Page 23 of 30 FirstFirst ... 13192021222324252627 ... LastLast
Results 881 to 920 of 1174

Thread: Adventures in Dating

  1. #881
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,228
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    When the ESI-Se set up my tinder account for me, I was skeptical that I'd find anyone on that site that I'd like. She told me that I was being too particular in chasing a Dual, and I should just go out and have some fun with new people.

    I assume that's her own approach. So far, she's had some terrific failures, but so did I when I was 27. Because I didn't know a fucking thing about people.

    However, I've recently been saying that people's character shines out of their face (for VI reasons), and there's absolutely no reason for me to go out with a woman whose face I don't want to see every day. That narrows down my prospective choices by quite a bit. Quite a bit.

  2. #882
    End's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    TIM
    ILI-Ni sp/sx
    Posts
    1,857
    Mentioned
    293 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    - Have you paid? You need to pay for Tinder Gold so that you can see who has liked you so far. It's better that way.
    - Take good pics of yourself. If you can't do it yourself ask a friend to help. The better the pics the better chances. Or hire a professional photographer. Pics are important, very important.
    Classic exploitative measure if we're talking Game Design. Create the problem and sell the solution. Tinder is best viewed as a rather tragic game IMO. The broken and lost trying to find something they're all doomed to never find whilst being sold the lie that they've already got a valid treasure map and that this app is the key to decoding it.

    Pisses me off how often Game Design gets used in all the worst ways nowadays...

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Yes. It got my undivided attention.

    Here's the weird thing: It wasn't even that visually revealing, but it made clear her intentions, and I see that as an open door.

    Open doors are important to Victims, because we don't push them open ourselves, usually. We need to know that we're welcome to come in before we enter. At least, I do.

    Plus, I liked her face.

    Yes, I did.
    I wonder if this is a difference between ILI's and LIE's. An open door obviously deserves a peak. Give it a good prod or two and see what happens. That'll tell ya if you're welcome in or not.

    She was signaling an openness to an ONS far as I can tell and that's a major red flag for me. Only really broken women are DTF on the first date. And wouldn't ya know it what kind of women are ya most likely to find on Tinder...

    Still, this could be a way in for you. You may be the first male, especially if a male victim type, that didn't just cave upon being offered the keys to the kingdom as it were. Healthy aggressors don't want easy conquests. Well, they do but they don't put/desire to have rings put upon them by the easy ones. Napoleon went mad with desire over Josephine (to the point he actually married her back when that actually meant quite a lot) because she knew how to play "hard to get". Easy conquests are easy and quickly forgotten upon the campaign trail. Oh but that one tough as all hell to crack fortress that they risked it all on and actually succeeded. Oh now that was satisfying. A true test worthy of a true conqueror!

    Give them what they want my dude. A challenge. They already know they're going to win but the real treat for them is making them truly work for it. Again, assuming they're healthy in the head. From our end it is likewise. They know we're ultimately bluffing, but we do it out of our concern for their satisfaction.

    Once more, easy conquests are like cup ramen or instant mashed potatoes. They get the job done and satisfy in the moment, but once you've had actually handmade examples of those? No comparison. Offer her the experience of a true feast. Give her the satisfaction of conquering you after a long and hard campaign. She'll treasure you all the more for it .

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    When the ESI-Se set up my tinder account for me, I was skeptical that I'd find anyone on that site that I'd like. She told me that I was being too particular in chasing a Dual, and I should just go out and have some fun with new people.

    I assume that's her own approach. So far, she's had some terrific failures, but so did I when I was 27. Because I didn't know a fucking thing about people.

    However, I've recently been saying that people's character shines out of their face (for VI reasons), and there's absolutely no reason for me to go out with a woman whose face I don't want to see every day. That narrows down my prospective choices by quite a bit. Quite a bit.
    She's right about the first part. After all the truly deciding factor in the success of a romantic relationship is attachment and not socionics. You can have a healthy, wonderful, and loving relationship with your conflictor. Yeah, it'll take a ton of work and effort from both sides in comparison to how easy it otherwise works out for duals but it can be done. So yeah, if she's fun and kind give her a chance .

    You're also right about that second part. I instantly aborted someone's attempt to set me up with this one girl at church. She's nice and all, but for the love of God her neck. That neck... it's a deformity and yeah I'm being shallow as hell but damnit if looking at her straight on instantly kills my boner there's no real future there. That and her voice is the very definition of grating. Nope. Sure she's a nice girl and would otherwise make someone else very happy but I know for damn sure I'm not that person.

    I'd also feed that ESI a bit of my own advice. Y'know, risking the whole being truly vulnerable to others and maybe using churches and hobbies over phone apps who have an obvious financial angle. Having a hobby and going to church are free. You don't have to put anything in the collection plate if ya don't wanna and nobody looks down on you for it. Hobbies have a cost for entry but after that nobody really cares if you don't go crazy...

  3. #883
    Dreymagine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2021
    Posts
    388
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    I'd also feed that ESI a bit of my own advice. Y'know, risking the whole being truly vulnerable to others and maybe using churches and hobbies over phone apps who have an obvious financial angle. Having a hobby and going to church are free. You don't have to put anything in the collection plate if ya don't wanna and nobody looks down on you for it. Hobbies have a cost for entry but after that nobody really cares if you don't go crazy...
    That angle doesn't work for everyone. I'm active at church, I help lead a Bible study, I teach STEM Outreach, I attend English Club, I go to the gym... Plenty of opportunities for a meet cute moment. Yet, nothing. (Nothing in terms of dating, of course. I obviously get a lot out of those activities in terms of health and enjoyment and fulfillment.)

    I don't want to be single forever. Even though I'm still quite young, I'm cognizant of the fact that the clock is ticking. Might as well get in the dating game before my age becomes a liability and before all the good guys are taken. I'm annoyed with myself for throwing a mental pity party whenever I see a happy couple. I'm bored of dreaming that I'll naturally stumble across "the one."

    Tinder it is! I'll probably wait until summertime though. More time.

    Anyhow, idk why the ESI would be unwise to use a dating app. If she's not finding romance in other arenas of life, that doesn't necessarily mean she's not engaged in other arenas. Nor does it necessarily mean that she's not being vulnerable enough. It probably just means she isn't meeting the right people through her activities. Dating apps quickly expose you to a larger pool of people, most of whom are interested in a relationship.
    Last edited by Dreymagine; 09-24-2022 at 05:36 AM.

  4. #884
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Finland
    TIM
    SEI
    Posts
    4,160
    Mentioned
    305 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    Classic exploitative measure if we're talking Game Design. Create the problem and sell the solution. Tinder is best viewed as a rather tragic game IMO. The broken and lost trying to find something they're all doomed to never find whilst being sold the lie that they've already got a valid treasure map and that this app is the key to decoding it.

    Pisses me off how often Game Design gets used in all the worst ways nowadays...
    It's pretty easy to meet people on dating apps, and lots of people there are looking for a permanent relationship. (One just has to overcome some prejudices about these apps, and just go for it). Yesterday I met a very nice girl who unfortunately was SEE. So I don't really know were you get your negative experience from, or do you just imagine things being like that? There are many ways to meet people and apps are one of them. My other channel is dancing, but it is harder, although more fun. I'm not sure if church would work for me over here in this secular country but it could be worth trying, I'll keep that idea in mind.
    Last edited by Tallmo; 09-24-2022 at 09:19 AM.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

  5. #885
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    5,701
    Mentioned
    524 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    That angle doesn't work for everyone. I'm active at church, I help lead a Bible study, I teach STEM Outreach, I attend English Club, I go to the gym... Plenty of opportunities for a meet cute moment. Yet, nothing. (Nothing in terms of dating, of course. I obviously get a lot out of those activities in terms of health and enjoyment and fulfillment.)

    I don't want to be single forever. Even though I'm still quite young, I'm cognizant of the fact that the clock is ticking. Might as well get in the dating game before my age becomes a liability and before all the good guys are taken. I'm annoyed with myself for throwing a mental pity party whenever I see a happy couple. I'm bored of dreaming that I'll naturally stumble across "the one."

    Tinder it is! I'll probably wait until summertime though. More time.

    Anyhow, idk why the ESI would be unwise to use a dating app. If she's not finding romance in other arenas of life, that doesn't necessarily mean she's not engaged in other arenas. Nor does it necessarily mean that she's not being vulnerable enough. It probably just means she isn't meeting the right people through her activities. Dating apps quickly expose you to a larger pool of people, most of whom are interested in a relationship.
    Cute is difficult to come by. Billions of people on this planet and it's probably just as hard now, if not harder, than it ever was previously. This has been making me think along strange mystic lines. I hope Tinder works for you.

  6. #886
    ☽ the cutest type ☾ Aquamarine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    TIM
    SEI 9w1
    Posts
    1,474
    Mentioned
    85 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I find the concept of online dating so strange. Just meeting a random stranger that you're looking for romantically. It all seems too formal.

    I guess this just doesn't work for me. I take a very long time to warm up to people. Most people nowadays want to have their tongue down your throat by date number 3 the latest. Ugh. You're still a stranger!

    I do better around people that I meet as friends when there's no romantic intent (at least not from my side).

    Now I did meet one of my ex's online but we never met in person until knowing each other for almost a year. We were almost like best friends by then. Which is so different to trying to date someone you have no relationship with.

    I realize I'm somewhat peculiar with certain relationship things which doesn't make me a great candidate for online dating.

    I realize I have zero friends so I won't meet anyone that way either. I think people can sense that I'm miserable with life at this point.

    These were just some thoughts I had after reading a post above.
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




  7. #887
    ☽ the cutest type ☾ Aquamarine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    TIM
    SEI 9w1
    Posts
    1,474
    Mentioned
    85 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Tinder is not looking good. There aren’t very many ESIs at all, and 85% of the people in my age group look like walruses or serial killers.

    Marry young, people, before all the good ones are gone.
    What is your definition of young though? Do you mean in 20s, 30s?
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




  8. #888

    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    TIM
    IEI-Ni H946
    Posts
    2,134
    Mentioned
    128 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquamarine View Post
    I find the concept of online dating so strange. Just meeting a random stranger that you're looking for romantically. It all seems too formal
    usually is…but that might be because I was selecting people ‘by type’ for a while. It’s also easy to imagine a person is something you’re looking for..because you don’t have much to go on. And then they turn out to be not what you imagined. it’s rare i have fancied someone from a photo on a profile. There have been a few. Talking to one now. Then I think there are others who you notice and think well maybe I’d fancy them if I met them a few times.
    Last edited by Bethanyclaire; 09-24-2022 at 03:54 PM.

  9. #889
    Dreymagine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2021
    Posts
    388
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Cute is difficult to come by. Billions of people on this planet and it's probably just as hard now, if not harder, than it ever was previously. This has been making me think along strange mystic lines. I hope Tinder works for you.
    Thanks.

    I'm not sure about the meaning of the bolded bit, though. I don't know if that's a figure of speech I haven't encountered or if difficulty finding a romantic partner has somehow lead you to adopt "mystic thought processes," whatever those may be. What did you mean?

  10. #890
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,228
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquamarine View Post
    What is your definition of young though? Do you mean in 20s, 30s?
    @Aquamarine, I meant that you should find someone ASAP. Someone who is maybe not perfect, but who is capable of actually being in a relationship, because a lot of people are not.

    The problem is that some people can be in a relationship just fine, while others either aren't interested or can't maintain a relationship. When you are in your teens, the percentage of single people in the population who can successfully maintain a long-term relationship is about 50%. In the process of playing musical chairs with partners, when two of these people, called "Secures", meet up, they stay together. The people who can't maintain a relationship meet, break up, meet someone else, break up, rinse, repeat.
    Eventually, all the Secures are married to each other, and the rest of the "Insecure" singles population just keep recyling in an endless, unhappy loop until they just stop dating altogether.

    This, in my opinion, is the source of the phrase "After 30, all the good ones are gone." A person might have many ideas about what constitutes "a good one", but the main characteristic that they all have to have is that they have to be able to be in a relationship.

    Here's a link to a graph and a better explanation (CAUTION: Danger Ahead. My ESI interior decorator is 27 and she hates this chart.): https://jebkinnison.com/2014/06/23/d...ners-after-30/

    I recommend that you buy Kinnison's books. They are quite instructive and are worth every penny.

  11. #891
    Averroes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    TIM
    ESI-H 936 Sp
    Posts
    1,454
    Mentioned
    45 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I might try to make things work with my ex if that's still an option. I have a career that's going to take up 90% of my time soon and it's hard to find decent women that aren't already in 3-5+ years relationships post-college. I also have zero organic opportunities to meet new women since everything's virtual and my office might as well be an airport with how transient and impersonal it is. I miss working retail sometimes
    Last edited by Averroes; 09-24-2022 at 06:38 PM.

  12. #892
    ☽ the cutest type ☾ Aquamarine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    TIM
    SEI 9w1
    Posts
    1,474
    Mentioned
    85 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Aquamarine, I meant that you should find someone ASAP. Someone who is maybe not perfect, but who is capable of actually being in a relationship, because a lot of people are not.

    The problem is that some people can be in a relationship just fine, while others either aren't interested or can't maintain a relationship. When you are in your teens, the percentage of single people in the population who can successfully maintain a long-term relationship is about 50%. In the process of playing musical chairs with partners, when two of these people, called "Secures", meet up, they stay together. The people who can't maintain a relationship meet, break up, meet someone else, break up, rinse, repeat.
    Eventually, all the Secures are married to each other, and the rest of the "Insecure" singles population just keep recyling in an endless, unhappy loop until they just stop dating altogether.

    This, in my opinion, is the source of the phrase "After 30, all the good ones are gone." A person might have many ideas about what constitutes "a good one", but the main characteristic that they all have to have is that they have to be able to be in a relationship.

    Here's a link to a graph and a better explanation (CAUTION: Danger Ahead. My ESI interior decorator is 27 and she hates this chart.): https://jebkinnison.com/2014/06/23/d...ners-after-30/

    I recommend that you buy Kinnison's books. They are quite instructive and are worth every penny.
    I get why someone would hate those charts. Every time I see that stuff it makes me feel as if I have to rush to find a relationship which never worked out well in the past and left me with more problems than before.
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




  13. #893
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,228
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    I parked a family in a giant red truck today at the football game. The ESI guy driving the truck had to back into the space, so his wife and three kids jumped out first while he maneuvered it in.

    While he was parking, I stood next to his petite, very logical-looking wife and said to her "It must be nice to have a husband who knows how to park a truck and is also a friendly guy."

    She looked at me in amazement, like I was Gandalf and knew the secrets of the Universe.

  14. #894
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,228
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquamarine View Post
    I get why someone would hate those charts. Every time I see that stuff it makes me feel as if I have to rush to find a relationship which never worked out well in the past and left me with more problems than before.
    A Good Man is Hard to Find.

  15. #895
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    5,701
    Mentioned
    524 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Thanks.

    I'm not sure about the meaning of the bolded bit, though. I don't know if that's a figure of speech I haven't encountered or if difficulty finding a romantic partner has somehow lead you to adopt "mystic thought processes," whatever those may be. What did you mean?
    Oh. Just that since it doesn't seem to matter how many people actually exist on earth when it comes to finding someone cute/cool, maybe there are ways of understanding this problem that aren't entirely rational. Say, maybe it's a question of ratios -- no matter how many people you have on the planet, the number of such people floats around 5% or something. Or maybe there's just some special/planetary program to keep some cycle of existence turning, and to do that it turns out the same patterns/personalities, and if you want some different kind of experience or person you have to trick this program somehow, or negotiate with it in certain ways.

  16. #896
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    Beyond the Pale
    TIM
    Heretic
    Posts
    7,017
    Mentioned
    151 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Oh. Just that since it doesn't seem to matter how many people actually exist on earth when it comes to finding someone cute/cool, maybe there are ways of understanding this problem that aren't entirely rational. Say, maybe it's a question of ratios -- no matter how many people you have on the planet, the number of such people floats around 5% or something. Or maybe there's just some special/planetary program to keep some cycle of existence turning, and to do that it turns out the same patterns/personalities, and if you want some different kind of experience or person you have to trick this program somehow, or negotiate with it in certain ways.
    False. It would matter if there were zero other people on the planet. Or just a handful and they were all people you disliked. In fact, it's possible to dislike every single other person on the planet, and it would be possible for everyone on the planet to dislike each other no matter how many people there were.

  17. #897
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    Beyond the Pale
    TIM
    Heretic
    Posts
    7,017
    Mentioned
    151 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Cute is difficult to come by. Billions of people on this planet and it's probably just as hard now, if not harder, than it ever was previously. This has been making me think along strange mystic lines. I hope Tinder works for you.
    Joke's on you, I think along mystic lines regardless of any external factors in life. Unless in this case you mean you want to date God like many monks/nuns, Sufis, and other religious types are famous for. That's cool too but very much situation-dependent. However, I highly doubt that's what you mean.

  18. #898
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    5,701
    Mentioned
    524 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coeruleum Blue View Post
    False. It would matter if there were zero other people on the planet. Or just a handful and they were all people you disliked. In fact, it's possible to dislike every single other person on the planet, and it would be possible for everyone on the planet to dislike each other no matter how many people there were.
    Are you sure?

  19. #899
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    Beyond the Pale
    TIM
    Heretic
    Posts
    7,017
    Mentioned
    151 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Are you sure?
    Yes. For example, if everyone were extremely greedy and vengeful everyone could fight each other over wealth all the time and not like each other, not because of personality differences, but because of personality similarities. I guess if there were zero other people, the one person could just respond with psychosis and making up an imaginary dating partner and no one would be able to call them out, though.

  20. #900
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    5,701
    Mentioned
    524 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coeruleum Blue View Post
    Yes. For example, if everyone were extremely greedy and vengeful everyone could fight each other over wealth all the time and not like each other, not because of personality differences, but because of personality similarities. I guess if there were zero other people, the one person could just respond with psychosis and making up an imaginary dating partner and no one would be able to call them out, though.
    I'm still not convinced it's possible to dislike everyone else who exists. It may not be up to you.

  21. #901
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    Beyond the Pale
    TIM
    Heretic
    Posts
    7,017
    Mentioned
    151 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I'm still not convinced it's possible to dislike everyone else who exists. It may not be up to you.
    I never said it was people's decision, but I don't see any external factor compelling people to like each other. Mostly it seems to be internal factors, which are not necessarily conscious or chosen, but it's possible everyone could be of a temperament where they hated each other's guts but forced themselves to coexist anyways.

  22. #902
    rizz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    LT
    Posts
    1,423
    Mentioned
    46 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Zero adventures in dating. Tried writing to a couple of chicks on okcupid and Tinder. No luck so far.

  23. #903
    rizz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    LT
    Posts
    1,423
    Mentioned
    46 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Lolz, I actually think that one girl with whom we had something in the distant past might be an EIE. We tried having a some sort of relationship a couple of times but it all would end up quickly because of a burn-out. Don't you think this could be an activity relationship?

  24. #904
    rizz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    LT
    Posts
    1,423
    Mentioned
    46 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    But she wants a serious relationship, a wedding and everything else. I would like to go slow. Super slow. I want fun, not problems.

  25. #905

    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    TIM
    IEI-Ni H946
    Posts
    2,134
    Mentioned
    128 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    re pics- I got a couple of hot matches when I updated my pic. It’s a decent pic, although not my youngest. I look happy, my LSE mate took it of us…takes a good pic.
    Last edited by Bethanyclaire; 09-25-2022 at 02:57 PM.

  26. #906
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,228
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yesterday, I met a woman in passing who knows this Gamma NT lawyer friend of mine. She was healthily attractive, had long, straight blonde hair (not my favorite style), wasn’t wearing a ring, and she immediately remembered my name.

    She was also intelligent. So intelligent, in fact, that I couldn’t tell her Sociotype. Just as insanity or unhealthiness can make it impossible for me to VI someone, apparently this works with high intelligence, too.

    Although, I type by comparison, and maybe she’s just outside my face list.
    Alternately, she could be one of the few types that I have a hard time “seeing”.

    Very strange.

    EDIT:
    She really was a puzzle. She was completely neutral towards me until I showed a goofy but intelligent interest in her, and then her interest in me took a clear and definite step up (to “polite possible”). She spoke clearly and definitively. She was clearly engaged in “mixing” behavior, looking for someone.
    If I had to associate her traits with Sociotypes, I’d say that she took great care of her body, like an LSI. Her face seemed to be somewhere between the super-intelligence of an ILI female and the smooth interest of an SEI. I was looking for ESI features but I didn’t really see them, although I don’t want to 100% rule ESI out.

    I like intelligence and it would be nice to have more intelligent friends, but my experience with going out with a very intelligent female LIE showed me that intelligence alone is not sufficient cause to maintain a relationship.

    Hell, even Duality, while being the most comfortable relationship, additionally requires common purpose. And that’s incredibly rare.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 09-25-2022 at 01:24 PM.

  27. #907
    End's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    TIM
    ILI-Ni sp/sx
    Posts
    1,857
    Mentioned
    293 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    That angle doesn't work for everyone. I'm active at church, I help lead a Bible study, I teach STEM Outreach, I attend English Club, I go to the gym... Plenty of opportunities for a meet cute moment. Yet, nothing. (Nothing in terms of dating, of course. I obviously get a lot out of those activities in terms of health and enjoyment and fulfillment.)

    I don't want to be single forever. Even though I'm still quite young, I'm cognizant of the fact that the clock is ticking. Might as well get in the dating game before my age becomes a liability and before all the good guys are taken. I'm annoyed with myself for throwing a mental pity party whenever I see a happy couple. I'm bored of dreaming that I'll naturally stumble across "the one."

    Tinder it is! I'll probably wait until summertime though. More time.

    Anyhow, idk why the ESI would be unwise to use a dating app. If she's not finding romance in other arenas of life, that doesn't necessarily mean she's not engaged in other arenas. Nor does it necessarily mean that she's not being vulnerable enough. It probably just means she isn't meeting the right people through her activities. Dating apps quickly expose you to a larger pool of people, most of whom are interested in a relationship.
    The major problem with that assertion is that I'm guaranteed to be right about how major their attachment issues are. Dating Apps are a wonderfully effective way to hide behind a mask, a persona. You can be anyone online provided you're good enough at acting.

    If you're already in all those spheres and you're not like me up until recently (i.e. managing to be hikikomori shadowy lurker despite others reaching out somehow) than put out a feeler already! By this time you've already provided more than enough value to your group that they're concluded that you're well worth including into their "tribe" as it were. Once you've passed that threshold the next logical step is a full induction through the rite even the most savage and primitive of primates understand; Mating/Marriage.

    You already have access to a network of people who are fully intent on matching you with others who are more than willing to date people who are searching for marriage partners from day one! Lean into that damnit! All the things you claim to be in a leadership position in are great grounds to put out feelers in as well. If you feel guilty about using an authority position to benefit yourself, well, don't.

    This might be the Gamma mindset but you ought not feel guilty about using what you have at your disposal if it benefits others at least as much if not more than it does yourself...

  28. #908
    Dreymagine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2021
    Posts
    388
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    You already have access to a network of people who are fully intent on matching you with others who are more than willing to date people who are searching for marriage partners from day one! Lean into that damnit! All the things you claim to be in a leadership position in are great grounds to put out feelers in as well. If you feel guilty about using an authority position to benefit yourself, well, don't.

    This might be the Gamma mindset but you ought not feel guilty about using what you have at your disposal if it benefits others at least as much if not more than it does yourself...
    Oof, no way could I bring myself to ask acquaintances to play match-maker for me. I'd be so embarrassed.

    They aren't by any means "fully intent on matching me with others." I don't know anyone who does that for others or has ended up in a relationship that way.

  29. #909

    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    1,335
    Mentioned
    64 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Oof, no way could I bring myself to ask acquaintances to play match-maker for me. I'd be so embarrassed.

    They aren't by any means "fully intent on matching me with others." I don't know anyone who does that for others or has ended up in a relationship that way.
    At church?! I'm shocked they didn't try 2 set you up already. But people do end up in relationships and even married this way quite often. Probably way more often than a grocery store or gym meet cute.

  30. #910

    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    1,335
    Mentioned
    64 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Aquamarine View Post
    I find the concept of online dating so strange. Just meeting a random stranger that you're looking for romantically. It all seems too formal.

    I guess this just doesn't work for me. I take a very long time to warm up to people. Most people nowadays want to have their tongue down your throat by date number 3 the latest. Ugh. You're still a stranger!

    I do better around people that I meet as friends when there's no romantic intent (at least not from my side).

    Now I did meet one of my ex's online but we never met in person until knowing each other for almost a year. We were almost like best friends by then. Which is so different to trying to date someone you have no relationship with.


    I realize I'm somewhat peculiar with certain relationship things which doesn't make me a great candidate for online dating.

    I realize I have zero friends so I won't meet anyone that way either. I think people can sense that I'm miserable with life at this point.

    These were just some thoughts I had after reading a post above.
    I personally think this is the best way to do online dating. Maybe not a whole year, but talk for a long time before meeting up. If it stands the test of time it has a shot in person. Plus you get all the icebreaker talk out the way and get to the good stuff faster in person.

  31. #911
    Fuck this toxic snake pit Fluffy Princess Unicorn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    5,763
    Mentioned
    228 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I can't do dating apps...or standard approaches to dating at all. I absolutely must get to know people before considering dating. I just can't even list the number of ways the standard dating approach creates potential for things to go wrong.


  32. #912
    Poptart's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Posts
    2,790
    Mentioned
    188 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I personally think this is the best way to do online dating. Maybe not a whole year, but talk for a long time before meeting up. If it stands the test of time it has a shot in person. Plus you get all the icebreaker talk out the way and get to the good stuff faster in person.
    I 100% disagree. It’s so much better to just go on a date. Spending weeks, months, a year(!) texting back and forth is a waste of time.

    If “hey wanna go on a date” is the first thing a man says to me on a dating app, I’m likely to say yes since I swiped right on him and he hasn’t given me a reason to say no.

    Send me a “hey what’s up”, and I’m likely to ignore you.

  33. #913
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Finland
    TIM
    SEI
    Posts
    4,160
    Mentioned
    305 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I 100% disagree. It’s so much better to just go on a date. Spending weeks, months, a year(!) texting back and forth is a waste of time.
    Exactly. And then when you finally meet you may not be compatible, or there might not be attraction. It's best to meet in person, and then one just has to accept that it might be necessary to go on lots of dates to find the right one.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

  34. #914
    EIE H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    TIM
    EIE-Ni-H 359
    Posts
    375
    Mentioned
    62 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I 100% disagree. It’s so much better to just go on a date. Spending weeks, months, a year(!) texting back and forth is a waste of time.

    If “hey wanna go on a date” is the first thing a man says to me on a dating app, I’m likely to say yes since I swiped right on him and he hasn’t given me a reason to say no.

    Send me a “hey what’s up”, and I’m likely to ignore you.
    It’s also easy to build up an unrealistic perception if there’s too much texting back and forth before meeting. Besides some people are extremely dry texters, but are quite animated in real life and vice versa.

  35. #915
    EIE H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    TIM
    EIE-Ni-H 359
    Posts
    375
    Mentioned
    62 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    A video call or phone call can give you a glimpse into whether or not someone is worth meeting and getting to know. I have had phone calls where I could tell the guy was being very fishy and avoidant and others where the guy gave off “Norman Bates” vibes so I cut off communications.

    Any time I didn’t listen to my gut, I ended up in bad situations.

  36. #916

    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    1,335
    Mentioned
    64 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I 100% disagree. It’s so much better to just go on a date. Spending weeks, months, a year(!) texting back and forth is a waste of time.

    If “hey wanna go on a date” is the first thing a man says to me on a dating app, I’m likely to say yes since I swiped right on him and he hasn’t given me a reason to say no.

    Send me a “hey what’s up”, and I’m likely to ignore you.
    I wouldn't do this on a dating app because there's already a set expectation that rushes the process, where people want to meet right away, but I still think it could happen on a dating app if you connect with someone, if it's real good over text I believe it has a good shot in person. But online if you connect with somebody yea I would not try to rush the process to meet.
    That's how it worked for me at least with my last two relationships. Not on dating apps though, but on random sites, I just connected with them, we talked privately for a long time and it was really good so we were both excited to meet the other person .

  37. #917

    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    1,335
    Mentioned
    64 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EIE H View Post
    It’s also easy to build up an unrealistic perception if there’s too much texting back and forth before meeting. Besides some people are extremely dry texters, but are quite animated in real life and vice versa.
    If the texting is dry yea it's gonna die out but if the texting is really good I see that as a good sign, plus alot of rapport is built before you two meet up, so in person is much less awkward. And people are alot more honest when they have a sense of anonymity protecting them, that's at least what I've noticed from online, people feel safer to share more (not dating apps tho). The connection gets deeper alot faster and when you meet up in person it's.... crazy really, like knowing so much about a each other but meeting for the first time is a crazy experience.

  38. #918
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    5,701
    Mentioned
    524 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    A hobby will work as well if it has a necessary social component (e.g. for me it's Martial Arts as any girl who's into that hardcore is quite likely to be a Dandy and thus likely an valuer). ESI's are pretty artsy (as are ILI's funny enough) so I'd lean into that sphere.
    Martial arts are filled with single women looking to date lonely men who aren't attractive enough for dating apps?

    I've always been skeptical of advice to "get a hobby."

  39. #919
    Dreymagine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2021
    Posts
    388
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    At church?! I'm shocked they didn't try 2 set you up already.
    Haha, I'm surprised that you're shocked. Is it really that common? I've never even heard of churches trying to set people up before End mentioned it on this thread. I'd genuinely feel relieved if someone tried to find a boyfriend for me but I don't think that's gonna happen and I can't bring myself to ask lol. On the bright side of having to navigate it alone, I obviously know who I'm attracted to better than anyone else.

  40. #920
    Dreymagine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2021
    Posts
    388
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Sometimes I think about asking guys out.. but I fear rejection too much. Or even worse than rejection, I fear a guy accepting the date not because he likes me back but because he likes that I like him. That's heartbreak saved for a later date. Also, even without the rejection component, I'd feel so awkward about asking. How well do you have to know the person before you can ask them out? Is it weird to ask out someone who you've been with in a group but haven't spoken to directly? How do you go about actually asking them out? Should it be over text or in person? Should you explicitly ask them on a date or just ask them if they want to hang out? Should you suggest the time/place or let them pick? Should you not bother asking someone out unless you can feign absolute confidence? Do most guys find it weird when girls ask them out? Do they assume you're "desperate" (and therefore not good enough) if you're having to "resort" to asking them out?

    I'm overthinking it, maybe.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •