Unfavorable socionics intertype but good marriage?

[amex]

I'm an entp married to an isfj husband. I know we are not supposed to work, but it does. Sometimes, I do feel like we are from different planets, but we accept that we are different and let it be, and when we pull together it is great. He is my favorite person to be with (unless work is driving me nuts) in which I shut down (from everyone.) I admit there are times when I wish he could brainstorm with me (he thinks of the worse case scenario immediately) but I sense he is just trying to take care of me in his way and I love that he loves me. I had great chemistry with isfp's and intj's in the past, but it never worked long term. Anyone else defy the rules?

[oyburger]

I do. I'm an INTj married to an ESTp. Everyone we know has always thought we're a mismatched pair, but we work well together and are somehow able to put up with each other's quirks. Our minds work in very different ways, but we accept that and acknowledge that, so we're forgiving of each other when we need to be.

[aestrivex]

hey; if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[oyburger]

hey; if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Works for me.

[Exodus]

I hate to rain on the parade, but if you really get along that well, I'm skeptical that those are yours and your husband's actual types. Are you sure he's not ISFp?

[meatburger]

I hate to rain on the parade, but if you really get along that well, I'm skeptical that those are yours and your husband's actual types. Are you sure he's not ISFp?

Yeah have to agree with that call. I can see Supervisor working ok but conflictors? shit you would be one in a million

[Jarno]

i've read in a translated discription, that if conflictor use a certain degree of politeness with eachother (creating distance) they can live with eachother. And i've also experienced this myself. I'm pretty good friends with a conflictor of the opposite sex.

But i have had a relationship of 4 years with my conflict in which i didn't create the distance, and that relation was only conflict... at the end really bad.

[Ms. Kensington]

i've read in a translated discription, that if conflictor use a certain degree of politeness with eachother (creating distance) they can live with eachother. And i've also experienced this myself. I'm pretty good friends with a conflictor of the opposite sex.

But i have had a relationship of 4 years with my conflict in which i didn't create the distance, and that relation was only conflict... at the end really bad.

could you explain this more? it seems like politeness would be readily accepted by an ESFj. Would this work with other conflict pairs?

I can work out with my conflictor if we don't really have deep conversations. If I talk about my relationships it can also create a point of commonality with an ESFp.

[discojoe]

I'm kind of skeptical about why you think your husband is ISFj.

[FDG]

I'd say your hubby could be esfj.

[Kristiina]

i've noticed that superegos seem to work decently well together

Me and my INTp are the living proof. I think this depends strongly on the supervisors' subtype.

Due to my relationships with ISTps, I can't see how conflict marriage could work on a long time-scale. I really don't see it.

[ScarlettLux]

My parents are Look a Likes (ISTj & ISFj) and they have an extremely stable relationship, with honestly barely any fighting for agesss and ages. It's a weird kind of love though, I don't see too much passion in it because they're so comfortable with eachother.. meh, I dunno. I wonder what other marriages are like... most of my friends' parents who have long lasting marriages all have good intertype relations.

[Kristiina]

my supervisor parents ESTj and ISFp have to have seperate hobbies because they start fighting if they spend too much time together. They have about one-week fighting phases about 1-2 times per year. Also, the ISFp can act passive aggressive about some things that bother her and then it takes one mistake from the ESTj to unleash the anger. The ISFp is convinced that everything is bad and the ESTj has no idea what's going on. Then they fight for a week, the ISFp lists everything that's wrong, the ESTj finds ways to make up for all the things, they make up and the then the ESTj brings home flowers all the time to make the peaceful time last longer. I used to worry that they really are going to break up, but now I think it'a just a cycle that they go through.

I have noticed a similar (but much less severe) cycle in my own supervision relationship, but I cause it (supervisor, not supervisee like with my parents). Every once in a while I get the feeling that all the small problems (lack of Se in the relationship) keep repeating themselves and then I get frustrated. The INTp tries to find solutions, but I wish the INTp would just tell me that it's all in my head as soon as he notices the signs.

[Jarno]

could you explain this more? it seems like politeness would be readily accepted by an ESFj. Would this work with other conflict pairs?

yes. it works with all the conflict pairs. according to the socionics article.

[Exodus]

i've read in a translated discription, that if conflictor use a certain degree of politeness with eachother (creating distance) they can live with eachother. And i've also experienced this myself. I'm pretty good friends with a conflictor of the opposite sex.

But i have had a relationship of 4 years with my conflict in which i didn't create the distance, and that relation was only conflict... at the end really bad.

could you explain this more? it seems like politeness would be readily accepted by an ESFj. Would this work with other conflict pairs?

I think politeness is not a very accurate name for it. It means don't get into each other's business or way, and speak to each other only when you absolutely have to - or when dictated by social norms (i.e. "when polite").