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Thread: Limerence

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    Sentry Lady Lunacik's Avatar
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    Default Limerence

    I'm just creating a new thread on this topic out of respect for OP's wishes in this thread: https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...-and-limerence
    ESI-Se ✰ ISFP
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    (I think this is a defective system that fails to capture who/how I am for the most part, though. I relate to NONE of the driving motives/defense mechanisms behind any type.)

    "I think that it is sometimes really hard for us to understand what someone else's journey is . . . I think that is part of the intrigue . . . but when we don't understand someone else's culture, or where they have been, we can often misinterpret their actions and what they mean because of that." — Georgia Dow


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    Sentry Lady Lunacik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CptLandhawk View Post
    It means to rest and build strength back up. We have a similar saying in Spanish. If you translate everything 1 to 1 from certain languages without adjusting it to context in English, you get confusing moments like this, and I'd go a step further to say It's possibly distorted some of our understanding of socionics...but that's for another thread




    As for the topic at hand I share your opinion. I'm pretty sober when it comes to romance and relationships. Attraction I feel very strongly. Limerence on the other hand, sounds like what I've criticized in others for years, but now I finally have the word. In my opinion It's good to take sober and realistic note of what keeps the two individuals together...not to get wrapped up in fantasy.Once I have enough exposure to determin, not only that it's realistic to keep this thing going,but that we're both on the same page and headed in the same direction, then and only then can I develop love. Anything outside of that is just attraction
    That was helpful, thanks. I hadn't considered that possibility. I shouldn't have had that attitude toward it before inquiring more. That was a lesson learned for me, I'll try to keep a more open/receptive mind in the future.


    I have criticized similar things, but in my case, it's been about general willful self-delusion in relationships. I always think of this song when I think about this subject...



    I suspect that one reason some people would want limerence and lies is that they believe reality is unable to supply them with happiness. Some people are also just emotionally weak and won't face it, though. Sad, since that always produces worse outcomes in their lives. It's better to rip off the band-aid, get through it, and move on to better options.
    ESI-Se ✰ ISFP
    Enneagram: 6 Sx/Sx/Sx/So -ish, Tritype 628
    (I think this is a defective system that fails to capture who/how I am for the most part, though. I relate to NONE of the driving motives/defense mechanisms behind any type.)

    "I think that it is sometimes really hard for us to understand what someone else's journey is . . . I think that is part of the intrigue . . . but when we don't understand someone else's culture, or where they have been, we can often misinterpret their actions and what they mean because of that." — Georgia Dow


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    Some people also end up flipping their entire lives around to accommodate someone who is not ideal for them, or makes it one sided and end up in really bad situations due to limerence.

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    Hmm, where one sees limerance, another sees love. I honestly don't like words like this, they have too much precision. I want it to be love, unhealthy and healthy, good and bad.

    I could use this diagram:



    Unfortunately, I don't stop thinking about the ones I love and I won't stop. Everything seems to be describing behaviors and thought patterns and not feelings.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Eudaimonia View Post
    Hmm, where one sees limerance, another sees love. I honestly don't like words like this, they have too much precision. I want it to be love, unhealthy and healthy, good and bad.

    I could use this diagram:



    Unfortunately, I don't stop thinking about the ones I love and I won't stop. Everything seems to be describing behaviors and thought patterns and not feelings.
    According to this, I've never felt love, only limerence, minus the giving affection part. I always give more than I receive.

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    The Evening and the Morning Star Eudaimonia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JetteroLo View Post
    According to this, I've never felt love, only limerence, minus the giving affection part. I always give more than I receive.
    I hope that changes for you.


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    I think this article explains linerence well enough.
    https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.min...cles/limerence
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




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    Quote Originally Posted by Eudaimonia View Post
    Hmm, where one sees limerance, another sees love. I honestly don't like words like this, they have too much precision. I want it to be love, unhealthy and healthy, good and bad.

    Unfortunately, I don't stop thinking about the ones I love and I won't stop. Everything seems to be describing behaviors and thought patterns and not feelings.
    I'm confused about the unhealthy part. As to why you'd what that?

    I don't think anyone actually stops thinking about people they love. In the case of limerence, it seems to be obsession to the point of over interpreting things that happen between them and other, not seeing the person for who they really are and ignoring red flags and things like that. It's like not giving the other person a chance to be accepted for who they are because you've built up and image of them that you want.
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




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    Quote Originally Posted by Luna Lovegood View Post
    I'm confused about the unhealthy part. As to why you'd what that?

    I don't think anyone actually stops thinking about people they love. In the case of limerence, it seems to be obsession to the point of over interpreting things that happen between them and other, not seeing the person for who they really are and ignoring red flags and things like that. It's like not giving the other person a chance to be accepted for who they are because you've built up and image of them that you want.

    I don't remember what point I was trying to make here.


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    I didn’t check the description but I’ve come across it before and I related to it because it’s always been one sided and as a result kind of obsessive on my end. Now I’ve just given up; but yeah as a teenager and early 20s I’ve probably experienced limerence several times

    now I feel jaded and don’t have crushes quite as often as I used to.

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