Notes on my experience with duality

[Braingel]

There are basically two forms of socionics: pure sociological, behavioral and in-depth, psychological that looks at how sociology forms (classical).. That’s why I prefer the ladder, but admittedly, I do fit the ITR patterns of iei better than of eii.. even though I wouldn’t be iei at all in terms of mental/vital track.

[Braingel]

You can argue that socionics is more focused on sociological things, so this wouldn’t be entirely inaccurate to focus on, but all behavior roots in from how someone internalizes information, which is why I believe modern socio is deficit. The ego blocks are rarely ever emphasized when others give socion” typings, and then aushura believed in the shadow, and this isn’t yet apartof socio.

[BrainlessSquid]

I noticed today that she still thinks I'm too good for her, and I've realized that she expects constant affirmation of my feelings/interest in her..because of my previous relationships I guess, but I told her that she is like no one I've ever met before...
That got me thinking what it is that she sees in me that makes her insecure. I'm naturally weird as hell (but I can fake being decent in front of other people), and I have almost no common sense.
These days she was making fun of me because I drank 2L of water in one go because I was very thirsty. I also have poor coordination and have very little attention to details. She doesn't seem to notice my weaknesses, which is expected, I just didn't know her insecurities would still come to surface sporadically though.
Even though I have reasons to feel insecure as well, I guess that never made me feel inferior

[BrainlessSquid]

She is now fully accepting of my Ne (and I have learned to better direct it) and I've basically understood all the main aspects of her behavior with me. She's not predictable yet, but I have managed to handle everything she "requests" me.

But summing up, I basically have to constantly show that I care about her, show that I'm angry If I get angry, and take advantage of my " scatteredness" to entertain her when she wants my attention or wants to talk.
Everything is very smooth by now and we are entering a pretty companionship-like phase.

I guess I can call this a new phase in our relationship..

We've managed to deal with the beginning stages...from now on, everything internal (relationship wise) will be amazing and free. Maybe we will face external demands and pressures, but having her as my safe place makes me feel completely grateful.

I will start thanking God everyday for her life.. I just should have done it a lot earlier

[BrainlessSquid]

I noticed that I don't know what's like to stay mad with her, like usually happens naturally due to unexpected misunderstandings, etc.
In my case, when some misunderstanding happens, we just can't do anything else if not discuss what has happened until the problem is solved.
From my perspective at least, we don't hold any grudges after discussing anything that has deviated from the norm.

Yesterday I made a huge mistake.. I didn't prioritze her. We had a misunderstanding, and instead of discussing with her to solve the issue, as I had an appointment early in the morning and didn't want to "not sleep" in case the discussion would take too long, I said I had to sleep and left her. So that hurt her feelings and she had a terrible night. But the next morning we discussed for some time and I reinforced all the good things about her and how much I appreciate her. We're ok now, like I said, we don't hold grudges, but today I know she's feeling a little down because of my attitude, and she also knows that she shouldn't take what I did as anything other than thinking about the external world and ignoring our internal world for a while. And she knows I'm not 100% wrong, especially because I often prioritize her in detriment of other things that could potentially be justifable as worthy of my attention.

Good thing is, after the discussion, I had some insights which I kept on a note, and I feel this was a turning point in my life...

[BrainlessSquid]

Today, instead of simply fighting, we had a sane conversation about something I misinterpreted, letting each other speak in due time. It was smooth and 100% constructive. I'm proud. I'm pretty sure we will tend to discuss issues like this from now on.

The fights era is over guys (we are in year 3000, where the wars have ended, and peace is the rule).

Let's wait to see if I'm right about this though

[BrainlessSquid]

Most of the previous arguments were:
1. She sometimes wants me to pay attention to the details and specificity of the situations and not say things in a general, vague and abstract way.
2. She doesn't like my assumptions and speculations without much backup data (even though I know she expects that unconsciously, and I don't tell her that lmao)
3. Different meanings we give to different words
4. My detachment, aloofness, scattered ways, extremism and lack of balance.

Basically I can say she is still not fully dualized, because I have literally never started a fight with her. And she is the one who used to suffer the most in the relation, and she had to do some soul searching.

But..
Things with her have gotten much better over time, and she is way happier than when I first met her. She is brighter, smiley, and fulfilled.

Hopefully, today was a stepping stone into our journey of self discovery, and we solved a misunderstanding in absolute peace. And it feels amazing for us (she values comfort, and I value it too to some extent)

[BrainlessSquid]

Hmm I've given up trying to understand our relationship from a theoretical standpoint. It will simply be amazing no matter what I conjecture about it. No matter efforts I take or don't take. Afterall the best outcome always comes when I just follow my instincts.

She is my dual and I don't have to type me or her, nor expect anything. I didn't make it work, it worked by itself and it will work for as long as it wants to.

I give up, I completely surrender to it and hope everything keeps as good over time.

Also, no point in writing here. No one will understand a glimpse of what it really is like. I've said enough for now.

Time to enjoy without labeling things

[Lord Pixel]

You're right.. I'm still in honeymoon phase, things will probably lower over time, even for the sake of my health.
Despite all intensity, things are still too new.

I just feel like documenting this and expressing what I feel inside.

But people will naturally think whatever they want.. obsessed, pathological, hypomanic, marketer, troll, whatever..

Thing is, I just don't get how people see any Ni in my cognition and writing.. it's hopelessly ironic and sad. Even for the Brainless Squid..

If anything I can see creative Fi, because as an EII I could never be this open with my Fi like this loool.

[Lord Pixel]

Hmm I've given up trying to understand our relationship from a theoretical standpoint. It will simply be amazing no matter what I conjecture about it. No matter efforts I take or don't take. Afterall the best outcome always comes when I just follow my instincts.

She is my dual and I don't have to type me or her, nor expect anything. I didn't make it work, it worked by itself and it will work for as long as it wants to.

I give up, I completely surrender to it and hope everything keeps as good over time.

Also, no point in writing here. No one will understand a glimpse of what it really is like. I've said enough for now.

Time to enjoy without labeling things

You can't just leave us hanging like that bro.

[BrainlessSquid]

You may have noticed that I'm not going to write much here anymore..

I just want to say a few things.

Firstly, when I first got interested in duality, I wanted the fun, passion, love, and enjoyment that it could bring.

I didn't know though that there's so much more to it about relationships that I hadn't cared to focus on.

And this experience has made me realize what loving really means and has given me a glimpse of my purpose as a singular individual but that may apply to everyone as well.

"Keep evolving and becoming a better person with your actions (not your words alone) (for yourself and for others)"

That phrase alone doesn't seem much appealing and is pretty cliché I guess, but once it made sense to me, the real meaning behind it which can't be described in words appeared as a new form of existence as a person.

I hope I don't give anyone false hopes about happiness through relationships, It was never my intent.

I would just advise anyone who's reading this to not get caught up in just reading stories and theories and go out and experience it yourself, if you're not doing that already.


"Keep evolving and becoming a better person (consciously, using your intellect) with your actions (not your words alone) (for yourself and for others)"

[Distance]

What will you do with typology now, and in the future do you think?

Like this part of my chronicles are done, it evolved, we evolved, and I know my type, and my duals.

[BrainlessSquid]

What will you do with typology now, and in the future do you think?

Like this part of my chronicles are done, it evolved, we evolved, and I know my type, and my duals.

Typology (especially Socionics) has helped me understand that there's someone out there who's a good fit for me.
It's not useful in the sense that it helps my relationships much, but it gives more clarity and is basically against the current trends in relationship advice..

So I guess most of the knowledge I will not forget and some typology material is ingrained in my subconscious. Hopefully it will still do me some good.

I think once you really get typology, it's unnecessary and impossible to ignore it. I just don't think I need to study it or think about it to any extent other than noticing people's types.

[Distance]

Typology (especially Socionics) has helped me understand that there's someone out there who's a good fit for me.
It's not useful in the sense that it helps my relationships much, but it gives more clarity and is basically against the current trends in relationship advice..

So I guess most of the knowledge I will not forget and some typology material is ingrained in my subconscious. Hopefully it will still do me some good.

I think once you really get typology, it's unnecessary and impossible to ignore it. I just don't think I need to study it or think about it to any extent other than noticing people's types.

Yeah, it is def. ingrained subconsciously, any self discovery is part of identity in us, and permanent.

Do you wish your SO would partake of typology?

My wife rejects it, doesn't want to walk around in a confined box. It is limiting to think of limits is the motto.

[BrainlessSquid]

Yeah, it is def. ingrained subconsciously, any self discovery is part of identity in us, and permanent.

Do you wish your SO would partake of typology?

My wife rejects it, doesn't want to walk around in a confined box. It is limiting to think of limits is the motto.

Yeah, funny thing, she thinks the same. She doesn't like to think she can be reduced to patterns and for her typology is very limiting as well.
But I have taught her some basics on cognitive functions and she finds it intriguing, and it has helped her understand me better. She also uses typology language now that I taught her the basics.

But she has no idea about Socionics, even though she has said multiple times that we are hot and cold, up and down, north and south, two sides of the same coin, etc (in her own words), so she has accepted the fact that we have opposite functions.

[BrainlessSquid]

Some clear ISTp signs that can be used to spot them


calm demeanor
graceful (unconscious) movements / they tend to project a rather systematic behavior among strangers
perfect skin (deserves further investigation)
paused speech
sporadic contained graceful smiles
autistic eyes which sometimes get bright
not a proposer of free hugs
likes to contradict what is said
melancholic positivists
usually quiet in crowded places
equilibrium/balance oriented
afraid of rejection
doesn't make assumptions
not fully aware of emotional states
fearful of making decisions (likes to think through extensively)
fearful of change

[BrainlessSquid]

Okay, I feel like new interesting things are starting to happen with me and her and I will share.

1. I have become able to predict her mood and know exactly how she's feeling even better than herself and before she notices it.

2. I feel like I can have a great deal of control over her emotional states. I know exactly what I need to do to take her from emotional level A to B.

3. She has come to a point that she almost never denies any proposals that I make her, because she knows she will enjoy, like, and benefit from them. This is a consequence of the enslavement through inferior function. The inferior function is sensitive and can be used for manipulation. It seems that duals tend to learn to manipulate their partners after a while through the inferior function. This is not something I will do to cause her any harm, but it just feels weird to know that she barely notices any influences on her SuperId. I guess she does the same to me.

4. I realized that the demonstrative function is a way faster way to call the attention of duals. You can use it to your advantage to accelerate the process of dualization. The dom-inf dance is something that shows after prolongued contact. And after the dual gets acquainted with "doses" of the other's base, it becomes a necessity.

5. I have developed a sense of adjustment to her psychological needs. Sometimes I feel she needs some of my N side. Other times I feel she needs some of my F side. But generally speaking, I remain NF and that keeps the relation healthy and interesting.

6. Division of duties is unavoidable. If you try to mess with anything related to your duals Ego, you will probably fail miserably or provoke unnecessary irritation.

7. We have developed many specific ways of communicating, and that keeps the spark.

8. I still get butterflies, feel absolutely refreshed and elated after spending extensive hours with her. We are still inseparable and the relation has improved, become more organic, deeper and enjoyable.

9. Duality is great if you remain yourself, but it becomes even better if you learn to adjust your ego and use your strengths. I am someone who values the flow state. And every time we talk or do anything together, we enter that state. And being able to please her so easily and being stimulated to use my natural strengths is so rewarding psychologically, I can't put that into words

[Lord Pixel]

Some clear ISTp signs that can be used to spot them


calm demeanor
graceful (unconscious) movements / they tend to project a rather systematic behavior among strangers
perfect skin (deserves further investigation)
paused speech
sporadic contained graceful smiles
autistic eyes which sometimes get bright
not a proposer of free hugs
likes to contradict what is said
melancholic positivists
usually quiet in crowded places
equilibrium/balance oriented
afraid of rejection
doesn't make assumptions
not fully aware of emotional states
fearful of making decisions (likes to think through extensively)
fearful of change

100% this. Si egos and this seems like a thing.

[Lord Pixel]

How do you think the romance styles played out when you 2 started seeing each other? Or even before then?

[BrainlessSquid]

How do you think the romance styles played out when you 2 started seeing each other? Or even before then?

This is a hard question because everything feels romantic, and there are multiple layers, even doing productive work

Just being close to her gave me goosebumps and a feeling of elation. And eventually we had some innocent physical contact, and I just felt 'wow', her skin is simply divine.

But Hmmm I'd say mostly teasing and banter (in the beginning), and internal games (after some time). We challenge each other a lot, and innocent opportunities for physical contact. We also liked to share stories and experiences, and we also have had some romantic dreams about each other even before getting very close

Also simple acts of service e.g. she's feeling cold, I give her something mine so she can warm up.

But mostly playful behavior.
We also enjoy doing productive things together, but that only started after hmm 6-7 months I guess

But yeah, we love all sorts of games

Our main love language is 'quality time'

[Lord Pixel]

This is a hard question because everything feels romantic, and there are multiple layers, even doing productive work

Just being close to her gave me goosebumps and a feeling of elation. And eventually we had some innocent physical contact, and I just felt 'wow', her skin is simply divine.

But Hmmm I'd say mostly teasing and banter (in the beginning), and internal games (after some time). We challenge each other a lot, and innocent opportunities for physical contact. We also liked to share stories and experiences, and we also have had some romantic dreams about each other even before getting very close

Also simple acts of service e.g. she's feeling cold, I give her something mine so she can warm up.

But mostly playful behavior.
We also enjoy doing productive things together, but that only started after hmm 6-7 months I guess

But yeah, we love all sorts of games

Our main love language is 'quality time'

Sorry I meant Gulenko's romance styles. Infantile (Ne ego) and Caregiver (Si ego). Did you notice anything like that happening when you two met?

This sounds a little bit like it.

But Hmmm I'd say mostly teasing and banter (in the beginning), and internal games (after some time).

[BrainlessSquid]

Sorry I meant Gulenko's romance styles. Infantile (Ne ego) and Caregiver (Si ego). Did you notice anything like that happening when you two met?

This sounds a little bit like it.

Honestly I have no idea (and I never focused on Gulenko's material much), but I looked up some traits of each of the 4 romance styles, and I will try to answer based off that and see what seems to fit and what doesn't.


Childlike

• Interest is sparked by a partner with positive aesthetic attributes, divorced from active, direct sexuality. (100% me, and her beauty and physical traits have definitely sparked my initial interest)
• Try attracting partner’s interest with fun and interesting conversation and discussion, proposals, humor, ethical and mental exploration, and quirky statements. (We both relate to this since the beginning, except that I'm more advanced in this)
• Try to help their partner see the unexpected, potential, and alternative side of things. (that's me)
• Interest is maintained or cools off according to partner’s response to the above behavior. (Hmmm Never thought about this before but I agree, I've always been potential oriented and she has always received well, so it makes sense)

Caring

• Inclination towards smooth, easy flowing, “soft” or suave interaction with elements of playful teasing, rather than “hard” approach and direct physical provocation. (yeah, this seems like a softer version of the childlike behavior, and she displayed this after we started having closer contact, before she was somewhat serious, but whenever we happened to do something together, instances of this would appear, and I think that was a starting point)
• Attraction is sparked by aesthetic and mental attributes of the prospective partner, but cools if such attributes are accompanied by an overly “aggressive” sexuality. (I don't like aggressive sexuality, yeah, and she doesn't either, but this just seems like a complement of the childlike description. I noticed that her mental attributes do have an impact on my perception and interest since the beginning)
• Caring types are attentive in courtship. In conversation, they are inclined to focus their attention on the statements and needs of their partner, and may ask questions concerning how their partner is doing and how are they feeling. (wow, this is 100% her, this is one of the most attractive things about her, and what got me hooked from the moment I started telling her about my intellectual interests)
• Interest is kept up if their partner is welcoming of their care and attention, and even evokes it, and seeks them out. (I don't know)
• Prone to assume that partner needs their support and help in everyday daily matters, and in meeting their needs. (hmm not that it matter as much but I appreciate her cooperative attitude)
• Neutral as to who ended a relationship. “Power” is not seen as important in such matters, though the ethical matters may still be of importance. (I don't know, but on my side, Power is not a priority, even though I am aware of power games, but I don't have much power games with her I guess beyond not giving in to her trying to change my mind about something I believe)
  
  
  VictimAgressor
  
  
  
  • prone to initial doubts about intensity of own interest in another person (hmmm until now she has not revealed to me since when she started being interested in me, so I can't answer)
  • not always confident about revealing that interest (yeah, it took her a long time to reveal interest, even though I could already see it)
  • inclined to focus on whether or not the other person might reciprocate the interest (hmmm I don't know)
  • inclined to question whether or not the other person’s interest will remain constant with time (she told me she is afraid I might leave her due to my detached nature and the fact that there are other people interested in me, but I'm not sure that's related to this)
  • preference for partners that provoke in the individual a certain sense of awe in terms of power, physical presence, and the like (nah)
  • appreciation for the sense of power-play present when interacting with such partners, with acceptance of a slight sense of superiority on the part of the partner, without ever actually “submitting” to them (I don't know)
  • this takes the form of the individual somewhat expecting the partner to be “mean” on occasion (nah, she doesn't like when I act mean, and we had some misunderstandings when I acted mean humourously)
  • in the case of Victim males with female partners, this latter trait assumes a characteristic analogous to a “knight devoted to his princess” (nah)
  • inclination to openly admit to a relationship having been ended by the partner rather than by the individual himself (nah)
  • no doubts about own interest in another person (yeah, even though I was attracted to her since day 1, my interest fluctuated as we were apart in the beginning)
  • not prone to hesitation about whether or not to reveal that interest (nah, it took me some months to be open about my interest, and that only happened after we were already intense)
  • focus is more on own interest than whether or not the other person might reciprocate (nah, I don't see any point to it)
  • romantic interaction is more about “toughness” than “tenderness” (nah)
  • needs to feel some sense of “superiority” over the partner, but worthwhile only if the partner is seen as able to largely “keep up” (I felt somewhat superior since the beginning, especially that I thought she was a very simple person, even though there was great chemistry, to some extend but not that I need to I guess)
  • this takes the form of power games, which others might regard as cruel or bitchy (nah)
  • in the case of female Aggressors with male partners, the above tends to assume the characteristic of a woman expecting total devotion from the partner, rather than her being “bossy” (hmm she doesn't like that I'm not 100% devoted, but I'm not sure that's exactly what this statements refers to)
  • little inclination to externally admit not having been the one to end a relationship, unless if adopting a “who cares” front simultaneously (I don't think about it if it ever happens, I also don't like to talk about past relationships with her, especially that she gets jealous for no reason)
    
    I think I related to Childlike > Agressor and she relates to Caring > Victim (actually, I didn't know she would have almost as much traits from both romance styles). But I'm sure she's not Ni ego, so that's actually interesting.

So to answer your question..
I liked since the beginning that she was very attentive and a good listener, she was a humorous person, and beautiful visually, and she takes so much care about her body/appearance/smell/skin it gets me out of my mind.

In the beginning, I once just couldn't take her smell and I put my nose on the back of her head and did a great smelling on it and then backed off. She laughed for about a while non stop

On my side, I've always been good with improvisation and making fun, teasing, bantering, and doing risky but interesting things.

She also appreciated my directedness and bluntness since the beginning, even though we had some arguments in the beginning due to "I don't care attitude"

I also enjoy her rhythm and consistency of actions and feelings

[Lord Pixel]

Honestly I have no idea (and I never focused on Gulenko's material much), but I looked up some traits of each of the 4 romance styles, and I will try to answer based off that and see what seems to fit and what doesn't.


Childlike

• Interest is sparked by a partner with positive aesthetic attributes, divorced from active, direct sexuality. (100% me, and her beauty and physical traits have definitely sparked my initial interest)
• Try attracting partner’s interest with fun and interesting conversation and discussion, proposals, humor, ethical and mental exploration, and quirky statements. (We both relate to this since the beginning, except that I'm more advanced in this)
• Try to help their partner see the unexpected, potential, and alternative side of things. (that's me)
• Interest is maintained or cools off according to partner’s response to the above behavior. (Hmmm Never thought about this before but I agree, I've always been potential oriented and she has always received well, so it makes sense)

Caring

• Inclination towards smooth, easy flowing, “soft” or suave interaction with elements of playful teasing, rather than “hard” approach and direct physical provocation. (yeah, this seems like a softer version of the childlike behavior, and she displayed this after we started having closer contact, before she was somewhat serious, but whenever we happened to do something together, instances of this would appear, and I think that was a starting point)
• Attraction is sparked by aesthetic and mental attributes of the prospective partner, but cools if such attributes are accompanied by an overly “aggressive” sexuality. (I don't like aggressive sexuality, yeah, and she doesn't either, but this just seems like a complement of the childlike description. I noticed that her mental attributes do have an impact on my perception and interest since the beginning)
• Caring types are attentive in courtship. In conversation, they are inclined to focus their attention on the statements and needs of their partner, and may ask questions concerning how their partner is doing and how are they feeling. (wow, this is 100% her, this is one of the most attractive things about her, and what got me hooked from the moment I started telling her about my intellectual interests)
• Interest is kept up if their partner is welcoming of their care and attention, and even evokes it, and seeks them out. (I don't know)
• Prone to assume that partner needs their support and help in everyday daily matters, and in meeting their needs. (hmm not that it matter as much but I appreciate her cooperative attitude)
• Neutral as to who ended a relationship. “Power” is not seen as important in such matters, though the ethical matters may still be of importance. (I don't know, but on my side, Power is not a priority, even though I am aware of power games, but I don't have much power games with her I guess beyond not giving in to her trying to change my mind about something I believe)
  
  
  VictimAgressor
  
  
  
  • prone to initial doubts about intensity of own interest in another person (hmmm until now she has not revealed to me since when she started being interested in me, so I can't answer)
  • not always confident about revealing that interest (yeah, it took her a long time to reveal interest, even though I could already see it)
  • inclined to focus on whether or not the other person might reciprocate the interest (hmmm I don't know)
  • inclined to question whether or not the other person’s interest will remain constant with time (she told me she is afraid I might leave her due to my detached nature and the fact that there are other people interested in me, but I'm not sure that's related to this)
  • preference for partners that provoke in the individual a certain sense of awe in terms of power, physical presence, and the like (nah)
  • appreciation for the sense of power-play present when interacting with such partners, with acceptance of a slight sense of superiority on the part of the partner, without ever actually “submitting” to them (I don't know)
  • this takes the form of the individual somewhat expecting the partner to be “mean” on occasion (nah, she doesn't like when I act mean, and we had some misunderstandings when I acted mean humourously)
  • in the case of Victim males with female partners, this latter trait assumes a characteristic analogous to a “knight devoted to his princess” (nah)
  • inclination to openly admit to a relationship having been ended by the partner rather than by the individual himself (nah)
  • no doubts about own interest in another person (yeah, even though I was attracted to her since day 1, my interest fluctuated as we were apart in the beginning)
  • not prone to hesitation about whether or not to reveal that interest (nah, it took me some months to be open about my interest, and that only happened after we were already intense)
  • focus is more on own interest than whether or not the other person might reciprocate (nah, I don't see any point to it)
  • romantic interaction is more about “toughness” than “tenderness” (nah)
  • needs to feel some sense of “superiority” over the partner, but worthwhile only if the partner is seen as able to largely “keep up” (I felt somewhat superior since the beginning, especially that I thought she was a very simple person, even though there was great chemistry, to some extend but not that I need to I guess)
  • this takes the form of power games, which others might regard as cruel or bitchy (nah)
  • in the case of female Aggressors with male partners, the above tends to assume the characteristic of a woman expecting total devotion from the partner, rather than her being “bossy” (hmm she doesn't like that I'm not 100% devoted, but I'm not sure that's exactly what this statements refers to)
  • little inclination to externally admit not having been the one to end a relationship, unless if adopting a “who cares” front simultaneously (I don't think about it if it ever happens, I also don't like to talk about past relationships with her, especially that she gets jealous for no reason)
    
    I think I related to Childlike > Agressor and she relates to Caring > Victim (actually, I didn't know she would have almost as much traits from both romance styles). But I'm sure she's not Ni ego, so that's actually interesting.
  
  

So to answer your question..
I liked since the beginning that she was very attentive and a good listener, she was a humorous person, and beautiful visually, and she takes so much care about her body/appearance/smell/skin it gets me out of my mind.

In the beginning, I once just couldn't take her smell and I put my nose on the back of her head and did a great smelling on it and then backed off. She laughed for about a while non stop

On my side, I've always been good with improvisation and making fun, teasing, bantering, and doing risky but interesting things.

She also appreciated my directedness and bluntness since the beginning, even though we had some arguments in the beginning due to "I don't care attitude"

I also enjoy her rhythm and consistency of actions and feelings

Wow thanks for this detailed approach, much appreciated.

[BrainlessSquid]

I'm becoming very aware of my inferior function world/perspective.
That's because duals naturally speak to each others unconscious, so I tend to have more instances of inferior-dom communication bubbling in my mind. It's funny because we literally live in different worlds consciously speaking, but we arrive to similar conclusions as a whole.

So I just noticed that it's better to communicate using my unconscious functions sometimes, because it takes her a while to accept my Ego information. She's been more accepting over time, because she generally won't accept it if it contradicts her base function, but I can't deny the fact that her Ego is her main conscious filter.

So when I want to convince her of anything, I focus on all perspectives simultaneously, so her filter understands what I mean but also accepts the extra coming from my Ego, which what she seeks unconsciously.

So after becoming more aware of my SuperId, I started trying to experiment a little bit. And I noticed a greater sensitivity/spacial and physical
(/bodily) awareness from my senses that I only get when I'm close to her

[BrainlessSquid]

So, a few more insights (after having learned to be in contact with my inferior function) which might be of interest to anyone..(I don't know when I'm coming back, just letting you guys know everything is fine with me, because these info can seem insane , at least to me)


1. The best decisions come when both conscious and unconscious valued/true functions are in agreement)
2. What I seek is comfortable progress (can you call that a life purpose?)
3. Life itself (or at least mine..) is a series of contradictions and opposing/fighting views.
4. The process of creation in this universe comes from the union of masculine and feminine, conscious and unconscious, spiritual and material, etc. Thus duality (which in fact is a form of unity or divinity) is the source of creation
5. Your relationship with yourself (which includes your conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs) reflects itself in your external world. So for example, someone who focuses extensively on their dominant function, will have their inferior function as a separate part of them. That will reflect as attracting you inferior's other people's dominant function which are in fact "separate" people which helps them without their actual awareness.
6. Your external world is a mirror of your internal world. When you have no thoughts and no beliefs, you die. When you die, you have no thoughts and no beliefs
7. There are degrees of spirituality and materiality, and both can be found within the same life form
8. Creation happens when duals unite then separate. Then creation proceeds as a continuum of micro divisions
9. The purpose of the masculine is to give expecting nothing in return, and the purpose of the feminine is to receive. And from this exchange results a new form containing both masculine and feminine inside.
10. The purpose of the Ego block is to give, and the purpose of the SuperId is to receive
11. Since everyone has a feminine side, everyone expects to receive. And also everyone wants to give

Hope this makes sense

[maresnest]

just wanted to say i love that you’re still doing this thread. i entered into a dual friendship of my own very recently (online) and i hadn’t experienced duality with someone of my peers and it’s been so wonderful. every time i had an insight about duality i sent it to my IEE friend. ive been writing down my thoughts and journaling, same as you, just not public. but this makes me want to share some of it

EDIT: i made a thread

[Weenusflytrap]

So, a few more insights (after having learned to be in contact with my inferior function) which might be of interest to anyone..(I don't know when I'm coming back, just letting you guys know everything is fine with me, because these info can seem insane , at least to me)


1. The best decisions come when both conscious and unconscious valued/true functions are in agreement)
2. What I seek is comfortable progress (can you call that a life purpose?)
3. Life itself (or at least mine..) is a series of contradictions and opposing/fighting views.
4. The process of creation in this universe comes from the union of masculine and feminine, conscious and unconscious, spiritual and material, etc. Thus duality (which in fact is a form of unity or divinity) is the source of creation
5. Your relationship with yourself (which includes your conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs) reflects itself in your external world. So for example, someone who focuses extensively on their dominant function, will have their inferior function as a separate part of them. That will reflect as attracting you inferior's other people's dominant function which are in fact "separate" people which helps them without their actual awareness.
6. Your external world is a mirror of your internal world. When you have no thoughts and no beliefs, you die. When you die, you have no thoughts and no beliefs
7. There are degrees of spirituality and materiality, and both can be found within the same life form
8. Creation happens when duals unite then separate. Then creation proceeds as a continuum of micro divisions
9. The purpose of the masculine is to give expecting nothing in return, and the purpose of the feminine is to receive. And from this exchange results a new form containing both masculine and feminine inside.
10. The purpose of the Ego block is to give, and the purpose of the SuperId is to receive
11. Since everyone has a feminine side, everyone expects to receive. And also everyone wants to give

Hope this makes sense

I have had so many spiritual realizations since meeting my dual as well. I feel like I am ready to leave this plane and never return. Also, my dual doesn’t like me but duality is still life changing even when it is not mutual.

[BrainlessSquid]

The past days have been pretty interesting.. our relation was pretty smooth, and light-hearted (we had some occasional misunderstandings in the beginning, some lasting up to 4 hours 101 conversation).

The thing is, despite our relation developing naturally, I think my life philosophy of constant progress and conscious self development was what augmented her feelings for me (she has a hard time telling her feelings apart and even though she liked me, it took her a while to get attached to me).

The fact that I was extremely selfish and self centered and focus on my own progress was detrimental to our relation, and it became clear over time.. even though she was attracted to that trait, I could see it was starting to bring unnecessary irritants to the relation. And we are both not keen on having constant mini fights, and I knew I was the reason for most of them..

Many of our fights were actually interest tests, and it was completely unnecessary, but I had to follow my vision and passions.

So after a lot of pondering, I realized that I can do better.. instead of focusing solely on myself, I can direct my focus on improving our relation and doing things that not necessarily improve my life directly but end up improving our experience..

So after that I realized I became even more satisfied with our relationship, and the pendulum swing of dark/light moments got sweked towards lightness and pleasure.

It's as simple as that (not sure if it only applies to IEE though, but someone else can try and tell me):
1. To attract a dual, use your strengths and become every day someone better for yourself and others using your consciousness (ego block + demonstrative)
2. To keep a dual, keep doing step 1. But that doesn't mean your relation will be awesome.. it will have awesome moments, but the nature of opposing functions may have a great impact on clashes.
Especially if you are naturally detached, which can potentially make them feel insecure.
3. To improve your relation with your dual, stop being selfish on improving yourself, and focus on improving your experience (and you as a whole integrated dyad) with your significant other, it can be literally the most simple and mundane things, like sharing a song that reminds you of them.

Also, I've learned to beware of signals of small affection requests and tests.. sometimes it doesn't matter what you do together, you have to focus on the most important things, like discussing important matters together and solving any possible misunderstadings that might appear.. and giving the relation time to flourish naturally.


As I realized that she was way more attached than ever, new problems started to appear, but they only helped me grow even more and get excited with eternal puzzles.

Edit: At this point, I'm pretty sure my love for her is genuine, and I feel I finally may want to get married soon. And I never thought I would ever feel like this about someone someday.. well.. I paid my price and now I'm reaping the fruits I guess

[Crink]

My dual said she feels uncomfortable when I talk about abstract philosophical and existencial topics. I don't know what to do about that, cause it's really important to me, and sometimes I just feel like rambling about less tangible aspects of life. I really didn't expect that coming. But in retrospect, with my first duality experience, I remember I often got irritated by her extensive focus on sensations. So maybe I should wait, and not pressure her so much on this.

Edit: she also freezes when I give her compliments, and she said she's not used to so much impacting words. But most of what I say I consider second nature, so it's very amusing!

My dual, also sli says he freezes because he fixates on the appropriate way to respond. He said if he says thank you then it will look like he agrees lol.

[BrainlessSquid]

The idea the the external is a reflection of the internal has been getting more and more apparent to me..

Especially that your dual will reflect your relationship with your "weaker" functions. For example, someone who focuses a lot on their Ego, will attract tons of duals and semi duals through tension.

The more you focus on your Ego, the more tension you create with people who focus on their Ego as your SuperId.

As a teen I often had feelings of lack, and I was constantly suppressing my SuperId, and I definitely lacked a dual. Then I met a dual and the lack became even more evident, but then I dualized and became self sufficient, then the dual disappeared. Then I wanted it back, so I undualized myself and it came back to me..

[BrainlessSquid]

I think it's time to pinpoint some pros and cons of my duality experience (90% relates to my current one, the rest added from other experiences)

Pros
1. Fluid and dynamic relation (always evolving and changing)
2. A lot of growth
3. All psychological needs satisfied
4. Mutual learning and correction
5. Weightless conversations are common
6. Each is able to understand each other deeply
7. Able to satisfy without much effort
8. Full of surprises
9. Feeling of connection with higher entity
10. Good chemistry during interactions
11. Great companionship
12. Romantization of ordinary tasks
13. Strong traits get amplified
14. Chemistry increases over time
15. Mutual understanding increases over time
16. Great confidence in the relationship
17. Openness and sincerity
18. Matching love languages (not sure if specific)
19. Once it gets started, they will conquer your heart everyday
20. Matching conflict-solving strategies
21. They feel your intentions without you saying a word (after long exposure to each other)

Cons:
1. Initial misuderstandings are common and can cause a lot of friction
2. Differences get amplified in the beginning, so difficult to establish
3. Hard to hide things from them once it gets started (sometimes you need to)
4. Feelings of dependency
5. Third party duals cause problems to the relation
6. Tendency to get locked and isolated from others, especially in events
7. Point 6 can break your life if the relation crumbles
8. Occasional moments of simultaneous love-hate feelings
9. Nobody else understands why you two are always together
10. Point 9 leads to external pressures
11. Dependency can amplify egoistical tendencies to have the other dual at all times
12. Can temporarily interfere in your old hobbies and carreer
13. Very easy to hurt their feelings by your actions (because they understand what's behind them)
14. Can't lie to them (I can't)
15. Problems need to get addressed throughly to get resolved
16. Adjusting period can be long (as long as 1-2 years)
17. Feeling of having no control over the relation, happens on its own rhythm
18. Can't accelerate processes, can't slow down processes
19. Everything is felt acutely, dark moments alternate with light
20. Can have moments of exhaustion during dark periods, but at the same time, unable to break the process

Neutral:
1. Feeling of surrender to the relation
2. Mutual manipulation

[Distance]

Very helpful log in Fi realism.

Also, i like the signature that you sport.

It's a general way forward in a good motto.

[Lord Pixel]

I think it's time to pinpoint some pros and cons of my duality experience (90% relates to my current one, the rest added from other experiences)

Pros
1. Fluid and dynamic relation (always evolving and changing)
2. A lot of growth
3. All psychological needs satisfied
4. Mutual learning and correction
5. Weightless conversations are common
6. Each is able to understand each other deeply
7. Able to satisfy without much effort
8. Full of surprises
9. Feeling of connection with higher entity
10. Good chemistry during interactions
11. Great companionship
12. Romantization of ordinary tasks
13. Strong traits get amplified
14. Chemistry increases over time
15. Mutual understanding increases over time
16. Great confidence in the relationship
17. Openness and sincerity
18. Matching love languages (not sure if specific)
19. Once it gets started, they will conquer your heart everyday
20. Matching conflict-solving strategies
21. They feel your intentions without you saying a word (after long exposure to each other)

Cons:
1. Initial misuderstandings are common and can cause a lot of friction
2. Differences get amplified in the beginning, so difficult to establish
3. Hard to hide things from them once it gets started (sometimes you need to)
4. Feelings of dependency
5. Third part duals cause problems to the relation
6. Tendency to get locked and isolated from others, especially in events
7. Point 6 can break your life if the relation crumbles
8. Occasional moments of simultaneous love-hate feelings
9. Nobody else understands why you two are always together
10. Point 9 leads to external pressures
11. Dependency can amplify egoistical tendencies to have the other dual at all times
12. Can temporarily interfere in your old hobbies and carreer
13. Very easy to hurt their feelings by your actions (because they understand what's behind them)
14. Can't lie to them (I can't)
15. Problems need to get addressed throughly to get resolved
16. Adjusting period can be long (as long as 1-2 years)
17. Feeling of having no control over the relation, happens on its own rhythm
18. Can't accelerate processes, can't slow down processes
19. Everything is felt acutely, dark moments alternate with light
20. Can have moments of exhaustion during dark periods, but at the same time, unable to break the process

Neutral:
1. Feeling of surrender to the relation
2. Mutual manipulation

17 and 18 in the cons I definitely experienced and found super eye opening.

[BrainlessSquid]

As time passes, this excerpt from a Gulenko workshop is making more and more sense.. I know it's possible to smooth things out by correct distribution of roles, but I realize that the things that connects us the most are exactly the things that create the most friction, that is: the difference of what is (Si) and what could be (Ne), and How I feel about things versus what is said stated (F vs T).

Audience: It's not easy for them to come together, but after it's difficult to separate them
I have to say that it was not hard for us to merge, but we both had duality experiences in the past (5-8 months seeing each other once a week, then click), but we still haven't "separated" for more than a few hours (we are still interacting all the time since the beginning of the click, which happened last year around this time of the year), so I don't know what's like to stay away from her for long.

V.G. This is it, relations between duals are dialectic, they both love and hate each other. This is unavoidable. Dual relations are synthesis of the opposites. This struggle is unavoidable.
Is there any way to get rid of these painful contradictions between duals, in principle?

I'd say it's not true hate.. but sometimes we get contradicting feelings after some clashing, usually on the N vs S side, but as if some miracle of fate, we end up having honest conversations which resolve things, and after that, we generally feel a greater pull towards each other, or it feels like some new possibility has been unlocked and a broader vision and learning has developed.

V.G. In principle it's impossible. It's possible to smooth them out, by correct distribution of roles in dual pair for example, but it's impossible to remove them. This, precisely, is life; these contradictions give dual relations a special tint, without it they would have been boring. Periodically contradictions arise, they get resolved, come up, get resolved, come up, get resolved again - this is dialectical contradictory synthesis. Considering that this is the union and the struggle of the opposites, duals often come together over conflict. At first, they fight one another, raise scandals, sort out relations, then suddenly they feel a pull towards each other. This is how it happens, such is nature.

The highlighted is the the key sentence here. This whole arising of contradictions and resolving is accurate. We haven't come to the point of sorting out relations but (especially in the beginning), we had discussed the possibility of not being good for each other. And some contradictions were intense.

I just want to point out that, even though I'm suspicious of Gulenko's material, this specific instance of his teachings is true for my experience.

The things that connect us are precisely the things that challenge us.

[BrainlessSquid]

Okay, I feel like it's more useful to highlight the negatives in a duality experience, since there's a whole idolization of it, especially on Aushra's side.

Below are some points of clashing which have happened, which impacted me the most:

1. Going on tangents (Ne) vs staying on track (Si)
2. Being vague (N or T) vs being concrete (S or F)
3. Big picture orientation (N) vs Detail orientation
4. Taking risks (EP) vs comfort seeking (IP)
5. Being generic (N) vs Being context specific (S)
6. Moral clashes (weak F on her side and a sort of "social blindness")
7. My interest on what's possible vs her interest on what is.
8. Her inexpressiveness compared to my expressiveness (F vs unconscious F)
9. Extreme jokes on my part which she is too sensitive to
10. According to her, I am talented at inventing excuses for anything wrong that I do. And giving explanations to everything.
11. Indirect communication/perception (on my side) versus Direct communication/perception (on her side).
12. My constant change of perspective in any matter vs her constant pov.
13. My bluntness vs her melancholic temperament
14. My inaccuracy of speech vs her need for precision in everything that is said.
15. Did I say She get's way too caught up in details and forgets the big picture?
16. She gets way too caught up in the words I say and tries to process everything which has gotten me annoyed a handful of times
17. My need for change vs her fear of change
18. My detached (to the past and objects) nature vs her attached one
19. She gets attached to things that I do to her and stop doing for whatever reason (I don't like to feel predictable)



You don't need to fight with a dual, their existence is already fighting you. But it's not a destructive fight, but rather a mutual sharpening fight.

I told her yesterday that whenever we both have an intense conversation, we both get intellectually pregnant which eventually results in an intellectual offspring

[BrainlessSquid]

I oftentimes feel like Adam in the Garden, completely denuded next to my companion in a state of complete trust in the creator and my loved one.. I've got everything I need even though I feel the possibility of taking forbidden risks. I wonder how long it will take for me to bite the fruit.

But well, now coming to the world of mortals, she's like no other girl I've ever met. She completely overrides and destroys all conceptions about life and humans/women. But I have to say, I have gone through rocky rivers and crossed the desert to get to this state due to preconceived notions that I happened to absorb as I grew older lacking someone from another world who just happens to look at the same sky

The infatuation phase is gone, it couldn't stand constant contact for long, but the amazement seems persistent, because it's not based on imagination alone, but on an actual shadowy freedom channeling human being.

[Distance]

As i've stated here on the forum a few times: enjoy it while you can.

ESE exact words from my sister in-law.

It always struck a chord in me, like yeah.

It is wise.

Maybe more so to me, addressed to the void of Si PoLR.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

How old are you btw? I wish I could gush about love like this again but I'm too meh with it. It all seems so nice and magical but also dangerously naive, like any time I consider even the possibility of entertaining these thoughts I think of Cercei smiling sadistically as she destroys my love and my body and then like some weird creepy anti-romantic demon is torturing me in Hell. Oh my god you Deltas lol. So innocent...

Then I have crushes on people I'm not supposed to, and people I know that would be good for me are so fucking boring. There's this really nice ILE gay bear named Brian who likes me and I know he would be kind and a good partner yet it just feels dead inside, plus we don't have the same erotic interests and are turned on by different things. And the people I've heard who have feelings like yours its usually over some narcissist that is manipulating them big time, and it all comes crashes down... but that is with other IEIs. Maybe as IEE it is truly different, I wish you well. Though please be careful, before my IEE cousin met her SLI soulmate she got manipulated and burned BADLY by an unhealthy asshole SLE abusive str8 man jock lol.

My IEE cousin gives me similiar advice and it's of no use to me, like my brain can't comprehend it. But I don't intend to knock the wind out of your sails.

Time to read Oprah magazine and get in the jacuzzi!!!

[BrainlessSquid]

How old are you btw? I wish I could gush about love like this again but I'm too meh with it. It all seems so nice and magical but also dangerously naive, like any time I consider even the possibility of entertaining these thoughts I think of Cercei smiling sadistically as she destroys my love and my body and then like some weird creepy anti-romantic demon is torturing me in Hell. Oh my god you Deltas lol. So innocent...

Then I have crushes on people I'm not supposed to, and people I know that would be good for me are so fucking boring. There's this really nice ILE gay bear named Brian who likes me and I know he would be kind and a good partner yet it just feels dead inside, plus we don't have the same erotic interests and are turned on by different things. And the people I've heard who have feelings like yours its usually over some narcissist that is manipulating them big time, and it all comes crashes down... but that is with other IEIs. Maybe as IEE it is truly different, I wish you well. Though please be careful, before my IEE cousin met her SLI soulmate she got manipulated and burned BADLY by an unhealthy asshole SLE abusive str8 man jock lol.

My IEE cousin gives me similiar advice and it's of no use to me, like my brain can't comprehend it. But I don't intend to knock the wind out of your sails.

Time to read Oprah magazine and get in the jacuzzi!!!

I'm entering my 30s soon.. read my previous post again, and you'll see that I said I've been through a lot in life.. and as I said, she's different, she's someone I can trust.. but well all realities coexist, let's not generalize romantic experiences nor humans anymore

[BrainlessSquid]

One of the greatest benefits that a duality experience has given me is the ability to be aware of giving/receiving dynamics.
Love is about giving. And if you can love as many people as you can, then you must give as much as you can..

So whenever I come into contact with anyone, I ask myself "What can I give to this person, so that he or she leaves me better off than when they contacted me?"

Living and doing things purposefully besides making your life meaningful, also opens up opportunities for life expression.. and makes your unconscious expect the best life can offer.. like karma