Growing up under conflicting functions/quadras

[Ms. Kensington]

Do you think people would "change" their function preference, or do you think they get more tolerant of them when they grow up with a conflictor, superego, or contrary partner/environment? For example, I am INTj and I am intuitive subtype. Growing up with an ENTj and an ESFp, do you think you could say that I overused my creative function to be more aware of my role function, one that would be more compatible with those around me?

Just a musing.

[Expat]

As I described in my "Gamma among Alphas" thread that got deleted, my growing up as the sole Gamma in an Alpha family - ISFp father, ESFj mother, ENTp brother - did nothing to change my type or functional preference.

[Creepy-Diana]

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[Phaedrus]

I am sure that your type is inborn, but it is an interesting question if and how your family environment will have an effect on your type's development. I grew up with two Alpha parents (ESFj and INTj) and two Beta sisters (ISTj and INFp).

[FDG]

Mmh. I think I learnt to use more Te over Ti, but I don't feel that it's a bad thing.

[Creepy-Diana]

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[Blaze]

i've thought about this a lot. i think one would inihibit their strong functions somewhat in order to survive in a somewhat hostile environment. i say somewhat hostile because every parent loves their kids, even if they are in the opposing quadra! but personality conflicts will emerge over time for sure, despite the parental love.

it might help someone to tolerate their opposing quadra members more than they ordinarily would, since they'd be used to the behaviors of this quadra.

depending the personalities involved, there could be a dramatic flare-up of strong functions and/or emotionality.

it's tough when you're living with quadra members you don't naturally get along with.

[Slacker]

My dad and I are quasi-identicals. My dad and my sister are contrary partners. They have always had major problems. Of my brother, sister, and myself, I get along with my dad best and it isn't that great. I don't think my sister is more tolerant of Betas for growing up with one, but then she doesn't know anything about Socionics. Still, I definitely see her steering away from people she doesn't like and we know an ENFj in common whom she can't stand.

I think the biggest problem I had with my parents (both) is that they both have Si as their PoLR and I have Si as my dual-seeking function, so I wasn't getting what I was looking for AT ALL from them. Who do you want caregiving from more than your parents? LOL

Also, my dad's parents were both Deltas and it didn't seem to make him have an easier time with me and my sister, and I think she and I actually share our grandparents' types. I can't think of the last time I spoke to my dad. Maybe 8 or 9 months ago? And I'm not estranged from him, I just have nothing to say to him. My sister talks to him more often but I think she has a sense of obligation to my parents for some reason. And I'm married and have made a family of my own, while she's just got them. But she's got a new boyfriend, who from her descriptions sounds like he might be ESTj . . . ! Is this the one? "He's a lot like (my husband) only louder." Maybe he's a louder ISTp? I should meet him on Sunday.

[aestrivex]

the most important influences in my family have been gamma, in my estimation. i believe my dad to be LIE, my mom was SEE (but she died several years ago). the woman my dad is now seeing is ESI.

much of my extended family (mostly on my mother's side, which was a large group) is alpha. most notable among them is my ESE grandmother, who is the greatest single family influence outside of my immediate family. also of some minimal contact is my aunt on my father's side. i think she's LSI, married to someone i'm sure is SLI. their family is, perhaps predictably, completely dysfunctional.

[meatburger]

My dads an ISTj(my conflictor) and i Supervise my mum (ISFj) lol.

My mum and i actually get on really well. I hope she doesn't feel supervised by me. She gave me plenty of Fi when i was younger, shes great.

My Dad and i aren't that bad. We walk on egg shells around each other and fire each other up a lot but we actually seem to find common ground not that often. I just have to force myself not to get angry and to be kind. Growing up with a fair bit of from my parents, i would guess that i do use it slightly more than normal, although there is reports of ENFp's acting similar to ISTj's so i dunno..

[Expat]

I can't think of the last time I spoke to my dad. Maybe 8 or 9 months ago? And I'm not estranged from him, I just have nothing to say to him.

That's exactly how it went between me and my ISFp father after I moved away, and how it still is with my ENTp brother -- we simply have nothing to say to each other. If we ask each other favors, we'll do them; and if our ESFj mother gets us on the phone (usually on holidays, birthdays etc) we exchange a few words, but the fact remains: we have nothing to say to each other.

[mikemex]

I'm supervisee of my father, quasi-identical to my mother, comparative to my sister and beneficiary of my brother. I get along fine with everybody and I'm actually the pilar of my family, because I quickly resolve conflicts in the house, either of personal or material origin.

I think that I control my Ti very well for being an ENFp, although I still have preference for judging using Fi. Or rather, I've observed my father for so long that I've learned to mimic him. Even if my sister is ENTp, my father (INTj) thinks I understand him much better than her.

I don't have much to say to my mom, either.

[aestrivex]

during contact with my ESE grandmother, i think that most tangible discussions the problem is that her analyses are really stupid and basically she has little idea what she's talking about. most of the time she will try to discuss occurrences in my life or subjects that she believes that i am interested in, but the problem is that she fundamentally lacks knowledge in these subjects and thus the discussions end up very bland and one-sided.

[willekeurig]

There is kind of an extreme situation in my family. As my dad is LSI, mom EIE, sister ESE and brother LII, everyone (expect me) has a dual, a semi-dual and a kindred relation in the family. I'm EII, so my relationship types with them are superego, extinguishment, mirage and business. There is a clear confrontation between me and the rest of the family, I don't really get along in long term with any of them and they're all really close with each other.

What comes to other relationships, I won't seek for alphas or betas, but being brought up by them has probably affected my behavior and made me more tolerat to people from those quadras. I have lots of friends from alpha/beta. E.g. my best friend is an IEI, a beta and my quasi-identical, but we really get along very well despite the misunderstandings. I wish I could get to know more deltas in the future to see if this upbringing has had some sort of fatal impact on my "deltaness". The problem is that I don't really recognise deltas/don't know how to approach them, it's like I'm somewhat drawn to alphas/betas.

[Absurd]

...

I like your avatar and as to being drawn to betas it is a common theme on here as well if you hadn't noticed yet, the question is what draws you to betas minus the upbringing of course ?

[Pookie]

I grew up under Delta parents and im beta. I believe the relationships to be Quasi-identical and Conflictor.

Ultimately i think i have alot more toleration for delta than most beta's.

[Sir Knight]

If I'm not wrong in my typings of them, my parents and I form a three-person Supervision chain. Which sucks.

[lemontrees]

I grew up with a gamma mother and gamma best friend (both SEE). My mother and I have serious issues; my childhood best friend and I care about each other deeply but have come to recognize that we're very different people.

Growing up, my mother would always point out to me that I had all the wrong goals/values and that I should be more like my best friend. Both of them would often point out that I wasn't assertive enough (Se) and that I didn't treat people in a way that showed I truly loved them (Fi). For a long time I would feel automatically inferior to people who had Se rather than Si (including my benefactee), because I had learned that that was the way one "should" be.

Also, when I finally became close friends with an SLE and friends with an ILE I sometimes made the mistake of treating them as if they were Fi valuers, because I thought that was the "right" way to treat someone you cared about. I even once made the mistake of supervising the ILE's Fi when she was dealing with the SLE.

Ultimately though I am basically SEI at the core. Although I act like an IEI sometimes.

[Marie84]

I think it could be due to growing-up entirely around Ti egos (ILE mother and brother and LSI father) that I'm even more off-put by the desire to accommodate people with Fe. When I feel like I'm being cored into it by Ti's when their being unpleasant or trying to evoke Fe from me I turn into a monotonous robot

Communication between my mother and I was and is still extremely superficial and usually consists of the weather or things in the news, I really don't think she "knows" me or even cares to she also comes across as insensitive during the rare times I've spoken to her, such as she'll speak over me or ignore what I have to say by turning the conversion onto a topic that's more interesting to her. When she dose this I tend to tune her out so we fall into an awkward silence. She has also did and said a lot of things that no parent should ever say or do to their kids that I won't get into here.

I've been able to express some of my sentiment with my father but I don't think they sink in with him, he also is rather stern and uncompromising which causes me to get defensive when he says and does certain things that I find repulsive. As a child I used to be scared of him as he would often go off on these angry SeTi rants when I did something wrong in his book; it wasn't until my late teens that I got the courage to stand-up to him but he still makes me nervous

[ashlesha]

my dad is LII and we get along well now but clashed horribly when i was growing up. he would sometimes read bizarre motivations into my behavior and punish me for those incorrectly ascertained motivations even when my behavior was benign. i didn't respect him and i thought he was arbitrary and unreasonably authoritarian. there were times when we were outright deliberately cruel to one another for the sole purpose of making eachother feel bad, and it would become like an ugly game. now that he doesn't have authority over me, we get along pretty good lol. he's one of the few people i can talk about "weird" things like socionics with. i consider him a friend at this point. my older siblings are mostly gamma which makes for a dynamic that can be slightly awkward.

my mom is IEI and she was the opposite of my dad when it came to discipline, i always sort of felt like we were equals. our relationship was extremely complicated and hard to explain. she relied on me too much emotionally, crying on my shoulder a lot, while also regularly belittling me for basically not being strong enough - "you don't know real life like i do, little girl" *bitter laugh* sort of stuff. it was like she wanted me to be more hardcore but then also DIDN'T want it because it was how she could feel superior. idk. i could be much more open and myself around her than i could with my dad, though...the parent/child divide wasn't very firmly divided. and she was more affectionate than my dad and would sometimes have some really good insights. but the rift between us got wider and wider with time and i found myself wanting to reach out and shrink it while also wondering if it would even be possible or if it would just be a dissapointment and she died before i could find out.

the one way i'm pretty sure i was affected socionically was in feeling deficient for lacking Se, related to my mom's expectations.

[Shazaam]

My alpha parents will sometime think I'm being 'mean' because I value Se and I can be rather sharp.

They will think I'm being hostile and cruel when my perspective is I'm just being myself and not being anything of the sort. Being a cruel, mean person is obviously somebody I don't want to be because I don't like those types of people either, so I try to reign in my own power.

I just care about them and Si-valuers can be wasting anyway to nothing because it's like they're not corporealizing the cells in their very own bodies or something. =/

So I have to like try and be gentle and not so 'fiery gay man ish' or something. To try and get along. The whole 'balance my independent power with what other people think I should be doing thing' since if you don't do that in some way, you will just be locked up in Starr Commonwealth places again. =(

Talking with other Se-valuers is extremely refreshing. Especially an ESTp or ESFp.