Manage Estj emotions

[Beautiful sky]

A question for INFJ with experience with Estj
How do you help manage their emotions?

With me they talk out their frustration and anger that helps them release pressure from flowing up although when they are pushing far enough they do blow up in which case they require someone calm and patient around them. Sometimes these blow ups are about other matters and they don’t want their own family to be hurt by their stinky mood, in which case leave them alone or humor might work. I’m interested in day to day examples.

[Sol]

> humor might work

quiet smiling and other expression of a sympathy
to stay calm to copy you

this reduces negative emotions of Te the most

while humor is more Fe

[Beautiful sky]

> humor might work

quiet smiling and other expression of a sympathy
to stay calm to copy you

this reduces negative emotions of Te the most

while humor is more Fe

Humor in a goofy and silly way can be Fi

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

Humor in a goofy and silly way can be Fi

and Ne

[Lord Pixel]

Understanding. ESTj sometimes seems to think they need permission to feel how they feel or they need a good reason, so they talk it out with someone to see if they are right to feel the way they feel, understanding is the antidote for them, which EII tries to do naturally already. This happens alot with my LSE roommate and our ILE roommate. ILE will say something that hurts LSEs feelings, LSE will struggle to justify why his feelings are hurt, so he will vent and complain to me about it because he knows I will just be like "yea ILE was a dick for doing that." and he will feel understood and not like he's crazy but totally normal for how he feels. LSE struggle to justify feelings if they don't have good reasons to back them up, EII doesn't need logical reasons but ethical ones "That was disrespectful." LSE sometimes struggles with that. Honestly alot of the times my LSE roommate doesn't get as offended as I think he should lol.

[loopyclouds]

My advice is more for a specific situation/example - whenever an LSE appears to me to be particularly upset and moody, it has been because their plans have fallen through or they have experienced a serious failure, and I've found a way that always seems to comfort/cheer them up in such a situation.

First, you try to figure out exactly what's bothering them and how they feel about it (on your own), and then identify their emotions for them (they need help with this and don't like doing it on their own, and EIIs are particularly good at this) - pose it to them as a question, for example, you can say something like: "you seem XYZ [eg. upset/down/frustrated], what happened etc..". Most of the time, LSEs don't even know what they're feeling or that they're even feeling it in the first place. At first, they will vehemently deny it or try to change the subject, because they don't even know what they're feeling, and don't want to admit it for fear of appearing weak. But when they have some time to think about it, they realise you were right in saying that they were feeling XYZ particular emotion, and this results in a lot of surprise, and later appreciation that you can read them that well and 'relieve' that emotional burden for them.

The next step relates to their hidden agenda, this advice I saw on some socionics video (but I forgot the source), and it aligns with my own previous experience of comforting LSEs even before I knew socionics. Basically, tell them that you believe in them, their potential, pinpoint their strengths, make them aware of the many opportunities out there that still await them despite this particular failure event. Make them see the potential out there and within them (Ne), then give them space and let them execute and prove it to you (Te). It's not the end of the world even if they failed this time.

Do all this with a calm and empathetic disposition. Honestly, when placed in such a situation with a LSE, it comes quite naturally to an EII to do all this, even if we're not aware of it, and even if it 'seems' disingenous when seeing it written out as 'steps' here. The wonders of duality, I suppose

[Lord Pixel]

Honestly, when placed in such a situation with a LSE, it comes quite naturally to an EII to do all this, even if we're not aware of it, and even if it 'seems' disingenous when seeing it written out as 'steps' here. The wonders of duality, I suppose

Ok damn! I believe you! geez...

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I think by being obedient and law-abiding and morally serious. Act mature and responsible, don't play a victim like a stereotypical IEI. I don't get the humor response, Deltas are supposed to be serious quadra people. No humor for them! j/k... Kind of.

I was very serious and professional at work and my LSE-Si boss loved me for it and promoted me for it because I didn't act all immature about it like the SLEs in backwards ball caps. Even tho it was a job that was easy to just have fun at and be silly, she enjoyed I took it seriously and maturely.

I'm an IEI when I'm horny, I'm EII when I'm in the real world. lolol.

[Finaplex]

When I see ESTjs doing this, my first instinct is to listen for things that I can personally do to make it better. Like literally what actions can I take? Can I help them get the chore done? Can I help them with x? If I can't actually help them, I sort of just nod my head and listen. "like yeah that does suck". Its hard because I also get pulled into dark moods about things, so I find ESTjs it really difficult to lighten the ESTjs dark moods, because part of it feels like a strange attempt to make me align with them as a show of loyalty. When you find really badly inner dualize ones, its almost like they have no clue what feelings they are having..everyone out there is a "bad-evil doer wasting everyone's time".

[Finaplex]

My advice is more for a specific situation/example - whenever an LSE appears to me to be particularly upset and moody, it has been because their plans have fallen through or they have experienced a serious failure, and I've found a way that always seems to comfort/cheer them up in such a situation.

First, you try to figure out exactly what's bothering them and how they feel about it (on your own), and then identify their emotions for them (they need help with this and don't like doing it on their own, and EIIs are particularly good at this) - pose it to them as a question, for example, you can say something like: "you seem XYZ [eg. upset/down/frustrated], what happened etc..". Most of the time, LSEs don't even know what they're feeling or that they're even feeling it in the first place. At first, they will vehemently deny it or try to change the subject, because they don't even know what they're feeling, and don't want to admit it for fear of appearing weak. But when they have some time to think about it, they realise you were right in saying that they were feeling XYZ particular emotion, and this results in a lot of surprise, and later appreciation that you can read them that well and 'relieve' that emotional burden for them.

The next step relates to their hidden agenda, this advice I saw on some socionics video (but I forgot the source), and it aligns with my own previous experience of comforting LSEs even before I knew socionics. Basically, tell them that you believe in them, their potential, pinpoint their strengths, make them aware of the many opportunities out there that still await them despite this particular failure event. Make them see the potential out there and within them (Ne), then give them space and let them execute and prove it to you (Te). It's not the end of the world even if they failed this time.

Do all this with a calm and empathetic disposition. Honestly, when placed in such a situation with a LSE, it comes quite naturally to an EII to do all this, even if we're not aware of it, and even if it 'seems' disingenous when seeing it written out as 'steps' here. The wonders of duality, I suppose

Great job, dude.

[necrosebud]

I don’t have experience being close to an LSE but it also depends on what kind of LSE…
if it’s more of the “stubborn” and distrusting kind, I would personally leave them alone but still be “available” should they want to talk about it. Just an input without knowing the details ofc you may have to adapt to whatever is going on