IEI - SLE Duality discussion and stories (INFp-ESTp)

**pandagirl** · 06-09-2008, 02:57 PM

Yes, it could very well something else. But barring another woman in the picture, I believe he was telling the truth about the "passion" thing. I didn't feel it either, but I was OK with that.

**Joy** · 06-09-2008, 04:06 PM

Duality is not as exciting as some other intertype relations.

**calenwen** · 06-09-2008, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by pandagirl

Hey guys, first time poster here. I was hoping if you could provide any insight to me on my confusing break up.

I was dating a guy for a month. He is definitely an estp: charming, hilarious, hyper social, whipsmart, thrill seeking. We met on a dating site; don't think i would ever meet a guy like him in a regular social setting!

I was amazed at how comfortable we were together. It's like we had known each other for years. Close friends know I'm sarcastic, funny and smart, but it usually takes awhile for that side to come out. This guy brought it out of me immediately. Plus, there was amazing sexual chemistry, we couldn't stop touching each other, kissing, etc. He said to me that he was able to open up to me more than most girls. I forced him in my own way to be honest with me. He said, "OK. I dont do that with girls...but for you, I will."

Now here's the confusing part. He broke up with me after a month stating: "You're amazing, smart, funny, interesting, beautiful and I'm very attracted to you, but...there is something intangible missing when I'm with you." I then learned about his past loves and they all seemed to stem from an intense passion and lust for the woman. He's been "in love" five times, but only two of those were relationships. The others were unrequited loves.

Is this common for estps? For them to only view love in a fast and furious way? I tend to let my feelings develop, based on trust and friendship.

Sigh. Is there anyway to change his mind? I feel like he gave up on something that could've been great.

Could you really envision yourself with an ESTP long-term, though?

I don't know... I dated an ESTP once and while it was fun (charming, hilarious, hyper social, whipsmart, thrill seeking, etc.) I couldn't see him a.) sticking with one person for too long and b.) us being on the same page for very long.

**pandagirl** · 06-09-2008, 07:31 PM

Now that I've thought about it: no, I can't really envision myself with an ESTP long-term at all. He is definitely the type of person who is like: "onto the next girl!" He is really resolute and resilient and 100% sure that what he think is right. And not exactly the sensitive type of guy who could/would fulfill my emotional needs. In fact, he said a lot of unintentionally rude things to me that hurt my feelings.

But, oh...he is so seductive and charming.

**marooned** · 06-09-2008, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by pandagirl

He is definitely the type of person who is like: "onto the next girl!"

...

In fact, he said a lot of unintentionally rude things to me that hurt my feelings.

I know this is only one ESTp... but honestly I want nothing to do with the "onto the next short-term relationship!" people... and I don't know how well I'd be able to put up with someone accidentally hurting my feelings consistently either... hmm, well I don't think I would be able to put up with it.

though IEI might have more of an outward reaction when their feelings are hurt than ILI, and maybe that would have an effect... or alter the dynamic...

But the way that ESTp is (Fi PoLR) it seems that it would sort of be in its nature to be insensitive to how others feel.

**pandagirl** · 06-09-2008, 08:48 PM

He's the type of person to date a lot of people, and not stick with one, because he knows EXACTLY what he wants/is looking for. So, if a girl doesn't fit into this ideal, in his mind it's over.

That being said, he is a good guy, just brutally honest. He told me his past girlfriends have claimed he is "emotionally distant" and it's because "most of the time, I'm thinking something they don't want to hear." ha!

**marooned** · 06-09-2008, 09:02 PM

I can understand that more.

It sucks though.

**pandagirl** · 06-09-2008, 10:26 PM

It does suck. But you know, I think we will be friends. He's an exciting guy to have around who brings me out of my shell and I ground him a bit.

**Kristiina** · 06-09-2008, 10:55 PM

I know of two ESTps who did settle down - very cool and hilarious dads. Home is not a relaxing safehaven for them. Home is a place where they can make taunting jokes without worrying about how people percieve them.

Well there's the INTp theory. But also, the problem could be subtype difference. If you are clearly one subtype - and you seem

subtype of either INTp or INFp - and if he was

subtype, he might have just needed a bit more

.

**pandagirl** · 06-10-2008, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by esper

That is actually how my ESTp was until he found me. ^_^

It's wierd...I've always had this total confidence that I could "equal" that personality. Something...deep inside.

Yup! I feel the same way. I can match his witty remarks, with equal wit and keep up with his conversations in every way. He brings out that side of me. In fact, he just just called me and we had a great conversation.

I think maybe we were meant to be friends and not lovers. In a way, I think I'm too easy for him -- too comfortable.

**Ms. Kensington** · 06-10-2008, 01:02 AM

Originally Posted by Joy

Duality is not as exciting as some other intertype relations.

thats what i was going to say.

i feel the most passionate when there is some tension, but some complimentary exchange as well. I don't have to do anything but be in the same room as an INFp (not my dual) to feel physically attracted.

Panda, you'll see if he still thinks theres something missing after some time with you. I particularly find this occuring in ExTp and sometimes ExFp. Also, 30 is not past the age where one acquires maturity

in many cases.

**pandagirl** · 06-10-2008, 01:33 AM

Well, interestingly enough, he isn't friends with any of his exes. I seem to be the lone girl who has somehow managed to earn his respect, citing I am the "coolest girl he's er me." He manages to bring out the most outgoing aspects of my personality and I love hanging out with him, because he is so good in social situations which takes the attention away from me (which I like). I am very good one-on-one, but not in a group.

I know he likes me. He's told me that over and over again. He is physically attracted to me, blah blah. Just not falling in love with me. We'll see what happens!

**redbaron** · 06-10-2008, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by pandagirl

Well, interestingly enough, he isn't friends with any of his exes. I seem to be the lone girl who has somehow managed to earn his respect, citing I am the "coolest girl he's er me." He manages to bring out the most outgoing aspects of my personality and I love hanging out with him, because he is so good in social situations which takes the attention away from me (which I like). I am very good one-on-one, but not in a group.

I know he likes me. He's told me that over and over again. He is physically attracted to me, blah blah. Just not falling in love with me. We'll see what happens!

Well my advice is to play it cool. I mean, just go about your life, be yourself and don't fawn over him at all. Enjoy the time that you're together but don't cut out other options either, should they come along

Sounds to me like there's still potential there.

**pandagirl** · 06-10-2008, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by ephemeros

exactly, i noticed that, too. usually the duality relationships start without thrills. probably this guy was after something extraordinary and it sounds normal to me. but i believe he'll know what to choose when he will want to settle down.

This sounds about right. No thrills, but plenty of happy, warm fuzzies.

He's seems very eager to start a friendship with me, called me yesterday and wants to hang out. Me? I'm playing it cool. I feel like he's almost trying to create drama.

**Reuben** · 06-13-2008, 07:50 AM

Look. Stop this socionics analyzing bull.

He's just a player.

Give him the player test. Put up the bitch shield. If he passes through all that, well, then perhaps he really wants you. Then if you wish, have fun with him. If not, wait till you're married.

It's up to you. Your choice.

**mikemex** · 06-15-2008, 02:53 AM

Originally Posted by istpunk

Watch out for that, despite duality the ESTP is one of those personalities I would least likely to trust completely with. Just like how I see the rest of the Extroverts, except for ENFP because if the ENFP betrays me, I will mess up their world and they will fear me even more than the most powerful extroverts like ENTJ or ENFJ.

Awww, how cute.

**pandagirl** · 06-15-2008, 11:36 PM

Update: well. I'm not proud, but I saw the guy the other night in a group setting. I played it cool all night, not paying much attention to him, and of course, by the end of the night...he kissed me...and I gave in. CRAP. There is such a push-and-pull between us. A natural attraction to each other, even though we're so different.

**Sirena** · 06-16-2008, 05:49 AM

Originally Posted by pandagirl

Update: well. I'm not proud, but I saw the guy the other night in a group setting. I played it cool all night, not paying much attention to him, and of course, by the end of the night...he kissed me...and I gave in. CRAP. There is such a push-and-pull between us. A natural attraction to each other, even though we're so different.

Sounds to me like maybe he was attracted to the "hard to get" act. I've known guys like this that just like what they can't have, but when it comes down to it they don't like you for who you really are. They just like the cat and mouse game. I'm not saying with certainty that this is what's happening here. Just be careful. You deserve someone to like "you".

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 07:09 AM

Help.

**Satan** · 03-03-2009, 07:27 AM

Originally Posted by ESTP

Help.

my condolences. what is your heart doing getting involved in a black hole.

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 07:37 AM

That he's super intelligent, he calls me out on my bs, it seems he has my best interests at heart even when I dont....I dunno, he's just everything I thought I never wanted, but really it's all i've ever wanted.

We have awsome conversations about anything and anything, never ending. He calms me down, my crazy ways have gotten toned down a lot since meeting him.

**intjguy** · 03-03-2009, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by mercutio

my condolences. what is your heart doing getting involved in a black hole.

Lol! Word.

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 04:50 PM

Originally Posted by intjguy

Lol! Word.

WTF why are ya'll saying that??

**buckland** · 03-03-2009, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by ESTP

LOL why not marry him this year?

And, im about 90% sure he's intj...in MBTI i'm pretty positive he's INTP...

Maybe you're attracted to him because he is socionics INTp.

**strrrng** · 03-03-2009, 07:37 PM

I'd be willing to bet he's really just an INFp with a high Ti focus.

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 09:42 PM

Originally Posted by strrrng

I'd be willing to bet he's really just an INFp with a high Ti focus.

You know...I think that's a possibility. Fuck my life.

edit: can you enlighten me a little about this scenario? I think he's too F sometimes to be INTp or INTj even........blah HELP

**Brilliand** · 03-03-2009, 09:48 PM

Originally Posted by ESTP

You know...I think that's a possibility. Fuck my life.

edit: can you enlighten me a little about this scenario? I think he's too F sometimes to be INTp or INTj even........blah HELP

If he's an INFp, and you're an ESTp, then what you have here is a dual relationship. "Fuck my life" does not apply.

**ArchonAlarion** · 03-03-2009, 09:57 PM

"F" does not exist

Strrrng's probably correct and that was went through my head as well.

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 10:03 PM

Originally Posted by Brilliand

If he's an INFp, and you're an ESTp, then what you have here is a dual relationship. "Fuck my life" does not apply.

If that is ture...that'd be great. However, I have this inner turmoil about the situation.

Is it werid, that I feel like he has more control over me than anyone....without even trying?? He just lets me be me...but it seems like he has this power over me. Blah.

Fuck my life..yes, because I hate this situation. I dont know what to do with myself when I'm not with him...only when I'm with him, does everything seem A-OK.

**Not A Communist Shill** · 03-03-2009, 10:08 PM

If the situation is moderately okay to good, definitely carry on with it! Don't rely on your socionics typing ability! Just remember that you know that people act differently and may not always act how you want them to.

**buckland** · 03-03-2009, 10:09 PM

Originally Posted by ESTP

You know...I think that's a possibility. Fuck my life.

edit: can you enlighten me a little about this scenario? I think he's too F sometimes to be INTp or INTj even........blah HELP

Whatever type he ends up as, does it really matter in terms of your eventual interaction with him?

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by Subterranean

If the situation is moderately okay to good, definitely carry on with it! Don't rely on your socionics typing ability! Just remember that you know that people act differently and may not always act how you want them to.

The situation is good and then some. So I guess, I shall carry on with it.

Basically, he got outta relationship a few months ago + and about a month and a half ago said he didn't want to get into a relationship (we got super super close super fast) and basically since then...it's seemed like one. It has ALL the makings of one, without the title. I understand so therefore I don't presume or pressure him. But, the more time goes on, the more he behaves like a bf. Werid, but I totally heart him. Haven't told him, nor will I tell him for a long time to come. I just almost want to be like "WTF is going on" but I don't have the balls to, nor do I almost feel the need for it. Advice?

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by buckland

Whatever type he ends up as, does it really matter in terms of your eventual interaction with him?

Hah, not really to be honest.

Its still interesting to dabble in this stuff.

**Brilliand** · 03-03-2009, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by ESTP

If that is ture...that'd be great. However, I have this inner turmoil about the situation.

Is it werid, that I feel like he has more control over me than anyone....without even trying?? He just lets me be me...but it seems like he has this power over me. Blah.

Fuck my life..yes, because I hate this situation. I dont know what to do with myself when I'm not with him...only when I'm with him, does everything seem A-OK.

That does remind me of things I've read about dual relationships... you connect with each others' subconsciouses, and you become dependent on each other.

http://www.socionika.com/experiencin...relations.html

Judging from that, any sort of romance that starts as "let's have a romance" is messed up... it should drive itself, as yours seems to be doing. Just don't stop it or wander away.

**ESTP** · 03-03-2009, 11:54 PM

Originally Posted by jxrtes

This part doesn't really sound like supervision, assuming your relationship in its current form has reached the stage where you act normally around each other.

An LII would probably make you more likely to act hotheaded, because you'd disagree with his non-concrete, sometimes purely axiomatic (no

) logic. Unless it was something obvious and mundane, but that doesn't sound like the kind of relationship you have.

Yes, that stage was reached fairly quickly.

**ESTP** · 03-04-2009, 05:48 AM

I wonder if its possible to change the title of this thread to "I heart an INFp" and move it to Beta??

Because quite frankly...I think I might have fooled myself with MBTI and trying to transfer over to socionics...Not only that, after reading more and based on our interaction and whatnot...I believe he is INFp.

WHAAA I believe this is my first encounter ever (that im aware of) with a dual.

**Skyline** · 03-04-2009, 12:05 PM

Hello ESTP.
I'm an isfp and a while ago I have also encountered my dual for the first time.
I am still not a 100 % sure he is an entp , YET I feel the exact same way as you described and that is frankly seen as dual relationships.
Mrrrrrrrrr it confuses me toooo!
But I am going with Brilliand's advice.
I could try and go on about how the situation makes me feel but all you're gonna get is "blablibla maybe?not sure lalala *wonders* *contemplates* *sighs* *gets annoyed*" so I'm not gonna do it.

**Hot Scalding Gayser** · 03-04-2009, 05:55 PM

Hearting an infp isn't the problem. Infps are pathetically easy to like and enjoy. Infps have a problem with commitment and simply, 'just being there.'

**ESTP** · 03-04-2009, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by Skyline

Hello ESTP.
I'm an isfp and a while ago I have also encountered my dual for the first time.
I am still not a 100 % sure he is an entp , YET I feel the exact same way as you described and that is frankly seen as dual relationships.
Mrrrrrrrrr it confuses me toooo!
But I am going with Brilliand's advice.
I could try and go on about how the situation makes me feel but all you're gonna get is "blablibla maybe?not sure lalala *wonders* *contemplates* *sighs* *gets annoyed*" so I'm not gonna do it.

Ya I know what you mean. I def. go with Brilliand's advice and let it happend. I've thought to myself to just give him an ultimatum, but it feels so wrong. Not that I'm worried about the outcome, but because there just feels to be a natural progression.

I don't want to mess with that becaues it's so amazing. Honestly, I think this way is better although I don't like it necessarily (the unknown or uncertainty) but at the same time I can foresee the outcome. And, I'm pretty sure he feels the same (although I haven't asked him). But, from the type of conversations we have, I can sense it.

I'm really glad, I didn't give into my impulse to:
a) give him an ultimatum
b) try to force the situation (ie...ultimatum etc)
c) try to ruin the situation or test him by dating other people
d) hooking up with an ex to try and "move on" from the uncertainty of the situation

Reference article "D" (above)...I've been getting propositions from my ex (who was great in bed) every other day for the last week to hook up, no strings attached. Usually I wouldn't care, since it's known territory and a sure thing. But, without any reservation I said "NO" every time and don't plan on saying yes at all. I know I would feel the need to tell INFp-man and it would ruin anything that is potentially there. He wouldn't admit it, but I know it would hurt him on some level. I couldn't do that to him, I don't want to do that to him, and I know he came back and said something like that to me, it would crush me greatly.

I don't trust most people, even people I've known for a really long time I still get some reservation about, but I trust him completely. That's intense, considering I haven't knowing him THAT long.

**ESTP** · 03-04-2009, 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves

Infps have a problem with commitment and simply, 'just being there.'

want to elaborate a little further

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