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typos, grammatical errors, spelling errors
i wrote the best i could
Tell me about yourself. What details you provide to best explain what sort of person you are?
it's definitely going to be difficult for me to describe at my current state. a lot of people basically tell me i'm enigmatic, mysterious, cl
ever, observant, and analytical. i would personally describe myself as inquisitive. my family calls me kind. currently preoccupied with a lot of things
in my head for not so not mental health reasons that i'm restless to think about and try to do. i really can't recall the other things people
have to say about me. a lot of people hardly give any feedback on me anyway so i'm out of the loop. i can't verbalize most characteristics
about me either due undiagnosed/suspected neurodevelopmental issues that make me disabled so it makes it hard
What do you do for a living and/or study and how did you come to choose or not choose that vocation or study?
i plan to become a computer engineer. it's right up my alley especially have doing so much thinking. basically everything a job requirement
would require on a list for you to do it is why i want to become one. i have strangely not decided if i just want to become a computer engineer
although i'll pursue if i got nothing else. maybe i could become other things where my potentials are better applied. maybe i can just pick up
odd jobs and develop my potential from there. i know i'm going to have to work a little harder to even get to that stage because of crippling
mental health so i plan ahead my future moderately and plan for getting myself to that stage and state where i can actually realistically
consider what i'll do and what i'll do next and stuff. a lot more time is spent trying to control the mental disability/get better/and be able to think
about the actual thing than think about the actual things. i impulsively try to seek out help that will help me do this. to not leave it vague socionics has been one of my helps and it's useful to go into discord servers to use it and stuff for the active learning and stuff but it wasn't my only resource. i had problem solving task that i couldn't do and to mediate exacerbating neurodevelopmental problems playing video games and creating story plots
with my sisters helped in a weird way and i'm ofc not sure why. my mother got me into video games because she could somewhat foresee what this problem was
What are your interests and hobbies?
hmm i like anything involving creating something and especially when i get to work with my hands: i like technical arts (graphic design, photo manipulation, animation, editing, drawing), mathematics, and a lot of failed attempts at developing hobbies in instrument playing, music making (i could of done that alongside the other tech arts but it was a little above my mental paygrade at the time), computer programming, and trying to build things on my own. doing things that involve "working with my hands" hence "trying to build things on my own"/general craftsmanship because i enjoy the process of making but i want to create both generally "intangible" things and "tangible" things like aforementioned somewhere in her. i like to be pretty immersed in my exp and i'm able to be a little immersed in them for what it's worth in strange ways and when making something, attempting to make something, and the process that goes into making something "how it feels", the experience of it all is a big reason as to why i want to create. the feeling of strumming a guitar, the satisfaction i get for completing a gfx, the immersion and experience i feel doing anything from hand ( i did some hands on activities), and other things i can't name is partly why i wanna do these things. experiencing these things were not very easy with my type of neurodevelopmental disorder but i still enjoyed experiencing regardless and it is an aspiration for me. i like to immerse myself in the experience of everything. i wasn't very successful at doing these things either and would more so try to do this and develop them into hobbies than make any real progress. i used to spend a lot time being perfectionistic trying to learn but that did not serve me well. i had to postpone learning these hobbies after a while as mental health became worse (i couldn't do these activities anymore). i would of enjoyed casually doing math and stuff. i love attempting to use/create my own formulas and try to solve problems and learn languages because it's fun and intellectually enriching as they are potentially useful (like being able to do and make those fake math problems well could come in handy in a future scenario) and i naturally think about the consequences of these skills. indeed i constantly think about the utility of these skills and having these skills are a utility in some way and having these skills allow me to be in many different places at once so allowing me to enjoy my skills, experiences, and the things i do. i love learning skills as a lifestyle. for being immersed in experience as i said before, their potential, and them allowing me to enrich my understanding of the world so that i can always stay ahead. i genuinely think further about the utility, benefit, and economical-ness of these things too because it's interesting to me. i like to take advantage of things not not take advantage of things, i like being able to seize any opportunity, it's very wise to think like this/do this, and i think it's very wise to think like this/do this because that's what i resonate with and with it being wise it can come in handy where i'm in sticky situations where being prepared from the start would of helped me. i'm naturally autonomy valuing but that's very obvious to me because of life circumstances for me to think greatly about it so while it is wise to me to have all these things it is also very necessary. well if you take that i'm an overthinker or something either i explained some details wrong or you don't get of why i want to be self-sufficient. i want to be self sufficient in general as a value, that i think is wise too, just because that resonates with me. i don't need to reject help i can get help along the side while i'm becoming more self-sufficient. i now have support and it's not as much of a "necessary" for me. i am taking the sensible routes of education and stuff to get there i'll take whatever help i need from that and other people who are willing to give me help so i never felt rushed while i was in a rush because of this and trying to think conscientiously/make proper use of my time
What is your living situation?
i live with my two sisters and my mother. disability makes it hard to do anything around the house so i wish i can do certain things rather
than want to do them. i want to clean my house pretty regularly/get chores done. i care about the aesthetics of my room and i want
add more things to it/personalize it more. i want to personalize other aspects of my house too actually but i don't want to have
everything i want because i don't want to infringe on my family and i'd want their opinion first before anything. making my room more to my
taste and the whole house would make the whole place feel super cozy. i'd like to take care of basic needs like cooking and buying
groceries. i see no reason to sit around in getting the things i want. i do want to make the house more "livable" and restock things (pantry, fridge, appliances like cleaning supplies
(my mom would want to handle that)) for everyone to make things more "efficient" and honestly i prefer that efficiency and control over that becuz it's good and why not have it (and
it's cozy) and sets us on the path for what we want to do next. i don't like spending money randomly so i'll put away some money i get into stoc
ks to at least accumulate somewhere. i'd like to relax listening to music, playing video games, and shows more and study and that on it's own would be it's own little hobby where i consume music, video games,
and other media and analyze them and compare the quality of some analysis with another and stuff which would inspire my creative endeavors spoken about in the interest and hobbies question. all of these
are aspirations. before i'd sweep the floors whenever i could as it was the the least of the activities i could do aside from big house
cleaning stuff every once in a while that was energy consuming
What is the most interesting thing you have ever built?
an uber pay calculator, a few various tech art projects, failed attempted efforts at creating recreating school projects and other things
and especially things that i'm interested in. i try a lot in this domain lol
What have other people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
my tendency to troll, be malicious, derail, be too cold/schizoid/offbeat. i also got called out for "dominating chat" once. to reiterate these are obv online occurrence but offline
i'm still accused of being cold/schizoid/offbeat, accused of being too blunt, and generally looked at as mischievous which wasn't looked at negatively but sometimes i got a bad
name to it. i perceive these as a weakness i suppose.
i dislike when others try to find every little thing wrong with me. i don't try to judge others naturally and i'm live/let live and people have
only been malicious doing this to me, and i move away from these assholes, and i just don't like that. i hate that i can't even think of many
weaknesses off the top of my head due to this stuff so it's pretty hard atm. i think knowing weaknesses is obviously wise and obviously a
good thing to do so i try to learn. i could get the answer from others but ofc no one gives me feedback. i tend to be uncompromising and a
little too solid with others sometimes (being a little to able to give reassurance, feel secure in myself) and that creates conflict and
i've tried to hide this but it doesn't really work
What have other people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
observantness, curiosity, kindness, analyticism, creativity/originality, inventiveness, intelligence, bla bla bla. the
mysterious and enigmatic-ness that others see in me is also a strength and i appreciate what comes from it. these things broadly relate
to what i like about myself too. besides not being able to think about these aspects too because of disability i really didn't think about these aspects
enough because they were so obvious to me. i silently thought more about being able to apply myself fully and fully realize these strengths
and sometimes that would put me in a bad mood because it would remind me of everything. everything would feel so out of reach and that
feeling made my thinking process more out of control. i was determined to make sure i could get to that point where i could fully be myself
and fully apply myself and still am. thinking about my strengths was and is still much easier to think about than my weaknesses in currently
writing this because i focused on them more to complete task. i could barely even know my own strengths my weaknesses were out of the question
to me because i had to budget some of my energy for focusing on my strengths to complete task a lot. a lot of the strengths i listed were
strengths others saw in as well as strengths i saw in myself but another strength i see in myself is endurance and i pushed myself to be
able to make better utilization and brain prioritization in this area as well as other areas (there are quite a bit of other areas to budget
for) and still do
In what areas of your life would you like help?
idk being a better person when i ask for it
What are some conflicts you have encountered with other people? What were they about? What were the causes?
i believe i have encountered a lot of unspoken conflicts but that's not really relevant to say here...
i also had a lot of conflicts where i was blamed for no reason and nothing was resolved examples being once wanting to directly
resolve something with people (my siblings, a classmate) and got blamed for no reason and got my request to solve the conflict shut down
and nothing resolved. i used to get in trouble with my teachers at school. some parts of the unspoken conflicts were getting into conflict for giving off a bad aura. i don't know if i don't get into
conflicts with others anymore i just "feel" that i don't. people throw tiny complaints at me here and there especially on discord.
there were a lot of people i felt acted weird toward that i felt were probably malicious and i turned out to be right. my mother will very
occasionally tell me that i have a discerning eye and ability to discern the character of others. she would associate me with wisdom, discernment, balance, sometimes i do not even know the reason why. i could about liking to get away from people i don't like for the what i like about myself question and i may of covered this in others questions too but i'll just say it here that i love that i love
getting away from people i don't like and i don't like to be around people i don't like. i really don't mind being the only person in the world
if i *have* to but i won't get away from people maliciously. just when i can i'll do it politely. i really don't have to explain this aspect
of myself to anyone though. i'll try to treat others politely and kindly by my moral conscious and keep amicable distance with others. i don't
talk about my personal sentiments a lot though. i'd rather discuss my hobbies and interests. i'm very curious about technology and getting
my hands on various kinds of tech and i love topics associated with technology. what i'm trying to say is that they take up more of my time than talking about
personal sentiments. i ruminate on them but then i my attention goes to other things. it definitely helps me get over the pain of feeling harshly judged better and i somehow appear
optimistic and positive to others. i should of discussed in another question as well but oh well
What are the characteristics of the people who are your friends/spouse/etc that make them your friends/spouse/etc ?
kind, loyal, observant of others needs. i prefer people who are similar to my personality both romantically and for friendship
If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life, what would you do with your time?
i'd wanna make a lot of money to live comfortably and attend to my needs like hobbies and my future childrens needs if i can
maybe have children and set up a trust fun for them and i want to invest that money. i'd throw in the money necessary to start an art studio
with my sisters. i'd wanna fundraise and lobby for things that will make communities in my country better. i'd help someone i know in need
by giving them tangible places to start from alongside that money. in a way half of that money would go into growing it another half
would go into helping others if you want to think about it like that but no strict categories and i don't think about it like that. i want
to profit and see things around me profit too - yea i don't only want to be wealthy and i'd like the things around me to be wealthy to.
this was so obv to me when i was younger when i'd when i used to broadly think about the wealth of countries around the world and imagine how
they could be optimized in my head. in general i'd think a lot about the implications of that money. i'll definitely edit this part and the next question since i have a lot to talk about
because i'm trying to write this stuff as organizedly as i can
What are your religious and spiritual beliefs and perspectives?
stuff like the art of war and miyamoto musashi. my religious beliefs are basically based on the teachings of miyamoto musashi and i combined
some aspects of buddhism to help broaden it a bit to help accommodate that aspect. i'm always alert, prepared, and dilligent and this
philosophy fit my mindset so what the hey. i'll work on continually sharpening this aspect of myself and others things that i want to sharpen
that seems broadly typical of this mindset anyway. i'll edit later as i have more to write on this and on the other questions honestly
and i've written a lot but suddenly i found so much things to write finally
What did you do last Friday?
Last edited by 945apdeath0; 10-15-2021 at 05:58 AM.