Dating tips for the ISTp

[flower]

I had an ESTj male friend who, bless him, despite lots of effort he wouldnt get very far trying to get girlfriends. He had that air of 'Im above other people' that ESTj's often seem to have and worked very hard so had a lot going for him, but I think he struggled because he had a very clean view of the world, you know, thought eveything was morraly good, had a very politically correct view of everything etc and so was a bit nieve sometimes, I think this is where he kept tripping up.

[XoX]

Yea. I find my ESTj friend attractive.
He's really smart, he owns a business, worked his way up slowly. Very motivated person.
But he DOES work too much.. :wink:

For an ESTj it is essential to toot your horn about your material possessions and your stable career (which they pretty much always have). When (not if but when) women think you are average looking, boring, dull, controlling, bitching, extremely conservative and you totally cannot dance you just pull out your credit card, a big amount of cash, pictures of your status symbols (car, house especially). Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you apart. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

[Mea]

Yea. I find my ESTj friend attractive.
He's really smart, he owns a business, worked his way up slowly. Very motivated person.
But he DOES work too much.. :wink:

For an ESTj it is essential to toot your horn about your material possessions and your stable career (which they pretty much always have). When (not if but when) women think you are average looking, boring, dull, controlling, bitching, extremely conservative and you totally cannot dance you just pull out your credit card, a big amount of cash, pictures of your status symbols (car, house especially). Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you apart. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

Cool! LOL!
But I doubt it. The ESTj I know would also like some contribution from his spouse, although he does plenty. He needs his rest too. And he wants his private time to relax and unwind when he gets home.

[eunice]

Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you apart. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

OK, tell me this is not true 'cos it scared me. I don't think I'm prepared for all these. I don't like to depend so much on someone. It makes me feel helpless and weak.

[Mea]

Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you apart. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

OK, tell me this is not true 'cos it scared me. I don't think I'm prepared for all these. I don't like to depend so much on someone. It makes me feel helpless and weak.

T_T Not entirely true..
read the previous post.

[FDG]

Yea. I find my ESTj friend attractive.
He's really smart, he owns a business, worked his way up slowly. Very motivated person.
But he DOES work too much.. :wink:

For an ESTj it is essential to toot your horn about your material possessions and your stable career (which they pretty much always have). When (not if but when) women think you are average looking, boring, dull, controlling, bitching, extremely conservative and you totally cannot dance you just pull out your credit card, a big amount of cash, pictures of your status symbols (car, house especially). Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you apart. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

Cool! LOL!
But I doubt it. The ESTj I know would also like some contribution from his spouse, although he does plenty. He needs his rest too. And he wants his private time to relax and unwind when he gets home.

Unwind? THis just means that the girl must also be prepared to be beaten from time to time

[Mea]

Yea. I find my ESTj friend attractive.
He's really smart, he owns a business, worked his way up slowly. Very motivated person.
But he DOES work too much.. :wink:

For an ESTj it is essential to toot your horn about your material possessions and your stable career (which they pretty much always have). When (not if but when) women think you are average looking, boring, dull, controlling, bitching, extremely conservative and you totally cannot dance you just pull out your credit card, a big amount of cash, pictures of your status symbols (car, house especially). Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you apart. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

Cool! LOL!
But I doubt it. The ESTj I know would also like some contribution from his spouse, although he does plenty. He needs his rest too. And he wants his private time to relax and unwind when he gets home.

Unwind? THis just means that the girl must also be prepared to be beaten from time to time

Err.. actually, when he's at home, he just sits down and reads. Or watch the news, read the newspapers.. You know.. lol.
He has to be doing something productive almost all the time.

[eunice]

Unwind? THis just means that the girl must also be prepared to be beaten from time to time

All of u made it sound as if ESTjs are traditional authoritarians who control their families.

[Mea]

Unwind? THis just means that the girl must also be prepared to be beaten from time to time

All of u made it sound as if ESTjs are traditional authoritarians who control their families.

LOL! Not really. My ESTj friend isn't like that.
Hmm.. I do know another ESTj probably Si subtype.. He's more traditional. But "control [his] family"? Not really him.

[Slacker]

The ESTjs I know might joke about controlling their families but wouldn't really be like that. IMO they're pretty soft when you get to know them.

[meatburger]

The ESTjs I know might joke about controlling their families but wouldn't really be like that. IMO they're pretty soft when you get to know them.

Yeah they really are. If you remember from my old thread i had some problems with ESTj's. I think its about if they respect you or not. My friend since i was 5 respects me a great deal, and the other one from work(didn't even work in my department) doesn't quite as much. It created fire between us because i definately wasn't going to put up with his Elitist Attitude.

My ESTj friend(you can see in my Whats my type post) is really caring to his girlfriend. Some may even call him pussy whipped but hes not really. They do tend to do coupley things though like go to wineries and out to dinner etc. lol

[XoX]

Unwind? THis just means that the girl must also be prepared to be beaten from time to time

All of u made it sound as if ESTjs are traditional authoritarians who control their families.

Lol. No. I went too far I think ISTj would be the traditional authoritarian. ESTjs generally take it easy on the . ESTjs don't directly control people. They just kind of expect people to obey certain norms and may get grumpy if they don't. So they would never force you to do something but they might become passive-aggressive. I think one of the roles of INFjs is to lift them from their grumpy passive-aggressive mood. They can easily get grumpy but a little bit of well applied Fi can lift their spirits back up. I think with INFjs they would generally be much happier and less grumpy. I think it is possible to persuade/teach ESTjs to be a bit more relaxed but you need Fi and Ne for that INFjs also encourage ESTjs to be more Si i.e. enjoy life instead of just work. ESTjs are also very caring unlike many ISTjs who are more "aggressive". They have the Delta spirit but they are a bit more conservative, workaholic and grumpy than the other Delta's.

Edit:
For INFjs: I think you shouldn't approach ESTj by thinking how to adapt to them. Instead make the ESTj adapt to you. You need to be a bit of an empath and skilled in Fi to do that but the idea is that you are the infantile whose needs the ESTj is naturally gifted at fulfilling. So take a brave approach and demand attention, support, caretaking instead of just submitting. And don't forget to tell how much you love and appreciate their doings. That goes a long way with Fi dual seeking types. INFjs job is to teach ESTj how the relationship should work not submit to the ESTj way of doing things.

[Slacker]

You're an ENFp now XoX? I've always kind of had you pegged as Delta. Are you pretty sure about ENFp or are there other types you're wondering about as well?

[FDG]

ESTjs don't directly control people.

Sorry but in my whole life there has not been one time in which an ESTj (or older ESTp too) that didn't know well my reaction to being told what to do that hadn't tried to organize me when playing sports. Go there, do that, play this way, you should have done this - I don't understand how other people put up with that don't telling them to shut the fuck up

[jessica129]

I've always found ESTJ's attractive. A bit scary and intimidating, but attractive.

So on topic, I've got a date tonight. Please someone remind me again why it wouldn't be right to say hello to my old friend Jose Cuervo before I go. I'm entirely too nervous. I haven't seen the guy in 2 weeks. What on earth will I talk about.

[XoX]

You're an ENFp now XoX? I've always kind of had you pegged as Delta. Are you pretty sure about ENFp or are there other types you're wondering about as well?

You can guess what the answer is :wink: Type ranking currently is ENFp>ENTp>INFp>INTp>ENFj>other types. I went to ENFp because my wife has had a long campaign of questioning my Ni and promoting my Ne. Also the Rick's Ne leading descritption is quite accurate. So I went from Ni->Ne and it seems ENFp is mostly likely of the Ne types (but not certain). Some months ago I had a poll where I came out as ENFp and there are also some people here who have suggested ENFp to me. E.g. a year ago I wrote a long post about my life to Cone and he then (without having been reading too much about my posts in general) thought I must be Ne dominant because my life is "driven by interests". Lately some people have again suggested ENFp so I finally took the bait

So there is why I'm "currently" ENFp. I'm prepared to change when conflicting or new information surfaces Now I'm trying to evaluate my relationships assumng I'm ENFp. Mostly what bothers me is that I know many ISTjs and I never ever fight with them. I also like some of them a lot even if we are probably not duals. I also like ESTps. Generally get along better with Beta ST's than Beta NFs which perhaps is not very ENFp like. Then I know I lack some things which ENFp descriptions are full of but this same problem exists with all other type descriptions too. So there...

[XoX]

ESTjs don't directly control people.

Sorry but in my whole life there has not been one time in which an ESTj (or older ESTp too) that didn't know well my reaction to being told what to do that hadn't tried to organize me when playing sports. Go there, do that, play this way, you should have done this - I don't understand how other people put up with that don't telling them to shut the fuck up

Heh.Yeah they do that. But if you just don't listen to them they don't force you to do anything. Just get grumpy. Unlike ISTjs who would punch you if you didn't obey them, lol. I'm not as annoyed about control which comes in the form of "advice" i.e. you can decide whether to listen or not. In my mind real controlling has to involve component of (even physical) enforcement.

[Blaze]

I've always found ESTJ's attractive. A bit scary and intimidating, but attractive.

So on topic, I've got a date tonight. Please someone remind me again why it wouldn't be right to say hello to my old friend Jose Cuervo before I go. I'm entirely too nervous. I haven't seen the guy in 2 weeks. What on earth will I talk about.

coolio...what's his type, do you know?

read the newspaper today so you have a back up of topics.

don't drink before a date, while it may temporarily calm some anxiety you may have, you give up some self control. if i'm nervous, i just smile a little and say i'm nervous but i guess that is more Fe. so maybe if you have Fi as your dual seeking then you could say something like gee these first couple of date things can be a little nerve wracking or something like that, something that shows the current status of the relationship.

let us know how it went!

[jessica129]

I haven't really got him figured out yet. My first thoughts were ENTJ. Definetly an ENT. I won't drink...most people are more open when they drink. I shut down..calms the nerves but I dont think he'd want to go on a date with a lump. I'm a lot more outgoing when i'm nervous. Sometimes it helps. Wish me luck!

[FDG]

Seriously there's no man that can be called as such that is turned off by a girl being slightly nervous! gl!

[olduser]

Here is a list of information we have on user jessica:

-6 sexual partners thus far
-age 21
-sensitive to alcohol
-socially high strung, personally lazy
-'live and let live' attitude
-attention to eyebrow plucking and personal aestetics
-hard to understand
-somewhat brash, mean with personal views
-worked in medical field
-dating experience has ended poorly
-does not like helpless emotional types


I can't recall much more than that. BUT given this total of information, how much can we help you? Not very much. The personal information you have selected to reveal doesn't offer much insight into your personal interests and potential conversation topics. I might suggest that you reveal this list to him. Guys love a girl who thinks things about things.

[meatburger]

XoX is currently Delta. That doesn't suprise me even a little bit . Traveller and i suspected he could be ENFp a while back. Theres seemed to be some form of Fi you showed occasionally.

go there, do that, play this way, you should have done this - I don't understand how other people put up with that don't telling them to shut the fuck up

Thats hillarious because its true. My ESTj friend was the captain of the soccer team and he would order everyone around except his ESTp brother who was the striker

So on topic, I've got a date tonight.

I hope it went well. If he was an ENTp i think that would be fine you would have a good time with one of them. Semi-Duals are a good relation. Your an Introvert, if hes an Extravert let him do the talking.

[meatburger]

Oops Double Post Trouble

[cracka]

Yea. I find my ESTj friend attractive.
He's really smart, he owns a business, worked his way up slowly. Very motivated person.
But he DOES work too much.. :wink:

For an ESTj it is essential to toot your horn about your material possessions and your stable career (which they pretty much always have). When (not if but when) women think you are average looking, boring, dull, controlling, bitching, extremely conservative and you totally cannot dance you just pull out your credit card, a big amount of cash, pictures of your status symbols (car, house especially). Some people will like you even less for this but many are ready to be your devoted spouse until death do you part. Just remember that you have to have a bit of a housewife mentality to marry an ESTj male. It is not for those who want their own career but for those who like being a housewife it is a great opportunity. The ESTj will even clean the house and take care of the kids when he gets back from work

hahahaha, I really don't like how this was written because it paints a bad picture in my head of how I'm percieved but it is actually pretty accurate.

Also, I can't say that I want the person with the housewife mentality yet but I'd say when I have kids I'll almost surely adapt that point of view. Right now I couldn't imagine being with someone who isn't career minded at least a little bit. My last relationship was with a girl that was unemployed for 5 months and it absolutely killed me to know that she was doing nothing about it and living off of me. I hated knowing she was just sitting at home. Like I said though, I could easily see me being that way if I ever have kids.

[cracka]

Unwind? THis just means that the girl must also be prepared to be beaten from time to time

This is a pretty screwed up thing to say.

[cracka]

ESTjs don't directly control people.

Sorry but in my whole life there has not been one time in which an ESTj (or older ESTp too) that didn't know well my reaction to being told what to do that hadn't tried to organize me when playing sports. Go there, do that, play this way, you should have done this - I don't understand how other people put up with that don't telling them to shut the fuck up

Heh. Yeah they do that. But if you just don't listen to them they don't force you to do anything. Just get grumpy. Unlike ISTjs who would punch you if you didn't obey them, lol. I'm not as annoyed about control which comes in the form of "advice" i.e. you can decide whether to listen or not. In my mind real controlling has to involve component of (even physical) enforcement.

Well put XoX, I would definitely say I'm a control freak for the most part, I wouldn't say I get crazy if someone doesn't do what i've suggested it, instead, I'll wait til they screw something up their way and make sure to point out that they would have succeded if they'd done what I suggested. I am a bit more tactful when "advising" someone in a situation than it seems most ESTj's get credit for here. However, I have been told to STFU a few times in life... Such as it seems FDG would do seeing that he has something against the ESTJ type in general...
Sorry for the thread Hijack but it seems it was hijacked earlier. I just wanted to throw in my two cents.

[jessica129]

Here is a list of information we have on user jessica:

-6 sexual partners thus far
-age 21
-sensitive to alcohol
-socially high strung, personally lazy
-'live and let live' attitude
-attention to eyebrow plucking and personal aestetics
-hard to understand
-somewhat brash, mean with personal views
-worked in medical field
-dating experience has ended poorly
-does not like helpless emotional types

that's a bit scary.


but anyway...it went okay. Now I'm prisoner to sitting by my phone day in and day out waiting for him to call.

[cracka]

Here is a list of information we have on user jessica:

-6 sexual partners thus far
-age 21
-sensitive to alcohol
-socially high strung, personally lazy
-'live and let live' attitude
-attention to eyebrow plucking and personal aestetics
-hard to understand
-somewhat brash, mean with personal views
-worked in medical field
-dating experience has ended poorly
-does not like helpless emotional types

that's a bit scary.


but anyway...it went okay. Now I'm prisoner to sitting by my phone day in and day out waiting for him to call.

hahaha, that brought back a memory of me back in high school when i got my first g/f. I remember sitting in my room and when I heard the phone I'd run all the way through the house like it were on fire... Only to find out it was someone calling for my mom. Then I'd walk all slow back to my room and repeat every time I heard the phone ring until it was her. Her parents didn't like her getting phone calls so I'd have to wait for her to call.

but jessica... here's an idea... why don't you call him? I'm sure it'd be a welcome surprise... unless he's home with his wife or some other crap like that. j/k...

[cracka]

or what I like to do... I'll send a text message on my phone or my work pager asking how someone is doing... then if they feel like talking they'll call me. It usually works out that I never have to call anyone... Although, I guess that only works if everyone has a cell phone or I work with them and they have a two-way pager like me.

[jessica129]

I dunno, maybe i'm old fashioned but i just think the guy should be the first one to call. Is it wrong I'm already getting mad he didn't call me? lol, relationships and me do not work. They're too stressful.

[olduser]

a sound memory isn't creepy/scary ladies and gentlemen.

[Blaze]

edit

[Blaze]

I dunno, maybe i'm old fashioned but i just think the guy should be the first one to call. Is it wrong I'm already getting mad he didn't call me? lol, relationships and me do not work. They're too stressful.

but, do tell about the date...enquiring minds want to know!

[mikemex]

Women may spend their whole lives looking for true love. If you wish for true love, learn to love yourself.

[FDG]

ESTjs don't directly control people.

Sorry but in my whole life there has not been one time in which an ESTj (or older ESTp too) that didn't know well my reaction to being told what to do that hadn't tried to organize me when playing sports. Go there, do that, play this way, you should have done this - I don't understand how other people put up with that don't telling them to shut the fuck up

Heh. Yeah they do that. But if you just don't listen to them they don't force you to do anything. Just get grumpy. Unlike ISTjs who would punch you if you didn't obey them, lol. I'm not as annoyed about control which comes in the form of "advice" i.e. you can decide whether to listen or not. In my mind real controlling has to involve component of (even physical) enforcement.

Well put XoX, I would definitely say I'm a control freak for the most part, I wouldn't say I get crazy if someone doesn't do what i've suggested it, instead, I'll wait til they screw something up their way and make sure to point out that they would have succeded if they'd done what I suggested. I am a bit more tactful when "advising" someone in a situation than it seems most ESTj's get credit for here. However, I have been told to STFU a few times in life... Such as it seems FDG would do seeing that he has something against the ESTJ type in general...
Sorry for the thread Hijack but it seems it was hijacked earlier. I just wanted to throw in my two cents.

I think I'm just as unerasonable at reacting the way I react, but I can't help it. It's more a problem of intertype relations than anything else.

[Mea]

Women may spend their whole lives looking for true love. If you wish for true love, learn to love yourself.

Indeed.

[flower]

or what I like to do... I'll send a text message on my phone or my work pager asking how someone is doing... then if they feel like talking they'll call me. It usually works out that I never have to call anyone... Although, I guess that only works if everyone has a cell phone or I work with them and they have a two-way pager like me.

jessica, cracka is right texting is the way to go. my squeeze and i kept the flames fanned quite a bit in the beginning with this. we'd text back and forth....stuff like "had a great time last night, can't wait to see you again." or "hope you're having a flow day" and on and on. one month we had like 300 text messages. it kind of stopped though. but it's a great alternative to calling. calling is kind of risky. texting is quick, interested, simple.

Thats a really good idea, would save some of those nerves


1) If he calls after a few days and appologises strait away he is genuine and wants to hang out with you.
2) If he calls after a few days but dosent say anything about it then he is playing hard to get to try to make you like him more.
3) If he dosent call for week, he wasnt that interested and is now calling coz he just want sex.

Thats what seems to happen anyways

[jessica129]

I'm sorry if I'm derailing the post with my millionth and one dating disaster stories : /

It went okay. I met him at his place, he made me dinner then we went to a concert and a few minor things afterwards. I don't know if I scare people off at first. I tend to hmm....overtalk when I'm nervous. Nervous rambling and nervous energy to the extreme. I don't know. I can't figure this guy out. He's got a million and one friends, is very successful, knows "important" people and yet with me, he seems very cold and distant. Maybe I came off too strong, i dont know. He was saying he was going thru some personal issues so maybe that was playing a part in him being distracted the whole night. I just got the 'distant' vibe. But I do like the guy. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to be with someone and not have to constantly worry you're "hurting their feelings" or that they'll start crying, lol. I like this guy, I'm just extremely cautious about having any feelings right now.

It doesn't appear desperate if i text him? The last thing i want to do is come off being needy. And okay.....way too much info i'm sharing with you people.

[Blaze]

text him, but keep it light. "hey had a great time the other night, have a great day" or something like that. don't wait too long or it will seem weird though.

[Expat]

text him, but keep it light. "hey had a great time the other night, have a great day" or something like that. don't wait too long or it will seem weird though.

Yeah that sounds right.

Text does make it much easier.