I always get into bad relationships. Autistic Covert Narcissist w/ an Autistic Borderline - Wasn't going to work out from the beginning.
She would find reasons to be paranoid about me leaving (I text too late, I miss calls, I make jokes about other people at work that she thinks I'm flirting with, etc). I'd tell her no, that's not true. She'd persist and tell me how all her previous bf's cheated or abused her, and how she didn't want me to do the same. I'd tell her I love her, and I wouldn't do such things. She'd then continue to find reasons why I was cheating on her. She'd talk to all her friends about me and got them to believe that I was cheating on her. I started to get annoyed, so I started dressing provocatively in public with her, just so I could show off and prove her right. She'd tell me I shouldn't dress so slutty and that she thinks I'm trying to find other women. I just told her if she wants to complain about me cheating then maybe I should. (I wasn't, but I threatened at this point). She then asks for me to not do this, and that she believes me that I'm not cheating. I start acting normally, but then she again finds reasons that I'm not being honest with her. I start masturbating alone so I don't have to have sex with her. I don't feel interested at this point, and feel unstable with her. She tells me I shouldn't masturbate because she deserves sex from me, and feels unloved. I tell her that I don't want to have sex with her, that I'm not into her anymore. She tries to convince me that I'm still in love with her, that I'm just being dishonest. I then lie and tell her maybe I do love her, just so I can keep her for myself (because I wanted someone) And it goes on for awhile... 10/10 experience wouldn't do again though.
We did make a lovely song together, but I don't think we ever uploaded it, sadly. I liked it a lot.
my gut reaction was type dynamics > types themselves as i think the energy a person is surrounded by affects their coping skills (but maybe i'm wrong)
Originally Posted by seeking it
i've seen many many bad relationships in life, but no particular type pattern (off the top of my head), except that most were E/I and T/F pairings
thinking of major public relationships like courtney love and kurt cobain, you could say that was a terrible relationship but they technically did complete each other (ESTp + INFp)
there was another Beta Dual relationship i was looking at the other day but i can't recall... but it was kind of a "public disaster" too. maybe that is simply the role of the Beta though, to invoke chaos, or maybe those people were outliers. i dunno.
i have a consistent pattern of there existing a "third party" that i get extremely jealous of in like every relationship ever that i've had, but astrology seems to cover that for me better than socionics (i think it's my venus-pluto aspects), socionics doesn't really mention such things for EII so yeah...
i would say i'm not good at relationships, but i don't know if i'm the "worst" (unless you count not participating as the worst, in which case...maybe LII and i are tied)
Serious Left-Static Negativist
I don't have the answer you are looking for but I will share my thought on it anyway.
What I love about Socionics is the great equality of it as to relations. Not counting that some types are slightly more more rare than others, we all have about the same possibility of running into people that can't stand us for who we are naturally and those who think we are fantastic for who we are naturally. The same chance of finding a Dual or a Conflictor as any other type. In each dual pair there is the one less likely to nab their dual the (I) but their partner has the get up and go pull reel their Dual in(E). We all have the same chance for the same amount of not-so-great and pretty-good relations as anyone else.
The percent goes down for reasons not type-related, like mental illness, most often coming from early family of origin experiences. But also Dual relations are the most psychologically healing. And also, God can make us whole, including the pain and dysfunction of our past.
Throwing it off in the other direction is being extra attractive. When many people just love you, you can get confused on which one is best. All types can try harder to persuade you.
For everyone it is best to delay intimacy because it is harder to end things when your heart gets attached through intimacy. You can evaluate a person better and with better reason when you aren't caught up in aroused hormones.
Once, after being some years into a marriage that was very difficult, my friend, in a wonderful (Dual) marriage, said she could have been in my shoes, as in college she had dated a young man who showed similar NPD characteristics as my husband, but she escaped it just before meeting her now-husband. I said how did you know? She credited to a scripture her mother had always impressed on her, to guard her heart. It struck my heart that this was the answer. Some variations of that scripture, Proverbs 4:23, are below.
KJV: "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
NLT: "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
Geneva Bible of 1587: "Keepe thine heart with all diligence: for thereout commeth life."
"A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........
"Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
attitude acceptable to today's standards." - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"