Twomarkers321 Typing: Member Questionnaire
What is beauty? What is love?
Love is an action. A choice, perhaps. It comes not out of selfish desire, but out of purity from the heart. Doing things not because they are expected, but because you want to do them and nothing else. And what is love without action? Some pretty words and wishes to make you feel ‘special’? You can have feelings for someone, and you could want someone so much, but that doesn’t make it love. That is desire. Obsession, even. And I think it is best when these two things are paired together. For love without desire is a transaction, a business, and desire without love is a boat that will sink once in the water. Beauty is quite subjective. Some people find old clothes and records to be nice, while others may think it is trash, and undesirable. For me, I find many things beautiful in their own right. I may not enjoy everything, nor will I seek it out, but I will think, “There is someone out there who needs this”. We live in a world with many different cultures, practices, and people. Of course we would not all find the same things to be ‘beautiful’. And I am glad it is that way. For what could be more boring than everything being the same? To be confined to strict rules and cultural expectations of what is ‘good’? I would not like it. A world devoid of creation is a world that is dying. We need people to go out and make change, to invoke new perspectives, to create, and to move forward. I wish to be someone who can do such things. To make a difference, worldwide or not. But I feel wary towards my capacity to do so. For what I change, it will matter. There are many things to consider. I can start by asking myself how I want the world to be.
What are your most important values?
I would say my values are a bit loosely defined. I do not abide by a highly specific list of rules, nor do I expect such behavior from other people. In fact, I go against them a lot of the time. If I had to say what my most important value is, it would be respect. I may not agree with people, or I think their thoughts are ‘wrong’, but I can do a lot better than saying ‘fuck you you’re wrong’ to everything that doesn’t line up with my worldview. I prefer to not shove my beliefs down others’ throats. If they wish to know more, let them come, and I will tell them what I know. If they do not, then I understand. My battle is not against flesh and blood, after all. And I am no moral upholder, for I have made mistakes as well. I think the world could
use a little more gray to their black and white.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
Yes, I believe in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I believe in Jesus, who came to Earth to make a way for us to be forgiven by dying on the cross. I believe in the Holy Spirit as well. I believe that he does what he promises and that all he speaks of will come to pass. Both the ‘New’ and the ‘Old’ Testament hold value to me, as they are one book written to the people. I think it is important to understand the culture and ways of the time to really comprehend all that was said in the Bible. I also believe that many of the things said in the Bible were not always literal, although there are sections that are. I do not align myself with any churches, but rather I prefer to seek out my own understanding by reading it myself and listening to others. I cannot say I will stick to my faith, for I am still on a journey of trying to understand things, but I will be the one who decides what I believe in. I can’t pinpoint why I believe certain things. I just do, and I feel at peace in certain aspects. It’s not because my family raised me this way either. I choose (and fail) to seek it out because I want to. No one could make me or force me to not do so. I believe I have the ability to choose my path, and so far this is the one I have traveled.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
An unfortunate, but necessary part of life. I view it as something natural. For is it not human nature to destroy and rebuild again and again? Is there anyone who hasn’t ‘wronged’ someone? We are all guilty of it. And we are no better or no worse on a universal scale. By human morality, we deem certain acts to be lesser and others to be greater. But in the end, a mistake is a mistake. It happens. We stumble, and we get up. It is life. I think true power comes from knowing when to strike and when to sit. Strike too much, and you will grow tired. Sit, and you will do nothing. But combine both, and you have a pretty good chance at making it through just a little bit longer. Force needs compassion, and compassion needs forces. Force without kindness is cruelty, and kindness with force is anarchy. It all comes back to balance.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
Typology and spiritual/philosophical stuff are where I typically find the longest conversations. I really enjoy talking about such things because I often ponder how people work and what my place is in the universe. I think through it, I hope to gain some higher understanding and knowledge of myself and reality. For what is life without meaning? I fear to know what that would be. I fear that all I am is not real, a fallacy. And in a lot of ways, it is.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
Not in the slightest. Unless you count psychology, then I am interested. But apart from that, I don't usually have strong opinions. I would say I am unfocused on my body, often forgetting to drink enough water and not taking proper care of it like bathing regularly and going out and moving.
What do you think of daily chores?Usually boring and tiresome, but necessary. I do enjoy putting away the dishes though. I need to be reminded to do them a lot of the time as well.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome:
Donnie Darko, Roadside Picnic, Sweep, Lord of the Rings, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, The Martian, Motes and Beans: A Neo-Jungian Theory, The Body Keeps the Score, Character and Neurosis, The Enneagram and the Instinctual Drives, That Riso-Hudson book I can’t recall the name of, and many more that do not come to mind right now.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
Music, people, and art/poetry usually. Books as well. Usually because they hit a certain ‘thing’ in my brain, a soft spot or an old sore. Or I just find that I really enjoy them. I am grateful for such things.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I do not recall ever feeling a sense of belonging. But I find that specific people can bring me close to it, and with these people, I tend to fall for and want more of them.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I dislike my self-absorbedness, yet I take pleasure in it as well. Many people would not say that I am, but that is because I rarely tell people about it. For I fear that it will make me truly undesirable, and then I will forever be alone and shamed. I could live with it, but I would wish not to. I struggle a lot with motivation as well, especially if left to my own devices. But I find that I can turn the tide if I so wish, though that requires me to get over my own personal feelings and excuses.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
People say that I am highly intelligent and kind. Funny as well. I think I am more average in terms of kindness and intelligence, though. Personally, I like that I have a capacity for deeper thought. That I am not confined to what is in reality, what is seen by the human eye.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
I think I need help with everything. Or at least, I could use the work and toolset to be able to more effectively maintain them myself. I would say my greatest needs are mental. Take care of that, and everything else will start to shape up.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I feel trapped inside my own head a lot as if I am too focused on my inner workings to really take in the outside world. And this leads me to think about myself even more, wondering why I am like this, why I am ‘cursed’. A part of me believes that I have suffered more than everyone else, but logically it is not so. I feel that my heart and head are in conflict, and either way it goes, I am left in the crossfire on my own again and again. I am trapped in the image I have created of myself, the things I wish I were, the things I am not, the ‘thing’ I am. I would not say I am truly authentic to myself, no, I am a fake. Like painting a canvas, I slather on the colors of my heart and my ideas but in the end, it all fades away and I am lost to myself again. The canvas that could never be painted. So I struggle and fight to ‘remain’, to keep the canvas full and fit the picture in my head. But it is a foolish thing to do. I am real regardless of how I am seen, and yet I trip myself again and again and again.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
Not sure, since I rarely interact with people enough to have a ‘full’ picture of them. I enjoy people, but the more I let myself be shown the more I fall apart and crumble. So, I slither away to preserve my image. Only allowing people who are ‘special’ to get a glimpse of my full presence. But even then, I want to break away from them. I desire to be fully seen and known, yet I hide away because I believe what I am will not be accepted. It’s a
bit like rejecting the world before it can reject you.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
At this point, I only want someone who will love me. Then I get disappointed because no one is doing it the way I ‘wanted’.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
My main concern would be making sure they develop into someone who knows that they can choose their own path and is independent and free from societal pressures to do what is ‘right’. I do not have any specific steps I would take, nor do I expect to have any in the future. Raising a child is something that is dynamic and constantly evolving. There is no one size fits all plan to it. I hope that I will have enough experience if the time comes to know what to do.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
I may ask questions about why they believe it, perhaps in hopes of having a discussion for the sake of having a discussion (and maybe learning a bit along the way). Or I may remain quiet, disagreeing but letting them choose their own way. That is ideally, of course.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one:
I see people as both being their own and being a part of a larger group of shared similarities. I try to not assume too much based on relationships alone, rather I prefer to try and see where their heart is, what lies underneath all the external factors. I think the most prevalent social issue is black-and-white thinking. The idea that “if you are not on my side, then you are against me and are wrong”. I’ve talked a bit about it before in a few of my rants.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I wouldn’t say I necessarily choose them. I find that it forms with time and extended interaction, but there also has to be an underlying desire or want to be around each other for it to work out. Either way, I am normally not picky. I would say my behavior doesn’t change all too much, besides me being more open and less reserved. It’s like I am a book, and the more you know me the more pages you see.
How do you behave around strangers?
A bit shy, but friendly usually. I may talk with them a little if I find that they interest me, and if not I’ll probably leave it at that.
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: a video would be nice ! Before @
Originally Posted by godslave
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(as per tcaudilllg)
