Hi does anyone know how to tell if an ESFJ is interested in you romantically? I'm an ISTJ so i'm not particularly intuitive.
Hi does anyone know how to tell if an ESFJ is interested in you romantically? I'm an ISTJ so i'm not particularly intuitive.
ESFj females tend to not be very shy ... even exceptionally beautiful ones have been known to take the incentive and approach guys they are interested in. But, an ESFjs female may not display immediate interest in a guy unless she is sure that he likes her. So, if an ESFj girl likes you, sometimes all you need to do is throw a few obvious hints and she will start to find reasons to be around you more.
ESFj females also have a tendency to be very very pushy with relationships ... especially if they know they have a guy wrapped around their fingers. Just a little warning, they have been known to chase people away with their constant insistence and pushing for a deeper relationship. If you do not know how to deal with that, I would not necessarily go for an ESFj.
I am speaking from personal experience ... the ESFjs females I have known were very beautiful, and they all acted this way towards me and anyone else they were interested in ...
But then again, I am their activity partner as an ENTp; that is probably why ESFjs have had a tendency to become attracted to me in the past. I do not know how it is with ISTjs ...
I had an ESFJ girlfriend for two years and I think rmcnew's remarks are spot on.
But do remember this:
Also, they really need to feel that they are needed by those they like, otherwise they get very unhappy.Originally Posted by rmcnew
, LIE, ENTj logical subtype, 8w9 sx/sp
Originally Posted by implied
I know a female ESFJ. She's an interesting one when it comes to romantic relationships. She acts all buddy-buddy with guys. So I'm willing to be it's confusing for the guys she's around. I think it's really difficult for them to tell whether or not she's interested in them because there are several guys she's close to.
For a while she had 3 guys she was always hanging out with and calling. I know for a fact that 2 of these guys liked her, the other I'm pretty sure liked her, but never openly confessed. For the sake of clarity on the three guys, I'll give them names and put what I think to be their types next to them. Caleb (ISFP), Matt (ENFJ), and Nick(ENTP). Caleb and Matt are the ones I was sure liked her, though Nick probably did as well, just never fessed up.
As for the ESFJ female, she liked Caleb and Nick, but not at the same time. First it was Nick...then it was Caleb. Though she did hang out with all three of these guys during the same time period and all of these guys know each other. I think she kept Matt around because he was the most persistent of the three, and she seemed to like the attention. I think she was waiting around for Nick to make a move, but he never did (Nick is somewhat of a player) and so she eventually gave up and moved on to Caleb.
Somewhere along the line Caleb confessed that he liked her, she confessed she liked him back, now they're dating.
Can somebody tell me about ESFj men? :wink:
TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
"I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible
As for women, what about when they take an active interest in helping you in certain areas? In extreme cases: nagging. Would an ESFJ offer such advice to someone she did not like?
Yes, they are pushy and the whine about having things in a certain order; they like to call people idiots who do not abide by their irrational logic. They can be either be really lazy or insanely active. I knew one ESFj guy who bycicled all the way from Phoenix, Arizona to Riverside, California in two days. Every now again he will just get on his bycicle and start riding 100s of miles for no real reason. Sort of odd.Originally Posted by XcaliburGirl
But if you took out the emotional aspect, the typically behave the same way as ESTjs and have close to the same motives.
Hmm... you'd think that as their activity partner you'd find some more positive things to say.
I think I know one. But I'm not sure. I often confuse Extraversion for Feeling.
TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
"I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible
I was contrasting two entirely diffrent ESFj men I knew, one of them is in fact lazy and one of them is in fact very active ...Originally Posted by XcaliburGirl
If you are wondering why I do not have much else to say about them, it is because all of the male ESFjs I have known I never really got to know very well. It seemed like all we ever did was do things together, and it was usually just one specific thing.
For example, one ESFj guy I knew in college was heavily into board games, everything I did with him involved playing board games, I have absolutly no idea what he does besides board games.
My INTj roommate on the otherhand knew him very well and they were best friends infact. He knew things about him that I did not, which seems really weird; but, I guess that is how two activity partners of the same sex form relationships with one another.
I see.Originally Posted by rmcnew
Good point. That's how my ISFp sister and I are. We are usually playing board games together.
Thanks for the info, NFp-. I am starting to be convinced that the aforementioned guy is ESFj. I was afraid it was wishful thinking.Originally Posted by NFp-
I think I can come across as a wall of bricks occasionally , so this is good news.Originally Posted by NFp-
TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
"I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible
Hey i just want to thank all the people who commented. This may sound ridiculous, but I'm an ESFj female, and I appreciate hearing other people explain/understand my personality. I can't really put into words or portray my inner workings to other people and ya'll did a fantastic job of doing just that.
Sorry I'm new here. This is Andie again. I'm trying to get a grasp on how to post and whatnot. Bear with me!
So Andie, you are ESFj! would you be willing to write an ESFj profile for the socion.info website? You will get full credit for what you write!
http://socion.info ...
My name is Reuben BTW, nice to meet you!
Oh goodness. I don't think I know enough about my personality type to write anything worth reading. Haha.
"this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke
ENFp!!!
Taking you are the only ESFj I know that even remotely knows about socionics ... I am still leaving the option open for you, if you want that.
It will also give you a chance to get to know your activity partner, if that is also something you want ... :wink:
How can you tell if an ESFJ likes you?
Simple answer: When they can't stop thinking about you.
Practically? I think it depends on the ESFJ. But I know that 'my' biggest thing is doing whatever 'I' personally believe the one I love would want me to do - for example: if he has a certain book on his wish list I might buy it for him simply because I know he wants it.
We also like to spend a lot of time either a) discussing with our friends about the guy or, b) being with the guy.
And because we are SO in love with compliments - we will compliment who we love - unless they become awkward about being complimented - then we may back off.
As someone previously said - if we don't know that the guy likes us - we're going to try to not pursue them any more then we would a friend. ((This may result in us being colder; or friendlier then normal - and we may also teeter-totter on that)) But if you drop a few obvious hints - we're going to be all over you. :wink:
Also, if we love you, and you ignore us - it will take all of our will power to NOT get mad.
So, simple test to see if an ESFJ likes you more then a friend? Ignore them for a few months. If they don't talk to you - then they obviously don't care at all - they might not even like you really as a friend - but if they confront you - you have about a 50-50 chance.
I hope this explains a few questions.
Last edited by yellow82; 11-08-2010 at 01:04 AM.
Hmm. Maybe the description should say something like, "ESFJ women are hot-hot-hot".Originally Posted by rmcnew
Even more so if an ESFj really wrote it!Originally Posted by Rocky
Originally Posted by krae
Where's our prize? Like M&M's or something! Errr... E-M&M's rather :x
Having a complete quandra is the prize, and I am not just saying that because I am your benefactor, Jadae ... :wink:
I'd like to ask if anyone has ever experienced an ESFj expressing interest by telling you it's about time you explicitly expressed interest in them.
I(N)Tj
Wow, has that happened to you?Originally Posted by alex
Q for anyone who knows:
In other threads we've discussed the somewhat backwards INTj "flirting" style (i.e. the way we act when we're really interested in someone). Would it be easier for an ESE (as opposed to another type) to pick up on that?
TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
"I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible
How do INTjs act when they're really interested in someone?
"this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke
ENFp!!!
Here's some examples I've gleaned from other threads. Personally, I'm interested in male ESFjs' reaction to INTj females, but I'd like to know what you think, since it probably works both ways.
Originally Posted by In another thread, IOriginally Posted by In the aforementioned thread, Pedro the LionOriginally Posted by In a different thread, Pedro-the-LionOriginally Posted by In yet another thread, WaddlesworthOriginally Posted by In that thread, Expat
TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
"I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible
I've never really had that thought about my dual, though I may be wrong.. what did happen is that they would screw around/make fun of people/mock so much that it was almost impossible to tell if they were being serious. So, you could put yourself out there, they would accept, and it would turn out later that they were just "kidding." They also make it look like they are kidding around when they are serious, so as "open" as they are, you really are just flying by the seat of your pants when you're around them. Because of all that, I'd just kind of ignore my duals, or snap when they started "screwing around" with me. It had its plusses, and disadvantages. the bad: it took alot of energy to ward them off, because they are almost relentless. the good: ignoring them, when they know you, kinda gets them really interested.. so if you're people smart, then you can use that to your advantage (you have to know what you are doing, because one person I know did the ignoring, and when he started paying attention to them, they lost interest instantly).Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
thing.
If you were referring to me, then howso?Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
thing.
Yeah, that sounds like a relation of supervision to me too, from personal experience.you have to know what you are doing, because one person I know did the ignoring, and when he started paying attention to them, they lost interest instantly.
ENFP - Ethical Subtype.
In touch with semireality.
I agree.Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
Especially at first, I felt like I don't really have anything worthwhile to give to the other person in a relationship. Logic isn't exactly warm and fuzzy. On the other hand, I was surprised to find that my dual has insecurities that seem so easy to fix... like the shoe is on the other foot. In the past (with other types) I've either felt parasitic or had an "I-want-to-save-him-from-himself"(generally, I couldn't) attitude.
*sigh* Yeah, me too... will we ever get the hang of it?843294671
TiNe, LII, INTj, etc.
"I feel like I should be making a sarcastic comment right now, but you're just so cute!" - Shego, Kim Possible
So for one month she flirts with me and I with her. She is perceptive as to stimulates my interest. She mentions how she spends her weekends alone and how she likes to snuggle up in her bed when it is cold by herself. She stated that she has no roommates. She has made no mention of a boyfriend the whole time. This includes her birthday. It would seem to me that a woman who is very conscious of her social status would make a point to talk about what wonderful gifts were bestowed upon her by her boyfriend.
I finally ask her out and she drops a boyfriend bomb claiming it is a relationship spanning many years. I guess she just forgot his name for the month we were flirting.
Do these people always act like this?
Any idea why she would not mention the beau? If in fact he exists it was a conscious effort to conceal on her part. Why?
hi!! i'm the only ESFj here. So i can probably explain that to you. I have a feeling that she's not and ESFj. Several of those qualities you stated don't really follow along with our type. When i am in a relationship, i am fully committed. I don't go around telling people, but i would never be flirting with a guy and on top of that i would mention it. I was talking to my best friend about this (sunflower) and she told me that it sounded more like her type ENFp. Not that this girl is ENFp, but more so that personality than the ESFj. I hope that helps, i think that no matter what her decisions about your "relationship" were kinda bitchy. Sorry you had to deal with that.
"this shaking keeps me steady. i should know. what falls always is always. and is near. i wake to sleep and taking my waking slow. i learn by going where i have to go." -t. roethke
ENFp!!!
Originally Posted by rmcnew
WEll, the real question is, it seems that McNew has changed his type since this post. Does he (and other people) agree that ESFjs act that way?
Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.
~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.
It is actually quite fitting - because if I am interested with someone, I will spend time with them. Logical proximity. I don't spend time with people I don't like or things that are not valued.Originally Posted by dudeins
Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.
~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.
Yes. Yes yes yes, unless I've mistyped the one person I know that I think is ESFj. I also don't like watching them manipulate people...Originally Posted by UDP III
Maybe these are exceptions, though? I'm kinda working with a limited sample. I've gotta know more than one ESFj, but I've only identified this one. Edit: and I think my opinion of this person's type has changed.
rmcnew's type changing might explain why he didn't speak so highly of ESFj in the earlier posts - they may not be his activity partners after all.
ESFjs are very forwards with their intentions. I'm very turned off by that - not that I have been many times on the reiceiving end, only once - but that would probably work well on an introvert. Probably my repulsion is given by my analogous nature.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
I do not mind it, but I realize I find it tiring to be excessively pursuant of another person. It would be easier form me to be pursued.
I do know some ESEs to be manipulative as Elro said. I wonder how I would deal with one of those, or rather, how one of those would deal with me.
However, in generally it sounds very much like ESE is my dual.
Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.
~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.