Sorry if this is the wrong forum to post. I'm studying Quadras at the moment but have problems finding where I belong.
So I've been told by people around me that I'm probably LSI. Thing is the Beta quadra seems extremely threatening to me, I don't think I could get along with people who are constantly vying for power and domination. If I was a character from Game of Thrones, I'd definitely die from a stress-induced cancer. I also hate any big groups, especially the ideological ones as they remind me of cults. In all honesty I feel like I might be a mistyped SLI or ESI with lousy social skills. Also I'm too pessimistic to be a positivist.
I've realized that I pretty much preach about and want to adhere to the Delta values (they seem like the most "correct" and "secure" way to live); sometimes secretly idealize Gamma ones for personal success but am told by people around me that I act and think like a Beta. I feel as though Deltas exist only in a utopia and the world is overrun by Betas so I have to be on guard to not fall prey to them.
I've read about LSIs seeking to be any part of a hierarchy and thriving in those situations. On the contrary, I try and avoid places like that where I'm going to be below someone in the pecking order. Didn't join the military for that reason. I used to dream of being a surgeon but changed my mind during my rotations after being ordered around and constantly threatened. I had to use antiemetics to not throw up from the stress. Punishments were common but I did whatever I was told diligently without question so I never received one. To get it out of my system, on my last shift I told my superior that he is famous for being a power tripping jerk whom everyone hates.
The only reason I've studied medicine is to have a stable income without dealing with any corporate overlords. I'm going to open my own practice when I can afford it just to not have anyone above me. I also used to have a feud with the class president (probably LSE) over the despotic rules he would make; to me he had no business making rules as he was simply a student. Curiously he started to treat me like a friend after I yelled at him in front of everyone, if someone did that to me they would get on my shit list.
An EII told me that I actually love hierarchies and power struggles but dislike not being at the top and that if I was a Delta I could tolerate being a subordinate or wouldn't accuse people of trying to dominate me. If that was true, wouldn't it be fun and easy to me instead of feeling like fighting for my life? Also wouldn't I join in and go for the top position instead of avoiding them altogether? I simply want to be left alone to do my job in peace.
Had the same problem with MBTI, I would test as ISTJ but the stereotypes of "dutiful minion" never seemed right to me.