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Thread: Write a Dating Profile That You Would Resond To

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    Default Write a Dating Profile That You Would Resond To

    A thread where you can write down the dating profile of your perfect mate.

    A profile which, when you read it, would make you want to hit that "Respond" button.

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    I'm sure everyone here can guess why I started this thread. Yes, I'm talking to you, ESIs.

    I've been on Match for a few years with a long, brutally honest description of myself, and what I get, constantly, are responses from Alpha SFs. Lots and lots of them. Zero responses from ESIs. This morning I got a Like and a message from a woman who looks ESE. She says "Hey, Adam, we have lots in common." ....Right.

    In fact, when I do spot an ESI (by VI) and I message her, she almost always closes her profile and leaves Match.
    Goddammit, girl, every guy has a pedo-van in the background of some of his profile pics. Lighten up.

    Anyway, I can only conclude that what I've written about myself isn't what ESIs are looking for, and I strongly suspect that that's true for every person who has a dating profile out there.

    So here's your chance to educate your Dual in what you want to see from them. Help them be the person they should be.

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    Incidentally, one of the ways that I recognize ESIs in their written profiles is by their inclusion of a statement that says "Family is very important to me", and "I like to stay home with a movie or a book, but I clean up pretty well to go out." That, and about half of them like to watch sports.

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    Have you asked your ESI decorator to write a profile for you?


    Speaking as a non-ESI, I don't think an online profile would really tell me I found my ideal man. A lot of what I want has to do with character and habits, which tend to need demonstrating rather than declaring. I do know there are things that would certainly push me away. While it's not fair, presentation does matter to an extent (it might matter even more to an ESI). For example, I quickly rejected a match whose main (only?) profile picture was him dressed up as a giant whoopie cushion.


    I think an ESI might respond to someone who is:

    - Responsible (steady job, good title)
    - Reliable (has lived in the same place for awhile, responds in a timely fashion but maybe not *right* away)
    - Creative (but not too much)
    - Good or at least decent looking (do NOT lie about this to them - have accurate, current, professional photos)
    - Able to be friendly (include (true) references to friends/family)
    - Able to be independent (include examples of solo endeavors)
    - Respectful (don't make fun of anyone ever unless they've already done so and even then be careful)

    Those are some ideas off the top of my head. I'm trying to think what the ESIs I know tend to think toward people they've just met.


    ...I mean, you *could* try doing a separate account and just have yourself dressed as a giant whoopie cushion to see what happens. Maybe I'm totally off base and ESIs might actually go for that. Then you could pleasantly surprise them by being an actual human being who can communicate in full sentences.
    Oh, to find you in dreams - mixing prior, analog, and never-beens... facts slip and turn and change with little lucidity. except the strong, permeating reality of emotion.

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    What kinda thing have you written on your profile? I wish I could I remember the stuff I used to have on my profile..mine’s pretty boring atm. There should be something on yours that suggests you are reflective and thoughtful

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I'm sure everyone here can guess why I started this thread. Yes, I'm talking to you, ESIs.

    I've been on Match for a few years with a long, brutally honest description of myself, and what I get, constantly, are responses from Alpha SFs. Lots and lots of them. Zero responses from ESIs. This morning I got a Like and a message from a woman who looks ESE. She says "Hey, Adam, we have lots in common." ....Right.

    In fact, when I do spot an ESI (by VI) and I message her, she almost always closes her profile and leaves Match.
    Goddammit, girl, every guy has a pedo-van in the background of some of his profile pics. Lighten up.

    Anyway, I can only conclude that what I've written about myself isn't what ESIs are looking for, and I strongly suspect that that's true for every person who has a dating profile out there.

    So here's your chance to educate your Dual in what you want to see from them. Help them be the person they should be.
    Ha, some socionics catfishing then? Maybe the socionics-ignorant plebs don’t go straight for their duals or quadra. You apparently get a lot of super-ego attention, so maybe sprinkling some deceitfully LII-ish qualities into your profile could get your dual’s attention? Lol. Maybe even boasting a few ESI qualities you lack could work too since it would give them something to relate to.

    Also, have you tried being a total weirdo and just asking some of the ESIs you find about what kind of profiles they like? Just be like, “Hey girl, why don’t you like me? Huh? You don’t wanna date me? Well, show me the profiles of REAL men that I can to look up to better myself!”. Ehhhhh, maybe not like that. No, definitely not… I mean, you’d be pretty desperate to do that, but… I suppose it could turn out helpful.

    Damn. Good luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    Ha, some socionics catfishing then? Maybe the socionics-ignorant plebs don’t go straight for their duals or quadra. You apparently get a lot of super-ego attention, so maybe sprinkling some deceitfully LII-ish qualities into your profile could get your dual’s attention? Lol. Maybe even boasting a few ESI qualities you lack could work too since it would give them something to relate to.

    Also, have you tried being a total weirdo and just asking some of the ESIs you find about what kind of profiles they like? Just be like, “Hey girl, why don’t you like me? Huh? You don’t wanna date me? Well, show me the profiles of REAL men that I can to look up to better myself!”. Ehhhhh, maybe not like that. No, definitely not… I mean, you’d be pretty desperate to do that, but… I suppose it could turn out helpful.

    Damn. Good luck.
    @Djinn, I AM pretty desperate and I HAVE asked ESIs what they like. Most of them say they like ILIs.

    I don’t see the process of finding out what they are looking for as “catfishing”. If they are looking for an ILI, well, I can’t help them. But if they are looking for a set of traits that I have but I’m not mentioning in my profile, then perhaps I can push those traits forward, rather than the facts that I take dancing lessons and owned a Poodle.

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    I know you aren’t trying to catfish, rather, I was recommending it. Controversial, I know. But typical catfishing just benefits one person whereas duality is mutual. You would just need to be careful.
    Just enough to get a bite so you can reel them in and sway them with the duality they didn’t know they needed.
    Maybe that’s too Machiavellian though.

    And lol, I would assume ILIs are interested in neither dancing nor poodles.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    I know you aren’t trying to catfish, rather, I was recommending it. Controversial, I know. But typical catfishing just benefits one person whereas duality is mutual. You would just need to be careful.
    Just enough to get a bite so you can reel them in and sway them with the duality they didn’t know they needed.
    Maybe that’s too Machiavellian though.

    And lol, I would assume ILIs are interested in neither dancing nor poodles.
    To be perfectly honest, @Djinn, my intentions are EXACTLY to get them to go out on one or two dates with me. The first to get them to Dualize, and the second to make it clear to them that those feelings they had (Duality) on the first date repeat on repeated exposure, and they weren't due to the weather conditions.

    However, getting my Duals to the table in the first place is incredibly difficult. Neither they nor I would naturally interact if I didn't know about Socionics.
    I do interact with several male Duals, but that is through work relationships.

    I'm talking to the ESI-Se interior decorator because I bought her artwork. I basically made it worth her time to keep seeing me, albeit at year-long intervals at first. It took a long time for us to spend enough time together for her to see any special value in my personality. Unfortunately, by then, she had decided that she liked women, and not surprisingly, she chose as GFs an SLE, then an LSI, and now an ESI. There may have been others, but certainly no LIEs.
    My trajectory in dating was similar, so we, as Dual pairs, are not naturally attracted to each other.*

    Hence, my plan to attract one and spend time with her, and then let Socionics take its course.

    *I have a chart of people whom I know and have typed, and seven ESIs are with ILIs, six ESIs are with ESIs, and three ESIs are with LIEs. That's out of 27 ESIs that I know. Not great odds for an ESI to get with an LIE, I'd say.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    when I do spot an ESI (by VI) and I message her, she almost always closes her profile and leaves Match.
    As you try choosing "best" ones, so those are more picky. And you should prefer fertile age (< 40 yo). Age difference may appear a factor. > 10 years can be critical.

    Lets suppose types are mostly as you think.
    Those who writes you as 1st. ESIs are lesser possibly initiate contact as 1st, than alpha SF.
    SEI are easier for surface relations and hence have lesser initial requirements, write to more of people. ESE are extraverts what arises their contacts. Also Si types are more tolerate to uncommon, an example of what is age difference in pairs.

    What to write in a profile to attract ESI some more.
    Mb achievements in job and life - real as projects done. They value honesty, lesser of dark places about people.

    Dating sites (in now format) are more appropriate for finding short entertainments. It's lesser common appoach for ESI types.
    They may sit there and await for a prince. And to reject the most of men who may post them 1st, as the most who posts them have easier approach than they want, or those men are suspected to be more complex cases than average (anything unusual or wrong scares them more than most other types).

    For seeking ESIs it's more important to give more info about you from the start. It's so for IRL contacts where they may see you more of a time. Alike you'd were neibours, in same IRL fan club, worked near, visited same places regularly, etc. May be you may help them IRL and so they may like your professionalism and be grateful, besides understanding you some better initially. Then ESI may know you step by step and mb to accept it. In Internet it should be too easy to scary them, especially if you have some evident traits below common (age or other).
    If they don't like something (base Fi are very emotionally prejusticed + simplified perception of S types) in 1st communications - they can be scared more than other types too. "Wrong" opinion about something, "wrong" action and you may not get 2nd chance to show yourself from more sides.

    My grandfather was liked by younger ESI (as I may assume her type) when she saw him at work for significant time. Also he studed her group. He had good achievements at job, also teachers are perceived as higher skilled ones.
    Instead of common dating on dating sites, is more useful to offer ESI a help in something IRL. Mb you may teach students too. Or do other service for people, where interesting ESI (without pairs) may happen.

    > Anyway, I can only conclude that what I've written about myself isn't what ESIs are looking for, and I strongly suspect that that's true for every person who has a dating profile out there.

    An example of ESI which talks about her experience on dating sites She's single (has a kid boy), though I'd recommended to be lesser picky about her intellectual interests and skills. She'd could be good pair if to value her soul and body. If you'd offered her make a tourist visit USA with you taking spares, she'd could to think. If you want ESI and assured in your appropriate type, this has a chance for good final. Some requirements mb reduced to get more in other, for a time which you have in life. She's ~38 yo.
    If you would not created this thread, I'd not pointed on her. May be it's a fate.

    > So here's your chance to educate your Dual in what you want to see from them.

    It's possibly to ask her about this too. Not sure, but some basic English she may know.


    her instagram
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Maybe try browsing the site with a female profile to see what people who vibe like you write? Then again you won't be able to tell who is getting lucky. How about asking males what worked for them? There must already exist such answered questions on reddit/quora etc


    In my early 20s I texted a kinda larger than life chef guy on okc who suggested we meet that same day. I think I deleted my profile once I read that

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    However, getting my Duals to the table in the first place is incredibly difficult. Neither they nor I would naturally interact if I didn't know about Socionics.
    Yeah, there's often not much overlap in interests; I have yet to meet an ESI interested in politics and programming, and I'm a bit interested into exercising, yet I lack the Gung ho! attitude that most ESIs I know have regarding exercising and sports.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Unfortunately, by then, she had decided that she liked women, and not surprisingly, she chose as GFs an SLE, then an LSI, and now an ESI.
    Since apparently one decides on their sexuality, do you know where the next store is where I can buy some more? My current one is totally out of fashion namely and I want to show everyone a new one at the new year's celebration.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I have a chart of people whom I know and have typed, and seven ESIs are with ILIs, six ESIs are with ESIs, and three ESIs are with LIEs. That's out of 27 ESIs that I know. Not great odds for an ESI to get with an LIE, I'd say.
    As a statistician I'd have to point out that LIEs are quite rare, while ESIs are more frequent, so it's not that much of a surprise that ESIs don't regularly get together with a nice LIE. I'm far more interested, however, in the odds of LIEs matching up with an ESI versus any other type?



    Quote Originally Posted by Djinn View Post
    And lol, I would assume ILIs are interested in neither dancing nor poodles.
    Not relevant, but I know at least one ILI with a poodle, though.



    My ideal dating profile:
    Friendly and confident profile picture in a sports setting.

    Introduces his name, expresses that he's looking for a serious relationship. Then he tells about his study or occupation, after which he discusses sports and music. He also mentions how he loves animals and perhaps describes some of the places that he has visited or still wants to visit.

    -Is looking for a monogamous, long-term relationship.
    -Is around the same age as me.
    -Studies or has studied ( preferably in something sports related ).
    -Is financially independent.
    -Loves animals.
    -Enjoys sports or exercising.
    -Preferably enjoys listening to Bastille, Coldplay, IDKHOW, Weathers, Saint Motel, or Imagine Dragons, but tries out new styles from time to time.
    -In the ideal world would be interested into politics, but at least is open-minded to learn about it. Or has some societal involvement, for instance by working for a charity.
    -Cares about Climate Change.
    -Cares about poor people, or at least expresses concern when I mention them.

    -Has an open mind.
    -Likes going on city trips.
    -Enjoys watching Science fiction, or at least is fine watching it, such as the DUNE, Interstellar, or INCEPTION and TENET.
    -Preferred, but not a must, speaks at least one language besides English or Dutch.
    -Wants to try out new things in life.
    -Ideally has a healthy family relationship.
    -Is confident, or puts forward a confident front, but has deep feelings underneath.
    -Messages me back within a couple days with more than one-word replies.
    -Takes the initiative at times to message me first.
    -If possible has read more than one book for fun.
    -Likes trying out new food.
    -Dresses well.


    Probably I should focus less on my study and my care about Climate Change, and more on sports, because my own profile seems to attract mostly intuitiors, both thinkers and feelers. I do receive messages from Se-users on occassion, but only the extraverted ones who are looking for a quick hook-up... I always thought it was because I'm in my twenties, but I spoke to some gay acquintances who are older than me, yet they report the same problem. The gay hook-up culture is rather prevalent and toxic.
    Last edited by Armitage; 03-15-2022 at 12:42 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalinoche buenanoche View Post
    Maybe try browsing the site with a female profile to see what people who vibe like you write? Then again you won't be able to tell who is getting lucky. How about asking males what worked for them? There must already exist such answered questions on reddit/quora etc
    The author of Data: A Love Story did that alternate profile creation along with a lot of other methods to improve her profile. Expanding geographic range included. I read it too long ago and before I knew socionics to have a sense of whether she found her dual, but regardless it's a really fun read. Maybe something to pick up while your knee injury has you sitting more? Could read it standing up?

    Re. improving profile, there are even professional dating coaches too... Damona Hoffman who has a podcast 'Dates & Mates' is the first that comes to mind.

    As an ESI, hm I have more experience with Tinder where shorter profiles are the norm than Match, but I would say I'm impressed by short statements that say a lot- but the Te>Ne valuing should also be clear. In my case I don't like dating sites or apps (especially how I end up changing what i'm looking for when i'm on them) so I don't use them. Not like I have other great methods of trying to meet my duals IRL, that's not currently a focus for me, though it will become one a yearish or so from now, probably.

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    Hmmm, a woman I dated last year from Match just sent me this image: https://imgur.com/a/IljHlTO

    I think she's more romantic than I am. All relationships involve some self-deception, but I don't drink and I don't wear a hat.

    Maybe I should start. Lol.

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    After seeing this I can now only read Adam's messages with a coarse detective noir voice-over in my mind.

    'I found her. The expression of disdain turned her lovely face into something wicked, something to be afraid of. With glaring eyes her suave lips said to me: “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.”, and then she pulled the trigger.'


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    Dunno Adam, lots of people have told you before you come off more like a ILE than a LIE. Your 'Fi polr' is probably more the reason you are having trouble with relationships than a Si polr. Being a Gamma-like Alpha goes against the system I created as I do think it's too farfetched but whatever , maybe I'm wrong and there really is such a thing as Alpha-like Gammas.

    The reason you're not attracting ESIs is they often like their men kind of dark and negative and trailer trash-y. Like ILIs often are. /hides. They are basically looking for bolder ILI types- cuz ILI and LIE are mirrors. You OTOH try to be more positive and 'good.' Just like a child like ALPHA- the opposite of Gamma. You also make playful and light-hearted jokes. Women don't really want that romantically tbh- they want somebody more stern and serious. Or they want to turn some asshole douche bully str8 breeder dickwad into a nicer civilized man- they don't really want to bother with turning a nice civlized guy that doesn't vote for Trump into some ravage beast.

    You're also approachable with people but women don't really want men that are approachable - they want somebody that can intimidate others and is mean- because it makes them feel safe from predators. They want to know you can easily snap somebody's neck if they are being harrassed in a way they don't like. Not really only IEI women- but that is probably the most campy example of that. But almost every woman wants this- whereas you always end up doing the exact opposite of what they crave instinctually. ((not if you actually get them in bed with you but I mean, the way you try to seduce is backwards lol)) Yet you're also really smart and know when a woman is just after you for your bank account and won't let her do this or lower yourself to be Beta cucked either. So I think that is why you are alone really. There's also the reality that you are very guarded emotionally usually- whereas women are drawn to sensitivity, they are just into more broody bad boys that are secretly sensitive. You otoh quote Wayne Dyer instead of emotionally connect with women in the way that they like.

    Sorry for the reverse supervision guy but this is more easier for me to read through than an adult person with a high IQ doing the Highlights puzzles. Your alpha nice guy ness- yeah it's attractive to ESE women because it's like you being ILE-like is an inversion of LII. On paper the ESEs think they are getting a LII when they are not. With their 4D demo Se ESE women can in a strange way be the 'least str8-girl like women' out of the other women... and so they actually are into the nice guy Beta male thing you do even though it would generally repulse most women. But then they too get repulsed lol because they still want a guy to make the first move, but you don't make the first move you just are all 'oh that's an ESE - it's clearly not for me!' and dismiss her. I actually think that that is your best shot really- I think you might need to give up on this LIE-ESI fairytale in your head because in a practical way I just don't see it working.

    I thought about doing your exercise before. But I can't. Later maybe, but not now. Maybe I will do it the way you intend but I don't see the point because I'm naturally ambivalent and I don't know what I want, what I say I want 'on paper' often ends up just being not it at all- so it's like, it's empty to me. It means nothing. It's a pointless exercise you know? Because I just can't see it as something that would really get me the type of relationship that I want.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Armitage View Post
    After seeing this I can now only read Adam's messages with a coarse detective noir voice-over in my mind.

    'I found her. The expression of disdain turned her lovely face into something wicked, something to be afraid of. With glaring eyes her suave lips said to me: “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.”, and then she pulled the trigger.'

    @Armitage, a couple of years ago, one of the women on the forum said that, when she read my posts, she always heard the voice of Sterling Archer.

    Not sure how she knew we had similar mothers.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZz7LBz4Y8I

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    I think duality is bullshit, yet again, I think most things pertaining to romance and relations are.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shazaam View Post
    Dunno Adam, lots of people have told you before you come off more like a ILE than a LIE.
    So far, I don't share this impression; his goal-orientedness, logic that points towards one clear solution, instead of many, and his focus on the future convince me that he is accurately a LIE. Though Adam probably knows himself best.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shazaam View Post
    The reason you're not attracting ESIs is they often like their men kind of dark and negative and trailer trash-y. Like ILIs often are. /hides. They are basically looking for bolder ILI types- cuz ILI and LIE are mirrors.
    LIEs are positivists to ESI's negativism, while ILIs are negativists to SEE's positivism. Also, in order for LIEs to be successful entrepreneurs, they have to be optimistic, because otherwise they give up at the first failure, whereas being an entrepreneur is all about persistence. My ILI friends are oftentimes paralysed by their negativistic Ni, because they see so many potential problems that they do not even dare to start an undertaking. This is why they need SEEs, because the ILIs will be the trusty advisor to the SEE's impulsive actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shazaam View Post
    Women don't really want that romantically tbh- they want somebody more stern and serious. Or they want to turn some asshole douche bully str8 breeder dickwad into a nicer civilized man- they don't really want to bother with turning a nice civlized guy that doesn't vote for Trump into some ravage beast.

    You're also approachable with people but women don't really want men that are approachable - they want somebody that can intimidate others and is mean- because it makes them feel safe from predators. They want to know you can easily snap somebody's neck if they are being harrassed in a way they don't like. Not really only IEI women- but that is probably the most campy example of that. But almost every woman wants this-
    All in all, to me this sounds like you're describing a SLE actually, instead of a LIE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shazaam View Post
    There's also the reality that you are very guarded emotionally usually
    This I cannot deny. I too used to be very guarded emotionally and only learned to open up thanks to my friends, as they provided me the safety to be vulnerable. I think all LIEs generally encounter difficulty with opening up emotionally, being vulnerable, and depending on others, in part because of our 1D Fi, which is even more of an issue for LIE-Te's. Instead of opening up I find it generally easier to act as if everything is going well, than to let people close and admit my failures to them. Adam at times answering with logical exposés or with jokes to avoid emotional subjects I thus find only befitting for a LIE, especially when being pushed for an answer. It is what I myself have done for years.
    Though that this might be typifying for LIEs does not make it beneficial. In my experience it's definitely good to work on these issues, possibly with the help of a therapist. Intimate relationships require mutual vulnerability and opening up to each other, therefore any improvement in this area increase your odds of having a happy relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shazaam View Post
    but you don't make the first move you just are all 'oh that's an ESE - it's clearly not for me!' and dismiss her. I actually think that that is your best shot really- I think you might need to give up on this LIE-ESI fairytale in your head because in a practical way I just don't see it working.
    I agree, it might be good to simply go on more dates, also with different types, just to see what works for you and what does not. Like End said, healthy attachment is more important than type. Probably these experiences will also be more informative to you, than waiting for other people's answers here on the forum to your dating questions. You're your own unique individual, so what works for another might not work for you. Also, dating is a numbers game, so going on more dates increases your chances of finding the person right for you. So I'd recommend you to go out there, get more experience, and improve your dating skills, so you will find the woman with whom you fit, who you love, and who loves you.
    Last edited by Armitage; 01-01-2022 at 04:03 PM.

  21. #21

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    Btw I barely look at what a person says about themselves on their profile. (Although don’t like it if they put nothing). I think you can tell a lot from someone’s face/style alone. I also look at where they work. Then I look them up on LinkedIn/Facebook :s

    Saying that I had 4 dates with a dual who looked cool on his profile but definitely did not work out well. Looking at his profile again now..he’s just not quite my ‘type’ in the traditional sense. Or his face isn’t quite right or something.

    At first I thought he was nice looking but by date 4 when I’d got to know him I was like nah I don’t think he’s attractive. Now I think I’d be able to tell more quickly if someone had potential, just from practice.

  22. #22
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    Based on @Armitage's list; mine is smaller.

    - Is looking for a monogamous, long-term relationship.
    - Is younger than me.
    - Doesn't have kids.
    - Is not a ho (doesn't have STD).
    - Is intelligent and formally educated (bachelor's or up).
    - Likes pets and animals.
    - Likes hiking, talking long walks, and traveling.
    - Sees herself as an ambivert or an introverted extravert.
    - Takes initiative but doesn't impose on others.
    - Likes to cook and/or is a big foodie.
    - Has an independent and adventurous spirit.
    - Dresses mostly conservatively, but somewhat quirky.
    Last edited by Park; 03-15-2022 at 05:25 PM.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  23. #23

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    Say something like I'm looking for a woman that can handle my wild lifestyle lol idk. Isn't Romance styles how types attract each other?

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