Will try to answer your questions as best I can:
1) "subtly endear yourself plan": that could work unless she finds someone else in the meantime and then you are screwed. Also that means you spend a year of your life before your visit focusing energies and becoming more enthralled with someone who may not feel that way about you. So this would take a year of your life away from pursuing / being open to meeting someone who may be into you. How long have you two been talking like this? I think if it's already been awhile then waiting another year just puts you more in the friend zone. Why not visit her sooner? What's so special about a year from now?
2) "What did your husband do to make you know you're a priority?": We were long distance and he made an effort to call and he would send me some letters that were very deep... like really putting his feelings out there, which at the time I just thought was so sweet but now I REALLY get how hard that was for him. I asked him the other day how he was able to do that so many years ago and he said that it just made logical sense to him because he knew if he didn't put it all out there that I was going to date this other guy and he would lose me forever. So while it was crazy hard, he knew it was his only chance. We met in person and he read me a poem and told me why the poem meant a lot to him / the way it reminded him of me. I thought that was so sweet.
I understand you not feeling like you're good at "consoling" her and that's where I say she has to come your way and that's part of the charm of an INTj. I just wrote this on a different thread when an INTj asked me why I thought being with an INTj was worth it. Maybe my response will help you a bit:
You asked about what the "so worth it" part is about being with an INTj. Here's my take: I really value in INTjs their need to find objective truths. As a feeler sometimes (who am I kidding...a lot of times) I can be swayed by my emotions one way or another and I find that my INTj husband really roots me by helping me take a step back, look at the situation more objectively, and then work through my feelings. I think on the surface / early in relationships this approach can sometimes feel like a lack of empathy or coldness... but with time you realize it's really just your INTj trying to get the most accurate facts they can to then find the most objective truth and then help you with it. Sometimes we feelers just want you to be like "You're right, that person sucks! I'm on your side! Ride or die!" Haha! But I actually really appreciate that my husband stops and is like "Why did you infer they meant xyz when they said that? Were you already feeling down before this interaction from an event earlier that day because from the words they used I can see no slight." He helps me look at what words were truly said. While annoying at times when I feel very emotional, I know in the end he's usually right (you better get used to that if you're with an INTj).
I appreciate too that he doesn't have this need for group approval or social niceties, so honestly when I need help putting boundaries down or saying no to events or things, it's really nice to have him go and tell people no for me or help me build my own confidence to be able to do that on my own. When I get wrapped up in some stupid social thing (Facebook or what a neighbor may or may not have meant) he's just like who cares! These things are so unimportant and I just love hearing that sometimes...to see the freedom of not being tied down by these social constraints that I feel as an ESFj feels very liberating (even if I can't live that way...it's refreshing to see!)
I love my INTj because he looks out for me: I'm out there always trying to do things for other people and can get run down by taking on too many other people's emotions, but he makes me his priority and not others. If an INTj is going to listen to someone's feelings then you know they really love you. He doesn't really do this for anyone else. He helps me analyze things and realize when I'm over-extending myself and he helps me learn that I shouldn't say yes to social obligations etc. when my true feelings don't want to. It's very refreshing to have an objective filter on the world of a feeler and for that I so appreciate INTjs.
Yes, at times he can come off very direct, abrasive, and just have that resting serious / intense INTj face... but knowing where the motivation behind it all comes from makes me realize it isn't from a mean un-empathetic place. I LOVE spending years in our marriage learning more and more about how he processes information and the inner workings of his thoughts. When he opens up part of his mind to me it is just the most interesting thing! I love it! The connections he makes and thoughts he has about the world are truly amazing. That's why I say if you can spend the time to love an INTj and truly make the effort to get to know them and love them in the way they need, it's just so worth it!"
In the end, she has to also love you for you and that's not something you can force. She's either going to put in the time to learn about you and your INTj ways as you learn and come her way as well. My advice would be don't do "jokes" and think she's going to get you like her.... she's an ESFj, it's so hot when a guy can just come out and say they love you and that you mean the world to them and make you want to be a better person.
Don't write what you said above where it's like two lines and do the INTj thing where you put a lot of thought / care in selecting words so you think that she would look at "endless wonder" and would equate that to knowing you mean so much to her... instead she might see that as "wait, does he think I'm really confusing to him?".... write her and just put it all out on the line like: "I think about you the first thing in the morning and last thing I do at night. I'm always wondering how you're doing and hearing from you is the highlight of my day. You make me want to be a better person and pull me out of my comfort zone and I'm realizing more and more every day that all these feelings are there because the truth is that I love you. I wish I could tell you this in person and being miles away is so hard, but I just wanted you to know my true feelings even if they're hard for me to say sometimes. You are worth the risk and even if the feelings aren't reciprocated, I just want you to know the impact you've had on my life this past year and I so appreciate your warm heart and caring for others. You are such a lovely and kind person and I feel so lucky to have met you." ...... something like that would be amazing! Ha!
I'd say take the risk, put it all out there, don't wait a year. Visit her earlier, or send her some letters. Or if you want to ease into it slowly than stop "joking" around and just say real feelings nicely. Women love confidence and a man or woman who can put some feelings out there confidently is seriously swoon worthy. I know it's hard but if this girl is worth it, you have to get out of your comfort zone. INTjs are worth getting to know and coming their way but we can't do that if you don't allow her to see your strong feelings and thoughts that you keep to yourself in your head. Loving is letting her in.