My experiences with duality (after having realised that I had actually experienced it in the first place)

[timber]

Ah ya duality. The concept that hooked me initially 17 years ago.

[timber]

I don't understand what people mean when they talk about the importance of going through the experience and through their feelings, 'really feeling (their) emotions'. How does what they're experiencing work? What is this thing?

They often say it when I'm trying to repair something for them or support them going forward or when they want to talk about methods for dealing with grief.

You already feel sad. You know that. What is this REALLY feeling..or 'going through'. ??

When my ex left the province, after our break up, I never cried about it, much, for months. I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't.

Then one evening I'm at home staring up at the ceilings in my kitchen, and I start sobbing. Uncontrolled dry heaves sobs, like a howling dog.

I cried for about an hour like this. It felt cathartic for a time. Grief is a weird thing. It's not linear. People don't feel their emotions, they get stuffed down. Which is fine it serves a purpose. But they will be felt, in some shape or form, in some point and time.

[Irene Add]

When my ex left the province, after our break up, I never cried about it, much, for months. I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't.

Then one evening I'm at home staring up at the ceilings in my kitchen, and I start sobbing. Uncontrolled dry heaves sobs, like a howling dog.

I cried for about an hour like this. It felt cathartic for a time. Grief is a weird thing. It's not linear. People don't feel their emotions, they get stuffed down. Which is fine it serves a purpose. But they will be felt, in some shape or form, in some point and time.

See, this I totally relate to

[spacious]

But, what are these people doing!?!..haha..using an egg timer? Like why can't we acknowledge it, compartmentalize it and move on? We felt it. What is long enough to count as healthy? Why do I have to suffer in it instead of move with my new scar?

I don't think I know HOW to do the compartmentalizing thing. Actually it's funny, I'm used to seeing compartmentalize communicated with a negative connotation, as in, don't do that, it's unhealthy / equates to repressing emotions/problems, so...

if i were to psychologize myself, I would guess that I like to ~dwell because of childhood experiences of not having tools to understand my own experience / being told to brush things off. I'm very introspective

At the same time, I deeply relate to the wisdom of - if you don't feel it, you can't move on from it. I'm an Fi lead and I've gone through times of SOOOOO much resistance to the pain, which then makes the pain worse - pain x resistance = suffering, as they say. I'm still coming to terms with how much pain there is in life, and I'm 35.

Your idea and phrasing on move on with your new scar is so beautifully said and I really like it. I think I dig my foot in, so to speak, to give myself time to process an emotion or an experience, because I don't want to get mental whiplash from moving on too quickly for my comfort. Spending a lot of time alone probably doesn't help, b/c then you have gobs more time to think. Being around other people more, in unstructured ways, as I was last week for the holiday, gives you less time to think and stew. God, that's what my mom has been telling me for years now haha. I actually am looking into two potential volunteer opportunities to start up (getting involved in) in the new year. Yay

Thank you for sharing and starting this conversation, it is enriching for and enlightening to me.

[Irene Add]

I don't think I know HOW to do the compartmentalizing thing. Actually it's funny, I'm used to seeing compartmentalize communicated with a negative connotation, as in, don't do that, it's unhealthy / equates to repressing emotions/problems, so...

if i were to psychologize myself, I would guess that I like to ~dwell because of childhood experiences of not having tools to understand my own experience / being told to brush things off. I'm very introspective

At the same time, I deeply relate to the wisdom of - if you don't feel it, you can't move on from it. I'm an Fi lead and I've gone through times of SOOOOO much resistance to the pain, which then makes the pain worse - pain x resistance = suffering, as they say. I'm still coming to terms with how much pain there is in life, and I'm 35.

Your idea and phrasing on move on with your new scar is so beautifully said and I really like it. I think I dig my foot in, so to speak, to give myself time to process an emotion or an experience, because I don't want to get mental whiplash from moving on too quickly for my comfort. Spending a lot of time alone probably doesn't help, b/c then you have gobs more time to think. Being around other people more, in unstructured ways, as I was last week for the holiday, gives you less time to think and stew. God, that's what my mom has been telling me for years now haha. I actually am looking into two potential volunteer opportunities to start up (getting involved in) in the new year. Yay

Thank you for sharing and starting this conversation, it is enriching for and enlightening to me.

Disclaimer:I don't know what I'm doing, Miss

[Echo]

Update:
After doing that Strat translation, I came to the conclusion that I was wrong. He wasn’t my dual. He was my activity partner. Probably an SEI-Fe*1000000000… But still an SEI. And I guess since I'm an LII-Ne maybe that accounts for the duality-like feeling in the beginning? Or maybe that’s just what being in love is. I don’t know. Maybe I was never really truly in love before. But yeah, it just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks when I was reading that article… her description was very him. Everything finally all adds up. Which is such a strange feeling since I’ve been spending the better part of the last two years trying to get to this point. I’m almost not sure what to do now.

[spacious]

Update:
After doing that Strat translation, I came to the conclusion that I was wrong. He wasn’t my dual. He was my activity partner. Probably an SEI-Fe*1000000000… But still an SEI. And I guess since I'm an LII-Ne maybe that accounts for the duality-like feeling in the beginning? Or maybe that’s just what being in love is. I don’t know. Maybe I was never really truly in love before. But yeah, it just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks when I was reading that article… her description was very him. Everything finally all adds up. Which is such a strange feeling since I’ve been spending the better part of the last two years trying to get to this point. I’m almost not sure what to do now.

Hugs 💗

the truth shall set you free...❔ I get that feeling of being stunned into silence/inaction/disbelief.

[spacious]

P.S., i was thinking yesterday about how i haven't seen much discussion of Activity ITR on here lately. It's an ITR that has brought me a LOT of pain and confusion, in very close friendship and very consequential professional academic advising. i feel like things are in a better place now, only because we're at a greater distance from e/o, in both those relationships. It made me really sad at earlier points that we couldn't be closer. Things feel freer though, now, too.

💗

[Echo]

Hugs 

the truth shall set you free...❔ I get that feeling of being stunned into silence/inaction/disbelief.

P.S., i was thinking yesterday about how i haven't seen much discussion of Activity ITR on here lately. It's an ITR that has brought me a LOT of pain and confusion, in very close friendship and very consequential professional academic advising. i feel like things are in a better place now, only because we're at a greater distance from e/o, in both those relationships. It made me really sad at earlier points that we couldn't be closer. Things feel freer though, now, too.



Thank you, spacious. I definitely feel like I need a hug right now.❤︎

It's strange, after all the pain of not knowing and not understanding, right now I just feel empty. Activity is so strange. I’ve actually met with a couple of duals recently, and I kept comparing them to him, wondering why it didn’t feel like it did with him. I enjoyed spending time with them, but there were other issues that meant they probably aren’t going to be a long-term partner. But then I thought the same about him at first, but he won me over in the end. Actually I think it’s just that he probably love bombed me. That combined with the same Quadra chemistry to make things feel really intense. It’s all really confusing but at least now I know that the person he was towards the end was the real him and the person in the beginning was the illusion.

[Irene Add]

Thank you, spacious. I definitely feel like I need a hug right now.❤︎

It's strange, after all the pain of not knowing and not understanding, right now I just feel empty. Activity is so strange. I’ve actually met with a couple of duals recently, and I kept comparing them to him, wondering why it didn’t feel like it did with him. I enjoyed spending time with them, but there were other issues that meant they probably aren’t going to be a long-term partner. But then I thought the same about him at first, but he won me over in the end. Actually I think it’s just that he probably love bombed me. That combined with the same Quadra chemistry to make things feel really intense. It’s all really confusing but at least now I know that the person he was towards the end was the real him and the person in the beginning was the illusion.

Activity is VERY easy to start.

[spacious]

@Echo

Side heart hug. Place your right hand under your left armpit, feeling your heart at the side of your chest, and put your left hand on your right shoulder. Sit with this hug, noticing your heartbeat.

i like this and also using your own name with yourself, out loud. hugging yourself and saying your own name, the brain doesn't know that youre the one doing the hug or saying the name

kind of gently rocking while holding the hug is what i do

[spacious]

Info i've saved on calming/settling oneself

Resourcing Ourselves to Settle In


We can learn to “resource” ourselves with experiences that create settling, calmness in our bodies or nervous systems, more space, more softening, more spaciousness, more presence, more breath, or more contact with our hearts and bodies.

How do we resource ourselves? Invite your mind and body to attune to sensations or feelings of safety or goodness, however small. The process of noticing a felt sense of “okayness” begins the process of teaching our nervous system that it can experience stress and then come back to a state of calm. Resourcing is the first step for creating a deeper capacity for nervous system regulation.

· Internal Resources: Resources that emerge from within like a pleasant emotion, thought, sensation, or image

· External Resources: Resources experienced externally like an object, person/animal, environment, place, or sensory cue.

· What resources have helped you in the past?

Resourcing Practices

1. Connect to a resource in your body. Notice where in your body it is easy to be with, then sense into that.
2. Orienting. Look around the room slowly as if your eyes and neck had a mind of their own. See if you can find something pleasant then notice how that is in your body.
3. Grounding. Where you feel gravity, weight, and connection. Feel your weight against the chair, feet on the ground.let your body let go into gravity.
4. Sensing periphery. Notice the space around you, the gravity and weight of your limbs or the wideness of your peripheral gaze.
5. Side heart hug. Place your right hand under your left armpit, feeling your heart at the side of your chest, and put your left hand on your right shoulder. Sit with this hug, noticing your heartbeat.
6. Body sensing. Squeeze, massage, or tap parts of your body to bring awareness to the sensation.
7. Hand over heart. Place a hand on your heart for comfort. Breathe slowly and soften.
8. Head cradle. Place your right hand on your forehead and left hand at the base of your skull, applying light pressure
9. Movement. Stretch, stand, sit, sway, rock, lengthen, fold, shake,or roll parts of your body.
10. Five senses awareness: Notice what you can see, hear, feel, taste, smell and let yourself “rest” in that awareness

also This is "The Most Calming Song in the World" According to Neuroscientists - Grace & Lightness Magazine

[Echo]

@Echo

Side heart hug. Place your right hand under your left armpit, feeling your heart at the side of your chest, and put your left hand on your right shoulder. Sit with this hug, noticing your heartbeat.

i like this and also using your own name with yourself, out loud. hugging yourself and saying your own name, the brain doesn't know that youre the one doing the hug or saying the name

kind of gently rocking while holding the hug is what i do

Info i've saved on calming/settling oneself

Resourcing Ourselves to Settle In


We can learn to “resource” ourselves with experiences that create settling, calmness in our bodies or nervous systems, more space, more softening, more spaciousness, more presence, more breath, or more contact with our hearts and bodies.

How do we resource ourselves? Invite your mind and body to attune to sensations or feelings of safety or goodness, however small. The process of noticing a felt sense of “okayness” begins the process of teaching our nervous system that it can experience stress and then come back to a state of calm. Resourcing is the first step for creating a deeper capacity for nervous system regulation.

· Internal Resources: Resources that emerge from within like a pleasant emotion, thought, sensation, or image

· External Resources: Resources experienced externally like an object, person/animal, environment, place, or sensory cue.

· What resources have helped you in the past?

Resourcing Practices

1. Connect to a resource in your body. Notice where in your body it is easy to be with, then sense into that.
2. Orienting. Look around the room slowly as if your eyes and neck had a mind of their own. See if you can find something pleasant then notice how that is in your body.
3. Grounding. Where you feel gravity, weight, and connection. Feel your weight against the chair, feet on the ground.let your body let go into gravity.
4. Sensing periphery. Notice the space around you, the gravity and weight of your limbs or the wideness of your peripheral gaze.
5. Side heart hug. Place your right hand under your left armpit, feeling your heart at the side of your chest, and put your left hand on your right shoulder. Sit with this hug, noticing your heartbeat.
6. Body sensing. Squeeze, massage, or tap parts of your body to bring awareness to the sensation.
7. Hand over heart. Place a hand on your heart for comfort. Breathe slowly and soften.
8. Head cradle. Place your right hand on your forehead and left hand at the base of your skull, applying light pressure
9. Movement. Stretch, stand, sit, sway, rock, lengthen, fold, shake,or roll parts of your body.
10. Five senses awareness: Notice what you can see, hear, feel, taste, smell and let yourself “rest” in that awareness

also This is "The Most Calming Song in the World" According to Neuroscientists - Grace & Lightness Magazine

Thank you, spacious! That was actually really helpful! And the song is so calming… I’ve downloaded it so I can listen to it whenever I need. ❤︎

[SquidlessBrain]

Info i've saved on calming/settling oneself

Resourcing Ourselves to Settle In


We can learn to “resource” ourselves with experiences that create settling, calmness in our bodies or nervous systems, more space, more softening, more spaciousness, more presence, more breath, or more contact with our hearts and bodies.

How do we resource ourselves? Invite your mind and body to attune to sensations or feelings of safety or goodness, however small. The process of noticing a felt sense of “okayness” begins the process of teaching our nervous system that it can experience stress and then come back to a state of calm. Resourcing is the first step for creating a deeper capacity for nervous system regulation.

· Internal Resources: Resources that emerge from within like a pleasant emotion, thought, sensation, or image

· External Resources: Resources experienced externally like an object, person/animal, environment, place, or sensory cue.

· What resources have helped you in the past?

Resourcing Practices

1. Connect to a resource in your body. Notice where in your body it is easy to be with, then sense into that.
2. Orienting. Look around the room slowly as if your eyes and neck had a mind of their own. See if you can find something pleasant then notice how that is in your body.
3. Grounding. Where you feel gravity, weight, and connection. Feel your weight against the chair, feet on the ground.let your body let go into gravity.
4. Sensing periphery. Notice the space around you, the gravity and weight of your limbs or the wideness of your peripheral gaze.
5. Side heart hug. Place your right hand under your left armpit, feeling your heart at the side of your chest, and put your left hand on your right shoulder. Sit with this hug, noticing your heartbeat.
6. Body sensing. Squeeze, massage, or tap parts of your body to bring awareness to the sensation.
7. Hand over heart. Place a hand on your heart for comfort. Breathe slowly and soften.
8. Head cradle. Place your right hand on your forehead and left hand at the base of your skull, applying light pressure
9. Movement. Stretch, stand, sit, sway, rock, lengthen, fold, shake,or roll parts of your body.
10. Five senses awareness: Notice what you can see, hear, feel, taste, smell and let yourself “rest” in that awareness

also This is "The Most Calming Song in the World" According to Neuroscientists - Grace & Lightness Magazine

This song is annoying as hell to me wtf
I'd rather stay silent

[spacious]

This song is annoying as hell to me wtf
I'd rather stay silent

ok
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Poem by Steve Jobs

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.

They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent.
They imagine.
They heal.
They explore.
They create.
They inspire.

They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that has never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some see them as the crazy ones,
we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough
to think they can change the world,
are the ones who do.

[SquidlessBrain]

ok
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Poem by Steve Jobs

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.

They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent.
They imagine.
They heal.
They explore.
They create.
They inspire.

They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that has never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some see them as the crazy ones,
we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough
to think they can change the world,
are the ones who do.

This song is basically an Ode to Extraverted Intuition lol

[spacious]

This song is basically an Ode to Extraverted Intuition lol

i know my vulnerabilities (mental, painful)

[Echo]

This song is annoying as hell to me wtf
I'd rather stay silent

… I don't see anyone stopping you.

[spacious]

Thank you, spacious! That was actually really helpful! And the song is so calming… I’ve downloaded it so I can listen to it whenever I need. ❤︎

yay, passing on the goodness <3 i first came across it as shared by someone finishing their dissertation under a lot of stress. they said it helped them get through a panic attack. i've kept it in my back pocket since