For this reason, we consider comparison between MBTI types and socionic types by functions to be rather useless than useful.

    -Victor Gulenko, Dmitri Lytov

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    With socionics gaining in popularity, a number of MBTI INFJs have been discovering that they are IEIs and declaring a hunt after SLEs or praising their SLE hubbies and baes. A few groups are overflowing with these discussions



    ..I'm an INFJ married to an ESTP. We balance each other out in many areas. He's helped me come out of my shell so much. We do butt heads at times when it comes to me wanting to be by myself or when I don't want to go out and he does... but nothing major. We always find a compromise. Some areas, especially our goofy sides, are nearly identical. He's my best friend and I love him to pieces.... and the sex is fantastic


    ..Not sure about the fall in love thing because i don't know any INFJ men that I'm aware of. But I have a few friends and some of the reasons they say they like me is 1) I do or say things they never would have. 2) I keep them semi-grounded and not let them become paralyzed with the endless scenarios of what could happen. Basically, just shut the fuck up and do it and if you don't die, you win. 3.) For some stupid reason they think I can do anything. So not true, but apparently I fake it pretty damn well. 4.) Because I'm fucking awesome...duh! ESTP.


    ..I have a friend who's an ESTP. He's a bit more cerebral than advertised, so we have good conversations about theoretical but practical things (prison systems, whether he'd bang a ****** who passes, etc.). Also, the ones I've known are great story tellers, loud, animated, active, playful, resourceful, creative, straightforward/blunt, charismatic, persuasive, fearless... I am none of that, so it's pretty titillating.


    ..I know an estp/in*j couple and it is the most weird bizarre match but they somehow work and have been together 5 years now. They're cute together but it's fucking weird and doesn't make sense to me. I guess I see the INxJ ground the ESTP and the estp actually give the INxJ something to live for lol. enfp.


    ..I think ESTP seem confident and edgy which seems to create attraction but honestly can lead to horrible relationships. They are the bad boys, the confident dudes that draw women of all types. Infjs are intrigued by the duality. As an Infj male, this fascinates me. I would rather not be with any st type. It would drive me insan


    ..I can see this. I have said similar things about me (infj) and my husband (estp). I said I keep him grounded, and he puts wind in my sails. If I have an idea or something I'd like to do he becomes my greatest cheerleader. "You can do it. Go for it! What can I do to help? Or here's how I would go abut it..." He gives me just the right encouragement and support I need to go after my dreams rather than just dream them


    Real life experience ...
    I'm an INFJ who is uncontrollably in love with a crazy ESTP man.
    Why?
    Because he...
    0) ... is wild and impulsive
    1) ... teaches me to be fearless
    2) ... bring new and exciting experiences to my life
    3) ... get me out of my comfort zones and take risks
    4) ... doesn't give a damn about what people think
    5) ... live in the moment
    6) ... speak up for myself, he acts as my superhero
    7) ... is the ultimate masculine
    8 ) ... is dependable and reliable, always keep his promises (is this rare for an ESTP?)
    9) ... spontaneous, always active, never boring - keep fire under my ass and get me moving.
    10) ... very practical and hold me grounded
    11) ... blunts, no sugar coatings which sometimes hurts my feelings but I like his honesty
    12) ... brings out my competitive edge, making me better at the work place
    13) ... always response immediately when I text: "I need your help" - very adorable. Otherwise he's normally non-commutative when we're not together.
    14) ... has great sense of style 15) ... has luxurious tastes and very generous
    16) ... gallantry, a rare trait for modern men. He always open and close car's doors and pull out chairs for me in restaurants
    17) ... extremely confident, huge ego
    18) ... high handed, I became very feminine in his presence and loving it.
    19) ... giving me a sense of safety and protected when he's around
    20) ... very boyish and devilish when trying to show off - I think it's cute!
    21) ... amazing sense of humour and wits
    22) ... seems rude and cold because of his words but he has a very warm heart. Very devoted to his family and friends.
    23) ... always ready to help if needed, even with a stranger.
    24) ... has high standards for himself and others
    25) ... hard working, he can't stand idleness. Laziness drives him nut
    26) ... short terms goals oriented. He doesn't like long term planning. This part drives me mad ��
    27) ... is very playful, help people relieve stresses
    28) ... no surprises, he can deals with any given dilemmas.
    29) ... super strong will, won't take no for an answer.
    30) ...flirtatious and charming to the opposite sex - I'm not a fan, but it's part of his personality. Got to love the whole package.
    31) ... physically affectionate, doesn't let me get out of his reach when we're alone.
    32) ... does household chores
    33) ... loves to cook for me
    34) ... mind blowing skills in the sacks - extremely giving and great manner - got what I mean? ��
    35) ... making me the best version of myself
    What else can a woman wish for in a man?
    These are only few of the reasons why an INFJ fall in love with an ESTP.
    I admired the qualities in him which I lack and vice versa.
    It is not a philosophy or ideology, it's a reality!
    We are truly the vision of Ying & Yang. He's the ultimate masculine to my feminine.
    I also believe that this pairing can only work with mature or well developed INFJ females and ESTP males.
    Especially, it can be extremely difficult for INFJ males and ESTP females - the roles would be reverse and the relationship can easily crash and burn!



    My current partner is an ESTP (male) and I am an INFJ (female). Let's start with the pros:
    We have opposite strengths in nearly every area. Both of us are always bringing something new to the relationship because we are so oddly different. It's the prime example of opposites attract!

    1) He keeps me grounded simply because he is always in the present. He lives very "in the now". So when I slip off into my INFJ spirals of ruminating thoughts that circles around and around in my head, he can logically,calmly, and quickly pull me out.
    2) I am his ultimate help mate when it comes to "the little things". Since I am very detail oriented I don't mind picking up on the little things he doesn't like to be bothered with or simply overlooks. He adores this about me! So many times he turns to me and says "good save!!"
    3) We don't have theatrical arguments. He doesn't get thrown by my emotions. When he senses me getting overly emotional he combats it with logic. Not stern/mean logic but he has a very calm way of reasoning and it usually makes me forget why I was upset in the first place. So even when we do fight it's VERY short lived.
    4) Both people are very accepting of the other. We don't try to change each other. I am who I am and he is who he is, and neither of us rock that boat, if needed we truly always try to flex to make the other comfortable.

    Now let's get on to the bad:
    1) He unintentionally hurts my feelings at times. As I've said he is very logical and with that he can be blunt to a fault. To him he doesn't mean harm, he is simply being truthful. This is something that seems to be a constant work in progress. As I've said we are both very flexible when it comes to each other so he tries not to be so harsh, as I try to developed a "thicker skin." This isn't a bad thing because both of us could use amendment in this particular area.
    2) Stereotypical: I feel like as a pair we fall into the stereotypical gender roles. This isn't bad depending on who you are or who you are surrounded by, but I do feel people judge us on this. My Partner is the perfect example of the "All American Man" and he takes pride in that. While I am quite comfortable being his helpmate, stay-at-home mom (when the time comes). ALOT of people judge us for this. Its almost as if we encourage these behaviors in each other , but other people see it as "outdated".

    I'm a very abstract thinker. He is not. It's very important for us to have outlets and friends of our own because many times our conversations don't really line up. We can talk about things but many times as are coming from totally different angles and someone gets lost.
    Although many our strengths are very different, we share many similar weaknesses. So when things go bad for us, they tend to get really really bad. Example, both of us are weak in regulating emotions, so there tend to be a lot of outburst. Not necessarily at each other, just in general. There have been times where I burst out in tears and since he couldn't sooth me, he also becomes emotional or upset. Emotions are a big issues for us, because neither person is good at controlling theirs when they do bubble over. The problem is we both hold emotion in until it has nowhere to go and it has to come out, that's what usually results in the emotional outburst.
    Nobody likes to rock the boat...EVER!!!!! We rather suffer in silence than risk shaking the relationship. This scares me at times because if/when children even come into the picture this is what they will see growing up. It will go, mom and dad are clearly upset at each other, and something doesn't seem right, and both have been going around the house bitter for weeks, and suddenly over dinner someone will say "pass the salt", and that's when all the shit hits the fan! It's a scary thought honestly!



    ..I was first drawn in because of the ESTP charm and charisma, sense of humor very much aligned with mine. And good looks/flashy almost flamboyant style of doing everything. I was hooked by the sexiness and romanticism. I also feel (and am) very protected by my estp husband. He is a very strong and brave man, but is gentle and sweet with me. He's popular with everyone but reserves his "true self" for me. We also support and encourage one another toward self-improvement. He supported me through college and I have helped him build a successful business, and we have always worked together toward a shared goal (retirement by 50). We both grew up poor and come from pretty dysfunctional families, so we give each other a "safe space" to be ourselves and someone we know we can depend on.

    Long before we learned of mbti, we used to muse about us being two halves of a whole, because my strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa. So together we feel unstoppable. (One small example: he is a hands on and visual learner and a doer and can fix anything so long as he can see all the parts to see how it works. I learn by reading and studying, researching, etc. So when we have something that requires reading the manual to set up, he will first try to wing it but if he runs into a hiccup, he will hand me the manual and tell me to "nerd out on this" and then tell him what to do.)

    Most of all, I like him (not just love--I genuinely like the guy) because he is exciting. He is never boring, always up to something and trying something new and taking me along for the ride. I bore very easily, and most other people tend to get on my nerves after a while. Neither is a problem with him

  30. #190

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    I've already posted on another thread about my own experience with my dual. I'll just leave a link to the post here:

    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...97#post1283297

  31. #191
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    IEI - Emily Dickinson, SLE - Susan Gilbert

    https://getpocket.com/explore/item/e...=pocket-newtab

  32. #192
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    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dF5MdtJ6pwk
    @sbbds do you watch anime? I watched this when I was 15 and I felt like it resonated a lot with me, even though I’m not as extroverted.

    This is how I imagine duality between a female SLE and a male IEI to be. It lacks the heavy stereotypes of western film and movies, which makes this enjoyable to watch but it’s heavily stylized. Either that or they’re alpha irrational duals.
    ترفرف كالأجنحة غير المنظورة حول رأسي

  33. #193
    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dF5MdtJ6pwk
    @sbbds do you watch anime? I watched this when I was 15 and I felt like it resonated a lot with me, even though I’m not as extroverted.

    This is how I imagine duality between a female SLE and a male IEI to be. It lacks the heavy stereotypes of western film and movies, which makes this enjoyable to watch but it’s heavily stylized. Either that or they’re alpha irrational duals.
    That was so cringe to watch through that my heart feels weird at the moment. I’d heard of this before but never looked into it. I agree with your typing of them though. I doubt they’re alphas as alphas usually aren’t that knuckle-draggy. I’m a little taller than average, actually around or taller than what the height of the main character is supposed to be lol, and I have been into shorter guys, so I can relate in that sense too.

  34. #194
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    That was so cringe to watch through that my heart feels weird at the moment. I’d heard of this before but never looked into it. I agree with your typing of them though. I doubt they’re alphas as alphas usually aren’t that knuckle-draggy. I’m a little taller than average, actually around or taller than what the height of the main character is supposed to be lol, and I have been into shorter guys, so I can relate in that sense too.

    Yah it’s definitely not for an older audience nor for people who don’t watch anime. It’s extremely niche :’)
    ترفرف كالأجنحة غير المنظورة حول رأسي

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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    Yah it’s definitely not for an older audience nor for people who don’t watch anime. It’s extremely niche :’)
    I thought it was cute. I've seen a real life male SLE and female IEI meet, kind of as last resorts, kind of not believing that the other was any kind of a possibility, and then just locking on.

  36. #196
    f.k.a Oprah sbbds's Avatar
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    Thanks for the mental image of someone having gotten @Adam Strange to watch anime, @faith lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    Thanks for the mental image of someone having gotten @Adam Strange to watch anime, @faith lol.
    Hey, I liked Nausicaa and Cowboy Bebop. Also a lot of the Studio Ghibli movies. I tried Death Note but got bored.

    Are you saying that there's more? More anime?

  38. #198
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Hey, I liked Nausicaa and Cowboy Bebop. Also a lot of the Studio Ghibli movies. I tried Death Note but got bored.

    Are you saying that there's more? More anime?
    Don’t watch anime you’ll scare the ESIs
    ترفرف كالأجنحة غير المنظورة حول رأسي

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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    Don’t watch anime you’ll scare the ESIs
    How would that scare them? I mean, I'm not disagreeing. Most of the male ESI's that I know watch sports exclusively. They might not have four chairs, but they have a big screen TV tuned to the sports channel. And I can't recall an ESI ever mentioning anime, so you might be right. But why do you think you're right?

  40. #200
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    This is white people anime





    Female IEI animal youtuber speaks of relationship with abusive SLE musician

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