Intertype Relationships and Personal Growth

[Fransiskus]

I have a question for you.
Do you think an decent yet unfavorable relationship that directly stings your polr / vulnerable function has it's benefits?

You see, I'm currently majoring in CS and well, my feelings are mixed. There are so many LIE's, LII's, ILI's and ILE's here and I'm not even joking. They have their own specialty in CS and how it's really scary how good are they.
There are one I suspect a LII, and he is really good at math - calculus, that he don't even try at all.

It's like when how good IEI's are in reading emotions, but LII for math. It's natural for him, it's like he's born to do math lol.

While me?
I guess, it's okay. I don't really have much problem with the logic in computers and how complex it is, it directly feeds to my Ti anyways. Sure Calculus is difficult, but I don't hate it and I could always study more for it.
Personality doesn't really define how good you are with computers or college, as I've seen logical type struggling to even code because they're not passionate about it.

But the problem is not the academics, it's the relationships.
You see... I am part of a "staff" in CS consisting of 4 people, and oh boy I consistently feel uncomfortable here. Surprise surprise, the leader is a LIE! ( Not 100% sure, but he definitely has Te on his ego block )
That's right lads, my "boss" is a LIE...

Long story short, this LIE always strikes directly to my Te polr. I mean I don't have a problem with him personally, but damn he's so ambitious. He often gives us tasks, deadlines and expects us to finish no matter what. For the way of progress of our major I suppose.
You know how much I despised being told what to do? And now, it is happening almost every single day, and even if he didn't, it always creeps me out from the corner. The task he wants us to finish, deadlines, and many more. He doesn't care for struggles, all he wanted is the result and the output from us. Stressful.

But the thing is, I can see the improvement for myself because of him. He indirectly stings my Te polr so bad that I have to learn on using it. I basically learned a lot from him.
I think it's a way to push me out of the comfort zone. I became, at the very least, 5% more productive than before, though I still hated Te.

So what do you think? Even in a stressful or unpleasant relationship ( such as supervision ), could it pushes you to grow out of your comfort zone, assuming you're willing to learn from it and not stuck in the mud?
Is it not out of the equation?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

"Do you think an decent yet unfavorable relationship that directly stings your polr / vulnerable function has it's benefits?"

Not really. I mean if you have a boss that's your conflictor- at least you're getting paid, but it's probably more beneficial to get a boss with a more compatible intertype relationship to you if you can- realistically this can be easier said than done, and I hate changing jobs a lot tbh. I'm lucky in the sense the job I'm doing now I rarely interact with the supervisor lol.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I never liked that saying much. What doesn't kill you often sends you in a coma or mental hospital and leaves you with neurotic issues. *womp womp* Then again I'm just 4D Fi and really sensitive to who is around me. Around the right people I shine like a narcissistically beautiful diamond, around the wrong ones it's like I'm a zombie that's dead inside.

[Tallmo]

But the thing is, I can see the improvement for myself because of him. He indirectly stings my Te polr so bad that I have to learn on using it. I basically learned a lot from him.
I think it's a way to push me out of the comfort zone. I became, at the very least, 5% more productive than before, though I still hated Te.

So what do you think? Even in a stressful or unpleasant relationship ( such as supervision ), could it pushes you to grow out of your comfort zone, assuming you're willing to learn from it and not stuck in the mud?
Is it not out of the equation?

I think you are absolutely right about this. I've had similar experiences. Both with LSE and LIE. It's about getting adapted to society and current work values. And as you get used to Te and get more familiar with these situations, the stress will not be so bad anymore. That doesn't mean that you have to torture yourself forever though, you can always find a new job later without a LIE.

Imo it's all about pushing oneself past some unpleasant learning experiences and get out on the other side, stronger and more adapted for the world.

However, this might be ok at work, but for personal intimate relationships I would look at own quadra instead.

[Bethanyclaire]

I clash with the LSE manager of my team, I’d love to be on the other team led by an LIE. I like her as a person and leader. I get on decently with colleagues on my team and within the wider teams. But i’m in my thirties and I’ve moved around a bit til I landed here. This is the place I feel most accepted, but also not too cosy with my colleagues. (I don’t know it feels good like school or something). I have one good work friend.

when I tried teaching I had quite a good ESI mentor- she helped me a lot with improving lesson planning. But she didn’t help me with the other classes I taught even though I had one really badly behaved one she cared about her class which I was co-teaching lol. The ESE teacher of the badly behaved class never gave me any advice lol she didn’t seem to care about the class, was just happy to have a break.

[Lord Pixel]

I think conflictor is much better than supervisor/visee benefactor/factee.

[Bethanyclaire]

I’d be very wary of working closely with conflict type. Conflict type may be better than supervision in relationships (though perhaps less common). My LSE manager is full on bullying me atm. Prior to that I was harassed by an SEI. I’ve disliked working with an EIE..EII can be slightly annoying but I’ve never had to work on a shared project with them. I haven’t worked closely with LIE too, (social interaction is sometimes annoying with them at work) but it makes sense to me that I could learn more from them as a leader.

I am handling the bullying better than I was- similar to the SEI, he gets more and more frenzied and bizarre in his behaviour around me. But he’ll be out of my hair soon thankfully

[Lord Pixel]

I worked with a Conflictor on a project, and we had very complementary strengths, but for some reason we got in each other's way, rational and irrational was also a noticeable problem. As far as friendships, I pick conflictor over supervisor/visee any day of the week.

[Bethanyclaire]

@Lord Pixel, yh it probably only becomes a big problem if they are your superior....or if you genuinely clash. And it's funny that in work you can really clash with people even though you both might both be a good fit for the team, if that makes sense. I also find an ILI guy annoying atm, I really dislike an LIE lady who I briefly worked with...but funnily enough they haven't stayed on my team very long...

[Lord Pixel]

@Lord Pixel, yh it probably only becomes a big problem if they are your superior....or if you genuinely clash. And it's funny that in work you can really clash with people even though you both might both be a good fit for the team, if that makes sense. I also find an ILI guy annoying atm, I really dislike an LIE lady who I briefly worked with...but funnily enough they haven't stayed on my team very long...

Yea, that sucks. I would love an activity boss.

I think the boundaries are real clear in conflictor relations, which seems to make it easier, no matter how hard I try I know I will never fully "get" you or be on the same page as you or agree with you, and that's fine. Supervisor/visee tends to seem like "Oh we agree here", and I tend to assume we agree and understand eachother in other areas and then get super unpleasantly surprised when that's not the case, while with conflictor the surprise is the opposite .

[Bethanyclaire]

Yea, that sucks. I would love an activity boss.

I think the boundaries are real clear in conflictor relations, which seems to make it easier, no matter how hard I try I know I will never fully "get" you or be on the same page as you or agree with you, and that's fine. Supervisor/visee tends to seem like "Oh we agree here", and I tend to assume we agree and understand eachother in other areas and then get super unpleasantly surprised when that's not the case, while with conflictor the surprise is the opposite .

it's funny, I was always wary of him...and then I gave him a chance..superficially I find him quite funny and even sweet, but he simply doesn't engage with anything I say- it probably feels more like supervision with ESE in some ways..hmmm. (but he is def LSE). I am buddies with an LSI lady and my LSI male colleague has been fairly supportive in helping me dealing with the LSE lol. The male LSI seems to want more attention from me...but that would be crossing over into inappropriate territory lol. I think he will realise lol.

The team I'd like to be in has a lot of ESEs...it would probably be me annoying them haha.

also getting to know a nice LSE lady, quite nice to chat to in the office/ at social things