Working with an INFp, a few questions

[UDP]

Specifically a female




I was working with a person yesterday who I am fairly sure was INFp, and I have some questions:

• How do INFps prefer to contribute in a group setting?
  The only other type seemed INFj, but she struck me as more a victim - she responded well to assertiveness and direction.
  But when I asked her if she thought something looked right, or was a good idea, she looked at me as if she didn't want to say anything - she didn't want to take blame or responsibility for making a semi-important decision. (A)
  
  NOTE: In no way am I trying to make this person sound bad, I just want to know how to better work with an INFp, as she was the person I was most unsure about during the event.
  

(A) - I am reminded of this:

PoLR hits are worst when they come from personal knowledge, as opposed to base. I.E., I'm watchful of ESTp opinion, but what really tears me up is an ISTp attack.

Do you think that has anything to do with your newfound INTj-ENFj status?

...I didn't think it would. My view on the PoLR hit was, ISTp uses as personal knowledge, their function of aggression. That's used to wound. ESTp doesn't use to hurt people, but to help them. ESTp hits INTj unintentionally; ISTp focuses their attack for maximum damage....

Let's look at it from the INTj point of view. We use personal knowledge, so who has the most to fear from our attacks? INFp and ISFp. I've caused some damage to INFps before by attacking their relationship choices...I didn't mean to, it was more of a self-defense thing. It's not easy to notice the damage of course; it's a very deep wound and the wounded try to keep it to themselves....

We were setting up a display, and I probably appeared to take charge of the situation, as everyone was standing around, and it would be a waste of 2 people were doing something and 4 were not. So I began helping other people get started. Later on, when her and I were sort of on our own working on one part of the display, we (or really I) were re-arranging things, one part of a display, and when I asked the INFp for her opinion, she looked like a deer in the headlights. Not that I was seeking her opinion greatly - I was too close to the display to see if everything looked right, so I asked her what she thought.

(This may also have something to do with her not being certain about what to do at the moment or who to pay attention to, as the head of the organization was talking about other things, gossipy stuff. But to me know one was doing anything... so I started re-arranging, and then sought her opinion)
(In retrospect, I may have been looking for an ESFj clear-cut "emotionally expressive response", so I probably asked her a few times, because she wasn't giving me a very useful response. Hopefully it did not come across as threatening - to me I was just looking for an answer)


Could this be what Tcau was referring to? Did it seem like I was questioning her relationship choices (as in, how to arrange things)?
I could see that being so, as things weren't organized as well as they could be, and furthermore, there was other parts of the display that were not up yet, so there were other things I knew about that she may not have known at the time.


There was an outside chance she was not INFp, but she certainly came across as INF, or at least IF. Can you relate at all?
At the end of the event it seemed like everything was fine, but I wanted to ask here to see if the INFp community has advice for how to best work with someone of your type - tips, suggestions, etc.

[misutii]

I forget where I got this description but I remember using these work descriptions as practice before i started the filatova ones, might as well share them, i found the infp one was accurate for me
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INFp (IEI) @ Work:

INFps successfully operate within an inquisitive mind in which they inculcate, adjust and improve new designs and programs. They note that others cannot note. Diligent, their attitude towards work is serious, though they themselves are a bit laggard. They are unsure of themselves, lack initiative, and nevertheless expend more effort than is required in the implementation of a particular problem. They work more productively when recognized, attached significance to, and praised. If working under the guidance of someone they do not respect they will quickly find the means to escape their duties for they find it difficult to work when in an uncomfortable state. They may require outside aid in order to avoid organizational problems. Are deeply grasped by matters of humanism; in such work they perfect themselves and demonstrate professionalism. They fulfill their duties best in regards to work concerning human problems for they easily place themselves in another’s shoes while exhibiting a subtle perception of norms in their dialogue.

Provident, INFps feel perspective ideas and plan for the future. Observing how skillfully a person disposes of his/her time and how time influences them, INFps use their observations to gauge another’s competence. They’re always perplexed by deep problems and want to appear competent and well versed in everything. However, when they feel that their values are being threatened they are prone to becoming pretentious and if they do not fully understand a problem their internal disharmony may manifest itself in a verbose expression. Their poetic nature propels them towards self-education.

INFps tend to reveal the deficiencies, rather than the capacities, of people; they comprehend the contradictions, which appear detrimental to another’s character (i.e. incompetence, unselfishness, negative emotions). Their nihilistic tendency allows them to visually scrutinize others as they work and then understand the means by which others complete tasks. In this manner they are able to isolate those that exhibit perseverance and freedom in reaching their aim from those that don’t. Their attitude towards all conventional traditions, and norms that resist progress, is negative.

INFps are characteristic of the soft, balanced, sympathetic individual; they work easily and successfully with people when situations require brainstorming and the exchange of ideas. When they are within a familiar group they express themselves with ease, constructing a pleasant amicable atmosphere. They’re fine-tuned to the emotions of others, which they capably envisage themselves. They consciously adjust their relations among colleagues, only speaking in confidence to a chosen few from whom they’ll receive personal attention; they thus suffer in workplaces where such intimacy is never received. INFps rarely refuse people’s requests as they inherently long for others. They best appreciate compliments that come in the form of calm, quiet, pleasant words.

The INFp capably adapts to changing circumstances. Others see them as restrained, good-natured and sincere. However, when their inherent kindness is criticized, or taken advantage of, they can react in a demonstratively sharp or rude manner, thus proving that they are competent of holding a position, as a means of defense.

They show indifference towards colleagues that clearly cannot manage their own work and when others’ problems interfere with the INFp’s own interests and values they tend to become exacting and prejudiced. With promotion, and the magnification of their sphere of interest, the INFp’s observance of others activity is augmented. When entrusted with more power they give increasingly more notice to what takes place nearby, specifically scrutinizing that, which breaks the boundaries of permissibility. They can introduce a nervous stress within their sphere of influence and when it is necessary to stage urgent operations will increase its tone, not minding the superfluous fuss and disorganization that may result.

The INFp never forgives and forgets nothing, however, they tend to maintain their exterior good nature and do not demonstrate these qualities. They suffer deeply from insults and will express this to their confidantes from whom, in some way, they’ll receive compensation for their moral loss. When the workplace situation becomes heated they become passive, gloomy and prone to sudden bursts of criticism. On the surface such criticisms may bear bygone circumstances, which don’t concern themselves with the given moment.

[uninspired]

I'm usually very hesitant to express my personal opinions at work, especially to those whom I don't know well. The reasons for this are
1) I fear that I might hurt/offend the other person and unintentionally demean their efforts
2) I worry that I don't have sound reasons to support my beliefs and will end up looking like an idiot,
and
3) I might be uncertain and feel the need to reflect before making a final judgment.

So the whole "deer in the headlights" look might have been an expression of "eesh, it looks ugly, but I don't want to tell him because he and his coworkers worked so hard on it," or "it looks nice in a way that I can't quite describe", or "I'm not sure yet - give me a moment to think about it."

If it's that important to you, developing a closer working relationship with her would allow for more open and direct communication. The best way to get an INFp to open up is to be kind (if that's too much, just don't be mean), acknowledge her efforts and her presence, be willing to offer help if she needs it, and joke around with her to lighten the atmosphere. I love it when people can laugh with me about all of the idiosyncracies and absurdities that go on at work - it makes things infinitely less tense and infinitely more enjoyable. Bottling up all of my opinions really drives me nuts - I need to vent every now and then. INFps can be very insightful, discerning, sharp, and witty if you give them an environment in which they can be blunt and expressive of their true feelings. Just try to make it clear that they won't be punished for doing so.

[UDP]

I'm usually very hesitant to express my personal opinions at work, especially to those whom I don't know well. The reasons for this are
1) I fear that I might hurt/offend the other person and unintentionally demean their efforts
... . INFps can be very insightful, discerning, sharp, and witty if you give them an environment in which they can be blunt and expressive of their true feelings. Just try to make it clear that they won't be punished for doing so.

That seems to fit the experience the best.
I was asking her for her opinion on something that the rest of the group did, but after changing plans, we had to re-arrange everything. At it's present state, it did look bad, and that is why I was arranging it... but I could see how it would be an ethical problem to answer my questions, as it may have 'demeaned someone's efforts', etc.


Thanks for the advice.