Struggle about gamma introvert activation (ILI & ESI)
I asked this question on discord but I wanted to write it down on the forum too. Maybe I will have new opinions and thoughts on it.
I have a fitness trainer (an ESI) with whom I do one session a week. For the first time in several months I found his attitude unpleasant. He insisted that I do a balance exercise with my eyes closed which I couldn't do (really, I tried many times). He wanted to continue it despite my remarks ("I'm going to fall") so I told him I wanted to stop.
He (in his own way) tried to talk me out of it by provoking me (e.g., by saying "are you sure you want to stop on a failure ?") I didn't say another word to him for the whole hour of the session and I think the experience shook me emotionally. I don't know how to handle the situation because I have the impression that for him it is normal to take risks. However, I told him several times that I don't do fitness for performance but for health. As an ILI, my body and sport are not really confort zones so it's nice to have an ESI to help me but when trust turn into this kind of situation I feel bad and betrayed, I hope that doesn't sound to dramatic but it's true.
What stood out to me the most was that he seemed to take it lightly and that pissed me off. He asked me at the end of the session if I wanted to say anything to him to which I replied that I preferred to wait to calm down (He understood that but seems to take it like nothing). And now, even after few days, I feel like I haven't calmed down yet. I'm torned because I really like him but I don't really understand.
I always perceveid the relation like a trust confort zone. He seems to understand everything until this moment. ESI are generally sensitive and clever about other people discomfort and embarrassment. But this day, for the first time I feel crushed and misunderstood. I told him yesterday that I will not see him this week because I'm incomfortable for now, he answered "Yes, no problem". His anwser is not mean of course but it gave me the impression that he don't really care.
What do you think ?
@Nicozeyo, if the ESI instructor had asked me (an LIE) if I wanted to stop on a failure, I'd have said "Yes. Absolutely. I suck at this." And I'd have thought nothing more about it, other than maybe that it was slightly funny, but it didn't mean anything to me.
That seems to be the way that the ESI is treating the incident, too. But then, Duals are oriented towards each other.
You seem to be much more sensitive to someone saying that you might be a failure in an area than I am. Hell, I'm a failure in most areas. But I have to say that most of my ILI buddies do not like to fail at anything that they attempt to do. If they don't succeed at something that they try to do, then they often try to re-frame the problem, like, "I solved the problem that they gave me perfectly, but they asked me to solve a different problem, one that I wasn't expecting. They don't know what they are doing. They are idiots."
Personally, I'd just forget about it. The ESI doesn't see you as a failure, and if he thinks you can't do the balance exercise, then he probably thinks that he needs to find a different way to get you to succeed, because he is a teacher and that is his job. It isn't personal and it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or that the ESI is a cruel asshole who will tell everyone that you can't balance properly. It just means that you are probably not going to the Olympics this year, and the ESI is planning his next exercise session with perhaps more consideration.
ESIs are Negativists. They are going to say "Why are you failing?", which is exactly what their over-optimistic Duals need to hear.
SEEs are Positivists. They are going to say "I'm sure you can do this. If not today, then later. Now I want you to work on that thing that you do so well."
Now imagine a life spent with each of them. Lol.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 11-30-2021 at 08:55 PM.