Dual Seeking Behaviorswhat do they look like?

[Blaze]

I've been thinking about this lately. My type is ILE...with Si and Fe in the superid bloc. I notice that I have developed some skilled behaviors in these areas...I love to cook, to decorate, love love love fashion, like to have comfortable surroundings. I express my feelings easily now, where as in the past I did not. I am not artistic, but appreciate quality art of any kind and like to have it around whether it's music, paintings, decorating whatever.

I've developed these in the absence of my dual and these behaviors feel right to me. People comment that I am a good cook, have a great fashion sense, a good decorator. While not the Epicurean at the level of the isfp, I've grown better at some of these things over time.

I'm in my 40's....is this process a developmental thing? I started this stuff perhaps 20 years ago, so some things esp fashion took quite a bit of time.

What do we think about dual seeking behaviors? What are they? Do they change over time? Do they develop more rapidly in the absence of a dual?

comments, please....

[Slacker]

I've never been very good at taking care of my physical needs. I also like to cook, but I'm always reading cookbooks trying to find something new and interesting to cook or I get bored, so there's lots of Ne in there for me. And I have interest in decorating, but I have a very hard time figuring out what to do. I read about decorating and try here and there though. I love art and music, etc., but again I'm unable to produce these things.

I was 28 when my husband and I got married and I hadn't found a way to take care of these things by then. And there aren't any Si-dominant people in my family of origin. In fact, my mom and dad both have Si PoLRs. Maybe that's why I'm particularly helpless in that area? I don't know.

[Joy]

Once you've been in a relationship with someone whose dominant function is your dual seeking function, you feel like you have nothing without it, empty (I hate using such an emo word, but you get my point). At least from my experiences.

[Blaze]

Once you've been in a relationship with someone whose dominant function is your dual seeking function, you feel like you have nothing without it, empty (I hate using such an emo word, but you get my point). At least from my experiences.

feel like nothing? what do you mean?

[Mea]

My type is ILE...with Si and Fe in the superego bloc.

Do you mean super id?

I've never been very good at taking care of my physical needs. I also like to cook, but I'm always reading cookbooks trying to find something new and interesting to cook or I get bored, so there's lots of Ne in there for me. And I have interest in decorating, but I have a very hard time figuring out what to do. I read about decorating and try here and there though. I love art and music, etc., but again I'm unable to produce these things.

I was 28 when my husband and I got married and I hadn't found a way to take care of these things by then. And there aren't any Si-dominant people in my family of origin. In fact, my mom and dad both have Si PoLRs. Maybe that's why I'm particularly helpless in that area? I don't know.

Wow.. I actually relate to this. Not that I'm married, but I love tot cook and read cookbooks, trying new recipes and stuff. Usually I try new recipes on my own, without referring to the cook book. Well, my friends like my food, I guess that's something.
But I'm not good at taking care of my physical needs either. I used to stay up all night and go to school the next day, maybe get 3 hrs of sleep per day for weeks in a row, and I'd fall sick. And this was done repeatedly, can't help it. Well, fortunately my ESFj mom helps with the Si part.

I don't have very good dress sense, I prefer to wear clothes I'm comfortable with. I like decorating and looking at books related to interior design, architecture, decorations, etc. But I can't see myself doing serious work with those. I'd probably have some crazy ideas though.

[Joy]

Like... whatever you want out of your life is pointless if your dual seeking function isn't fulfilled, but it's not something you can do for yourself. You can continue moving forward and doing what you do without it, but there's a restless feeling of sorts, like something's missing.

[FDG]

I think a good example of Ni dual-seeking is the "what should I do" thread I recently posted.

[Expat]

Like... whatever you want out of your life is pointless if your dual seeking function isn't fulfilled, but it's not something you can do for yourself. You can continue moving forward and doing what you do without it, but there's a restless feeling of sorts, like something's missing.

Yes I agree with that.

[Exodus]

As for what dual-seeking looks like, an ISFp friend says that I look at her expectantly, like I want to be "entertained".

It is completely unconscious on my part, but it makes perfect sense.

[Ms. Kensington]

I think the feeling of being without the dual seeking function might be different for different functions.

But I think in general you will be happier if you have it, and it will be harder to cope if you're used to it in abundance and then its removed for some reason.

[Kim]

Like... whatever you want out of your life is pointless if your dual seeking function isn't fulfilled, but it's not something you can do for yourself. You can continue moving forward and doing what you do without it, but there's a restless feeling of sorts, like something's missing.

Yes I agree with that.

I think it makes life more difficult because more things need to be taken care of. But if it feels like something you can't do for yourself (with a bit of effort) and makes your life seem pointless because you are helpless unless someone can provide it, then there is more at play. Every person should under normal circumstances be able to compensate. It is about making life easier, not making it livable...

[Ms. Kensington]

As for what dual-seeking looks like, an ISFp friend says that I look at her expectantly, like I want to be "entertained".

It is completely unconscious on my part, but it makes perfect sense.

Blaze, I remember some people were saying that people with Ne look like they want to be taken care of. Maybe this is what thehotelambush was referring to. As far as Si seeking behavior, i think it might be different for an ENTp than an INTj, but for me I look for quiet places, take walks, and do things that take a lot of time and will stimulate my senses in a detailed manner, like drawing, or cooking/eating.

[vague]

minus one.

[Blaze]

edit

[Blaze]

As for what dual-seeking looks like, an ISFp friend says that I look at her expectantly, like I want to be "entertained".

It is completely unconscious on my part, but it makes perfect sense.

Blaze, I remember some people were saying that people with Ne look like they want to be taken care of. Maybe this is what thehotelambush was referring to. As far as Si seeking behavior, i think it might be different for an ENTp than an INTj, but for me I look for quiet places, take walks, and do things that take a lot of time and will stimulate my senses in a detailed manner, like drawing, or cooking/eating.

so you do this stuff yourself....in the absence of your dual? i think i do this too. i do the behaviors that i want done to me since i don't have a dual in my life.

but if you learn to do these things yourself, do you need your dual as some are suggesting? or is it just nice to have your dual?

[Exodus]

As for what dual-seeking looks like, an ISFp friend says that I look at her expectantly, like I want to be "entertained".

It is completely unconscious on my part, but it makes perfect sense.

Blaze, I remember some people were saying that people with Ne look like they want to be taken care of. Maybe this is what thehotelambush was referring to. As far as Si seeking behavior, i think it might be different for an ENTp than an INTj, but for me I look for quiet places, take walks, and do things that take a lot of time and will stimulate my senses in a detailed manner, like drawing, or cooking/eating.

Actually, I thought it was Fe seeking behavior--which is why my friend feels less comfortable providing it. Rick's blog entry on relationships between two introverts (or two extroverts) gives a good explanation of why Duality is better than Activation. In fact, I've come to believe it's on a whole 'nother level.

[Ms. Kensington]

As for what dual-seeking looks like, an ISFp friend says that I look at her expectantly, like I want to be "entertained".

It is completely unconscious on my part, but it makes perfect sense.

Blaze, I remember some people were saying that people with Ne look like they want to be taken care of. Maybe this is what thehotelambush was referring to. As far as Si seeking behavior, i think it might be different for an ENTp than an INTj, but for me I look for quiet places, take walks, and do things that take a lot of time and will stimulate my senses in a detailed manner, like drawing, or cooking/eating.

Actually, I thought it was Fe seeking behavior--which is why my friend feels less comfortable providing it. Rick's blog entry on relationships between two introverts (or two extroverts) gives a good explanation of why Duality is better than Activation. In fact, I've come to believe it's on a whole 'nother level.

Yeah I didn't mean that you meant Si seeking behavior, I meant as you said that you just look like you need something rather than are behaving a certain way consciously.

I was thinking that it is odd how dual seeking functions work, because I think when I am with an ISFp i feel urges to make that person laugh or to feel comfortable, which you might not expect the non Fe non Si person to know how to do. It's like you seek that sort of input.

[Exodus]

Yeah I didn't mean that you meant Si seeking behavior, I meant as you said that you just look like you need something rather than are behaving a certain way consciously.

I was thinking that it is odd how dual seeking functions work, because I think when I am with an ISFp i feel urges to make that person laugh or to feel comfortable, which you might not expect the non Fe non Si person to know how to do. It's like you seek that sort of input.

I know what you mean: maybe you want them to acknowledge your Super-id efforts, like an ISFp might want confirmation that his/her reasoning is logically sound.

[Blaze]

Yeah I didn't mean that you meant Si seeking behavior, I meant as you said that you just look like you need something rather than are behaving a certain way consciously.

I was thinking that it is odd how dual seeking functions work, because I think when I am with an ISFp i feel urges to make that person laugh or to feel comfortable, which you might not expect the non Fe non Si person to know how to do. It's like you seek that sort of input.

I know what you mean: maybe you want them to acknowledge your Super-id efforts, like an ISFp might want confirmation that his/her reasoning is logically sound.

that's it, i think. cuz ain't no way my cooking and decorating prolly would stand up to that of an isfp! but i'll fish for compliments...from anyone! lol

[UDP]

dual seeking

.........

In regards to clothing LII frequently adheres to a “business” style, stressing more so her professional position than any specific features. She does not care for pretentiousness and bright accessories. Is constrained in expressing her sexual attractiveness.

Fi: The realm of ethics presents weakness for LII. In this area she adheres to the norms and traditions of society. May develop sufficient care and restraint so as to avoid such situations, in which she’s badly oriented. LII poorly measures the emotional climate, prefers not to interfere in conflicts and – as much as possible – to avoid such situations. Finds it difficult to comfort others. In such cases prefers to render concrete assistance, or, if this is impossible, to simply walk away and not interfere. Does not understand what to do, or what to say, when confronted by another’s tearful emotional outburst.

Tends to associate from a distant psychological distance; does not express familiarity well with others. Thus, as a child and as an adult, she fails to develop and maintain many friendships. In this the weakness of the ethical function manifests itself.

LII follows tradition. Is proper and exercises restraint, does not succumb to deplorable expressions of behaviour, but this is not the essence of her nature – under the mask of restraint is often hidden a strained spiritual life, influenced by intense experiences. However, her reserved nature does not permit her to share her misfortunes with others. For years she may carry an offense, in the depth of her soul, only with difficulty pardoning the offender.

LII develops relations with caution, behaves towards others with restraint and respect.

machine translation:

Following tradition, LII it is held as rule, it is correct, with restraint, it does not transfer caddishness itself never allows it. Frequently it carries out the impression of cold, impassive man, but this, is faster, the manner of behavior, but not the essence of his nature of — under the mask of restraint can be hidden the strained spiritual life and strong experiences. However, reticence does not permit for it to share by its misfortunes with someone another. It can for years carry offense in the depth of soul and with difficulty pardons offender (CHE).

.... I don't think I could be anything other than LII, regard to the above

[UDP]

It is especially noticeable when a dual is flashing your DSeeking funciton,
and you cannot approach that person, even though you'd like to.

I just got hit with some from a very clear ESFj
It was very nice, but left me slightly ... uncomfortable.

[Blaze]

yeah, the right dose of your dual seeking function is...disarming....to say the least.

feels good though!

[Blaze]

i was just at socionics.us reading about LII, a family member's type.

http://socionist.blogspot.com/2006/1...otim-type.html

my family member is around 40, is an intj, and throws these great parties all the time. he is single no long term relationship, so he's non-dualized. and here he is trying Fe + Si dual seeking behaviors, (kind of like mine of Si + Fe) cooking, decorating, care-taking, and fashion. his parties are usually pretty good, as is my cooking and decorating.

ok so what gives here? does one develop dual seeking behaviors when they are not around their dual? isn't this the whole idea of self development?

2nd: if you are around your dual all the time and they do these things for you, do you still develop these behaviors?

[Gilly]

How else would you learn them? We have schools and teachers for a reason: learning is easier when you have someone to help you.

[Creepy-bg]

i was just at socionics.us reading about LII, a family member's type.

http://socionist.blogspot.com/2006/1...otim-type.html

my family member is around 40, is an intj, and throws these great parties all the time. he is single no long term relationship, so he's non-dualized. and here he is trying Fe + Si dual seeking behaviors, (kind of like mine of Si + Fe) cooking, decorating, care-taking, and fashion. his parties are usually pretty good, as is my cooking and decorating.

ok so what gives here? does one develop dual seeking behaviors when they are not around their dual? isn't this the whole idea of self development?

2nd: if you are around your dual all the time and they do these things for you, do you still develop these behaviors?

shhhh! stop pointing out inconsistancies in socionics or people are liable to start throwing stones

[Blaze]

How else would you learn them? We have schools and teachers for a reason: learning is easier when you have someone to help you.

lots of ways to learn other than by being around your dual.

[Blaze]

i was just at socionics.us reading about LII, a family member's type.

http://socionist.blogspot.com/2006/1...otim-type.html

my family member is around 40, is an intj, and throws these great parties all the time. he is single no long term relationship, so he's non-dualized. and here he is trying Fe + Si dual seeking behaviors, (kind of like mine of Si + Fe) cooking, decorating, care-taking, and fashion. his parties are usually pretty good, as is my cooking and decorating.

ok so what gives here? does one develop dual seeking behaviors when they are not around their dual? isn't this the whole idea of self development?

2nd: if you are around your dual all the time and they do these things for you, do you still develop these behaviors?

shhhh! stop pointing out inconsistancies in socionics or people are liable to start throwing stones

LMAO.

i'm not really trying to be critical or argumentative, just looking at what i see. i'm hypothesizing that if you are not around your dual and you are self aware enough, you'll try to develop your dual seeking functions anyway.

[Gilly]

I'm saying that it's the best way. Try reading into the analogy. Are you sure you're Ne dominant?

[Blaze]

I'm saying that it's the best way. Try reading into the analogy. Are you sure you're Ne dominant?

Hello? Gilligan? This is Blaze, otherwise known as someone you usually get along with on the forum.

You didn't say it was the best way, you said how else would you learn it?

Maybe it's the best way maybe it's not. I'm up for some exploration. Can you handle exploration?

There's lots of ways to learn things: friends, books, TV, internet, classes yada yada yada.

[Gilly]

I'm saying that it's the best way. Try reading into the analogy. Are you sure you're Ne dominant?

Hello? Gilligan? This is Blaze, otherwise known as someone you usually get along with on the forum.

You didn't say it was the best way, you said how else would you learn it?

Maybe it's the best way maybe it's not. I'm up for some exploration. Can you handle exploration?

There's lots of ways to learn things: friends, books, TV, internet, classes yada yada yada.

I know we usually get along, but you're not exactly proving yourself a tried-and-true Socionist atm.

I never said there weren't other ways. Maybe the question at the beginning of my post implies that, but if you read into my metaphor, you'll see that I'm suggesting that it's merely the best way. And if not, then surely the easiest.

[Blaze]

Gilligan i'm not going to read into what you say. i'm going to take what you say at face value, since we are writing and it's the internet.

if we were sitting face to face and i had some other cues to go on then maybe i'd read into what you say.

what i'm trying to ask in this thread is simple:

what is the explanation for a person developing their dual seeking functions, in the absence of their dual?

i am actually a socionics fanatic which is quite sad, really. i think most of us have been here long enough to consider finer points and push some of the tenets of socionics to their logical conclusions and question these conclusions with facts and data.

the facts are that at my age, i've noticed that nondualized people have developed their dual seeking functions.

[Exodus]

I like to think of dualization as helping self-development in general. Using one's Super-id functions actively and well is part of that, but by no means the whole thing. It's actually more of a side-effect; using one's Ego functions actively and well is usually the goal, right? And having a Dual around gives you more time to do that.

[Dioklecian]

I've been thinking about this lately. My type is ILE...with Si and Fe in the superid bloc. I notice that I have developed some skilled behaviors in these areas...I love to cook, to decorate, love love love fashion, like to have comfortable surroundings. I express my feelings easily now, where as in the past I did not. I am not artistic, but appreciate quality art of any kind and like to have it around whether it's music, paintings, decorating whatever.

I've developed these in the absence of my dual and these behaviors feel right to me. People comment that I am a good cook, have a great fashion sense, a good decorator. While not the Epicurean at the level of the isfp, I've grown better at some of these things over time.

I'm in my 40's....is this process a developmental thing? I started this stuff perhaps 20 years ago, so some things esp fashion took quite a bit of time.

What do we think about dual seeking behaviors? What are they? Do they change over time? Do they develop more rapidly in the absence of a dual?

comments, please....

My ENTP father has none of those skills. HE can fry fish, but I don't think he can even fry an egg without burning it. His wife is ISFP. They have been married 27 years. My mother on the other hand has developed her Ne-Ti but not very well, I am not sure how that would appear in her anyways.

But hardly ever reads thinks that she is not required to, or that she doesn't find pleasant. She understands potential only in relationships, she is quite helpless in terms of fighting for her economic wellbeing. In fact, she actively discourages us from doing so and then she laments that we need money from her, but she actively discourages our attemots to become economically indepednent.