EII, ILI or something else. What's my type?

[Fransiskus]

First, i took the test from a multiple websites, and the conclusion are :
Manipulated the test -> Got IEI, EII, LII, ILI multiple times -> Realized my subconscious bias -> Unreliable

I guess i need some help here

Some info that I'm 100% sure about myself :
- Have both high Ni and Ne, unsure of the location whether it's Id or Ego
- Low Se
- Not a pro in socionics
- English is not my first language, so pardon my grammar

I will write anything that comes up within my thought.

So let's get right into it


Part 1, My life :

Let's see...

- First, I am a lazy person that lacked motivation and productivity, that's what people said to me and i agreed to this. This is mostly due to bad habits i had, and whenever i am stressed, i would play music using my headset real loud, watch YouTube and Anime, gaming or mindlessly scrolling on Quora for fun

- My goal in life... is to have goal in life

- I love to contemplate anything, mostly philosophy. I spent a lot of time thinking about stuff, so i tend to be out of touch with reality, for example :
What's the meaning of life? What's my purpose in life?

- I really love space and the universe, it's honestly fascinating both to the mind and eye. What's out there lies mysteries we might never know, the Earth and us living here is just a small speck of dust in it, it's scary to think about yet intriguing...

- I love both logic and feelings, though the latter always brings me nightmare

- I'm really imaginative as a child, i tend to fantasize a lot of thing, experiment and my curiosity never ends, with a drawbacks of course with my peers calling me weird or odd.

- People often called me sweet, and smiles a lot. This embarrass me of course and i don't think i smiled for them, but it's just a habit of mine. I don't even realize if i was smiling or not until someone mentioned it, odd indeed.

- In front of strangers i'll try to be polite and smile if possible, but that failed because of my awkwardness and lack of experience talking to strangers

- Growing up in a Sensor Fe-Fi family. They really value socializing, family meetings, old ancestor traditions, social norms and etiquette
And i despise most of them, especially when it comes to socializing. This probably stunted my development of Te-Ti and forced me to grow Fe-Fi
Because of that, i often come off as harsh, blunt and rude because i don't really see the point of it, which i will regret later
( I still have basic respect and etiquette, rest assured )

- I don't like managing the financials, it's a mundane task, and who knows i might make a mistake that can lose me some money?
And in terms of financials, i rarely spend my money on things except food
Might need to learn financials, administration and business anytime soon, seems pretty important, though i still don't like it

Part 2, Friends, Projects and thought processes :

I have an SEE ( ESFp ) best ( close ) friend. He had his ambitious company and he's the self proclaimed CEO.
He's like the opposite of me :
- Find activities, shamelessly confident, high ambitions, charming and get the girls, starts a lot of projects and more emotional than me

While he does the executive part of the group, i would be the one who become the critic and advisor, foresee the future of his "company" and try to find flaws ( which is a lot )

Also, he's very unoriginal, that's what i don't like about him.
I would be the one who comes up with the idea, vision and plans, and he claimed it as his. He also likes to copy the way i talk, my behavior etc, so i guess the saying of "Imitation is the greatest form of flattery" is right here

We had conflict pretty often, mostly because of his "emotional" and "biased" demeanor to most things, and i often come off as harsh and critical towards it. But we tend to reconcile almost every single time, no idea why
I won the battle of logic and objective truth, but he won the game of power that can causes me loneliness, he has yet to realize it.

We probably need each other, because he's the one who motivates me to action.
I also needed him as a starting point to experiment with stuff i come up with, like for example when i needed to have a social experiment on Discord, i would tell him the details of the plan and such, while he's taken the initiative. Sometimes it's successful and sometimes it don't, though they all blamed it all on my friend, sorry.


In terms of project, here's what i would do :
First, visualize the end product of a project, so i can have a clear vision about it
Second, anything else to achieve the vision.

I would be open to changes and opinion regarding projects i started, but i won't let it get in a way of my main goal / vision of the end product

Part 3, Emotions and my Values.
sigh, the most painful and difficult part

- Emotions, i feel them deep, really deep, nothing specific at all, just in general. Talking about emotions and feelings gives me PTSD, not that i hated it though
If someone were to insult me, trying to be confrontational and all, i would be deeply offended because i need time to discover their motive behind it
Also, as a child, i cried a lot compared to my peers, and being in front of people always been my biggest weakness.

- Love, i deeply admired and wanted them. I often fantasize about it, yet i don't like taking the initivative... sigh

- I have trust issues, bad past, betrayal and memories.

- Don't like taking the initiative in most thing, though i liked it when people can do that

- The thing that i value the most is Loyalty and Honesty. I really hate and afraid of betrayal, trust is built overtime but if someone decided to destroy it, i would hate you forever

- I really hate being told what to do. Especially when they can do it themselves. I'm not the lazy one here, you are

This is because mostly i value independence and freedom. I don't like intruding other people, they should be left alone on their devices unless we want to talk or if it's something important, such as asking to hanging out or play video games together

Independent thinking and individuals is really important in a group, and i don't really like Collectivism.
One on one conversation is more effective than group talks.

Group talks would be nice only if an idea flourish from each individual that can contribute to productivity and the desired goals, and criticism is important only if it's constructive. Jerks better be off because they contribute nothing to the group and society, they're rarely nice and cooperative

Good leadership is desirable, but again, if they were to value each individual and independent thinking. Of course with limits, we don't want wild ideas that contribute nothing at all to the goals, so it's important to have a leader

That's all

I tried my best to write with a dynamic flow, but looks like i can't stop myself putting on random facts that might be useful. Plus i didn't really planned for this, there's a lot of key points here and there to be memorized so i just write this spontaneously, because i hate memorizing.

edit : corrected statements and grammar

[Ocean Man]

I think ILI over EII if you're still between those two right now.

[Metaphor]

ILI. Also, how did you manipulate the test if I may know?

Because that might happen when you got fixated to a type and intended to make the artificial version of it as a part of your mindset.

[Fransiskus]

@Fransiskus
There's something very endearing about how you write.
Out of curiosity, what's your first language?
And what's your gender? Gender is important to consider because of societal influences.

Actually, you express yourself very, very similarly to how my French ESI-Fi friend writes, when she writes in English.
Anyway, I also think you're ILI.

Roughly how old are you? In my earlier life I had an SLE best friend and had many complaints about her at the time, but after we stopped talking it was the one friendship I always missed for some reason (that I found when I learned about Socionics).

A1. My first language is Indonesian, and i prefer English most of the time. There may be a few reasons on why i prefer English, but it's mostly because it just sounds good, second it's because of my weak nationalism
A2. Male
A3. 18 yrs old

[Fransiskus]

ILI. Also, how did you manipulate the test if I may know?

Because that might happen when you got fixated to a type and intended to make the artificial version of it as a part of your mindset.

You just said it
That's why I'm here to avoid the bias

[Metaphor]

Oh, lol... okay.

[Fransiskus]

I'm curious ( i hope you're not bored with this )

What makes you guys think I'm an ILI over EII? Is there any kind of fundamental differences between those 2 type?
What makes my ILI-ness is more apparent than EII, both in theory and in practice?

Is it because of my Ni usage?
You know I'm pretty sure i don't fit in with the ILI bluntness, straight-forwarded and harsh critic towards everyone.

I tend to act nice in front of strangers and shut my mouth with whatever harsh judgement i had towards that person, secondly because of my low self esteem. Doing that will just cause interpersonal problem, and it's a pain to compromise the factual accuracy over that person only to be nice all over again

I often had the logical answers by myself regarding this problem, but i needed a factual data to prove it incase I'm wrong, especially by the experts here

I've always had doubts with my type due to my bias, and i often get EII than ILI in most tests.
I have also read the theories, description for each type, so I'm going to point out my doubts here, wishing you guys can help

Part 1, Dreams :

Dreams often gives me the answer. Dreams are my seer, it's value is limitless, and i can't even utilize that well, it's probably intuition
Whatever question i had during the night, the next day it was solved like it was nothing, then i forgot about it. There's many answers and insight that is lost due to my forgetfulness, what's left is the impression of memory it had to me
My subconsciousness is way stronger than I am, it can tackle complex logical problems like it's a 1+1 and then come into a conclusion, it happens a lot when i was asleep

Dreams are mysterious, who knows what mystery a dream can unfold in this universe? The insights are easy to lost, since the person might not be quick enough to write it down.

Part 2, Self esteem :

Self esteem plays a major part in answering the tests. Whenever a question arises like "Are you logical, that value productivity etc etc?", i often doubt myself
So i tend to go with the easier answer that i know like "are you an empathetic person that knows the emotional atmosphere in a social situation?"

Regarding the latest statement, it's because of experience, nothing much and nothing less

Part 3, Theories and Type description
I can relate to both Delta and Gamma quadra. and there's much more than only that
Like for example, the Judicious / Decisive dichotomies :

- Natural state is relaxed / readiness
I don't get it. I mean... i often had nothing to do in my daily lives, so i just tend to relax all day and play video games...
Yeah i have a feeling that's not what it meant right

- What does it means to be Decisive in terms of the Socionics theory?
Usually, it takes a while for me to make decision whenever forced, so people calls me indecisive and "slow". Remember when i said i don't like being told what to do? Yup, still hating it...

- Work best when they can relax beforehand
Sounds a lot like me, I'm really lazy and lacks energy. It's a different scenario when it's the thing i have interests though

Part 4, The bias

Who knows I'm making the decision because the part of the mindset that @Deductive talks about?
Also, who knows i might grew up hating social situations because of the environment i live in? Not because of my actual elements?

I also don't understand the meaning of being "Ethical". I can't really grasp my head over it. Is it feelings? Emotions? Etiquette?

To be honest, I've been emotionally manipulated once because of my lack understanding of interpersonal problems. It's like... the intuition tells me that something is wrong and sometimes i realized it, but i can't act towards it because i don't know what to act, what to say and et cetera...

=================

edit : grammar, statements

[Fransiskus]

@Fransiskus You seem to me you approach everything in a meticulous logical manner. even with how you present your "data" about yourself to us, it's so systematically structured. I just don't see an EII doing this. You also describe often knowing the logical answer, but keeping it to yourself. That's not very 2D Ti/1D Te at all.

At 18 I think it can be normal to not yet have flourished with your creative, and it won't be in your conscious self-perception yet. for myself, I only saw Ni and Ti in myself. you also rarely see your demonstrative at that stage because it's pretty unconscious. personally, i just wasn't aware of my Demo Fi/Creative Fe until I read my type description. I knew I was IEI from the beginning, though, so it's a little different.

Your gripes with laziness and lack of self discipline is honestly very common for Ni bases and not as much for Ni demos. sure, EIIs also have a bit of this problem, but they are IJ types and IME still tend to be more disciplined than IP types.
Also you struggle with being unsure. Both with your logical assessments but also your type and "bias" that you fear. This is not so much indicative of weak T as it is of Ni. Being unsure and indecisive is textbook Ni base. Contrast this with Se bases, who are very "sure" and go for it.

Decisiveness.. as an IP type I don't often enter a mobilized state, but when I do, I have a hell of a time exiting it. I personally experience it as a difficulty in exiting mobilization.

ILIs being harsh, blunt, etc is a stereotype. That's just the description of a jerk. A lot of ILIs are decent people, and like you, have some care for avoiding interpersonal conflict.

Being ethical basically means some sort of fluency in emotional and relational contexts. Now, if the person has some sort of social anxiety, for example, this will hinge on their self-perceived fluency.

Thanks for the answer, that's actually pretty helpful

Looks like identifying my type will take a little while more, while i have eliminated the possibility of being EII, now LII is more likely
This time for sure, 98%, it's between ILI and LII ( or ILE ), sigh

I've been considering my Vulnerable / Suggestive elements now, either Fe / Se which is pretty difficult for me to differentiate
With that so, you don't really have to trouble yourself into this if that's your choice

[persimmonism]

Thanks for the answer, that's actually pretty helpful

Looks like identifying my type will take a little while more, while i have eliminated the possibility of being EII, now LII is more likely
This time for sure, 98%, it's between ILI and LII ( or ILE ), sigh

I've been considering my Vulnerable / Suggestive elements now, either Fe / Se which is pretty difficult for me to differentiate
With that so, you don't really have to trouble yourself into this if that's your choice

I would definitely say ILI
I know a handful of LIIs and EIIs (Se PoLR) and being lazy, sure, is a qualm they have about themselves, but it never seems to be as much at the forefront of their concerns as it is for you. On the other hand, from what I know about myself and my father (ILI), it's definitely something we just.. think about. it's kind of a "thing" for us, if you know what I mean. not so much with Se PoLRs.