Seriously, WTF?
Dating tips for the ISTp
Seriously, WTF?
; 5w6
I just don't take it seriously anymore. I get attached too fast and hope for too much and am always let down. I think a 'go with the flow' attitude is best. Whatever happens, happens. Because of this, I think i'm getting better at being more at ease with others. As far as meeting people, I think it's hard for everyone regardless of how easy they make it seem. I don't really know what to tell you...the only way I meet guys is at bars or at the casino and they're always the ones that initiate contact. I'd imagine istp guys have much more difficulty than the females. What exactly are you having problems with?
edit
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
You're probably doing better than you think at it. I think most ISTps actually have lots of people interested in them because of that mystery factor! :wink: But it can be hard for an ISTp to know who likes them I think. They can be oblivious sometimes. There could be hundreds of girls dwelling about you and talking about you with her friends right now!
It might help to ask a friend if a girl seems into you, if you're not sure.
A lot of girls like that ISTps don't try too hard at dating, which really separates them from the rest who are trying too hard. You may have just hit a dry spell or something.
I remember one summer I worked w/ this guy (before I knew about socionics, but I later realized he was ISTp), and ALL of the girls at work were obsessed w/ him, myself included. He didn't do anything to be charming at all. He was mostly silent, talked occasionally when he felt like it, and starred into the distance a lot like he was thinking about something important. And oh my god, all of the girls there were trying so hard to get his attention!!! But I'm not sure if he ever noticed it.
To show interest, um...I'm not sure how you'd do it, because it shouldn't be forced. But here are some examples of things I liked it when ISTps did on dates: a compliment (which was pretty rare), open doors (not all istps did this), when they'd get chatty for a bit (about some subject they liked), when they'd contact me (so I didn't have to keep wondering if they would call), when they said something that made it clear they liked me, when they'd grab my hand, or something physical to show they were intersted.
Otherwise I assumed they weren't interested.
So I think ISTps have a different charm than other types, and it can't be forced. It's better just to be yourself and see who is checking you out, and then go from there.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)
After doing the first nine points it would be hard to honestly do the tenthOriginally Posted by diamond8
I would be like "thank God it is over
". Well the point is I find it extremely hard to do the "initial stages of relationship" where you need to establish the bond by doing the kind of stuff you described. I would just like to jump right to the "we are meant for each other, here's the ring, now let's have sex"-part
.
Those dating tips are comprised of a LOT ofwith a tad of
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch
Ne-IEE
6w7 sp/sx
6w7-9w1-4w5
None. Forget dating tips. If ISTps are gonna go by that and not be themselves, how are the ENFps gonna spot them??
INTp
sx/sp
Pfft, you can say that again. Throw in a healthy dose of shyness and you've got a recipe for WTF. And I'm pretty much having problems with all of it. I just can't meet anyone. Once I get to know someone a little I usually do okay. I can't even bring myself to talk to anyone anymore really.
I've never been able to get a handle on this "meeting wimmenz" BS, and I get the feeling that if I don't figure it out I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.
No one has ever asked me out. No one ever will. Let's dispell that silly notion right now.
IME, women do not ask men out. Ever. I know every woman says that they have no problems asking guys out, but as far as I'm concerned, it's BS. A woman's way of "asking a guy out" is to stand next to him and smile a lot until he asks her out. Then she runs to her friends and tells them they story about how she asked him out.
Yes, hundreds, if not thousands. All your wimmenz are belong to me.
The problem is I don't have a whole lot of friends. Probably three that I see on a regular basis. These aren't the kind of people that would have any clue what I'm talking about. They're also not the type to set me up with anyone (at least not without giving me a hard time about it), and honestly I'm too embarrassed to ask.It might help to ask a friend if a girl seems into you, if you're not sure.
That's because women are entirely to subtle about things like this. See my response to diamond8.He was mostly silent, talked occasionally when he felt like it, and starred into the distance a lot like he was thinking about something important. And oh my god, all of the girls there were trying so hard to get his attention!!! But I'm not sure if he ever noticed it.
I've never been able to figure out how to do this. Any hints?It's better just to be yourself and see who is checking you out
Yes, and that's most of the problem. I'm an ISTp; my Fe is broken and almost non-existent. Yes, I realize that's not an excuse and part of life is learning to strengthen your weak areas and develop yourself as a human being. However, dating tips for the ESFj aren't going to help me. If I had some damnThose dating tips are comprised of a LOT of
I need
Beats me, really. None of the standard 'dating advice' ever helps me. Most of what I ever hear from well-meaning friends and acquaintances is usually:
- just go up and talk to girls
there's someone for everyone
stop trying and it will just happen
it will happen when you least expect it
For fuck's sake, we're not stuck in a movie on Lifetime.
For you throwing away tips, I'm sorry to say that it's obvious that you don't know how ISTp see the world from inside.
This shyness stuff is serious. Some ISTp are seriously devoid of emotions; I bet there are a few out there who could defuse a nuclear bomb without sweating.
But don't get me wrong. That "being devoid of emotions" isn't the way everyone thinks. They have emotions like everyone else, but they do not handle them easily, either their own or those of others, so they usually avoid activities that requiere emotional intelligence like meeting new friends or dating. This is probably the reason why there are some who lag behind: they have almost no training in the area.
If you want to know how an ISTp feels from inside, just imagine your mind getting blank. Someone looks you directly to the eyes and you do nothing, because you simply don't know what you're supposed to do. So you keep yourself looking to the other person, without saying anything, blocked... trying to figure out what one is supposed to do.
Well, I don't have much time for now, but I'll post later. I'll try to support my fellow duals while in need
[]
| NP | 3[6w5]8 so/sp | Type thread | My typing of forum members | Johari (Strengths) | Nohari (Weaknesses)
You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life. - Ole Golly from Harriet, the spy.
Do they really need dating tips?I feel that INFjs need them more.
Just get an ExFx wingman, or be his wingman.
Tips are useless unless they are applied. Learn by doing even if it means crashing. Think hands on.
LII
that is what i was getting at. if there is an inescapable appropriation that is required in the act of understanding, this brings into question the validity of socionics in describing what is real, and hence stubborn contradictions that continue to plague me.
Lol to be honest i have given up trying to pick up girls aswell. I just float around like they dont exist anymore. Im not really that worried about it at the moment i have a lot going on.
I often have peoples girlfriends falling for me as once i find out they aren't single the pressure is off and i act like my happy go lucky self. Joy lol
The only real peice of advice i could give would be to just talk to the opposite sex like they are normal people and you want to be their friends.
ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
Napalm I know exactly what you're talking about. Hence the reason I'm thinking this "duality" nonsense is pointless. Two ISTP's together would be quite an easy way out.
Is online dating completely out of the picture for you? Does alcohol help you? You do what you gotta do.
The tricky thing is that women are used to being pursued and I don't think ISTps are natural pursuers. Also, even men are used to getting signals before they'll pursue and ISTps aren't signal-givers. I know that's not the way it works all the time (men to pursue and women to be pursued) but there's a tendency. And when women pursue, they're looking for signals that you're interested too.
My ISTp husband was drunk when I met him or I'm not sure he would have talked to me or I would have noticed him. I'm not saying "go out and get drunk so you'll meet women" because that would be irresponsible, but maybe you can try to loosen up in some other way? Dunno. Also, try to get out of the house. I think ISTps can stay home or do kind of solitary activities a lot and then, of course, you don't meet people. Also, hang out with your friends and their girlfriends and the girlfriends' friends, because people tend to have people of their quadra hanging around them so you're likely to meet Delta women that way anyway. Or at least people who get along with Deltas. Or at least people.
Once you get our attention, we'll be intrigued by how mysterious you are. But we ENFps sometimes take the easy way out and date the people who pursue us. That's what I always did. The good news is that ENFps are pretty good at picking up signals and are interested when the signals aren't that clear, so it should take less than it would to attract other people. Hopefully.
The biggest advice in dating is to be yourself. It's a cliche but it's very true. If you act like someone else, you'll attract people who are going to be interested in people who behave like your act, not people who will be interested in you as you are naturally.
What is attractive about my husband: he has an aloofness which is intriguing, he has a very dry quiet somewhat sarcastic humor which I think is funny, I feel like I'm the only one who understands him and that he needs me when he's with other people. Hmm maybe that last one took a while to develop. I suppose his humor is what I first noticed, other than his accent. But then the next few times I saw him he hardly talked to me and I'm kind of surprised we got through those few dates or whatever they were. But he kept calling to do stuff and I couldn't figure out why he would call me to do something and not talk the whole time we were together, so I'd go just to figure out what was happening. This isn't very helpful so I'll stop now.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
edit
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
Wow, you speak the truth! I haven't been literally asked out by a girl, but if you define it this way, I must of rejected hundreds of them in the past years due to my shyness.IME, women do not ask men out. Ever. I know every woman says that they have no problems asking guys out, but as far as I'm concerned, it's BS. A woman's way of "asking a guy out" is to stand next to him and smile a lot until he asks her out. Then she runs to her friends and tells them they story about how she asked him out.
UsingYes, and that's most of the problem. I'm an ISTp; my Fe is broken and almost non-existent. Yes, I realize that's not an excuse and part of life is learning to strengthen your weak areas and develop yourself as a human being. However, dating tips for the ESFj aren't going to help me. If I had some damn
HAHAHA!
- just go up and talk to girls
there's someone for everyone
stop trying and it will just happen
it will happen when you least expect it
For fuck's sake, we're not stuck in a movie on Lifetime.
It could work generally for intiating contact with anyone, since
I'm 20 and I'm just going to take it easy and try to gain experience, so I can higher my level and therefore increase my confidence, energy and efficiency rates.
“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch
Ne-IEE
6w7 sp/sx
6w7-9w1-4w5
I agree with this. That's probably why ENFps are attracted to ISTps. (IMO) For that intriguing "coldness", and their dry humor.The tricky thing is that women are used to being pursued and I don't think ISTps are natural pursuers. Also, even men are used to getting signals before they'll pursue and ISTps aren't signal-givers. I know that's not the way it works all the time (men to pursue and women to be pursued) but there's a tendency. And when women pursue, they're looking for signals that you're interested too.
My ISTp husband was drunk when I met him or I'm not sure he would have talked to me or I would have noticed him. I'm not saying "go out and get drunk so you'll meet women" because that would be irresponsible, but maybe you can try to loosen up in some other way? Dunno. Also, try to get out of the house. I think ISTps can stay home or do kind of solitary activities a lot and then, of course, you don't meet people. Also, hang out with your friends and their girlfriends and the girlfriends' friends, because people tend to have people of their quadra hanging around them so you're likely to meet Delta women that way anyway. Or at least people who get along with Deltas. Or at least people.
Once you get our attention, we'll be intrigued by how mysterious you are. But we ENFps sometimes take the easy way out and date the people who pursue us. That's what I always did. The good news is that ENFps are pretty good at picking up signals and are interested when the signals aren't that clear, so it should take less than it would to attract other people. Hopefully.
The biggest advice in dating is to be yourself. It's a cliche but it's very true. If you act like someone else, you'll attract people who are going to be interested in people who behave like your act, not people who will be interested in you as you are naturally.
What is attractive about my husband: he has an aloofness which is intriguing, he has a very dry quiet somewhat sarcastic humor which I think is funny, I feel like I'm the only one who understands him and that he needs me when he's with other people. Hmm maybe that last one took a while to develop. I suppose his humor is what I first noticed, other than his accent. But then the next few times I saw him he hardly talked to me and I'm kind of surprised we got through those few dates or whatever they were. But he kept calling to do stuff and I couldn't figure out why he would call me to do something and not talk the whole time we were together, so I'd go just to figure out what was happening. This isn't very helpful so I'll stop now.
ENFps are probably very attracted to ISTps for that "mystery" factor.
When I first got to know my boyfriend, what I first thought was "this guy looks cold"
He made the first move, initially I thought he wasn't serious, and didn't respond much. After that, I took the initiative all the way, like asking him out.
That's why I feel that ISTps are actually fine being themselves. It's attractive. And at least it attracts ENFps right?
INTp
sx/sp
Funnily enough you could be more than capable of this. I know an ISTp guy who did exactly that. He went up to practically every girl and hits on them. It built up his confidence. Last time we talked he said hes being less sleasy and its working well for him. He doesn't have any problems getting laid its keeping girlfriends that is his problem..
Yeah i see what you mean its a bit of fairy tale shit. You're given conflicting information:
- just go up and talk to girls
there's someone for everyone
stop trying and it will just happen
it will happen when you least expect it
For fuck's sake, we're not stuck in a movie on Lifetime.
- Dont try to hard to find a girl it will happen
or
You have to put yourself out there or it wont happen
I would suggest a combination of not trying to hard and putting yourself out there. A large factor in meeting someone is having the sand to walk up to them and say "hey cutie" or "nice bum" i guess
ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
I never thought ENFp's would have a problem finding dates.
What I think is kinda bad is people seem to be going to the internet more and more these days to find dates and relationships, even friends.. There is nothing wrong with that, I have tried myself being a hopeless ISTp and all, but is it our biology that is not right for this world we have created or is it something about society which is inhibiting and making it so hard for so many people, it is afterall a very important thing in life.
The whole thing seems to be getting harder for everyone, talking to older people it seems like is was much much easier back a few decades ago, and people are understandably looking for other ways to go about it, as the usuall methods seem too hard for a lot of people, so us ISTp's and other types or individuals who its not naturally very easy for, are really bearing the brunt of it.
*Looks to the floor* Stupid world!
Friendly ISTp
Interested in everything, yes, EVERYTHING
Flower's motto: Life's too short even to do the things you want to, let alone the things you dont!!
indeed.
INTp
sx/sp
*Sigh* INFjs face the same problem too.
This is my problem. I try to convince myself I don't need a relationship, but the flings aren't cutting it anymore. I don't really know how to keep relationships going. I wish 'being myself' was good enough for people. Apparently it's not. I really don't belive anyone has the patience to get to know me.
relationships are like plants you have to water them, fertilize them, prune them, make sure they get enough sunlight etc etc. which means work.This is my problem. I try to convince myself I don't need a relationship, but the flings aren't cutting it anymore. I don't really know how to keep relationships going. I wish 'being myself' was good enough for people. Apparently it's not. I really don't belive anyone has the patience to get to know me.
this probably won't help you but i will try to tell you what i learned from my divorce.
you have to be as honest as you can be but very sensitive to your partner's sensitivities. you have to find a way to talk about things you are afraid to talk about. you have to give in sometimes. you've got to try to help the other person and be creative with this. you have to consider the other person's welfare above your own. you need to ask for what you need and take risks with the person.
you have to hold your relationship above all other relationships.
what is tricky is getting to this point. if you love someone, you have to act this way whether they do or not. if they don't follow your example, then the relationship is not meant to be and you have to move on. which kind of sucks because you experience loss and feel hurt.
for an istp you are going to be very attractive to a very outgoing feeling oriented person. that person is going to want to draw you out and see what you think about things. be open to this person when they come along. take some risks and open up to him.
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
You joke but it's actually kind of true that many women are attracted to ISTps, IME. This doesn't mean though that they won't reject you when you ask them out b/c their brain works in a very strange fashion that we are better off not trying to understand
This is a very common problem of every guy that is interesting but isn't rich/popular/etc (when around 20 and with many girls. Sorry for the dryness but it's true)He doesn't have any problems getting laid its keeping girlfriends that is his problem..
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
i forgot to say what they hell do i know, i'm just a sad sack ile with no concept of relationships. consider this a disclaimer.
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
I can be attracted to ISTps, but the attraction kind of fades when I get to know them better and realize that they are not as special or mysterious as I have thought.
.
Seems to be the general consensus that istp's are only attractive to women. ha. I could test the waters with lesbians...
you're very attractive but i've yet to meet an istp girl IRL, so i can only speak about males
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
Any time an ISTp displays a sad outlook on life i feel like lifting you up lol. I have seen a few possible ISTp women who push people away and it's almost enough to make me approach them. Maybe its like some attraction mechanism? Birds show of the colours of their feathers and ISTp's act all sad in a please make me laugh type of way :wink:
If you have some Lesbian action, please film it! lol
I have a possible ISTp target at the nearest Service Station. I just get this vibe from her but shes not going to be easy to approach.
ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
Although honestly guys, every time I go out with my ISTp friend I wonder where all this comes from. He has 10000 times more confidence than me. Maybe it's b/c he used to work as a barman so he's used to talk a lot with random people, but he can walk up to girls much easier than the greatest majority of guys i know, of every type really - even the esf ones.
Probably the fact that he's very good looking helps, tho.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
Yea. I don't know many ISTps. Actually I only know one. And that's my boyfriend. He has lots of confidence. And he's able to talk to random people. He used to own a shop where he meets different people everyday. And he can be pretty friendly.
He attracts lots of girls too. Not with his looks, but with the "coolness" and that confidence.
That was why I thought he was ESTj.
INTp
sx/sp
I'm afraid that "estj" and "attracting lots of girls" don't mix well...Yea. I don't know many ISTps. Actually I only know one. And that's my boyfriend. He has lots of confidence. And he's able to talk to random people. He used to own a shop where he meets different people everyday. And he can be pretty friendly.
He attracts lots of girls too. Not with his looks, but with the "coolness" and that confidence.
That was why I thought he was ESTj.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
dating seems really difficult. Bikes, that's where it's at!
asd
I'm afraid that "estj" and "attracting lots of girls" don't mix well...Yea. I don't know many ISTps. Actually I only know one. And that's my boyfriend. He has lots of confidence. And he's able to talk to random people. He used to own a shop where he meets different people everyday. And he can be pretty friendly.
He attracts lots of girls too. Not with his looks, but with the "coolness" and that confidence.
That was why I thought he was ESTj.Really?? Why?
INTp
sx/sp
Te dominance + Fe role + Fi dual-seeking = not attracting lots of girls
, LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
Probablly in the grand Scheme of things thats true but not for the two ESTj guys i know.
One of them comes from a wealthy family, hes really intelligent studying medicine and hes a nice guy. He does very well for himself.
ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
Yea. I find my ESTj friend attractive.
He's really smart, he owns a business, worked his way up slowly. Very motivated person.
But he DOES work too much.. :wink:
INTp
sx/sp
I think ENTjs attract a lot more girls as compared to ESTjs. I wonder what makes INFjs get attracted to ESTjs eventually.Te dominance + Fe role + Fi dual-seeking = not attracting lots of girls
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