Hikikomori

[godslave]

So I went to my doctor this early morning. I go to see him every three months to check on my health and renew my prescription. I really like him btw, he has been my doctor since the time I moved to my appartement almost six years ago. His medical practice is just a few steps from my home, next to the bakery and pharmacy. If you could see and hear our communication you would have a lot of laugh, he also has a good sense of humor. In real life I vibe just like a funny sitcom character similar to those in "Friends" or the "big bang theory". I could write down my conversations word for word and everyone would hear laughter in their heads at the end of every sentence.

Anyway, as the consultation went on, I told him about my first session with the psychologist and some other things of more medical nature.I asked him if he could give me a prescription for an x-ray of my lower back. As I am resuming my martial arts exercises, I wanted to check the condition of my back to avoid further injury (I have an old herniated disc injury). He agreed but as our conversation went on we both forgot about that x-ray ! I only realised it afterwards when I was on my way back home and I didn't want to go back and wait in the line again. I'm about to go down to the pharmacy right now and see if I can talk to him between two patients and ask for the prescription *. If not, I'll come back another day or wait for my next consultation in three months. Anyway, He was really happy to see that I was “getting better” in the sense that I had decided to do what it took to get better.

PS. As I was waiting my turn, I was reading some Aushra and I had a revelation but that's for another thread !

Edit : * Well, the back X-ray will have to wait for another time ! There were too many people waiting outside the doctor's office. And after all, I have a reputation as a Hikikomori to maintain so I better not push it !!

[Park]

His medical practice is just a few steps from my home, next to the bakery and pharmacy.

One of the things I hate the most about the US is how urban planning, more specifically zoning laws and regulations that were proposed and hastily approved by a handful of people in the late 1800's/early 1900's, destroyed mixed-use neighborhoods and gave rise to soul-sucking, car-dependent suburbia.

[Park]

This guy knows what he's talking about:

[godslave]

I've just come back from the town hall where I finally completed the final formalities for obtaining my new identity card and passport. Yesterday I went there (the town hall is just across the street from my house) for one last "reconnaissance mission". I had to make sure that the papers I'd selected for the proof of address were in order, and ask whether the number of the pre-application I'd made on the Internet was sufficient, or whether I should print it out. I got the answers I wanted and took the opportunity to redo the identity photos.

So today, I had with me everything I need at the town hall. The lady at the reception desk checks that everything is okay (it is appentenly) and asks me to wait my turn. Five minutes later I was called to the the counter on my left. He's a dude in his early thirties, a bit effeminate and his vibe was pleasant. He checks that everything's okay and already sees a problem:


- "Oh, you're wearing a white T-shirt in the photo".
He turns and says to his blonde lady colleague:
-"Look, he's got a white T-shirt, I don't know if the machine will pick it up, white on a white background..."
she replies:
- "Yes, but try anyway..."
I was a little puzzled by all this and said to him :

- "Oh oh, I could take another picture on the machine behind me but as you can see I still have a white t-shirt, unless you can lend me yours...
He was wearing a black t-shirt and smiled amusedly.

Apparently there was no problem with the photo. I hand him my phone so that he can write down the pre-application number. He writes it down on an official piece of paper and tells me to sign in the rectangle, being careful not to touch the inner edges of the rectangle. I did so, but I touched (barely) the edge:- “Oh oh, I think I've touched the edge...”. I said
- “Indeed you did !” with a tone that was a little bit annoyed.

He gave me another piece of paper and this time I got the signature right. However, it wasn't my best shot, not pretty and lacks fluidity, too mechanical plus I was shaking... He checked it and said it was okay. Next step: fingerprinting...

He pointed to the impression machine on my nightstand, which lit up green.

- "Put the four fingers of your right hand tightly together and press down hard” he said.
After a few sweeps, the machine emitted a red light indicating the end of the operation. he continued :


- “Okay, the same thing with the left hand now”.
But there was something wrong, the machine hadn't turned green again :


- "Oh no, don't tell me it's bugging again !" he said with an air of concern that puzzled me for three seconds...
- " Ah, it's all right now, it works, go ahead” he said, relieved.


After a moment, he turns his monitor towards me and asks me to check the info.

- Okay, that's correct !” I say in a satisfied tone.

He then pulls out the receipts from the machine next to him and asks me to sign one for myself and one for the town hall. I did so. I hand him one of the two receipts. He was about to take it when I said:
- "No wait, take this one instead, the signature is nicer.”
I naively thought at that moment that it was the signature that was going to appear on the passport (because I already signed a paper even if the previous paper I signed was much larger (A4) and these ones looked like a McDonald tickets). I soon realized my naivety when he saw that I still had two receipts to sign, one for me and one for the town hall...

“Don't forget your old identity card when we call you back, which will be in about a month,” he says, smiling.
- "Thank you very much ! Just one last question, how will I know the exact date ?” I asked him.
- "We'll text you, don't worry !" he said.
- "Okay, thank you very much sir, have a nice day, goodbye !"
- " Thank you, goodbye sir !"


That was it, and I went back home to write this. to be continued...

[Socionics Is A Cult]

So I went to my doctor this early morning. I go to see him every three months to check on my health and renew my prescription. I really like him btw, he has been my doctor since the time I moved to my appartement almost six years ago. His medical practice is just a few steps from my home, next to the bakery and pharmacy. If you could see and hear our communication you would have a lot of laugh, he also has a good sense of humor. In real life I vibe just like a funny sitcom character similar to those in "Friends" or the "big bang theory". I could write down my conversations word for word and everyone would hear laughter in their heads at the end of every sentence.

Anyway, as the consultation went on, I told him about my first session with the psychologist and some other things of more medical nature.I asked him if he could give me a prescription for an x-ray of my lower back. As I am resuming my martial arts exercises, I wanted to check the condition of my back to avoid further injury (I have an old herniated disc injury). He agreed but as our conversation went on we both forgot about that x-ray ! I only realised it afterwards when I was on my way back home and I didn't want to go back and wait in the line again. I'm about to go down to the pharmacy right now and see if I can talk to him between two patients and ask for the prescription *. If not, I'll come back another day or wait for my next consultation in three months. Anyway, He was really happy to see that I was “getting better” in the sense that I had decided to do what it took to get better.

PS. As I was waiting my turn, I was reading some Aushra and I had a revelation but that's for another thread !

Edit : * Well, the back X-ray will have to wait for another time ! There were too many people waiting outside the doctor's office. And after all, I have a reputation as a Hikikomori to maintain so I better not push it !!

Can't you just send your doctor an email? If you've already discussed it, he might be OK with arranging a time that way or by phone.

[godslave]

Can't you just send your doctor an email? If you've already discussed it, he might be OK with arranging a time that way or by phone.

I don't have his email (I never asked) and I haven't thought about calling him on the phone for some reason. I'm okay with waiting for the next time I'll see him which will probably sooner than three months from now since I have another appointment with the a new social worker next week and I will probably need a medical certificate to justify my "idleness". As a matter of fact this change regarding the social worker (and his location cuz now I would have to take the bus to go there !) mada very anxious, so much so that I had to talk about it to my psychiatrist in the prior to last session. I have established very good rapport with my social worker over the years, she is a very good and benevolent person and I think she likes me too (she sends me greetings card (handwritten !) every year). I don't like the feeling of being separated from her, she means a lot to me.

Anyway, I will try to call my doctor next week.

[Park]

Hey @godslave, I was thinking about what I said previously in relation to the Hikikomori theme of this thread, and I was trying to imagine how living in such a place would affect your (current) lifestyle. Imagine living in a typical US suburb on the outskirts of a large or midsized town, and for the sake of this thought experiment, let's say this place is somewhere in the south, where the neighborhoods tend to be the most isolated and stretched out, and the weather hot and humid (i.e., oppressive) most of the year. Imagine stepping outside your house, walking to the middle of the street and seeing nothing but residental property (houses similar to yours) everywhere you turn. There is nothing else in sight. Imagine having to drive at least 10 kilometers (sometimes twice or three times that) to get your bagget, groceries, medicine, see a doctor, go anywhere, do anything. Is this kind of isolation going to make your life more pleasant and comfortable, or is it going to drive you mad and make you want to kill yourself? Which one would be more likely? If neither, then how do you think it will affect you?

[godslave]

Hey @godslave, I was thinking about what I said previously in relation to the Hikikomori theme of this thread, and I was trying to imagine how living in such a place would affect your (current) lifestyle. Imagine living in a typical US suburb on the outskirts of a large or midsized town, and for the sake of this thought experiment, let's say this place is somewhere in the south, where the neighborhoods tend to be the most isolated and stretched out, and the weather hot and humid (i.e., oppressive) most of the year. Imagine stepping outside your house, walking to the middle of the street and seeing nothing but residental property (houses similar to yours) everywhere you turn. There is nothing else in sight. Imagine having to drive at least 10 kilometers (sometimes twice or three times that) to get your bagget, groceries, medicine, see a doctor, go anywhere, do anything. Is this kind of isolation going to make your life more pleasant and comfortable, or is it going to drive you mad and make you want to kill yourself? Which one would be more likely? If neither, then how do you think it will affect you?

Well, for a person who lives alone this might lead to serious mental health issue. As you know we are not designed for living in isolation. We are a gregarious species and our very sanity depends greatly on a minimum of interaction with "the other" for without him the individual's fades away, literally. I suppose that most of your neighbours have families or at least a significant other in their life. If you don't have any of that then I can understand that the very existence can feel like a burden and of course the consequences on the brain chemistry can be devastating. I suspect that dementia and psychosis might be some kind of autoimmune mental disease triggered as a defence mechanism to ease the pain of existence itself in some extreme cases. In many ways, dementia is the autophagy of the soul.

That being said, for some people living alone in such environment can feel like some kind of an ideal. The problem is that such people would most likely be carriers of a psychological construct that could be classified by mental health pro as a "disorder". Incidentally in french disorder applied to mental health is translated as "Trouble" for instance we say "Trouble de la personnalité schizoïde" (Schizoid personality disorder). Indeed, having an "asocial" personality can cause a lot of troubles, if not for the subject at least for his family members and/or to a certain degree, society in the sense that it ( society) tend to stigmatise them with all sort of negative preconceptions.

Indeed, the archetype of the asocial weirdo/hermit has made its way in the collective unconscious and has been often depicted in literature and pop culture as an iteration of Evil. The morbid fascination for Serial Killer like Ed Gein (of whom the "Norman Bates" is inspired), Jeffrey Dahmer and the like, the Vampire etc, attest of the archaic fear of the person who isolate himself from society. If you have something to hide then that something must be bad, if you are the thing that hide himself then you are bad. This simple and utterly false assumption pertain to the dark side of social pressure that some people have great difficulty to handle. It's a lose-lose situation that can't be resolved without professional help.

Finally, I would say that there are people to whom there is no other. Those are real psychopaths and narcissists. They can live the kind of aforementioned lifestyle without experiencing any psychological pain because to them there is no other in the first place. But again, for a healthy person prolonged isolation will definitely and invariably lead to serious mental health issues. Because at the end of the day all souls return to God and God is the others. The rest is literature...

[Park]

Well, for a person who lives alone this might lead to serious mental health issue. As you know we are not designed for living in isolation. We are a gregarious species and our very sanity depends greatly on a minimum of interaction with "the other" for without him the individual's fades away, literally. I suppose that most of your neighbours have families or at least a significant other in their life. If you don't have any of that then I can understand that the very existence can feel like a burden and of course the consequences on the brain chemistry can be devastating. I suspect that dementia and psychosis might be some kind of autoimmune mental disease triggered as a defence mechanism to ease the pain of existence itself in some extreme cases. In many ways, dementia is the autophagy of the soul.

That being said, for some people living alone in such environment can feel like some kind of an ideal. The problem is that such people would most likely be carriers of a psychological construct that could be classified by mental health pro as a "disorder". Incidentally in french disorder applied to mental health is translated as "Trouble" for instance we say "Trouble de la personnalité schizoïde" (Schizoid personality disorder). Indeed, having an "asocial" personality can cause a lot of troubles, if not for the subject at least for his family members and/or to a certain degree, society in the sense that it ( society) tend to stigmatise them with all sort of negative preconceptions.

Indeed, the archetype of the asocial weirdo/hermit has made its way in the collective unconscious and has been often depicted in literature and pop culture as an iteration of Evil. The morbid fascination for Serial Killer like Ed Gein (of whom the "Norman Bates" is inspired), Jeffrey Dahmer and the like, the Vampire etc, attest of the archaic fear of the person who isolate himself from society. If you have something to hide then that something must be bad, if you are the thing that hide himself then you are bad. This simple and utterly false assumption pertain to the dark side of social pressure that some people have great difficulty to handle. It's a lose-lose situation that can't be resolved without professional help.

Finally, I would say that there are people to whom there is no other. Those are real psychopaths and narcissists. They can live the kind of aforementioned lifestyle without experiencing any psychological pain because to them there is no other in the first place. But again, for a healthy person prolonged isolation will definitely and invariably lead to serious mental health issues. Because at the end of the day all souls return to God and God is the others. The rest is literature...

You've taken the aspect of isolation a bit too far, especially as it pertains to the topic at hand. In fact, most of your reply is only tangentially related to my question. I mean, you can have friends, acquaintances, family, and an active social circle/life within the confines of American Suburbia. The differences lie in things like daily routines and the logistics of organizing your life and planning your schedule. It does take more (or at least a different kind of) effort to keep in touch with people, but that's the norm for folks who are used to it, both the asocial ones and the super social ones. I do agree that this type of urban designs can make it easier to get lonely and isolated, which is probably an unintended consequence of that stupid, short-sighted decision that was made way back when regarding zoning laws, which is still in effect today.

[Northstar]

You've taken the aspect of isolation a bit too far, especially as it pertains to the topic at hand. In fact, most of your reply is only tangentially related to my question. I mean, you can have friends, acquaintances, family, and an active social circle/life within the confines of American Suburbia. The differences lie in things like daily routines and the logistics of organizing your life and planning your schedule. It does take more (or at least a different kind of) effort to keep in touch with people, but that's the norm for folks who are used to it, both the asocial ones and the super social ones. I do agree that this type of urban designs can make it easier to get lonely and isolated, which is probably an unintended consequence of that stupid, short-sighted decision that was made way back when regarding zoning laws, which is still in effect today.

>ask inane question
>receive better reply than deserved
>fail to understand reply

well done

[The Reality Denialist]

Well, for a person who lives alone this might lead to serious mental health issue. As you know we are not designed for living in isolation. We are a gregarious species and our very sanity depends greatly on a minimum of interaction with "the other" for without him the individual's fades away, literally. I suppose that most of your neighbours have families or at least a significant other in their life. If you don't have any of that then I can understand that the very existence can feel like a burden and of course the consequences on the brain chemistry can be devastating. I suspect that dementia and psychosis might be some kind of autoimmune mental disease triggered as a defence mechanism to ease the pain of existence itself in some extreme cases. In many ways, dementia is the autophagy of the soul.

That being said, for some people living alone in such environment can feel like some kind of an ideal. The problem is that such people would most likely be carriers of a psychological construct that could be classified by mental health pro as a "disorder". Incidentally in french disorder applied to mental health is translated as "Trouble" for instance we say "Trouble de la personnalité schizoïde" (Schizoid personality disorder). Indeed, having an "asocial" personality can cause a lot of troubles, if not for the subject at least for his family members and/or to a certain degree, society in the sense that it ( society) tend to stigmatise them with all sort of negative preconceptions.

Indeed, the archetype of the asocial weirdo/hermit has made its way in the collective unconscious and has been often depicted in literature and pop culture as an iteration of Evil. The morbid fascination for Serial Killer like Ed Gein (of whom the "Norman Bates" is inspired), Jeffrey Dahmer and the like, the Vampire etc, attest of the archaic fear of the person who isolate himself from society. If you have something to hide then that something must be bad, if you are the thing that hide himself then you are bad. This simple and utterly false assumption pertain to the dark side of social pressure that some people have great difficulty to handle. It's a lose-lose situation that can't be resolved without professional help.

Finally, I would say that there are people to whom there is no other. Those are real psychopaths and narcissists. They can live the kind of aforementioned lifestyle without experiencing any psychological pain because to them there is no other in the first place. But again, for a healthy person prolonged isolation will definitely and invariably lead to serious mental health issues. Because at the end of the day all souls return to God and God is the others. The rest is literature...

I think this post has a problem. It is a common one. For instance Dahmer was definitely an active sexual being. This would disqualify him from schizoid. In fact people who do not give a personal f*ck seem to be incapable to even take an advantage over others - the true schizoid state. Life ruled by apathy.

[godslave]

I think this post has a problem. It is a common one. For instance Dahmer was definitely an active sexual being. This would disqualify him from schizoid. In fact people who do not give a personal f*ck seem to be incapable to even take an advantage over others - the true schizoid state. Life ruled by apathy.

True, that's a good observation.

I shouldn't have mentioned him in that paragraph even if I didn't explicitly say that Dahmer, Gein or the "Vampire archetype" were neither asexual nor schizoid. In fact all these have rather F-ed up parraphilas (necrophilia for Gein and Dahmer among other things) and were incidentally true psychopaths serial killers. I took this monstrous figures as examples to illustrate the fact than being asocial (not schizoid PD per se) i.e. a social -weirdo is not something that "society" understands very well to say the least.

Think of society as an "Extroverted entity" that thinks that the norm is for everybody to be socially "Extroverted" and the more a person in Introverted the less he is understood. People with asocial issues (for whatever reason of which there are several, schizoid PD being only one of them) are usually even more socially introverted than the average introvert, that makes them "suspicious" in the eye of society. As a matter of fact, extreme introversion is considered pathological not only by mental health pro but also by society itself. That said, I reckon that my examples were a bit extreme.

The only exceptions to this social phenomenon are the archetype of the Hermit that is useful to society i.e "the shaman", "the monk", "The wyzard" , "The mystic wise in the mountain" ect.. and the mini-societies outside the society that are associated with a certain "elitism" like "monks" , "Druids", "Shaolins" etc.. Special case : Secret societies (Freemasons and the like).

Yes, I am aware of that video. I which there more like that on youtube. Social media like youtube are full of pop-psychology videos but there are very few video examples of real psychiatric cases like this.

By the way, I think that the ratio of misdiagnosed people with PD in youtube is similar to that of the mistyped people in the socionics community ahah !! I said it several time here in the forum, PD and the like became "included" in DEI stuff and people now just "identify" with a PD or autistic disorder and want to be "validated" and included under the great rainbow of the light side of the force (everything outside of it being the forces if Evil of course !). No wonder the world is going upside down, but don't worry cuz the A-Team is on its way and all this nonsense is coming to an end !

[Park]

>ask inane question
>receive better reply than deserved
>fail to understand reply

well done

God, just fuck off already.

[chriscorey]

>ask inane question
>receive better reply than deserved
>fail to understand reply

well done

Have I ever told you how cute you are?

[godslave]

Today I went to my second session with my psychologist. The “hour” (it was more like 40 minutes) went by very quickly...

To be continued...

[godslave]

I'm back home from the place where I have an appointment tomorrow with my future new social worker. It's a "social and professional support for groups in major difficulties and away from employment" approved by the gouvernement (the state). I have to sign an "insertion contract" every six months otherwise my state aid will be cut.

So I went there to a) scouting out the location so I don't have to look for it tomorrow and waste time and b) to ask the receptionist for an official document that serves as a medical certificate and that will be requested tomorrow. Normally I should have received a letter with the date of the appointment and this official document but I received nothing. So I anticipated a delay that would cost me time and money (at least the price of two transport tickets).

The place was not easy to find, the entrance is at the back of a building. There is a large wrought iron gate that opens onto a large parking lot in front of the main entrance of the building. I had to go around it and climb a small slope to the right of the building where there was another large wrought iron gate (identical to the other one) that I didn't noticed initially on the right side of the building which also opens to a parking lot (half the size of the the one at the front side of the building) I was heading to.

That's when I thought I recognized my social worker, the one who was in charge of my "case" until I received the letter telling me that the agency where she worked was definitively closed and that my "file" was transferred to the place where I was standing at the moment. I was seeing her from behind and she was heading towards the gate on the right. She had the same body type, the same haircut (she has never changed it since I have known her and that has been at least a few years) as my social worker but again, I was seeing her from behind.

I did not dare to call out to her so I followed her for a few meters hoping that she would turn around. She opened the gate and I decided to follow her again praying to heaven that she would turn around. She was about to get into her car and that's when I saw that she was wearing big sunglasses. Too late, she got into her car and I did not insist. I had still found back hope though. What if it was her ? The person I spoke to on the phone to make the appointment for tomorrow a few weeks ago did not want to tell me if my former social worker worked with them. I will know more about it tomorrow anyway...

I finally found the entrance to the "agency" or whatever the right word is for this thing. It was around 12:45 pm and the agency closes between 1:00 and 1:45 pm. There were three people including a black gentleman talking in front of the building. I thought they probably worked here and that the black gentleman is probably my future new social worker because I remember that the name of my futur new worker the person on the phone gave me had an African roots. We'll see tomorrow if I'm right. At the entrance there is a small staircase that leads directly to the reception area. There was a woman in her early forties (moderately overweight) and a man to her left in his early fifties.

I talked to the lady:

- "Hello, I have an appointment tomorrow with Mr... sorry I forgot his name"

She looked at me with an almost bored look that said "let's get to the point!" I continued:

- "It's about the "insertion contract" "

Her bored look now said "Oh, duh !" while nodding.

- "It's for an information, I.."

She interrupted me:

- "But, you said it's tomorrow and now it's almost 1 p.m. we're going to close !"

I said to myself, "Oh ! How rude !" but I continued:

- "Yes I know but I wanted to know if it was possible to have the "paper" for the doctor. I know that I'm going to be asked for it tomorrow and since I didn't receive it by post I thought that it would save me wasting time and thus delaying the signing of my contract, and at the same time as I was locating the place so that I wouldn't have to search for it at the last time and risking being late to my appointment tomorrow..."

The man next to her was packing up his things for the lunch break when he stopped and looked at me from the corner of his eyes with a look that said, "Oh, that makes sense, that's smart."

The lady turned around and reached into a folder behind her, from which she pulled out the paper in question and gave it to me :

- "Here it is, sir !" she said to me with a satisfied look of the duty accomplished. I thanked her and added one last question :

- " If I make a photocopy of this paper, does the copy have the same value as the original ?"

She looked at me in surprise, I guessed she had never been asked that question.

"- Well, no.." she replied in a way that was saying "What a dumb question ! " She continued :

- "If you ever need another one, then we'll give you another one, that's all..."

I was kind pissed off by her attitude ! But as always, I kept my cool :

- " Okay, thank you very much ! Have a nice rest of your day. Goodbye."

Mission accomplished, I had gotten what I wanted. I only wanted one thing now, to go home !

My bus ticket was still valid. As I left the gate, my bus was already in sight. I looked for the bus stop but I quickly realized that it was actually on the other side of the street. In fact, I should have exited through the large gate on the right side of the building (the one my suspected ex-social worker lady took a few minutes earlier !) instead of exiting through the front gate. I had to do a little sprint of about four eighty meters.

The return trip was shorter. Arriving at my stop, the bus stops, I wait for the doors to open but they don't open. I don't dare tell the driver "the door please" I feel that there is something wrong. The bus leaves and me with it ! I thought to myself "Oh shit !" (excuse my French !) the bus driver completely forgot to open the door for me ! What the F !".

I said to myself that I had to find a solution before the next stop ! If the driver didn't open the doors for me at the next station he would hear me loud and clear ! That's when I realized that there was a kind of digital device on the door that said "press to open". I was looking at a guy sitting next to where I was standing. There was a transparent glass of protection between us. The dude had seen the whole scene and understood my dismay. He also got the non-verbal that I was addressing to him and that said "what an idiot I am !".
The bus stopped at the next station and I managed to open the door by touching the big yellow "press to open" button in the middle of the device and whose LEDs arranged in a circle around it had lit up in green and I got out of the bus...

I took the opportunity to go to the bakery and buy myself a croissant and a pain au chocolat so that I could make change for a five euro note. Bus drivers prefer customers to buy tickets with coins, and don't like having to give change and I'll have to take the bus again for tomorrow's appointment...

[godslave]

This morning I went to the doctor (it was actually a substitute my doctor was absent today) and then to my appointment with my new social worker (I learned today that his function is actually called "referent").

Long story short , mission accomplished !

To be edited...

[godslave]

Today is Monday, psychologist day.


In today's session I felt like I was in an episode of the TV series “In treatment”. I talked a lot as usual. Even though I had the time, I brought my “things to say” notes I wrote during the last week. In each session, I reveal more and more of myself without restraint. I do a lot of self-analysis and metacognition as I speak and I've noticed that my psychologist has noticed it too. He told me that I had a “haut psychisme” (High psychical activity) he used these unexpected terms association. I think he meant I was high on the Big 5 Openness scale, at least that's how I perceived it. We talked about a lot of stuff. I even joked about the fact that I was not a Freudian but rather Jungian if I had to choose between the two. I've noticed that my psychologist was a bit was astonished and amused to hear that but the way I said it made it sound that It was okay and he understood it too.

Anyway, long story short, In the "In treatment" Tv show there is alway a special moment where the patient/client experiences some kind of emotional break down. I had my special moment today, I hit myself emotionally and I broke down crying. I didn't expect that to happen that soon (week 3). While I was in tears and extremely embarrassed, I nonetheless managed to crack a joke about the kleenex box : " You know I said in an internet forum that the first thing I see when I enter my psychologist's office is a kleenex box and that I didn't need kleenex, I need solutions. Well, I was obviously wrong..." . I continued :" I always turn everything in derision, myself included" . He said that it's a good quality (or something like that...).

Anyway, I guess that was a good session.

to be continued...

[godslave]

Today is Monday, it's the psychologist day...

As I'm writing this, I'm trying to remember a significant moment of the session... I guess it was a normal session. I haven't prepared my usual notes this time. I was just in my "Jeet kune do" mode (that's code for free impro "be water" , "let it flow").

Anyway, To be continued...

[godslave]

I like this diagram, it's nice.

[godslave]

Since a few weeks, I go out a little bit more than I used to because I have a weekly session with psychologist (in addition to a monthly consultation with my psychiatrist). Both of their cabinets are in the same zone (at about 200 meters apart). In order to go there I have to take the bus.

Digression on/
I don't have a car anymore since exactly one year. It's weird cuz even If i wouldn't use it very much, I've always had a car, this one year period is the longest of my life without one. I bought that car in 2015 but I am the but I'm the one who drove it the least. When I wasn't abroad with it, I would lend it to either my little brother or my father (they would ask for it and since I'm hikikomori...logic).

As a matter fact, when I first got my car, it had about 75,000 km. The last time I check (about five years ago) it was a bit over 300,000 km. I drove 20,000 km at the most. My brother and father the rest. I continued to pay the car's insurance, of course, and even had to pay a few fines that my brother got with it. I was worthless but at least I had a car... After the accident my father had with it (he wasn't at fault and he and my mother weren't hurt) I got reimbursed (I don't know the correct technical term term in english I think this would do !) by the insurance company. I received more than the price I had originally paid for it. So the whole thing was a good deal. The only thing that bothered me is that I had a cd album in the car that meant a lot to me when it got destroyed...
\ Digression off

So I see a lot of "kind of people" in the bus but for some reason, nobody vibes like famous people or youtubers or artists I see all the time when I'm not in the real world. People in the real world are rarely "sympathetic" and cool like most people in the screens. People in the Bus makes me want to go back home fast and enjoy my hikikomori-ness. I guess these people are not IEIs... # @Still Alive was right !

[godslave]

Quick update : I lazied on posting about my two last sessions with the psychologist. Long story short, I'm at week 6 and I have almost finished the exposition of biography and issues. So nothing major but I feel like my psychologist has now a better overview of my case. Btw, he's Freudian as F and doesn't seem to like Jung to say the least... But anyway, the "work" is progressing.

---

This morning I went to the town hall (I just had to cross the street) and picked up my new identity card and my new passport.

Get ready America here I come !

[Tallmo]

Although I relate to the Puer Aethemus, it is very difficult for me to see the sexual issues related to mother complex as it were. I discovered real passion when I was 22. I talked about it several times but you can read 'bad romance" part of my third post (literally !) to have an idea of the particularity of this relationship.

I would say that my refusal to slaying the Dragon translates in the fact that all (except one) my serious (passionate) romantic relationships were secret because forbidden (nothing too crazy, just already taken older ladies having passionate affairs with me). Of course I didn't consciously choose to fall in lobu with these ladies but it is obvious that I unconsciously...

How do you understand "slaying the dragon". This is a really important thing in masculine psychology. I think I understand it pretty well now and I have some good literature on the subject but I would be interested in knowing what you think.

[godslave]

How do you understand "slaying the dragon". This is a really important thing in masculine psychology. I think I understand it pretty well now and I have some good literature on the subject but I would be interested in knowing what you think.

Basically it mean unlock your potential. The Dragon is symbolically the beast that stands between you and growth.It symbolises the fears one have to face in order for the mechanism that put in movement the process of individuation. It's an unavoidable milestone, a rite of passage in the "hero journey". The Dragon also symbolises the image of the father ina more Freudian interpretation. Now, that Dragon is just the first of along series we encounter throughout our life. Some key events and period of life requires that energy, that determination to move forward against all odds. Behind each door in the threshold between our conscious and unconscious stands a new Dragon for us to slay and thus acquiring experience be stronger and allowing our "self" to be more and more manifested.

You see, I've always thought of myself (my personality) as some kind of chimera. But I think that at the end of the day we are all a chimera, an amalgamation of whatever entities we have conquered from within. I see in the 12 labours of Hercules a symbolic representation of that idea. The hero often possess the attributes (powers) of the monsters he slayed. We see it for instance in the myth of Perseus and how he took possession the Gorgon Medusa's powers.

I still haven't read Von Franz's book on the puer btw, I haven't got the time ! I should read that when I'm on "the throne" instead of socionics litterature !

[Tallmo]

@godslave

Thanks. I will add my own understanding to what you wrote. I also recommend checking out what Erich Neumann has written: section: THE HERO MYTH: II "The slaying of the Mother" and, III "The slaying of the Father". In his great work "The Origins and History of Consciousness" from 1949.

He is probably LII so I don't know if you'll like him, but I like reading the works of LIIs. We all have our own favorites.

The dragon (the Mother) is everything that's natural. The natural psyche.

The Father is civilization and culture. Work and values.

This creates an opposition and a problem for the individual.

As the boy grows up the first way of dealing with the problem is to simply dissociate from the Mother. "flight". That way he can stay connected to society and culture and continue his development. Indeed many young people are "flighty".

As the ego gets stronger and and the individual gets more connected to society's values, he can "sink" down from his flight into the Mother, into his natural instincts and the body. (without being captured by them)

The slaying of the Mother means incest with the Mother under the rule of the Father.

That's why really masculine men seem so relaxed and almost sloppy and "regressive".

The dragon fight is what separates boys from men.

The dragon (Mother) is almost too great an enemy. The ego alone cannot do it. He has to affiliate himself with something "higher" (=culture) in order to do the fight. Otherwise he will just sink into inertia and randomness and never become a Man.

The Anima is also a part of the mother, originally. As a result of the dragon fight the Anima will be separated from the Mother and the man can now have mature romantic relationships and get married.

In James Bond movies the hero (Bond) fights the villain (the Mother) and often literally sinks down under the earth to meet the villain and save the bond girl (the Anima) who originally is somewhat affiliated with the villain (if I remember correctly). Only then can he unite with her. All this happens under the rule of the secret service and ultimately Great Britain (the Father). In some Bond movies the villain is androgynous and that emphasizes the unconsciousness and undifferentiatedness of the villain. Also note that Bond is always properly dressed and knows how to behave according to cultural values. This shows his connection with the Father.

Men who have done the dragon fight give a deep and "earthy", masculine impression.

The slaying of the Mother happens later in woman or maybe only partially. Women tend to follow their feelings, men follow their values. Generally speaking.

Nietzsche said something like "men are deep, women are shallow". (I don't remember exactly). I think that impression can be explained by the the dragon fight in men.

The dragon fight happens usually automatically. You live in society as a man and go through your normal struggles, career etc. and the result is a more mature personality. Neumann says it happens in puberty, but it probably continues through life. But the real individuation process happens later and even though it is somewhat analogous to the slaying of the Mother it is a more profound change of the personality.

Then we have the "Slaying of the Father" but that's the next problem: Getting beyond conventional values.

[godslave]

@Tallmo, thank you very much for your time and insights.

Quite franckly that was pretty deep. It makes my little impromptu interpretation of "Dragon Slaying' looks shallow and surface level in comparaison .

I will try to make a more elaborated answer later on (I'm about to sleep right now) but for now I just wanted to thank you.

To be edited...

[Tallmo]

@Tallmo, thank you very much for your time and insights.

Quite franckly that was pretty deep. It makes my little impromptu interpretation of "Dragon Slaying' looks shallow and surface level in comparaison .

I will try to make a more elaborated answer later on (I'm about to sleep right now) but for now I just wanted to thank you.

To be edited...

Yeah it's deep. Those were not my own original thoughts just an improvised summary of what I've read over the years plus some ideas of my own. But I agree with it. The connection to Bond was my own idea and Im sure many people have made the same connection.

[godslave]

Yesterday was Monday, it was the psychologist's day. (I just realized that I should use the word therapy instead of this weird formula !)

This seventh session went well. We talked a little about everything, literature, dreams, Freud. I complained about the fact that society's critical gaze on me was unbearable and I mentioned among other things the fact of not having any diploma as being a reality contributing to my own devaluation and low self-esteem. He told me that someone said that diplomas were the modern equivalent of titles of nobility. I said that I didn't know about that and that I found it very relevant. At this point in the discussion I had already mentioned the authors of the 19th and 18th centuries and the fact that I often associated the latter more with the lifestyle of courtiers and libertines. I think that's why he pointed out the saying about the connection between aristocracy and diploma.

Anyway, he will be on vacation for the next two weeks. So my next session with him will be on Monday, January 6th. He told me that the number of free sessions I am entitled to are not enough for the therapy to have a significant effect. He proposed to space out the sessions to once every two weeks for the year 2025. And I accepted (that makes sense !).

Right after the session, I went to the bakery which was 30 meters away. The baker lady was apparently new. She looked at me with a warm smiling knowing look and said :

- "you don't recognize me ?!"

I answered with a Spock facial expression indicating confusion.

- "Aren't you from the family of [such and such] who lived on the ground floor of [such and such]" she asked me.

- "Yes, I am !" I answered trying to remember her face which was strangely starting to be familiar.

- "I am your neighbor from the third floor !" and told me her family name. That's when I understood that she was the daughter of my old neighbor.

- "I went to school with your sister !" she named that particular sister and even gave me the name of my nephews.

We exchanged a few pleasantries and after she gave me my four baguettes I hurried to the bus stop just a few meters from the bakery and there was the bus which took me home.


to be continued...

[godslave]

My mother paid me a visit this morning. She came with a surprise, my sister (the fourth in the family in order of birth). She lived in Mauritius for a year. She came back to France a few months ago. She's an operating room nurse (like my little brother). The last time I saw her was before she left for Mauritius. She is planning to go back to Mauritius soon.


Anyway, my mother brought me food and... an Air Fryer ! My mother and my sister were both a bit emotional at first. My sister admitted she'd been wrong not to come and see me, and I could feel her remorse. But I tried to make her feel less guilty. I behaved as if nothing happened, as if I was seeing her regularly like normal brothers and sisters. No big deal !

Anyways, they stayed about two hours. I'm thankful for the Air Fryer !

[godslave]

Happy new year 2025 !

[godslave]

Since I started taking pills for my insomnia, I have been faced with the same problem ; My prescription includes all my medications for my pathologies. It can be renewed three times (valid for three months). But the prescription states that the insomnia pills cannot be renewed. I got around part of the problem right from the start by rationing the pills. I never took a whole pill but just a half. Of course, the problem is that I run out of pills for a whole month. I entered this period yesterday.

After falling asleep, I know that as soon as I start having conscious thoughts, I'm already in my waking phase. Once I'm in this phase, I know I won't be able to go back to sleep until the next cycle starts. The exception to this rule are cases of "lucid dreaming", but I haven't had one in years. In addition to being dangerous for health and memory (assimilation), insomnia is also a source of anxiety. You soon find yourself literally counting the hours you sleep.

When I wake up, the first thing I do is stretch out my right arm and press the lateral button on my smartphone so that it lights up and I can see what time it is. While doing this a couple of hours ago, I had calculated the time I went to bed and was praying that my phone would display at least four more hours... I went to bed around 4 am and my phone showed 8.33 am. Counting the time it takes for my favorite ASMR-tist to do her magic (I always go to bed with headphones on, I take them off once the sleep phase has started, by which time the ASMR video has already been finished for... a while), I slept about 4 hours. It felt like five minutes...

I'm going to go to the pharmacy this morning and put my plan B into action, namely buy some non-prescription sleeping pills*. They won't be as effective (well, I suspect so) but it's better than nothing !


Edit : * Done ! The tablet (box (?)) contains 10 pills so I bought three, plus a vicks inhaler (I used to be addicted to it and I have been vick inhaler free for about one year now, I guess I'm about to relapse (I haven't opened it yet...).
Anyway, we'll see how it goes...

[spacious]

My mother paid me a visit this morning. She came with a surprise, my sister (the fourth in the family in order of birth). She lived in Mauritius for a year. She came back to France a few months ago. She's an operating room nurse (like my little brother). The last time I saw her was before she left for Mauritius. She is planning to go back to Mauritius soon.


Anyway, my mother brought me food and... an Air Fryer ! My mother and my sister were both a bit emotional at first. My sister admitted she'd been wrong not to come and see me, and I could feel her remorse. But I tried to make her feel less guilty. I behaved as if nothing happened, as if I was seeing her regularly like normal brothers and sisters. No big deal !

Anyways, they stayed about two hours. I'm thankful for the Air Fryer !

make sure you unplug it when it’s not in use, or it can cause(?) a house fire. I read about that when I considered getting one. 😮*💨🎁👥🗾

[spacious]

Since I started taking pills for my insomnia, I have been faced with the same problem ; My prescription includes all my medications for my pathologies. It can be renewed three times (valid for three months). But the prescription states that the insomnia pills cannot be renewed. I got around part of the problem right from the start by rationing the pills. I never took a whole pill but just a half. Of course, the problem is that I run out of pills for a whole month. I entered this period yesterday.

After falling asleep, I know that as soon as I start having conscious thoughts, I'm already in my waking phase. Once I'm in this phase, I know I won't be able to go back to sleep until the next cycle starts. The exception to this rule are cases of "lucid dreaming", but I haven't had one in years. In addition to being dangerous for health and memory (assimilation), insomnia is also a source of anxiety. You soon find yourself literally counting the hours you sleep.

When I wake up, the first thing I do is stretch out my right arm and press the lateral button on my smartphone so that it lights up and I can see what time it is. While doing this a couple of hours ago, I had calculated the time I went to bed and was praying that my phone would display at least four more hours... I went to bed around 4 am and my phone showed 8.33 am. Counting the time it takes for my favorite ASMR-tist to do her magic (I always go to bed with headphones on, I take them off once the sleep phase has started, by which time the ASMR video has already been finished for... a while), I slept about 4 hours. It felt like five minutes...

I'm going to go to the pharmacy this morning and put my plan B into action, namely buy some non-prescription sleeping pills*. They won't be as effective (well, I suspect so) but it's better than nothing !


Edit : * Done ! The tablet (box (?)) contains 10 pills so I bought three, plus a vicks inhaler (I used to be addicted to it and I have been vick inhaler free for about one year now, I guess I'm about to relapse (I haven't opened it yet...).
Anyway, we'll see how it goes...

looking forward to hearing how things continue to go. 🙏💤🧠🙏🙏

[godslave]

make sure you unplug it when it’s not in use, or it can cause(?) a house fire. I read about that when I considered getting one. *

Yes ! I did it without knowing about this issue. I always unplug electronic devices when living them plugged is not necessary.

I've tested it only once so far with some french fries, and it was pretty good !

[godslave]

looking forward to hearing how things continue to go. 易

Thanks ! Here is the first update :

I took a pill yesterday (at about 4 am again). It worked fine. It was even more effective than the half a pill I usually take. It was a bit scary to tell you the truth, because I kinda felt my body going numb and I'm not used to that sensation. The usual half pill doesn't make me feel that way and I'm kinda hypochondriacal !

Anyway, I slept for about 7 and a half hours. I woke up with a few aches and pains in my body and a feeling of weightlessness heaviness, a bit slow. But other than that, it was okay !

[godslave]

Today is Monday it's therapy day.


It went well. It was a little longer than usual. We talked about a lot of things...


From now on, I'll see him once every two weeks. I'm entitled to 12 free sessions a year and this was the first one of the year.


What struck me today was that on the way home I took the bus as usual. Usually, I prepare the exact amount of money namely 2.50 euro for the bus ticket, but this time I didn't have any 50 cents coin, so I prepared 3 euros.

As I got on the bus, I asked the driver (she was a very nice young lady) for a ticket and put 3 euros (one 2 euro coin and one 1 euro coin) on the little counter. She took 2 euros and looked for a ticket, and then she realized that there was 1 euro left and took it. Then said with a hesitating tone :
- “Did you give me 2 euros ?"
I said yes and she gives me back the 1 euro coin.

- “but it's 2.50 a ticket !” I said. She looked at me with empathy, smiled and said :
- “I only charge 2 euros, because that's the price, I'm honest ! “

I thanked her, and as I moved to the back of the bus, I thought to myself “Jesus Christ !! I've been paying bus tickets 2.50 euros all this time and not a single driver has pointed out to me that the ticket was worth 2 euros ! These People are just a bunch of crooks !!"


We live, we learn !

To be continued...

[spacious]

no session today, then