EIIs-INFjs analyzing the past and having regrets

[eunice]

I'm not sure if other INFjs (or ENFps) relate to this: I tend to look back at the past and wish that I had done something different about particular situations, and perhaps things could have been better for me now. I think it has got to do with and imagining possibilites that might happened. I tend to judge myself based on my past experiences rather than what I am achieving now or can do in future to make up for the loss I had. To me, if my past wasn't perfect (in my own eyes), I don't feel that I have lived a life full of purpose. I can't help feeling that I have failed to live up to my own expectatons and nothing I do subsequently will make up for it. I will feel this way whenever I'm alone, or interacting with an EXTj 'cos their dynamic and interesting personality and achievement in life always make me feel very small.

[Expat]

I have seen that in ISFjs too. It may be related to Static-Rational IJ temperament (life is a succession of static states, connected by "jumps" and right now you are "stuck" in the present one) added by Te-dual-seeking -- you're not sure that your decisions were the best-informed/efficient etc.

[Mea]

Hmm. What Expat said makes sense.
I usually don't look to the past nor think about trying to do things differently than I had.
I look to the future more.

[Slacker]

I will occasionally think back to something I've done and wonder how things would be if I'd done something different, but I don't dwell on it. Besides, I'm happy where I am and doing the "wrong" thing from time to time is part of what got me here. My sister and an INFj friend both do seem to dwell on things from the past a bit. It could be partially a creating vs. accepting Ne thing too? I don 't know.

[Mea]

A lil out of topic.. but..
Why dwell on the past? When the future holds so much more potential.

[Hector]

I'm not sure if other INFjs (or ENFps) relate to this: I tend to look back at the past and wish that I had done something different about particular situations, and perhaps things could have been better for me now. I think it has got to do with and imagining possibilites that might happened. I tend to judge myself based on my past experiences rather than what I am achieving now or can do in future to make up for the loss I had. To me, if my past wasn't perfect (in my own eyes), I don't feel that I have lived a life full of purpose. I can't help feeling that I have failed to live up to my own expectatons and nothing I do subsequently will make up for it. I will feel this way whenever I'm alone, or interacting with an EXTj 'cos their dynamic and interesting personality and achievement in life always make me feel very small.

Yeah that sounds a lot like me. I tend to have a hard time falling asleep at night due to either thinking about the events of the day or thinking about what I will be doing tomorrow. Do you have this problem too?

[eunice]

Yeah that sounds a lot like me. I tend to have a hard time falling asleep at night due to either thinking about the events of the day or thinking about what I will be doing tomorrow. Do you have this problem too?

Not really. I tend to think about past events, including events of the day. I usually look back at negative events and think about what I could have done to prevent them from happening. Sometimes I do imagine what my future will be like, but I can't help but visualize the worst case scenario and have a lot of "what if" questions in my mind.

[meatburger]

I only really look back if the event happened recently. For instance if i did something really stupid and im angry that i did this it can ruin my day, maybe if its bad enough ruin a few days. Its valuable to look back breifly to acknowledge that something went wrong.

On a whole though, i dont look back. Anything that happened in the past cannot be changed. I also try very hard not to see myself as the product of past experiences. I am the product of where my thoughts are in the present moment.

For instance, just because i have failed when chatting to girls for 3 years, doesn't mean "im bad" it could be i was doing something wrong every one of those times. If my thoughts are in the correct place it is in my power to succeed.

In fact. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is even a new life :wink:

[Typeless Wonder]

A lil out of topic.. but..
Why dwell on the past? When the future holds so much more potential.

Because the future doesn't always hold more potential. Sometimes you're just fucked.

[Mea]

A lil out of topic.. but..
Why dwell on the past? When the future holds so much more potential.

Because the future doesn't always hold more potential. Sometimes you're just fucked.

? lol. perhaps. If you think so. lol.

[meatburger]

A lil out of topic.. but..
Why dwell on the past? When the future holds so much more potential.

Because the future doesn't always hold more potential. Sometimes you're just fucked.

I think the future always holds potential, things are rarely that bad

[Minde]

I'm not sure if other INFjs (or ENFps) relate to this: I tend to look back at the past and wish that I had done something different about particular situations, and perhaps things could have been better for me now. I think it has got to do with and imagining possibilites that might happened. I tend to judge myself based on my past experiences rather than what I am achieving now or can do in future to make up for the loss I had. To me, if my past wasn't perfect (in my own eyes), I don't feel that I have lived a life full of purpose. I can't help feeling that I have failed to live up to my own expectatons and nothing I do subsequently will make up for it. I will feel this way whenever I'm alone, or interacting with an EXTj 'cos their dynamic and interesting personality and achievement in life always make me feel very small.

Yes, Eunice, I find myself feeling a little like that, too. I think about things that didn't go well, and then about how I messed it up, what I did wrong. If I'm already feeling down, that just drags me further down and things seem quite dark. On good days, I usually just end up thinking something along the lines of "Oh, well. This is the situation I'm in. I'll just have to deal with it/keep on going and try to do better next time." On really good days and with some help I can think like the ENFps have said.

I frequently feel that I've failed to live up to my own expectations. I have high standards and I get upset with myself when I fall short. Don't know if it's the healthiest thing, but that's what happens.

And, yeah, there are certain types of people, don't know if they're EXTjs or not, that can make me feel small. Not because they try to make me feel like that, but just because they're so great, so good at what I fail at. "Course, feeling small isn't always a bad thing... keeps pride away, at least...

[UDP]

It may be related to Static-Rational IJ temperament (life is a succession of static states, connected by "jumps" and right now you are "stuck" in the present one).

that's how I see it for me.

.....

and that is a good way to consider what I've been going through lately: I have much more control over my current state. Being able to, on command, break out of a rut, or having gotten stuck. A way of refocusing, refreshing, so to say, to where I want to be. The price for such awareness is constantly knowing, every moment, how far you are away from that point.

[Megan]

... "Course, feeling small isn't always a bad thing... keeps pride away, at least...

[Minde]

... "Course, feeling small isn't always a bad thing... keeps pride away, at least...

Why the ?

[SFVB]

The Ne/Fi combination creates the "grass is always greener" syndrome...idealism, only it is based on a supericial intake of facts (Te) and resulting piss-poor understanding of them (Ti) as opposed to the idealism of the Fe/Ni combo, which is based on a superficial understanding (Ti), resulting in piss-poor applications of this understanding (Te)

My mother, an ENFp, is always saying how other families do this, or are better in this way, or how she should have raised her kids differently in order to get a different result (keeping in mind that both her children are college graduates from great universities with good jobs). However, she uses a lot of superficial evidence to support this, and in the case of one family she likes to compare results against, they have a son who is an alcoholic (his parents don't know this because of the poor communication in this family) and another who was an opium addict for a few years (once again, parents totally unaware). Of course, on the surface, the family looks perfect (opium addict is an Ivy league grad, the other has a degree from a top 10 university, other kids seem to have their shit together, family has lots of money). Of course, being the good little INTj son that I am, I always blast her on her superficial fact intake and lack of understanding, and after a while, she feels sufficiently silly and realizes she did a good job. The sad thing is that I've had this argument, about the same family (and others, although I don't know the other families as well so I simply defer to the statement that "not everything is as it seems.") on more occassions than I can count. It's irritating, but no different than the manifestations of other inferior functions working in tandem, such as the INTj's piss poor ability to establish an emotional/physical relationship with another human being.