Relationship questions for INTjs and ENTjs

[Creepy-An ENFP]

A few questions to you:

if you are emotionally involved with a girl and for some reason, you can't have any relationship with her (distance, or not sure she is really emotionnally involved too for example...). What do you do? You still remain friend to her? You try to believe that love overcomes everything?
If you choose to cut off with her, do you just cut off emotionnally or you also try not to see her again? You remain friend? Or you prefer not remaining friend?

In which case do you stop any relationship to a girl? When you really don't like her anymore, or when it hurts to much to keep on?

If you really like a girl, and then meet another one, who is more "local" so to say.... What do you choose? The local one? Or the other one?

If you now choose the local one, does it mean that you don't like the other one? Or for some reason, you wanted to stop with the 1st one, but it is possible that you still like her? Are you able to be emotionnaly involved with a girl and date an other one, and still think of the first one? Or does it never happen to ENTJ and INTJ?

If you had a few dates with a girl you like, but for any reason, mentionned above (distance or whatever) you don't keep on with her, how do you use to cut off? Just stop everything and without telling her? No news to her? If she asks for a reason, do you give any? If you need to tell her you met someone else, do you just tell her : i meet someone else, or you try to soften the stuff (try to find out a nice formulation)

Important:
If you now choose to soften the way you say it, does it mean, that you somehow still care about that girl or it means nothing? Does it just mean you want to be nice?
If ENTJ or INTJ are able to be emotionnally involved with someone and date someone else, do they still date the 2. one on a serious way (a lot of quality time together) though they still think of the 1. one?
When you choose to give no reason for a "cut off" with someone, does it mean that you were especially hurt, or that this decision you took was difficult and that you avoid thinking of it, thinking of the person, and ignoring her helps you?


Thanks for your answers!

[science as magic]

I think you are trying to take too many things that are not related to type and make them related to type. Remember there are jerk INTJs and jerk ENTJs and good members of each group too. I can understand if you want to know more about "the average" but it is obvious that you want to find out why some (particular) guy is doing what he is doing and I am afraid in this situation we cannot help you sorry. Maybe we can give advice on how to win him back or get over him?

[Creepy-ENFP]

Yes, you're right! Thanks! :wink:

[Creepy-ENFP]

But it actually is just about trying to understand the thinking patterns of INTJs and ENTJs, to analyse them, since they are quite different from the ENFPs patterns, but one the same hand, I know, every individual is different.

[Earl60861]

That was pretty insane back there. The things you related were in no way related to type, as pointed out by Pedro. In answer to your questions:

No, I am not emotionally involved with a girl. I have no human friend at this moment :'(

If I were to cut it off with her, it would be agreeable to be her friend, but circumstances almost always forbid that. Even if they did, there'd always be the references that other's would make that "you're only keeping her for a nightly call", and even so, most people almost never leave a relationship with that good of results afterwards.

When would I stop any relationship to a girl? Whenever she's ready to move on or whenever it just won't work anymore. If you "just don't like her anymore", that isn't love, that is what is commonly referred to as a "crush", a purely chemically driven biological attachment that will last until your brain adjusts to the pheramones. Love is far beyond that. Thus, you end up hurting both you and her if you were to continue the charade that it were anything more than what it is.

If I really liked a girl and met another, I'd probably stick with the old one, as history would dictate that it would be safer to remain where I'm at. Of course, that is subjective, as there is always a myriad factors involved. This question isn't a yes or no, as you want it to be.

If I chose the "local" one, I'd consider myself a male lodb, or modb, and wouldn't like myself. This is all dependant on a myriad factors, however. If I chose the local one, I'd probably (at least by my standards, which would be an absolute) not enjoy her company any longer. Under such standards, it would not be possible that I would like the first one anymore in such a fashion. If I double dated like you state (emotionally involved with a girl and dating another), I'd think of myself as filth.

If I don't "keep on with her", I'd stop by taking her out to dinner one last time. At the conclusion of a wonderful dinner (which would definately be paid by me), I'd break it to her slowly. Starting out with a nice metaphor, then slowly transcending until I hit the "I think we should see other people" line. I would definately give a reason, so as to not make her think it were her fault. I'd further list all the good things about her and say that I'm not worthy of such a great human friend. If I currently had someone else, I wouldn't tell her, and I'd keep the new relationship low and inconspicuious for a few more weeks. Above all, you must maintain that her self-esteem remain preserved and that both walk away from it clean and happy.

Irregardless of how I feel about her, she is still a human being requiring the most basic of common decency. I wouldn't do it "just to be nice", but to be a good person. If you are emotionally involved with someone, you owe it to the other person (the 1st person) to break it off. Never "double date". You either devote 110% of your life to the human friend, or none. When you give no reason for a "cut off", you are not worthy to walk among civilized humans. It doesn't mean that you were hurt or that the decision was difficult, and most certainly doesn't mean that ignoring her helps you. That is pure jack455ery that is unfit of human decency. By not giving a valid reason, you are just proving that you are a selfish jack4r53 and that in the end, you'll never be happy even with utopia.

[Creepy-ENFP back]

Hey Earl, thank you so much for your taking time for such a great answer!
it helped me to relativise everything! Yes you are right : they are jerks everywhere and great guys everywhere! Earl, if you really do what you say, i put you in the category of great guys, of course! :wink: I actually thought that ENTJ were not really able to understand other people feelings because of the T... but you do that so well... I am wrong, of course! :wink:

[Earl60861]

People will surprise you in many mysterious ways. Just because people are typed to do something doesn't mean it is so. Even a serial killer can save a little child from an out of control vehicle.

It doesn't matter what a person's predisposition is towards, but how they do things. There are idiots throughout the world, of all types. Further, the T doesn't meant that I'm incapable of understanding other people. There was a recent study published on LiveScience (http://www.livescience.com/humanbiol...d_readers.html) saying that we all have "mirror neurons", neurons whose only purpose is to mirror other people's emotions so as for us to understand others. It turns out, by that token, that we are all somewhat telepathic because they can pick up on minute brain waves from others. This is all assuming that this is actually correct and that it works the same in people as in monkeys. This could lead to a massive breakthrough in the cure for autism, where people can logically equate to people, but cannot emotionally equate. That being said, they can tell that you're sad because you're crying, but can't tell why, even when you mentioned your father died today and you were exceptionally close to him. In many ways, such jerks as mentioned above are mildly autistic, as they can't equate their actions with another's emotional state (or just don't care).

Yes, you can safely assume that I am how I have stated myself to be. I have no reason to lie, there is no one here who would be affected by my actions directly, and if I were a jerk, I wouldn't care anyway. Further, what purpose would there be in a civil society for acting that way? However, I myself don't know what I'll actually do whenever tested, as a test so intensive such as necessary to prove me as insensitive has never been presented. However, I have confidence I'll do the right thing. Further, even if I don't, I'll at least know where I went wrong and could reconcile with her as soon as possible (unlike others who would ask her "what'd I say?" and stare in disbelief, I never did get people like that).

[Creepy-]

sdfsd

[Satan]

A few questions to you:

if you are emotionally involved with a girl and for some reason, you can't have any relationship with her (distance, or not sure she is really emotionnally involved too for example...). What do you do? You still remain friend to her? You try to believe that love overcomes everything?
If you choose to cut off with her, do you just cut off emotionnally or you also try not to see her again? You remain friend? Or you prefer not remaining friend?

In which case do you stop any relationship to a girl? When you really don't like her anymore, or when it hurts to much to keep on?

If you really like a girl, and then meet another one, who is more "local" so to say.... What do you choose? The local one? Or the other one?

If you now choose the local one, does it mean that you don't like the other one? Or for some reason, you wanted to stop with the 1st one, but it is possible that you still like her? Are you able to be emotionnaly involved with a girl and date an other one, and still think of the first one? Or does it never happen to ENTJ and INTJ?

If you had a few dates with a girl you like, but for any reason, mentionned above (distance or whatever) you don't keep on with her, how do you use to cut off? Just stop everything and without telling her? No news to her? If she asks for a reason, do you give any? If you need to tell her you met someone else, do you just tell her : i meet someone else, or you try to soften the stuff (try to find out a nice formulation)

Important:
If you now choose to soften the way you say it, does it mean, that you somehow still care about that girl or it means nothing? Does it just mean you want to be nice?
If ENTJ or INTJ are able to be emotionnally involved with someone and date someone else, do they still date the 2. one on a serious way (a lot of quality time together) though they still think of the 1. one?
When you choose to give no reason for a "cut off" with someone, does it mean that you were especially hurt, or that this decision you took was difficult and that you avoid thinking of it, thinking of the person, and ignoring her helps you?


Thanks for your answers!

Try being direct. And just ask them. Say that it's important to you. And give them an opening to respond.

The great thing about rationals is that you can ask them questions, and they'll give answers. You don't have to buffer it as much.

[Cone]

ENTjs drive me crazy when they answer all of my questions that were specifically directed to me. It's like having your very own spokesperson who won't let you get a word in.

[Cone]

Yes, well, usually you guys do that without me asking you. I'll let you answer for me the next question that comes my way. :wink:

[Dracul]

Just remember that long distance relationships don't work. Go local.

-Tudor