ISTp-ENFp duality: I've found four ISTps and it didn't work out!

[jewels]

Okay, so I found four ISTps. It didn't work out with ANY of them!! Isn't it suppose to be easier? The whole dual thing??? Shouldn't it just click? Here are some failed attempts at duality. Maybe this will make the handfull of others out there, who also haven't found their dual yet, feel better...

1. The first ISTP wasn't very cute and was kinda heavy and grumpy. I talked on and on anyway and we got along okay. He wasn't really doing much with his life, and I found that boring. If he was cuter and less grumpy, it might have had a shot. I had no idea he liked me at all, until he texted "hey gorgeous." I would have thought he had no interest. He was a cop (no surprise there, being ISTP).

2. Then there was this guy who lived in my state half of the time. I actually hadn't given this one the quiz, and he mentioned they'd just taken the test at work and he was an ISTP. I was SHOCKED. I kept asking him about it to be sure, but yeah, he was giving all the ISTP answers. So we got along really well, until he started being WAY too forward. I realized he assumed I'd sleep w/ him, as he was basically in town on business. He was kinda a fast-talking business guy and somewhat manipulative. He was from France originally, so I'm not sure if his culture was just different? In any event, he ovbiously just wanted to hook up, so I ignorred his calls. Which was too bad, as I did have fun w/ him and he was smart and I wasn't bored.

3. Then there was this ISTP who was cute and seemed nice. He was very nervous on the date though and his forehead was dripping. I took it as a compliment, but he was just really unconfident and not in a cute way. He was one of the "outgoing" or "sunshiny" ISTPs that I've seen discussed on here before. He was much easier to talk to than the grumpy ISTP, but I kind of preferred the mystery of the quieter ones. He kept talking about how much he likes to get socks for Christmas and he'd babble on and on...revealing too much, even telling me he'd been reading my body language to see if I was interested. Ick. So I got really, really bored. He talked non-stop for 45 minutes once about his high school achievements. He also took things SO slow and took forever to ask me out, or call, or ask me out again. I got really, really frustrated and just moved on.

4. Then the last one I really liked, and he was a quiet ISTP, but he would open up here and there which was fun. I was all into him, as he wasn't trying too hard to talk. He just sat there quietly most of the time, which was very cool. When he did talk,it was about car engines or how something works, which would make me giddy, as I totally knew he was ISTp! But he was really distant and hot and cold. I guess he just got out of a relationship six months ago and so didn't want another relationship. sounds like he just wants to play the field, so I said adios. I didn't want to be one of many of his playthings. It was sad.

So what is with this? you'd think with four, that one would click, right? If nothing else, I got really good at spotting the ISTPs. I'd give them the quiz to confirm, but they almost always ended up being ISTPs! It's that mysterious cold look, that smirk or straight mouth, and an emotionless expression that doesn't really look mean though. Now I can spot them very quickly.

I guess there is a lot more to it, than just the type...

[pezzonovante]

Well first of all, quizzes aren't very accurate and the one who took it for work definitely took the MBTI which is different for socionics. I would say that some of them are ISTJs, with whom you definitely would not get along with. Instead of relying on quizzes you should analyze them yourself and you will get better at spotting ISTPs.

[meatburger]

Sorry to hear that Jewels. How recent were all these guys? I know one was recent but im impressed if you have been on four ISTp dates in the last few months

I actually agree with Pezzonovante. Tests can be terribly unreliable and due to the law of averages, could it be possible one or two of them weren't ISTp?

I dont even know what to say lol. I cant even find a single ISTp girl to even think about dating. This does prove that duality will not help a great deal if the physical attraction and other factors dont fall into place.

On the positive, at least you can identify ISTp's easier now.

[Mea]

I would have thought he had no interest.

Funny cuz I never knew my ISTp bf was even interested in me. I was extremely shocked when he told me "I like you".
It was that straight forward. I never could tell, with that straight, emotionless face. LOL! Till today, I can't read his emotions. Sometimes he's really warm, sometimes he would seem distant and cold. I can't even tell if he really likes me sometimes. Pretty much like what you described in 4.

Eh. And yea. I guess you're right. There's more to it than just type.

Anyway. yea. Sometimes tests are rubbish. The 3rd one might be INTp? Well, don't give up your search for the perfect person for you!

And at least you are able to spot ISTps better now. I still suck at spotting them.

[Going B. Zerk]

Don’t give up on us!... We’re not all like that.

Besides, some of the descriptions don’t sound very ISTp.

[FDG]

It seems like you're the one deciding not to make it work. You said adios all the times, and now you complain that they didn't work out?

[olduser]

yeah girl you gotta see the possiblities.

no. 1 was obviously the best for marraige and probably the best lay. A provider in several areas of life.

no. 2 psh. Random sexual partners is often on the path to female self-discovery.

no. 3 You could have at least milked him for compliments for a couple of months.

no. 4 He could probably fix stuff in your house. You really need to think practical in the future.


no seriously, don't blow it.

[Mea]

Hmm. Yes. I think you could've worked out with 4. Doesn't mean he's not interested at that moment, that it's impossible.

ISTps are the coolest. It's amazing the way the relationship works between ISTps & ENFps.

It took quite some patience for the both of us initially. But things are working out pretty well now. Hehe.

And good luck.

[jessica129]

I think the "he talked for 45 minutes straight" comment should have given you a clue that he is surely not an ISTP.

[Mea]

I think the "he talked for 45 minutes straight" comment should have given you a clue that he is surely not an ISTP.

Yes the 3rd one was probably INTp.
His nervousness was too obvious to be ISTp IMO.

[jessica129]

Well, I tend to over talk myself when I'm very nervous too but surely not for 45 minutes about my 'school achievments'. Actually, i guess i just act more 'enthusiastic'.

[Expat]

3. Then there was this ISTP who was cute and seemed nice. He was very nervous on the date though and his forehead was dripping. I took it as a compliment, but he was just really unconfident and not in a cute way. He was one of the "outgoing" or "sunshiny" ISTPs that I've seen discussed on here before. He was much easier to talk to than the grumpy ISTP, but I kind of preferred the mystery of the quieter ones. He kept talking about how much he likes to get socks for Christmas and he'd babble on and on...revealing too much, even telling me he'd been reading my body language to see if I was interested. Ick. So I got really, really bored. He talked non-stop for 45 minutes once about his high school achievements. He also took things SO slow and took forever to ask me out, or call, or ask me out again. I got really, really frustrated and just moved on.

This one sounds like a narrator-positivist introvert, and not an INFj, so perhaps he's an ISTj, probably logical subtype.

[stefana]

hmm...it seems to me that this is one of those *rare* ( i hope ) occasions when socionics, if taken at face value, might do more "damage" than good. Quite frankly, i don't understand why you'd be tripped into thinking that just because someone might be an istp (ie. your socionics dual) you should be dating him... Duality can only take place provided that other life/background/interest (whateva') factors are working towards the duality happening - we can't just randomly start matching any enfp and istp and hope that they'll live happily ever after

Unless, of course, this was just an exercise/practice....in which case there's no harm.

OTOH, i agree that nr. 3 definitely doesn't sound istp to begin with.

Overall, i also find this funny: you're out there istp-tasting

:nods:

You have to watch your expectations after identifying a dual or you'll be sorely disappointed if he fails to stand up to them.

It's a good experience though and I find this "field report" funny.

[jewels]

Yeah, I can see a case for some of them not being ISTps. But I asked them all a lot of questions, and had them read the descriptions. They said they were ISTps (but they also probably knew I wanted an ISTp and some guys do lie!)

meatburger, yeah, they were during the last couple of months. It's not that impressive though, because I met most of them online. It's very easy to meet large numbers of people doing that. and then add in a few parties or whtaever, and it isn't meeting the people that's the problem, it's finding any good ones

But I've given it all up now. No more dating for me! I'm done. I have 500 pages of notes from the last two years of dating (mostly online), so I'm going to use all my free time (where I'm not dating now) to write it into a long story.

Maybe you should try online dating meatburger? I don't know if you'll meet any really good ones (you know how my experience turned out), but it is fun to meet new people.

Sorry to hear that Jewels. How recent were all these guys? I know one was recent but im impressed if you have been on four ISTp dates in the last few months

I actually agree with Pezzonovante. Tests can be terribly unreliable and due to the law of averages, could it be possible one or two of them weren't ISTp?

I dont even know what to say lol. I cant even find a single ISTp girl to even think about dating. This does prove that duality will not help a great deal if the physical attraction and other factors dont fall into place.

On the positive, at least you can identify ISTp's easier now.

[jewels]

It seems like you're the one deciding not to make it work. You said adios all the times, and now you complain that they didn't work out?

FDG, I think in those situations, I had no choice but to move on. If you were a girl, would you keep dating any of those guys??

Heath, that made me laugh!! lol.

Mea, I wish it had worked out w/ the last ISTp, but he told me he didn't want a relationship (or maybe he did want one, but just not w/ me). I think he wanted to date a lot of girls at once (as he was kind of on the rebound). We'd been hanging out a a lot so I found that be kind of insulting, so I deleted him from my myspace friends. And then I checked his match.com page and he was online for a lot after that. Then he added a new girl to his myspace page the same day (that he'd ovbiously been talking to while going out w/ me too). He also changed his status from "divorced" to "never married" which is a total lie. So I think he was not into me, or wanted to date me plus the entire city.

But I'm really glad you've found an awesome ISTp Mea! Good to know some are out there!

I think the "he talked for 45 minutes straight" comment should have given you a clue that he is surely not an ISTP.

Jessica, haha, yeah that should have tipped me off, huh?

he died with a felafel, maybe I did take it too much at face value, but what's the alternative? go out with more ENTps or ENTjs or ESFJs or ESFPs or ESTPs or other types I know will be fun, but won't work for more than a week? Isn't a dual suppose to be the best? Why not go for it?

Yeah stefana, I probably did have expectations of them, as they were ISTps. I guess everyone can't be James Dean.

[meatburger]

hmm...it seems to me that this is one of those *rare* ( i hope ) occasions when socionics, if taken at face value, might do more "damage" than good.

Yeah i know what you mean. I think the problem with ENFp's are we are idealists. Socionics is wonderful is that it has given me types that i can go for, instead of just picking from the giant pot of people and hoping from the best. The thing is im not sure i could ever be content without my dual? I suppose when i get older i could but now i know they exist my would always wonder..

Jewels yeah taking a break is not always a bad thing. Instead of searching for ISTps, work on making yourself as ENFp as you can be. That should attract them to you. It's working for me at the moment (only with guys though).

I think checking profiles for them on the net isn't a bad place to meet them though actually.

[jessica129]

Where do you "casually" find someone online? Besides the obvious dating sites like myspace and match.com, for example. I've been thinking about doing this lately as i've completely lost faith in meeting sane people in everyday life. I'm too embarrassed to put my pic on a dating website.

[FDG]

Where do you "casually" find someone online? Besides the obvious dating sites like myspace and match.com, for example. I've been thinking about doing this lately as i've completely lost faith in meeting sane people in everyday life. I'm too embarrassed to put my pic on a dating website.

It is definitely a dating website but I think Okcupid is somewhat allright.

You're too embarassed because too many people would hit on you?

[jessica129]

More or less like my old boyfriends would stumble upon my profile and in which case, i'd just have to hang myself.

[FDG]

More or less like my old boyfriends would stumble upon my profile and in which case, i'd just have to hang myself.

Why? Can't they just, uhm, die?

[jessica129]

True. But i'm supposed to be "out there" and "living life" and "having so many guys want me i don't know what to do with myself".

[FDG]

True. But i'm supposed to be "out there" and "living life" and "having so many guys want me i don't know what to do with myself".

Ah, that's what you said to them?

[jessica129]

No, but they better assume that.

[Mea]

Frankly, I think it's best when ISTps are themselves.
When my boyfriend and I got to know each other, I had no clue as wth socionics was, yet I was very attracted to him, after some interaction.

Ironically, he was the one that woo-ed me. He's cool, expressionless image, made me think he was kidding when he said "I wanna woo you". However, he proved it otherwise with just being himself. Which I totally fell for. Even after reading and knowing more about socionics. I never knew he was an ISTp. Still, being with him felt the most comfortable compared to my 2 ex boyfriends. ISTps simply have to be themselves. They are special enough in their own way.

Reading the ISTps in this forum and knowing my bf, just proved that ISTps are indeed attractive whether they know it or not.

[FDG]

No, but they better assume that.

If you haven't said anything, then they can't hold it against you, and if they do, you could just tell them that you have said nothing about it, and that they are wrong, and should, uhm, die.

[anndelise]

No, but they better assume that.

If you haven't said anything, then they can't hold it against you, and if they do, you could just tell them that you have said nothing about it, and that they are wrong, and should, uhm, die.

don't forget the added put down that jessica would rather go to an online dating service than continue dating them

[implied]

3. Then there was this ISTP who was cute and seemed nice. He was very nervous on the date though and his forehead was dripping. I took it as a compliment, but he was just really unconfident and not in a cute way. He was one of the "outgoing" or "sunshiny" ISTPs that I've seen discussed on here before. He was much easier to talk to than the grumpy ISTP, but I kind of preferred the mystery of the quieter ones. He kept talking about how much he likes to get socks for Christmas and he'd babble on and on...revealing too much, even telling me he'd been reading my body language to see if I was interested. Ick. So I got really, really bored. He talked non-stop for 45 minutes once about his high school achievements. He also took things SO slow and took forever to ask me out, or call, or ask me out again. I got really, really frustrated and just moved on.

This one sounds like a narrator-positivist introvert, and not an INFj, so perhaps he's an ISTj, probably logical subtype.

yeah, i was hoping i wasn't the only one thinking ISTj.

[Blaze]

Where do you "casually" find someone online? Besides the obvious dating sites like myspace and match.com, for example. I've been thinking about doing this lately as i've completely lost faith in meeting sane people in everyday life. I'm too embarrassed to put my pic on a dating website.

yahoo is the way to go at least in my area. i've heard good things about eharmony too.

but i agree with meatburger, work on being yourself as much as you can. for you jessica, i'd be receptive to extraverts as a way of starting, since an extravert will try to get you to open up and that will feel good to you. and look for some emotional sensitivity, too.

or go to australia and try to meet meatburger! lol

[jewels]

No, but they better assume that.

Jessica, I used match.com. Unlike real life, where guys are scared, online they will ALL talk to you. You will have to sift through a lot, probably 10-15 emails a day. A lot of my friends online date too, so I don't think it's dorky if your ex finds your profile (it'd mean he was looking too!) Just make sure your profile is really good! and he will totally be kicking himself.

It takes up way too much time though and a lot of the guys are players. I did it for a couple years, but have since given it up.

If nothing else, you will get really good at spotting players!

[jessica129]

It is definitely a dating website but I think Okcupid is somewhat allright.

Out of "curiosity", i went on there and decided to take the personality defect test. Let's just say I don't think I'll be matched with anyone anytime soon, lol!

Spiteful Loner
You are 57% Rational, 14% Extroverted, 85% Brutal, and 14% Arrogant.
You are the Spiteful Loner, the personality type that is most likely to go on a shooting rampage. In high school, you were probably that kid who wore all black and who sat alone in a corner of the lunch room, drawing pictures of dead babies. You are a rational person and tend to hold emotions in very low-esteem; not only that, but you are also rather introverted, meaning you probably bury any emotions you feel deep inside yourself, like all of the bodies in your backyard. Combine these traits with your dislike of others and your brutality, and it seems that you would be quite likely to shoot innocent people in a rampage. Most likely, you also have low self-esteem. Hell, I get low self-esteem just looking at you. This is only yet one more incentive to go on a shooting rampage, because you wouldn't care if you died as a result. Granted, you probably haven't gone on a shooting rampage and probably never will, but all the motivations are there. All you need is for someone to push you over the edge, calling you names and belittling you. Like me. But don't shoot me. I have a 101 mile-long knife, you know. In conclusion, your personality is defective because you are too introverted, brutal, insecure, and rather unemotional. No wonder no one hangs around you, you morbid, cold-hearted freak!

Any takers?

[Dioklecian]

Oh yeah Jessica, I love that stuff

Really

ENFPs by the way don't mind it. I used to chat with an ENFP frind of mine in a public chat room, and in the chat I would say mean things like "all British people should kiss my arse" (she and the chat are form the UK). And she would be like, "oh, little hater welcome back "

I was really young by the way

[meatburger]

Ahh Online dating......

I have been there and done that. Many times in fact. I would start a profile, leave because i was bored, come back etc. You dont need to have a picture of yourself remember. I used to have a private pic so i can show it if i want. I met one of my INFp exes whilst online dating. She was a little cutie too

Jewels is right about online dating for girls though. From my experience girls will get like 100 messages a day. Which could be both flattering and annoying.

My last online dating experience i was sifting through profiles and i found this interesting girl. I was particularly looking for an ISTp. This one had a comment about playing up when she was younger, shy, etc. I said hi to her and she added me that night. Basically for the next 3 or so months we would chat online all the time. She was definately an ISTp of that i have no doubt. She sent me a pic and she was cute. And guess what? She remembers me from our school. She lived under a kilometer away from me. I was graduating and she was younger so i didn't remember her. Anyway i kept asking her to meet me but she was hesitant(probablly the ISTp way).

One day she told me how she had been cheating on her ex for 2 years with another guy. I basically told her this wasn't good. Slowly our emails got worse and worse until we basically told each other to get lost. So yeah i missed my opportunity for a cute ISTp who lives really close.

The way i look at it though, is she missed her opportunity to be with me :wink:

[jewels]

Yeah, meatburger, it sounds like you made a good call not meeting up w/ that ISTp. Even if she was close by and cute, you don't want someone like that! Especially w/ what you'd already been through. You're right she missed her chance!

I also noticed that the ISTps took much longer when it came to meeting up. Other guys wanted to meet after one email, or one call. They seemed happy to talk online for months first, which is bad because then if you don't like them, you've wasted all that time.

Ahh Online dating......

I have been there and done that. Many times in fact. I would start a profile, leave because i was bored, come back etc. You dont need to have a picture of yourself remember. I used to have a private pic so i can show it if i want. I met one of my INFp exes whilst online dating. She was a little cutie too

Jewels is right about online dating for girls though. From my experience girls will get like 100 messages a day. Which could be both flattering and annoying.

My last online dating experience i was sifting through profiles and i found this interesting girl. I was particularly looking for an ISTp. This one had a comment about playing up when she was younger, shy, etc. I said hi to her and she added me that night. Basically for the next 3 or so months we would chat online all the time. She was definately an ISTp of that i have no doubt. She sent me a pic and she was cute. And guess what? She remembers me from our school. She lived under a kilometer away from me. I was graduating and she was younger so i didn't remember her. Anyway i kept asking her to meet me but she was hesitant(probablly the ISTp way).

One day she told me how she had been cheating on her ex for 2 years with another guy. I basically told her this wasn't good. Slowly our emails got worse and worse until we basically told each other to get lost. So yeah i missed my opportunity for a cute ISTp who lives really close.

The way i look at it though, is she missed her opportunity to be with me :wink:

[meatburger]

Yeah actually i just remembered she noticed my profile. She was the only viewer i had and when i read hers i was like wow. So i made contact..

I also noticed that the ISTps took much longer when it came to meeting up. Other guys wanted to meet after one email, or one call. They seemed happy to talk online for months first, which is bad because then if you don't like them, you've wasted all that time.

I wouldn't say totally wasted. Hey the next hit could be a bingo, then you get your time back with interest.

People are at their most attractive the closest they are to their cores. One day when your busy being Jewels he will notice.

[jessica129]

I talked to someone online for about 6 months before I met up with him. That was a little too long for him I think but he persisted. It's a bit scary how willing some people are to meet you. Someone just added me to their facebook account and asked to hang out that night. Uh, no.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[meatburger]

Yah. I had someone add me to myspace and ask for my phone number lol. Strange people out there.

Still i dont see the reason why people go on internet dating sites just to chat? I go on there to potentially meet someone. Just meet them in a public place or something so if he pulls out a knife or his genitals you can scream..

[jessica129]

If I had it my way, I would have liked to have gotten to know him even better after 6 months but he wasn't having that, haha. I finally just decided to give it a shot and I'm glad I did. Ideally I just want someone that would take the time and get to know me online and not get so impatient...I've gotten many requests for my phone number after not even knowing what my name is. Seriously, what would we possibly talk about? The weather? I just don't get that part.

[meatburger]

Ideally I just want someone that would take the time and get to know me online and not get so impatient...I've gotten many requests for my phone number after not even knowing what my name is. .

Hmm interesting difference of opinion i suppose. I felt that i got to know her well enough in the first week. We talked till 2:00am etc and shes told me about her favourite bands, her favourite places, her family, her dreams lol. Bascially i feared what happens with 90% of my internet relationships. They get damn booring and they waste my time. I quite enjoy meeting someone new and finding a way through that inital awkwardness.

Seriously, what would we possibly talk about? The weather? I just don't get that part

You can talk about your whole life. You have all your stories to tell, you can ask questions for about 5 hours. So what do you do? Cool thats interesting, yeah i like that too etc..

Plus i agree with what Jewels said. Why waste months with pleasantries online only to meet them and find that "far out she smells really bad or omg he has a massive goiter that i couldn't see on his webcam"

[jessica129]

See, that's just foreign to me. I just couldn't talk on the phone for hours about my life with a complete stranger who I'd never met before. I wouldn't find that enjoyable in the slightest. I'd rather they get to know those things online first and then we talk. I just find it a lot less stressful that way and a lot more genuine. And plus, when I was talking to this person for so long, I really got to know him more than I would have ever if i just met him off the street. I can see how it could get frustrating for people looking for an immediate connection but i just think some are too eager to hook up with people for the sake of hooking up.